Abraham Fisher, Friends (2011). Image from artdoxa.com
Analytical Psychologist Thinking Yulia Zhemchuzhnikova.
Acceptance, development, joy, tenderness
- Let's start with how to distinguish friendship from all similar relationships.
— From childhood, I really like the song: “A friend will not leave you in trouble, he will not ask too much,” in my opinion, this is an ideal designation.
And then there are various refractions of friendship - right up to the now popular “friendship” on social networks. A complete stranger asks to be your friend, and you think: “should I accept him as a friend or not.” For me, there is still a certain pause, and it’s difficult for me to just press a button to call a stranger “friend.”
Friendship is the highest form of human relationships.
One of the ancients said that friendship is love devoid of sexual relations.
First- this is acceptance: a friend, like a loving person, accepts you as you are, with all your perfections and imperfections that he may not like.
Second- this is development. That is, friendship is a developing relationship. We need someone to support us, encourage us to do something, just be there or do something together. The most enjoyable thing is doing something with a friend: running, raising children, building spaceships. Therefore, many businesses are started together with friends, although this is not very correct.
We learn from friends unconsciously - perhaps this is the most enjoyable form of learning.
That is, a friend is not someone who hands you books or takes you to training. He reveals to you, by the very fact of himself, his presence, some new facets, and you move with him.
Third the component of friendship is joy. A friend is someone you have fun with. You just think about your friend and you feel happy.
Fourth the component of friendship is tenderness and warmth. Perhaps at the moment the thought of a particular friend does not bring you much joy, but you always feel warmth and emotional closeness.
This is the base. And how often you see each other, how you communicate - these are already the details of your relationship
Another important thing: you CANNOT be friends against someone. This is a conspiracy, unification, coalition, but not friendship. The stories of all wars and betrayals are about this. Friendship is an extremely positive process.
Friendship is different from other relationships in that it is always mutual. Even love can be “one way”.
There is love for a poet or an actor who does not even know about your existence, or for a child who has long separated and lives on his own, or for a person who has died. And friendship is necessarily collaboration. For example, I have two friends with whom the three of us are friends.
There is a good word that helps me a lot in life - “fellow travelers.” For example, parents are fellow travelers, but only for a certain segment, and then it’s time for them to get off the train. Children are also our travel companions, but it’s different with them. But with friends we can be travel companions for a lifetime.
At the same time, it is clear that you cannot be a fellow traveler for yourself, and you cannot be a fellow traveler for an entire train. A travel companion is someone who sits next to you.
Where is the border in friendship?
Minna Heeren, "Girlfriends" (19th century)
— What is more important in the ability to be friends: giving or receiving?
- There must be balance.
There is no such thing as: “This is my friend, and I am dragging him through life.” Or “this is my friend, and I only owe him” - this is an unhealthy relationship, more of an addiction than a friendship.
There are friends who complete us. There are people living in my neighboring village whom I can ask: “Can the child spend the night with you? It’s a long way for him to get home.”
I don’t discuss philosophical issues with these people; we have many differences. But in some everyday things I can rely on them, and they consult with me if they have a misunderstanding with the children.
Friends, just friends, may well be online. Because everything is already possible on the Internet - exchange “passwords”, thoughts, determine a property, feel emotions, boundaries, help with money…. Sometimes there is more of this on the Internet than in person. I have been friends with people for several years without actually meeting. And then I meet, and there is no disappointment. And we paid tribute to tradition, touched each other, looked, drank tea and continued to be friends online.
—Are there people who don’t know how to be friends?
- Yes, I have. I think it's about boundaries. On the one hand, they are very tough. On the other hand, it is difficult for people to understand where I am and where the other is.
For example, when I go to the city, I sometimes have to wait an hour for the bus. And there is a relative who has a large apartment and who says: “Don’t come, I’m cleaning now!” This is not even about work, but about the fear that they will “want something” from her.
And there is a friend who has a large family living in a small apartment. And she simply asks: “What time, and how many of you will there be?” That is, the conversation turns not about how uncomfortable she is, but how much soup she should prepare.
The skill of friendship is the skill of not defending yourself with a wall. And inability is getting beyond a person’s personal boundaries: “if you are a friend, tell me, help, make you laugh...”, or “let me help you, teach you, correct you.” There are such “friends” - rescuers, of course, such “friendship” does not last long.
