James Rynerson from Colorado was sentenced to a relatively short prison term. Fate gave him a chance to escape without resorting to undermining or bribery, and he took advantage of this chance. But he didn’t know that the main obstacle on the path to freedom was not the bars or the guards, but his own wife.

James Rynerson is 38 years old and not a good person. In May, the court once again sentenced him to prison for threats, antisocial behavior and breaking and entering, writes the Daily Mail.

Rynerson served a couple of months of his sentence when a neighbor, 35-year-old Marvin March, moved in with him. The fact is that March’s own cell began scheduled repairs and for several days he had to share the room with Rynerson.

The prison authorities did not provide photographs of the neighbor to journalists, but it is known that the prisoners looked alike: in addition to the same robes, both had a beard. Whether Rynerson planned what he then pulled off in advance or simply improvised when the chance arose, we do not know. He may have switched the wristband with the prisoner's number.

When March was transferred back to his cell, it was not immediately recorded in prison records. He was supposed to be released just these days. The guard came for March to the wrong cell. "Marvin March?" “That’s right,” Rynerson replied. "To the exit".

So far, the officer who processed the release of the prisoner does not have an answer to the question of how he released the other person. Maybe he just didn't look at the bracelet number. Or maybe the bracelet was changed. One way or another, Rynerson left the building.

The mistake was discovered only when March asked the guards a couple of hours later when he would be released: after all, the deadline had come in the morning. At this time, Rynerson was already at home.

His wife found him in someone else's leather jacket in the underground garage when she went down to the car. Rinerson explained what happened - and, as it turned out, in vain. His wife immediately put him in the car and drove him back. She decided that since Rynerson was only out of jail for two hours, he would not be punished.

Alas, she was wrong. Now he faces additional charges: escape from prison, forgery of documents and deception of prison officials. In total, several years will be added to his sentence, and he will not be released soon.

However, it is possible that Rinerson still won. After all, escaping from prison is only half the battle. How to learn to live in freedom with the constant threat of being caught? John Anglin, a participant in the only successful escape from Alcatraz, could tell about this. For many years, he and his two comrades, who escaped from the island in 1962, were considered dead - no one believed that they were able to swim across the stormy strait between Alcatraz and the mainland. But !

And one naive prisoner from Texas not long ago also easily left his prison, but not for long. . However, he had the most compelling reason for such a demarche: he was sent to buy booze.

I never planned to meet the prisoner or have any kind of relationship with him. But I have a friend whose husband was in prison, was sentenced to seven years, and she went on dates with him. And then one day he mentioned that there were very good guys who would like to meet a good woman to start a family. Like, tell Katya, in case she wants to receive a letter from a person from the zone.

I was single at that time, the years were passing, marriage was not in sight. It became kind of curious, and then: a letter doesn’t mean anything. I agreed, and soon I received several messages at once. I didn’t answer everyone, I chose a certain Pavel. It was written competently, intelligently, and moderately romantic. By the way, prisoners are the greatest romantics in the world, as well as “storytellers”: they’ll write something like that! And they promise - not even three boxes, but ten.

Pavel said that he was in prison because he took on someone else's guilt for a friend, because he had a large family. We were in company, drank, a fight occurred, and a murder was committed. I supposedly didn’t even take part in the fight. I only later learned that the three most common versions of crimes among prisoners are “took on someone else’s guilt”, “got to prison out of stupidity”, “stood up for his (or someone else’s) girlfriend.”

A correspondence began. I heard that some areas have Internet, but he wasn’t there - we exchanged regular letters in envelopes. Pavel characterized himself very positively: hard-working (he had a construction education), drinks only on holidays (also, by the way, a hackneyed formulation), loves children, and so on. Hot-tempered, but easygoing (another cliche), but then I didn’t pay attention to it. I received a photo of Pavel. He looked good, handsome, I didn’t see anything “zekovsky” in his appearance: a person like a person. In response, I sent Pavel mine and received as many compliments as I had never received in my life!

As an aside, I’ll say that our women hear very few good words: from men, from husbands, from people in general. And here - how God's dew drips onto the parched ground. I was pleased, and I began to feel that I was falling in love with Pavel simply for these words. Soon he invited me on a short date, and then there was another digression, although it was somewhat confusing: I didn’t figure it out right away.

