It all started as usual: another disagreement that turned into a major scandal, mutual accusations and reproaches... And suddenly Olga said, “My eyes wouldn’t have seen you!!!” Valery unexpectedly calmly replied: “For God’s sake! I can leave right now.” Apparently, he had made the decision for himself a long time ago - this explained his sudden calm.
How could an angry, tired forty-year-old woman respond to such a remark? "And go away! You don't have to come back!" And when the front door slammed and Valery really left, Olga sat for a long time without moving, as if she was waiting for him to come back, as he always did after such quarrels...
He really returned, only between leaving and returning, no less than five years flew by! He returned because now no one needed him, including the one who was waiting for him to leave the family five years ago. And Olga accepted him - not forgave, but accepted: eternal female pity prevailed over offended pride. But later it turned out that during this time Valery became no longer needed even by his own wife...
This happens quite often in families where both spouses are of so-called middle age - from thirty-five to forty-five. When they, peers, start a family in their youth, marrying for their first (or second) love, both are completely satisfied with each other. But time passes, the children grow up, the silver wedding is already on the horizon - and suddenly the husband begins to glance at the “young people”. Is this always explained by the notorious truth “a devil in the side”? Not at all! The middle-aged husband has other serious reasons to behave this way.
Sexual dissatisfaction
As is known, the situation with sexual culture among the generation born in the forties and fifties is practically nothing. Of course, this is not their fault, but a misfortune, but this does not make it any easier for them, first of all. Indeed, as a result of “lack of enlightenment” - twenty years of living at night in the same position under the blanket... And at the same time, constant dissatisfaction for both the husband (the wife, they say, could have been more active!) and the wife. In general, in those years there was an opinion that a woman should not experience any orgasms: she provided the man with release - her marital duty was fulfilled, and that’s all. And when such mutual dissatisfaction, or rather, the inability to achieve harmony, accumulates over the course of fifteen to twenty years... As they say, even a saint cannot stand it. And towards the end of the critical period, mutual reproaches and resentments begin, sometimes for the most insignificant reasons. A woman's sexual dissatisfaction transforms into irritability. The wife reproaches her husband for “giving him her youth.” And in such living conditions, isn’t she right?
And the husband has his own problems: the wife just screams, accuses, humiliates... And in the period of forty to forty-five years, it is especially important for him to “feel like a man.” So the husband begins to look at those who will not be too demanding of his “masculine qualities” - at young girls. And often he finds someone who agrees to more than just sex... In such a situation, another family scandal simply becomes a reason for a man to leave the family.
Young mistress. Why do you need an old husband?
"Abandoned wives" often ask me: "What do these young girls see in old married men?" Really strange at first glance. If you take a closer look, it becomes clear that not all girls get involved with the elderly and, what is important, with family. But only those who have certain personality traits.
Firstly, these girls are overly curious - in the bad sense of the word. A sort of adventurer: what will happen if I take the guy “out of the stall”? Will I be harassed, threatened, or will I just “get away with it”? Such ladies, not only in sex, but in life in general, are constantly looking for adventures on their own... head.
Secondly, those who are unsure of themselves - yes, yes! Such people, deep down in their souls, repeat the well-known saying: “Don’t love a single man, he doesn’t love anyone and he won’t love you; don’t love a widower, he’s bullied his wife and he’ll bully you, but love a married man, he loves his wife and will love you.” Of course, this is a controversial postulate, but for such girls it serves as a rather strong consolation. Such a woman, even if she is a beauty, deep down in her soul does not even hope to charm a “free” man and marry him to herself. In the meantime, she has a family man as her “cavalier”, there is an excellent excuse for society: “He won’t marry me because the divorce has not yet been finalized.” Moreover, in fact, it is not at all necessary to get married...
Thirdly, there is a certain category of women who vitally need to assert themselves at the expense of those around them. In particular, take away someone else's partner, even if he is not needed at all. But if she was given preference, it means she is better than “that old wife.”