The art of being friends lies precisely in the fact that a friend understands and feels where he needs to intervene and help, and where that’s enough.
Borders are not like those of a fortress, they are like those of a tree, for example. Mixing leaves is one thing, breaking branches is another...
Friendship always undergoes some kind of test: do we perceive things in the same way? Or, conversely, a friend can give impetus to something new. When we get close to people, we “feel” them. “He loves rap, but I don’t understand this music. He reads such books, but I like others.” And this is not only about acceptance, but also about development. Because it’s one thing when I just accept everything, and another when it’s unclear at first, but it’s interesting and I want to try.
The more determined and manifest a person is, the easier it is for him to find friends. Because you are going in a specific direction.
But when you are lost and rushing about, you come into contact with people at separate incomprehensible points.
You need to be able to let go of friends
Alexander Deineka, “Friends” (1962)
— Is a friendship over always a tragedy?
“You need to be able to let people go.” Friends, children, parents. And we always try to think in constants. I have must be: children, friends, etc.” is a constant fantasy of some kind of stability.
Maybe this is because there is too much uncertainty in our lives, but we constantly come up with something “unshakable” for ourselves. And the same thing happens with friendship: “If you and I have been friends since childhood, then we should always be friends!” But what does “always” mean? We ourselves “not always”, we change, people change, friendships change.
If you put two bricks side by side, they will lie there for a long time, but two trees cannot grow side by side forever.
You need to be able to let go of friends at a certain distance, and you don’t have to lose that at all. I have a friend who I haven't seen for thirty years, and I don't even know if he's alive. But our friendship is with me. Distance is not that important for friendship.
It often happens: we are walking through life, we come out to some “common” clearing and it turns out that we are following the same course, just at a distance from each other. Although I don’t know whether we will reach the next clearing like this. Sometimes this happens for objective reasons - we live far away.
And sometimes you try to walk with a person through the forest, holding hands. But it’s so inconvenient, the trees are in the way, you need some distance. Moreover, sometimes you work very closely with the same people, and sometimes you diverge a little.
Friendship is something that remains with you as a resource, remains in your memory, even if the person has died.
The most intimate sphere is money
— Should a friend provide you with free services as a specialist? He's a friend.
— My colleagues and I once discussed what the most intimate topics are for our people. And it turned out that the most intimate topic is money; very rarely anyone can talk about it openly. If a person talks to you honestly about money, you have the highest confidence in him, and he can tell you about the most difficult situations in his life.
Of course, money spoils friendship, because we still don’t know how to handle it. Therefore, you need to be careful when introducing them into relationships with friends. But we always have a fantasy, as in the fairy tale “Flint”: “If I come with a satchel full of money and treat everyone, the attitude towards me is the same, but when the money then runs out, the attitude changes.” And this is not because people are so bad, they are simply accustomed to this format of relationships. Therefore, everything regarding money must be clearly stated.
In general, I really like the European style: yes, we met and cried together in a cafe. But then there is your money, and then there is my money. That is, we can talk about intimate things, but at the same time everyone pays for their own coffee and sugar.
It's like with socks: if we are friends, this does not mean that we will constantly change them. If you rub your foot on a hike, of course, I’ll let you wear my dry ones, but not every day.
A lot of friendships are destroyed because of money, and a lot of businesses started with friends are destroyed because of friendships.
We generally like to do things with friends. But it’s good to start a business with them when there is no money, but you need to invest a lot of energy, thought, and effort. Until the first money.
Money is a very large resource, when it appears, you need to decide what to do with it. And often this is an impossible task.
By and large, it’s not money that spoils, it’s expectations that spoil. And here it is very important to say: I can do something, I can’t do something.
What are friends for a family man?
K.E. Makovsky, “Friends and Buddies” (1895)
— One of the crises of friendship is marriage. The person with whom you spent time, told your secrets, becomes no longer so necessary - there is another close one nearby. It turns out that it was not friendship, since it can be replaced?
— Of course, after marriage there is a shake-up of all human contacts. Relationships with parents change, but with friends they change sometimes even more.
When a person is in a state of love, he has many tasks to build new relationships, and all other people fade into the background for some time. Good friends understand this moment and can be happy for you.