If the convicted person is serving a sentence in a maximum security correctional colony and is in normal conditions, then he is allowed to have three short-term and three long-term visits during the year; in facilitated conditions - four short-term and four long-term visits; under strict conditions - two short-term and one long-term visits. If the convicted person is in a special regime correctional colony under normal conditions, then he is allowed to have two short-term and two long-term visits during the year; in easier conditions - three short-term and three long-term visits; under strict conditions - only two short-term visits. A convict serving a sentence in a penal colony may have visits without limiting their number.

I didn’t have the right to a long-term date (three days): I’m not a wife. Therefore, we communicated through glass and spoke through a tube in the presence of a correctional officer (I think many have seen this in films). That was the first time we met in person, and I, of course, was very worried. The day before I put myself in order as best I could, and again received a lot of compliments. We talked about everything, somehow gradually getting to know each other. Pavel knew what words to say to make me simply thrilled. He spoke little about the conditions of imprisonment, he joked more that in the colony they give you free food three times a day, and you can lie on the bunks to your heart’s content, and play games and tell jokes.

In subsequent letters there were already declarations of love, addresses “my beauty”, “the only one” and the like. I began sending Pavel parcels with permitted products and things - I always collected them with love. One day he wrote that his sneakers were torn and his tracksuit was worn out. Like, mom has a small pension, there is no income in the zone, and it’s inconvenient to ask friends. I chose the most expensive sneakers I could buy, and a tracksuit too.

I went on three more short-term dates, and then Pavel asked me to marry him. Then we could finally meet in the colony, no longer on opposite sides of the glass, and be together for three days! I won’t say that I threw myself into the pool headlong - I thought and reflected for quite a long time. A wife is already serious, and I had to wait for him for another seven years. I consulted with others to a minimum. No one at work knew anything at all; I only told close friends and parents about Pavel. My dad and mom were strongly against this marriage, my friends had different attitudes. Someone said that if this is love, then why not, others said that we need to be more careful with those who are in prison, and it is better to still look for a person in the wild.

I still married Pavel, although I understood that combining prison time with family life is quite difficult and behind bars is a completely different world, little connected with our realities. Pavel and I signed in the zone. I brought a registry office employee with me and paid for everything myself: this is exactly how it usually happens. We received congratulations from the head of the colony, and overall everything went very simply and modestly. But it didn’t seem to matter.

Then I arrived for a long-term date, to which I now had the right. It was not a very pleasant moment when I was searched, but I was psychologically prepared for it, because I understood where I was. All products brought with us were also carefully checked; By the way, this did not apply to what I later bought at the prison kiosk. I brought food, both ready-made and raw: it turned out that in the common kitchen there was a stove and you could cook. The shower and toilet are also shared, but the rooms are separate, there is a bed, a locker, a table and chairs. I won’t describe the details of the date - it’s too personal. I will only say that the first wedding night was a success, and in general Pavel did not disappoint me in communication.

In the common kitchen I met other women, who came to visit their imprisoned husbands. By the way, I have never seen such culinary masterpieces as I saw there anywhere else. What kind of dishes were not prepared, what recipes were not shared! But it seemed strange to me that many women brought children with them, even infants. For what? In my opinion, neither the children at that time needed dads in prison, nor did the fathers in this situation need children. Although, perhaps I’m wrong, since I didn’t have children at that time.

It's no secret what the main purpose of dating is for many incarcerated men: it's sex. Of course, it is necessary to discuss some family and home problems, and it is better, of course, live, but at worst this can be done in letters or on a short date. There were whole legends about intimate relationships with prisoners among the women present in the kitchen. Like, hungry men are something, plus prisoners insert some kind of “balls” into their private parts. These conversations were very uncomfortable for me.

One lady even said that she specially signed her name several times, and then she divorced the prisoners, because, according to her, “free women” are not men. I understand that she traveled all over the zone. She openly laughed at people like me who signed up for the colony “out of love” and said: “Girls, they need you to send packages, but when they are free they will immediately find others!” There were also a lot of ordinary, modest women, whose husbands were also not some kind of repeat offenders: after all, as they say, you can’t say no to prison and no money.