And finally, fourthly, many women do not plot anything at all against the family of their chosen one. They need a relationship for a while to gain some experience before building a happy family with someone the same age.
Life with a young woman
But be that as it may, the man slams the door of the family fortress and leaves for another. And here the situation, as they say, “hangs”: in the vast majority of cases, a newly married couple does not register their relationship. Of course, at first there is a pronounced sexual attraction between them, but, as a rule, there is no psychological mutual understanding. These are different worlds, from communication with a partner they receive only their own sexual pleasure.
Its participants treat such a union as a consumer: being really blind and deaf to the personality of the partner, the two literally rob each other in the process of living together. They do not strive to have anything in common, including material assets: according to statistics, couples in such relationships practically do not make significant purchases of common use - household appliances, equipment, furniture. They spend all the money they get on a “beautiful life”: restaurants, travel, clothes (each at his own expense). That is, they unconsciously do not burden themselves with anything that cannot be carried with them during separation.
And again a new partner
But it is simply impossible to live for a long time with a person who is alien in spirit. And then the young mistress, at first timidly, and then more and more actively, begins to search for a new partner. After all, legally she is free, and it’s better to run away from the previous man not to nowhere, but to the next one, isn’t it? Seeing these searches (which the further they go, the less secret they become), the man begins to worry: “They told me, don’t live with a young woman, he’ll cheat anyway...” And he doesn’t understand that if something had originally connected them besides sex, his young lady would not have the need to run away; and she is running away now not at all because she is not satisfied with his sexual qualities! But the offended former chosen one is unable to change the situation, which has already gone too far. And as a result, he is left with nothing: his mistress is now with a new partner, and he is left with nothing, since he once left everything to his wife.
Alena, Valery’s passion, for whom he left the family, turned out to be a good girl in all respects, despite her 25 years. When their relationship reached such a dead end, she zealously began a “different life”, getting to know new candidates for her hand, heart and apartment. When Valery, touched to the quick, tried once or twice to reason with her, she eventually used a radical remedy - she caused big trouble for Valery at work. Fortunately, they worked in the same bank, where, in fact, they met. As a result, management showed Valery the door. Alena, together with her new “friend,” immediately suggested “vacating the area,” and Valery literally found himself on the street. I tried spending the night with friends, but soon it stopped making them happy. And Valery even breathed a sigh of relief when he rushed to the hospital with an attack of a stomach ulcer. But it was in his hospital bed that he felt his loneliness to the fullest. The formal care of the doctors was just the warmth he could count on now. A professor making rounds once joked at his bedside: “You, my friend, are not recovering well. Apparently, scientifically speaking, you have no incentive to recover at all!”... And it’s true, no . Nowhere to go, no one needs it. Parents have long been dead; It’s no longer convenient to bother friends and acquaintances; It’s better not to remember about Alena at all, and especially I don’t want to repeat such experiments... And not without the help of doctors, Valery decided to return to his wife. Moreover, they never divorced.
Return to the family
Overcoming a nasty feeling of fear, he rang the doorbell of his former home. Olga opened the door. Silently she led Valeria into the apartment and went to “make tea.” He looked around: everything seemed familiar, but at the same time, how everything had changed! Old things - not a single new one. This means that it was still difficult for them without him. And, probably, there was not enough husband and father in the house. But on the other hand, after five years the woman seems to have gotten used to living without a husband. It’s not her age to start a new family, and the children are growing up. Over the years, the son and daughter became completely independent and started their own families. Grandchildren were born who were completely strangers to the former “head of the family.” But for a wife, it’s like an old suitcase without a handle: it’s hard to carry, and it’s a shame to throw it away... What can you do?
When a man cheats, he does not set himself the goal of leaving the family. And if betrayal has already taken place, first of all ask yourself the question: what happened between you that pushed your husband into the arms of another woman? Most often, a man escapes from his wife’s dictates in this way. After all, if one’s own wife does not understand a husband, there will be another who, at least at first, will undertake to understand and console him. And if you want, as a thank you for your help and comfort, he will sleep with her.