A good friend in this situation is like a person on a hike who watches over the camp: two people have retired to a tent or gone to the mountain, and at this time he keeps the fire going and is ready, if necessary, to offer them hot tea.
Getting married is a big test for friendship, but after some time, friends, if they really were friends, will become necessary for a person again. In love, a person first dissolves, but then needs to restore his identity: I am not only a wife (husband), but also a doctor, friend, athlete, etc., I can have my own relationship with God and with people.
And friends are very necessary so that a person can once again be slightly disconnected from the feeling of being “half.”
This is a very useful, correct process. If this does not happen, perhaps there is codependency in a marriage, when a person sees everything through the eyes of a partner and loses himself, his personality.
A man goes to football with his friends, drinks beer, goes fishing or to the garage, a woman goes with her friends to the theater and for a manicure and talks about her own, feminine things. And this is not a situation for jealousy, because men are friends with each other under the motto “we are men,” and women have their own feminine conversations. And then, in a good version, everything should come to some kind of balance: friends of the spouses turn into a common company, in which there are friendly couples.
— How to find a balance between feeling and duty here? Finding yourself is wonderful, but a person also has family responsibilities.
— Marriage is psychologically similar to a parachute jump. Here you are flying together, you feel good. But you won’t fly like this all your life, at some point you will find yourself on the ground again, and return to the whole life around you, including work and friends.
Usually one of the spouses remembers friends first. And then a situation arises: “Oh, she left with her friends, then I’ll go to football!” It’s worse if one of the parties says: “Oh, he (s) with friends? I don’t want that!” This is already aggression, possessiveness, and this can only damage relationships.
On the other hand, we must understand that most of our beliefs from the series “a man should” or “a woman should” are traditions of the time when it was believed that the husband should be the “breadwinner” and the shelves should be hung. We grew up in a system of musts, but such questions are the realm of love.
“But there are some inevitable agreements: I’ll make soup, and you’ll bring your child home from school, even if you have to miss tennis...
- Undoubtedly, we come into a new relationship with some kind of contract. Behind us there are parental families, and some established ideas about how these relationships should be built.
But you can simply say: “He went fishing with friends, I don’t understand what they are doing there, but he needs it,” and everything will be resolved more happily.
These are such subtle twitches of the joint parachute lines and checks.
At one time I had such a group of hikers. People gathered, built a huge barge and rafted down the rivers on it. Men discussed men's topics in their company, women had their own conversations. All this went on for many years - children and grandchildren grew up. After all, there was already a mixed company. Someone inside her was cross-friends, somewhere the husbands were friends, but the wives were not. But this was an opportunity to come into contact with each other's world.
Often you don’t like such relationships because they are also part of your husband’s life. And I want to take over this life completely; jealousy also arises for work and books. It could simply be a reluctance to share. Or the inability to build relationships.
And Eeyore can be a good friend - under certain conditions
Still from the Soviet cartoon about Winnie the Pooh
“It happens that a person says: “My friends should have helped me and they didn’t!” How to avoid unjustified expectations in friendship?
— While we are alive, we have some expectations, including from friends. When something happens in our lives, we, of course, expect someone to help us. If these expectations are met, we remember it: “I didn’t even have time to think, but they took it and helped.” Plus they talk about such situations in the movies. And we begin to think: “When I feel bad, my friends help me.” And next time our anticipation becomes stronger.
But at some point, expectations are not justified: maybe we forgot to call our friends, we thought that our needs could be heard through space. Maybe friends didn't have opportunities. And then it hurts, hurts and sad. Anyone who is used to getting angry in such cases gets angry; those who are used to being upset get upset. Those who are accustomed to shifting responsibility to others blame everyone around them, and those who are accustomed to taking responsibility on themselves worry: “I don’t know how to choose friends!”
Sometimes you need to turn to your friends and spell out your expectations in plain text. Speaking out desires is useful not only for friends, but also for ourselves. Because we often want something without even realizing it, something like: “I feel bad now, and I want someone to help me.” And if I specifically formulate: “Now I feel bad, and I want one of my friends to buy a kilogram of oranges, get on the train and come to me,” then I can at least understand whether it’s worth asking someone for this , or it’s enough for someone to say a few kind words to me on the phone.
I remember one day I had a bad heart, I called my son and said: “Just in case, I’m calling to say that I love you.” He replied: “I love you too.” He hung up, then called back and said: “I love you - that’s clear, but what are the instructions?”