And so time flew by. I was waiting for my husband correctly. I didn’t want to give birth to children before Pavel’s release, and he didn’t even talk about it, so I carefully protected myself during long-term visits. But my friend, through whom I met my husband, almost every time came from the colony pregnant, and then begged the gynecologists to send her for a free abortion, because her husband was imprisoned and there was no money. And so, of course, I wanted to have a full-fledged family with children.

I met my mother-in-law and talked, although not often. She accepted me as a daughter-in-law and, of course, did not say anything bad about her son. We never really became close, although I was not at all against it. But the mother-in-law turned out to be one of those people who, under any circumstances, tend to live more for themselves than for others. Two years before Pavel’s release, Anastasia Vasilievna died, and I took charge of the funeral, as well as the improvement of the grave.

When Paul was released, of course, there was a holiday. We had a great time; True, he was in no hurry to get a job. We lived in my apartment (the apartment of Pavel’s late mother, however, we rented out), but the rest was at my expense. At first I was lenient about this: after all, a person spent so many years in a colony, let him rest and enjoy freedom. Then he began to drink in the company of friends, then behave rudely; humiliated me - it seemed like a little thing, but it hurt. Still didn't work. I will not describe everything that happened: every woman who has had similar things happen in her family knows this.

I couldn’t understand how and why he used to be so gentle and romantic the man gradually turns into someone completely different. At first I forgave everything, thinking that Pavel’s mother had died, and spending so many years in captivity was a great psychological trauma. However, I was already wary of having children with him. I tried to find out what was the matter, and one day Pavel told me: “I dreamed of you, lying on my bunk, as a beautiful princess. But here, when you’re around, you’ve become ordinary, and I could have a hundred people like you.” By the way, after this it turned out that he was also cheating on me: one day I checked his phone and found correspondence. When I told him about this, he hit me.

In the end we broke up. Seven years of my life lost and I'm alone again. I honestly waited for Pavel - his release was like a star in the black sky for me. But this “star” turned into a black hole. I am again without a family, no children. I will never tell anyone: “Do not contact prisoners under any circumstances.” Every person has the right to happiness, and many such couples actually do well. You just can’t recognize a man and can’t check him from a distance - everything is learned only in actions, in deeds, in those relationships when a person is nearby, although even then at first you may not know much. By the way, I never found out whether it was Pavel who killed that man or whether he simply shielded himself from me. However, this, like many other things, is on his conscience.

Lena Kozlova 27 years old

Russian photographer, born in Yekaterinburg. Graduated from the Faculty of Journalism of the Ural Federal University. She took part in master classes at the Russian Reporter Summer School and took her own course in documentary photography with Mikhail Domozhilov. She collaborated with publications and online resources “Zona Media”, “Russian Reporter”, “Schrödinger’s Cat”. She was shortlisted for the “Young Photographers of Russia - 2016” competition, participated in exhibitions in Moscow and Marsciano, Italy (“Marsciano Arte Giovani”).

- “Mom, I fell in love with a bandit” - a portrait series about girls who are waiting or were waiting for their loved ones from prison. In most cases, they met their soulmate on social networks or forums. On the Internet they are called “waited.” This is a whole virtual community. They cannot openly talk about their love to others, sometimes even to family and friends.

They are difficult to work with, as many are ashamed of their relationship or worried about how their partner will react to participating in a photography project. To find my heroines, I wrote to more than 150 girls, conducted many preliminary interviews and ended up casting only six heroines. But it was worth it - they have amazing stories. While working on the project, I realized how special love Russian women have, how great their desire to care is, despite real danger and disapproval.

Natasha, St. Petersburg

— We met by phone, through the Beeline SMS dating service. I was bored and sent him my number. They corresponded for two days, and on the third he said that he was in prison - then he had another year left. We exchanged photos and immediately didn’t like each other very much. But the general theme was: he quarreled with his girlfriend, I broke up with my boyfriend. This is how communication grew into something more. He asked me out on a date, but I didn’t go because I broke my leg.

What was surprising was that he didn’t ask for money, like many others, and gave his mother’s number. In September he was released on parole and disappeared for three days. And then he came to me with flowers and sweets. He was very swollen, it was noticeable that he had drunk well. I felt freedom. This was our first meeting, then we sat silently for about thirty minutes, looking at each other. From that day they began to live together.