What is the reason for the betrayal?
To provide the basis for a husband’s betrayal, it is enough to arrange for him a regime of misunderstanding, eternal reproaches and total lack of freedom. Many wives try to constantly keep their husband under control, on a short leash. They are trying to control it, but they are doing it completely illiterately. And then, when the husband, unable to stand it, runs away to another woman, they turn for help. But the demands are also unique: my husband is this and that, make sure that he endures all my bullying and does not run away from me. And, of course, they themselves do not want to correct their behavior. Or there is another situation: a dictatorial wife cannot come to terms with her husband leaving. Finds him, stalks him, threatens both him and his mistress. And in the end, this mistress decides that it is better for her to look for another man who has a less noisy wife.
In most cases, a cheating husband comes back sooner or later. However, if the wife returned him by force, then the situation in the family that led this husband to betrayal remains unchanged and may soon lead to his leaving his wife again. If he returns after a certain time, during which the relationship with his mistress freezes, then this is where the wife’s question arises: how to react to this? Show your feminine pride and not let you into the house or show your feminine pity and forgive?
How to take your husband back
First of all, in any such situation, the wife must again remember: the husband, when he leaves for his mistress, does not do this out of a good life and this mistress is not at all in seventh heaven, he has problems there too. If you want, he got himself into a rather dirty puddle called “mistress”. And if he came back, first of all he needs help. Of course, if you still want him to stay with you. After all, there are actually not so many options for further relationships with the spouse who has returned to the bosom of the family.
First of all, it’s cardinal: you decided “not to forgive,” to separate completely, to separate, to exchange, to sever all ties. Now I won’t talk much about why this option is bad: for whom such a road is acceptable - good luck! There's nothing scary about it. But there is another way out: to start everything completely from scratch. In particular, the wife should marry again... to her own husband.
How can this be done realistically? At the very least, build your relationship with your husband not according to the “sick-nurse” scheme, but in the image and likeness of people trying to please each other. Flirt with your ex-spouse, slowly move towards rapprochement again, primarily psychological. Under the influence of flirting, you will both become younger, and both will have an incentive to live. Accept your returning husband as a new person, offer him a game of “getting to know each other”: “We are practically strangers, but try to win me over!”
And most importantly, both of you do not scold each other for something that is long past. And remember: unfaithful, frivolous husbands change their mistresses easily, without destroying the family hearth. And, alas, only faithful spouses leave for another. And if such a spouse returns home, a reasonable wife has a real opportunity to make a happy one out of a tragic situation.
Discussion
if you love me, forgive me, anything can happen in life, don’t be too quick
Well, of course, his wife nagged him, so he left. It happens like that. I would like to read an article about when he doesn’t leave - he just cheats on his wife! and that he should leave - everything is fine. And he has a mistress, and his wife will cook and do the laundry...
I liked the article, so touching. but about not very bad husbands, let's say this. not about scoundrels.
Sorry, but the article is one-sided... it’s immediately clear that a man is writing... you don’t even need to go to the end of the article to see who wrote... one-sided... everything should be a woman... it’s she who doesn’t love a man, be it a wife or a mistress ... evil is somehow written about women ... but you know in real life it turns out the other way around ... how did you identify 4 categories of mistresses ... I would add a 5th - there is one who needs a man, let him even someone else’s husband, just because she loves him...they didn’t mention this issue...yes she loves him...did you grin? but now, alas, there are no real men... they have been reborn... there are no men who care, who fight to be close to a woman... why? yes, because there are fewer of them than the female population....so, Mr. Naritsyn, I do not agree with your article...a woman is also a person...and to save a family and love, you need two people and not one woman... if a man wants to leave, then he will go to someone else and there is no point in holding him... but when he returns, then this should be a decision of both parties... but forgive me - I would no longer trust such a man...