When we communicate with friends, it is very important to translate expectations into desires, because it is difficult for another person to fulfill someone’s expectations.
Waiting is something vague, but a wish can be fulfilled. If you translate your expectations into desires, communication becomes easier. This helps strengthen friendship.
Friends are always more offended. But in general, grievances are not about friendship, it’s a way of life. There are always people who are like Milnova’s donkey Eeyore: “No one will come to me, and if they come, it means they were just passing by. If they bring a gift, it means they didn’t need it themselves.”
There is such a thing - a “self-justifying forecast”: we always highlight in life what we expected. “If only not in the mud, just not in the mud!” - please, into the dirt. Expectations are confirmed over and over again and favorite sayings arise: “I told you so!”, “I knew it!”
Friends of such a person, in the end, simply get used to the fact that he is like this, and that being offended is his favorite game. By the way, if such “Eeyores” have a sense of humor, they can be good friends.
P friend to friend like a mirror
M You and your friend are so similar, one is sick and the other is shell-shocked
T You girlfriend, don’t be shy... The guy left you, don’t be sorry! We girls are cool... New ones will love us!!!
C Encourage those friends who, after long months of separation, will come up, hug you and say: “Hello, Sun, I felt very bad without you!”
D ve friends: one is beautiful, the other is second.
N and nothing hinders development and self-improvement more than the opinions of envious friends.
AND A woman's deceit is when, advising a girl to overcome depression, her friends suggest that she take several lovers at once, knowing full well that with her figure she can only get drunk with them.
P a friend pretended to be a poor sheep, but turned out to be a real sheep...
L The best friend is not the one who, when you break up with a guy, says: you will find something better, but calls him and says: you won’t find her better.
***
I was normal. Honestly. Until I met this psychopath who I call my best friend!!
N There is no such stupidity that my friend and I would not have thought of...
D You need to make friends so that later your children will be friends.
M It’s not my mother who always said: what’s better for a friend is better for a pillow...
P went to pick up a drunk friend from the guests:
Now we are sitting, waiting for them to pick us up.
X your good friend drinks with you when you feel bad, and your best friend keeps your hair in the toilet when you really feel bad
P A friend is a person who keeps half of the things in your wardrobe in his closet
T You are my friend... we are friends... you are such a fool - just like me.
***
L The best friend is the one who stands up for you! Then he will take you aside and say that you were wrong!
T Only a friend can come home, climb into your refrigerator, take ice cream and say: Will you?
WITH tell everyone that you are sick. Say you're broke. Say that you have lost interest in life. Look around - those people who are still close to you are your true friends!
P Rishli girlfriends. They left... And then I noticed that a kilogram of sweets was missing.
P a friend said: “That’s it! I’ll sing now!” And she got drunk, the infection!
P A friend is when she says the same thing for the 3rd time in a day, and you don’t interrupt because you understand that this is important to her.
P Friend's is a news service, a liquor store and a psychological support center.
L your best friend is the one with whom you dream that you will have a big house for 2 families, cool husbands, 5 children each and a bunch of small dogs...
L your best friend is a person who you don’t even need to tell anything, she can see in your eyes what an idiot you’ve done...
D You can't do too much for a devoted friend.
T Only with a real friend can you walk all day, say goodbye for half an hour, and then talk to her on your cell phone the whole way...
L The best friend is the one with whom you constantly have to delete your message history after correspondence...
WITH The most popular phrase when you are walking with friends: - Well, everything is quiet, otherwise people are coming!
P There are simply “friends” who write every day: “I love you, bunny,” and there are those who silently help you when you really need it.
L best friend is like a bra... close to the heart and always supportive
D you need to think with your head. And not “girlfriends”
P correspondence in contact with my best friend - compromising evidence about my whole life
G They say your best friend is your mother... yeah, tell her right now. The second girlfriend - Dad - will already know everything in the morning.
L The best friend is the one who forgets about her problems because she understands that yours are much more serious
U My friend and I are ideal compatibility for a long-term friendship.
In most cases, our tastes and views coincide with the exception of... men.
Every person on his life's path wants and strives to find happiness. And everyone puts their own understanding into this word. But probably no one will argue that one of the important components of happiness is friendship. True, true friendship, like true love, is a rather rare phenomenon. And a quote from Marlene Dietrich even says that friendship unites people much more powerfully than love.