03/30/2010 15:47:28, kim76I usually enjoy reading Naritsyn, but not this time. The above story made me feel sick... Everyone turned the guy down, he had no money to rent an apartment, so he “fell in love” with his old wife again. Brrrrr! The advice for saving a family in the last lines is reasonable, but the example given is incorrect. This is not a “faithful” husband for whom you have to strain IMHO
It’s not true that all husbands come back!
but there are very good examples of people remarrying.
I didn’t like the article because... I do not agree with the author's conclusions!
Wife, husband... Like, with a claim to generalization? If the author has problems with sex education, there is no need to transfer your problems to society. The presence of pornography is not education, but the absence of pornography is not the absence of education. “I returned because no one needed me anymore...” This is the problem, that no one needs the author, and sex has absolutely nothing to do with it. Personally, I can’t help but be needed by anyone, and I don’t consider myself an exception.
Comrade has some kind of one-sided psychology. Naritsyn. Everything is from the point of view of a man - and he doesn’t have enough sex/diversity, and his wife nags, and his mistress doesn’t appreciate her, and he has nowhere to go... And how, I wonder, does the wife feel about all this? She had no orgasms, which means her life was normal, and her self-esteem was through the roof when her husband ran like a dog towards a 20-year-old woman. And after all this, tenderness and understanding of his complex internal organization should be enough to flirt with a sick, aging, unloving man who came to you because there was nowhere else to go? Super!
What does the generation born in the 40s and 50s have to do with it?
And elsewhere about the “average age” of 35-45 years.
Psychologists don't teach arithmetic?
As for the rest, who can argue. If the wife behaves well in family relationships, then the chances increase that the husband will behave well.
And I liked it, which rarely happens with articles here)))
There are doubtful proposals, but in general the thoughts are correct.
I categorically disagree, I just sit and laugh at the following lines:
“After all, if a husband’s own wife does not understand, there will be another who, at least at first, will understand and console him. And if you want, as gratitude for the help and consolation, he will sleep with her...
.....First of all, the wife in any such situation must again remember: the husband, when leaving for his mistress, does not do it out of a good life and this mistress is not at all in seventh heaven, he has problems there too. If you want, he got himself into a rather dirty puddle called “mistress”...
And remember: unfaithful, frivolous husbands change their mistresses easily, without destroying the family hearth. And, alas, only faithful spouses leave for another."
Well, it’s not like that in real life, dear Naritsyn. Not this way. These are men's justification arguments, nothing more. The real motives are different.
Hello! My situation is this: since I was 20, I have been dating a married man who is 15 years older than me. A strong and mutual love broke out, after 4 years he left the family and we began to live together and got married (we have no children). We lived with him for 4 years, married for 2 years. And just recently I began to notice that he had changed, he began to disappear for a day, explaining that he was with friends. We began to quarrel a lot and once again he left and never returned. He left for his ex-wife and son, and I just don’t know what to do. I have tears every day and resentment towards him and longing for him. After all, I still love him. Help!
Olga, Kostroma, Russia, 29 years old
Art psychologist's answer:
Hello Olga.
Your situation is not the first and will not be the last. Very often, grown men are carried away by very young girls, then they flare up with passion, then they fall in love with them and it seems as if this feeling is so bright and beautiful that all their lives they have been missing it. The man destroys everything and creates a new family. But after some time, all romance and even strong love pass, some problems emerge and you want to return to a place where you didn’t have to adapt to anything, don’t have to change or make any compromises, where everything is familiar, simple and quiet. Plus, you didn’t have children with him, but having a son is very important for a man. I don’t want to disappoint you, but, as a rule, such a man is in no hurry to return back to his second wife. And you are not to blame for anything here, and nothing really depends on you - he just feels this way, he lives this way, he wants this way and acts this way. You have, of course, two options: either fight for your love, try to win him back. You also have the right to this, you lived with him for 4 years legally. Or resign yourself to such a life, slowly exclude him from it, realizing that in any case, there is little chance of returning. Decide what you think is best! Good luck and patience!