Trust, patience and reciprocity are what truly friendly relationships are based on. And quotes about friendship will prove this to you.
In friendship you have to learn to be human. And although no one is immune from mistakes, the main thing is to be able to notice them in yourself.
Everyone wants to see as their friend a faithful and sincere, spiritually rich and comprehensively developed person. And for this you need to be like that yourself. The ancient Greek poet Euripides, who is so fond of quoting, formulated even before our era: “Tell me who your friend is, and I will tell you who you are.”
Of course, this doesn't always work. To quote the French philosopher Paul Valéry: “Do not judge a man by his friends. Judas’s were perfect.” But I want to believe that this is still an exception to the rule.
Friendship is such a great feeling that great people often talked about it. Poets, writers and philosophers have often addressed this topic. That's why there are so many wise quotes and aphorisms about friendship.
Sayings of great people about friendships
A true friend is with you when you are wrong. When you are right, everyone will be with you.
Mark Twain
A friend is a person who knows everything about us and yet loves us.
Elbert Hubbard
Love can be unrequited. Friendship - never.
Janusz Wisniewski
Don’t rush to choose friends, and even less so to change them.
Benjamin Franklin
Only a friend's hand can tear the thorns out of the heart.
Claude-Adrian Helvetius
In the bustle of this world, friendship is the only thing that matters in personal life.
Karl Marx
Sincerity in relationships, truth in communication - this is friendship.
Alexander Suvorov
He who does not look for friends is his own enemy.
Shota Rustaveli
People can drink together, they can live under the same roof, they can make love, but only engaging in idiocy together indicates true spiritual and emotional intimacy.
Eva Rapoport
How can a saint who has not known friendship live? He is like an empty pearl.
Alisher Navoi
In the edifice of human happiness, friendship builds the walls, and love forms the dome.
Kozma Prutkov
He who is humane gives others support, wanting to have it himself, and helps them achieve success, wanting to achieve it himself.
Confucius
Publius
Friendship is when you feel good with a person for no reason.
Yuri Nagibin
Friendship multiplies joys and crushes sorrows.
Henry George Bon
When extending your hand to friends, do not clench your fingers into a fist.
Diogenes
All the honors in this world are not worth one good friend.
Voltaire
We love our friends for their flaws.
William Hazlitt
The Lord has given us relatives, but we, thank God, are free to choose our own friends.
Ethel Mumford
Without true friendship, life is nothing.
Cicero
Henrik Ibsen
Friendship penetrates the lives of all people, but to maintain it, sometimes you have to endure insults.
Cicero
Throughout my life I have become convinced that conversations with friends take up the most and most imperceptible time; friends are the great robbers of time.
Francesco Petrarca
People are born to help each other, just as a hand helps an arm, a foot helps a leg, and the upper jaw helps the lower.
Marcus Aurelius
He who is a good friend himself has many good friends.
Niccolo Machiavelli
He who wants to have a friend without faults remains without friends.
Bias
A friendship that ended never really began.
Publius
Friendship is not such a pathetic flame that it can go out in separation.
Johann Schiller
A true friend is someone who will hold your hand and feel your heart.
Gabriel Marquez
Friendship needs neither a slave nor a master. Friendship loves equality.
Ivan Goncharov
There are people to whom we forgive, and there are people to whom we do not forgive. Those whom we do not forgive are our friends.
Henri Monterlant
You don't have to be a dog to be a friend.
Mikhail Zadornov
It is better to be in darkness than without a friend.
John Chrysostom
Love requires infinitely less than friendship.
George Nathan
Friendship is the haven to which a person strives; it brings joy and peace of mind, it is relaxation in this life and the beginning of heavenly life.
Torquato Tasso
It is not so difficult to die for a friend as to find a friend who would be worth dying for.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton
The most beautiful gift given to people after wisdom is friendship.
Francois La Rochefoucauld
The law of friendship prescribes to love a friend no less, but not more than oneself.
Aurelius Augustine
The best pleasure, the highest joy in life is to feel needed and close to people.
Maksim Gorky
You can never do too much for a loyal friend.