Sincerely, Maria Pugacheva.
Divorce is an extreme measure that implies an absolute severance of relationships. However, statistics show that not all couples finally “burn their bridges.” According to the results of sociological research, about a third of men cannot forget their ex-wives, and every fourth is not against restoring the family union.
Why do men leave?
The strong half of humanity is often unable to resist family problems. Why do men leave? Each situation is individual, but there are several main points:
Do husbands return to their families after divorce?
The desire to return to the family depends on what kind of relationship the spouses had and what the reasons for the divorce were. In a male environment, returning to your ex-wife is not considered a cause for pride.
However, a large number of men return to their ex-wives. There can be many reasons, the most common of them being a lack of past comfort, love, or awareness of past mistakes.
When do ex-spouses return?
Do husbands return after divorce? Of course, some people prefer to cut ties once and for all. Men can return after a divorce; the timing depends on the reasons that influenced their departure. For example, a crisis inevitably sets in in a relationship with a mistress; the prospect of staying with her no longer seems so wonderful. The man begins to think about his wife, with whom it was so good.
A crisis with a mistress usually occurs a year after the start of the relationship - it is after this period of time that the husband will want to return to his ex-wife. All terms, of course, are conditional and depend on the specific situation.
Why is this happening?
It's not easy to explain another person's behavior. Common reasons for men returning:
Especially often those men who have lived in marriage for a considerable part of their lives return. It's too hard to create something new - it's much easier to patch up old wounds. However, returning your ex-wife will require a lot of strength and energy.
How to understand that your husband's intention is sincere?
People who have been married for several years know the habits, desires, their partner, his life story. A man who wants to return a woman “arms himself” with just such knowledge. The main signs of the sincerity of an ex-husband:
The list goes on and on. Usually women are able to simply sense whether their husband's intentions are true. The experience of living together allows you to see through a person.
A serious conversation about the advisability of restoring relationships will help put everything in its place. It is also necessary to look at the events that happened from the outside. Was the decision to divorce hasty, or is this an irrevocable and final ending? In the first case, there is no doubt about the sincerity of intentions. The second option involves weighing the pros and cons, reasoning and observation.
How to save your family and keep your loved one?
According to statistics, every second family breaks up after the first year of marriage. How can you save your family and live happily ever after with your loved one? The answer is simple - work on relationships. Family life is painstaking daily work. Both sides must make an effort to strike the perfect balance.
Spouses gradually stop noticing each other's personality, perceiving a person as a set of necessary functions. The husband is associated with money, free travel, pleasant gifts. The wife is the personification of cooking, cleaning, washing, and massage services. This approach is considered the main mistake in relationships within the family.
A popular proverb says: “The husband is the head, and the wife is the neck.” Which direction family relationships will turn depends on the woman. A representative of the fair half of humanity is able to keep her beloved husband even in the most hopeless situation. Several recommendations from psychologists for preserving family relationships:
The psychology of family relationships involves combining efforts aimed at strengthening and preserving a marriage. Love and trust can be easily restored after a breakup. The main thing is to know for sure that this is necessary, to be patient and strong. In complicated situations, partners will receive qualified assistance from a specialist.
Hello! My name is Evgeniya. I dated a man for 1.5 years. I knew that he was divorced and that he had a small son. I never got involved in this relationship, I was only interested in the affairs of his child (out of politeness, “How is your son? How are you doing in kindergarten?”, etc.). He introduced me to friends and relatives, we went to see them for the weekend, then he moved, I actively helped with the move. A little later, I began to notice that he began to come and call less often, it got to the point that we called each other 2-3 times a week, until one day I suddenly saw him with his wife and child leaving his house. I immediately understood everything and quietly left without explanation. I deleted all social networks, his phone number, so that there would be no temptation to call/write and demand an explanation. Later I found out that they were not divorced, they did not temporarily live together due to a major quarrel. It hurt me a lot, it still hurts. The problem is that I regularly go to his page and the page of his wife (I confess, I created a fake page precisely for this monitoring). I look at the photos, I see how happy they are together, how their son is growing, where they go, where they visit. I watch and feel sad(((. I feel that I live not in the center of my life, but on the sidelines of someone else’s. Sometimes I get distracted and forget, but then I return to these views again, my mood deteriorates. I understand that this is no longer love, but rather an unspoken resentment .How to end this habit and forget him?Thank you!
Answers from psychologists
Good afternoon, Evgenia.
It is possible that the reason for your addiction is this:
so that there is no temptation to call/write and demand an explanation
The man did not act in the best way towards you - he started a relationship with you, but did not end it - he did not say “thank you”, he did not explain the reasons for the breakup. It is possible that you too have many unspoken words. As Marina Tsvetaeva said, an unspeakable feeling lasts.
One way to work with this is to write a letter - in which you say everything you felt - from the beginning of the meeting until now. There is no need to send a letter, but you need to “get” from your own inner world everything that connects you with this man. Until the very last thread. Next, it would be good to work with a psychologist with this letter. You can read about the direction of such work in the books by Valentina Moskalenko “When there is too much love” or Robin Norwood “Women who love too much”, as well as in the book by Polina Gaverdovskaya “Return. How to stop forgiving and learn to love. The view of a psychotherapist.” But it’s better, of course, to have face-to-face meetings with a specialist.
Best wishes,
Chernysheva Ulyana. Consultations on Skype and in Moscow.
Good answer 5 Bad answer 0Evgenia, the habit you write about will disappear on its own as soon as you begin to “live at the center of your life.” To do this, it is worth remembering moments from the past when you felt the pulse of your life. Remember when you managed to get closer to this source and feel the freshness and genuineness of what was happening. This could happen in relationships with loved ones, acquaintances, at work or somewhere else. What are you dreaming about? What are your hopes and aspirations in life regardless of your current situation? What values fill your life with meaning? You should change the role of a detective, tracking down the history of someone else's life, and engage in archaeological excavations in the territory of your personal life, which only belongs to you. I am sure that your findings will help you gain a sense of your own worth and understand in which direction you should move further. If you are serious about becoming the author of your life, then I am waiting for you at a consultation where I will help you explore and understand where the center of your life is.
Aidarbekov Kairat Anvarbekovich, psychologist in Almaty
Good answer 4 Bad answer 0Hello, Evgenia! You can end this habit the same way people end any other habit that borders on addiction (drugs, alcohol, etc.): you need to stop doing what is ruining your life. Visiting their page or doing something else is your responsible decision. You may be very strongly “pulled” there, your thoughts may return to this again and again, but looking at these photos or not looking at them is your actions. You can control them completely. Don’t immediately set yourself lofty goals, such as: forget him forever or “never visit him on social networks again.” Take something more feasible as a guideline, such as not going “there” for one day (or a week or a month). Don't think any further. As this period passes, we will see. If you want, make a different decision. But this minimum period must be met. If, of course, you want to get out of this addiction (even if it’s a love addiction and not a drug addiction). Good luck.
Hristo Oleg Vladimirovich, psychologist/psychotherapist, Prague.
Good answer 6 Bad answer 3A loved one wants to return to his ex-wife. What to do? It is generally accepted that in a love triangle the wife is good, the mistress is bad, and the man, of course, is a traitor. Not everything is so obvious in human relationships, especially in love. Sometimes the wife is a skilled manipulator, the husband is a caring father, the mistress is a normal woman starting a family.
A loved one wishes to return to his ex-wife
Consultation is needed not only for husbands and wives, but also for mistresses. Recently a girl came to me and described her situation like this:
“We dated for six months. His relationship with his wife has long been at an impasse. He says that they haven’t slept together for a long time, they fight all the time. He lived with her only for the sake of his son.