Henrik Ibsen
Friends are the second most important people after family in every person’s life. Some of them become even closer than relatives, and it is with them that they share their most intimate secrets and experiences. However, unfortunately, not everyone has such friends and acquaintances. Some are unlucky enough to meet those to whom they can open their souls and completely trust, while others themselves do not know how to find a common language and maintain relationships. It is difficult to understand how to learn to be friends with others if there is no true desire to open up.
This is not an easy task and constant work. After all, in order to have real friends yourself, you need to be worthy of it. It is impossible to just take and not give anything in return. In any relationship with other people, it is important to understand what exactly they need and to be able to listen. This is not only a guarantee that you will be surrounded by true friends who are ready to help, but you will also be able to call yourself a true comrade.
How to become a worthy friend
Some people have a lot of friends, or at least that's the impression they have. They communicate with everyone, maintain relationships, etc. However, it is hardly possible to be friends with several dozen people; most likely, these are just friends or good acquaintances. It's not enough to go to a nightclub together or talk on the phone sometimes. In order to be close friends, you need a lot of time, patience and constant maintenance of relationships, finding common topics and “common ground”. There are no established standards for how to be friends correctly; it’s individual. But there are some simple and effective tips that will help you build close relationships with other people and develop them:
- It is necessary to meet with your friends constantly. Communication online and by phone are also not bad, but they can hardly be compared with face-to-face communication. In a personal conversation, people share their secrets more easily, and this makes the relationship stronger and closer. You need to find any reason to meet: going to the store together, going to the movies, just going for a walk. If you are constantly busy with things to do, it is worth setting aside a day when you absolutely must meet with your friends.
- You don’t become friends quickly; it takes time and a lot of it. Often you have to go through a lot to understand that someone is truly close.
- Every person is pleased when they talk about him or listen to what he tells about himself. Therefore, it is important to be able to calmly listen and support when needed.
- Know how to ask for forgiveness if you are wrong.
These are just some tips, but if you listen to them, you can learn how to be friends correctly. Of course, no friendships are ever exactly the same, simply because all people are different and each needs a different approach. Therefore, each path to friendship will be different from the previous ones. You will find a common language with someone from the first minutes, and someone will become close after years. The most amazing thing about friendship is that it is impossible to predict after meeting with whom it will begin.
It is also important to understand that not all people have the opportunity to make friends, no matter how much you might want to. There may be several reasons: differences in interests or values in life, different temperaments, etc. In this case, you should not be upset, you need to look for someone with whom you will feel comfortable, and friendship will not be a heavy burden for you.
Old or new: which friends are more valuable?
Some people value friends who have been with them since childhood or adolescence. They believe that these relationships are the most proven and closest. Others, on the contrary, think that new friends need to be made, since a person himself is constantly changing and his environment should also be different. This is a controversial question, and the answer can only be given by the one who asks it.
Often, especially young people, do not understand how they can be friends at a distance. They go to another city, for example, to study, and there they find new friends, forgetting those who were close to them before. This can be explained by the fact that the situation, interests and environment are changing. Therefore, past relationships move into the background and eventually disappear completely. Friendship must be maintained constantly; it does not tolerate long breaks. This requires wisdom and the desire to maintain the relationship.
And yet, is it worth finding new friends all the time, while sacrificing old ones? Friendship with people can be ended only in the only case if it is dead, if you are no longer connected by anything in common and your paths have diverged so much that you do not find common topics for conversation. In addition, those in which one humiliates or insults the other cannot be called close relationships. This happens too. You can't maintain a relationship if you feel uncomfortable in it.
In all other cases, friendship must be preserved by all means. No matter how far you are from each other, you can always show how dear a person is to you: call, unexpectedly come to visit for a while, send a parcel or write a message. All this is not difficult and does not take much time, but it is so important for the development and maintenance of friendships. Moreover, it does not matter whether you have known the person for several years or a couple of months. After all, true kinship is determined not only by blood ties.
Some, to maintain friendship, also invite comrades to be godparents of their children or witnesses at a wedding, etc. This strengthens their connection with each other, and also increases the number of reasons for meeting. It often happens that the children of such families also become friends over time.
There are no limits in friendship, it can never be such that it cannot be developed even more, become closer. It is important to be able to forgive yourself and admit your guilt. You need to learn to understand the feelings of others, sympathize with them and empathize. And, perhaps, the most necessary thing is to be transparent to another person, to be able to reveal your thoughts to him, to trust him and believe in his sincerity.