And when he met me, he couldn’t stand it anymore. And so, we are together, but I see that he yearns for the child. He began to compare me and my ex-wife - it turns out that my meat burns, just like hers.
In general, I'm afraid that he will return to his ex-wife. This fear is driving me crazy. How do you know if he can come back?”
Do men often return to their wives?
Let's agree that we are considering a very specific situation: a man leaves his wife and child for his mistress.
How often do husbands return to their exes? Of course, there are no official statistics. But observations show that if the reason for the breakup was precisely that a mistress appeared, then the likelihood of a return is very high. More than half of the men still return. Why is that? Here's why.
Why does a mistress ruin her wife's life?
There is already a catch in the very wording of the question. The mistress wants to know: “ Will your loved one return to his ex-wife?».
This question is not about her, but about a man and his ex-wife. It makes no sense for a mistress to interfere in the relationship between these two, and it won’t work. The bond between a man and his ex-wife is as strong as between a brother and sister, a parent and a child. This connection is called family. Even if a husband and wife have not actually shared a bed for a long time, they are connected by a common past, common traditions, common children, pictures of a common future (even if it has not come true).
The mistress often thinks: “ I love HIM so much that I could destroy his relationship with his wife.”
Ah, this feminine categoricalness! Don't overestimate yourself. Anyone who has read my articles already knows about the Family System. This is an emotional and psychological connection between members of the same family. Such a connection, a chain, cannot be felt with your hands, but it exists, moreover, it dictates its own rules to the family. For example, she really wants to live and does not allow herself to be easily destroyed.
It is naive to believe that the intervention of a third party in the relationship between two spouses will destroy a long-term emotional connection. The relationship between husband and wife will become terrible, difficult, destructive. But the connection will remain. Even though it will be unbearable for everyone.
It turns out that the mistress is truly a destroyer. This is exactly the case when you cannot build your happiness on someone else’s misfortune. And we must understand that by creating trouble for the legitimate wife, the mistress causes pain to her beloved.
However, the mistress’s goal is not to “make her feel bad,” but to make herself feel good. Therefore, we must not destroy someone else’s life, but build our own.
How should a mistress behave if a man wants to get back with his ex?
“Will a man return to his ex-wife” is an incorrect question. It and the further task need to be formulated differently.
« Will my loved one stay with me?»
The mistress does not want her husband to leave his wife. She wants to be happy herself with her lover. She wants him to be with her. Do you feel the difference?
A husband can leave his wife for one mistress and meet another mistress. Or fail to start a family with your mistress and end up alone. There are options.
I warn all women - do not wish that the man does not return to his ex. Want him to stay with you. Based on the goal, you will build your life: behavior, thoughts, actions, feelings.
Let me give you an example.
Would you say it's all the same? But no. Everything changes, from mental balance to specific actions.
The most important thing is that new family connections are formed. It’s one thing to leave for your mistress, another thing to create a new family, with new traditions and relationships.
How is a mistress different from a wife?
Let's return to social stereotypes.
“It’s easy with a mistress, but it’s difficult with a wife. If I am a mistress and want to keep a man, then it should always be easy with me. Otherwise, he will feel that he has exchanged an awl for soap.”
Is a mistress an eternal holiday? Yes please, if the man is an eternal guest.
But a man leaving his wife for his mistress is a sign that he no longer wants to be a guest, he has decided to become a master. Then the role of the mistress changes. She becomes the mistress, the owner's mate. Let not a wife, but already more than just a passion.
Is the lover herself ready for a role change? Not always. Therefore, she is very surprised when romance suddenly disappears from a relationship. Master and mistress are new rules, a new type of love. When accepting a man who has left his wife, you need to be prepared for the fact that difficulties are just beginning.
I’ll tell you, based on practice, it often happens that a husband leaving for his mistress is a huge relief for the wife. She's just ashamed to admit it.
Husbands, wives, and mistresses come to me. I am not a judge to decide who is right and who is wrong. Everyone in this triangle suffers, and everyone has the right to happiness.