My relatives, of course, reacted badly to everything. After all, he was in prison three times for theft, and after the army he was not free for more than a year. And his family was happy with me, they say he changed a lot with me. Previously, he brought crowds of friends to his place, they drank everything, even the vacuum cleaner that his mother gave him. And now for the first time in his life he got a job, he wants children, a normal life.

His friends are completely different: they use drugs, no one wants to work, especially those who have been imprisoned several times. Seryozha himself says: “For me to go to work after three terms of imprisonment - I don’t understand what happened to me!”

We exchanged photos and immediately didn’t like each other very much.

Even my parents softened when he began to provide for me, and we live not with me, but in his room. He allowed me to have animals, and he gave me a Scottish fold cat with all the certificates. Recently he proposed to me - we went to the registry office and submitted an application. We don’t have much money now, so everything will be simpler. But I still bought the dress for myself.

The only thing I'm afraid of is his friends. I try not to let them communicate, otherwise he will go on a spree and end up somewhere again.

Alena, Moscow

- We met through my friend, who communicated with his friend on Odnoklassniki - everything is banal. He was interested in my 13 tattoos, we discussed them, and it grew into something more. Two months later I already went on a date with him. We saw each other through two glasses, shouted through the bars, love was carrots right away. I almost fainted from excitement.

We were given a normal date only after we got married, 9 months later. Because he was imprisoned for life-threatening robbery. He and his friends were drunk, they decided to collect an old debt, they took the man’s phone and shot him in the leg. All three were imprisoned under a serious crime, mine was given the longest of all - five and a half years, since he is from Ukraine. When we met, he had two and seven left to sit, all this time I was waiting for him.

What caught your attention? People who are in prison know how to talk to girls. For them, you are the most beloved, affectionate and beautiful, even if they have never seen you. They specifically study this, read books on psychology. This didn’t particularly bother me, I just immediately asked him to introduce me to my mother. She threatened that otherwise we would stop everything. He introduced. I lived with his mother and sisters for several days.

People who are in prison know how to talk to girls. For them, you are the most beloved, affectionate and beautiful, even if they have never seen you.

Came out, we've been together for a year. We had a baby - 2 months already. It’s hard, of course, there’s no work. Moreover, he is from Ukraine and has no right to stay in Russia for another five years. But I don't think he'll ever go back to prison. I'm surprised how this man even ended up there. He carries the child in his arms for four hours so that he does not cry. He cooks, cleans, and has good friends.

This man knows everything about me, just as I know about him... probably.

Ekaterina, St. Petersburg

“I’m already waiting for the second one from prison.” It was interesting the first time. His former great love had the same name as mine: both the first and last names coincided. Either he was looking for her on VKontakte, or a girl with those initials. But he wrote to me, and we started talking. At that time I had just broken up with a young man; I wanted communication and understanding. And there in prison everyone is a good psychologist, they say the words you want to hear. And most importantly, they also suffer from lack of attention. Everything moved quickly for us. After a couple of weeks, I literally couldn’t look up from my phone and carried it with me to the bathroom and toilet. We talked until six in the morning.

He only had a year left to sit, so I decided to wait. I went on a date in the summer, I really wanted to communicate in person. Although photos and telephone conversations were fine, you need to feel the person. My mother categorically forbade me to go, so I left the child from my first husband with a friend. What a trip it was! Even on the train I felt like I was on pins and needles. When I arrived, there were fences, bolts, metal doors everywhere, constant checks, and everyone treated you strangely. They also took him out of the cell and immediately took him into a room for a search. That is, you already see it, but you still can’t say anything. And I want to hug and talk. Three days fly by in an instant.

When he was released, I rented an apartment for us, but it was expensive, and soon we moved in with me. At first everything was fine, but then differences in concepts emerged. The further it went, the worse it became. He didn’t want to work, he didn’t like getting up early. Three months later I became pregnant. He got involved with drugs. Drugs made him different - not the person with whom we made plans together. Four months ago we broke up.

How did it happen that I began to wait for the second one? In fact, we knew each other by choice, we even met for a short time, and then he disappeared. I found him on social networks and asked how he was doing. He replied that he was in prison. I asked for a number.

I don’t tell anyone about us, especially my mother. I defended my ex to her, but it turned out that she was right. If she finds out, she will condemn her - for her, the prisoners are all the same.

He is in a maximum security colony, so we only communicate once a day. Only wives have the right to visit, but I want to try to negotiate. The guy is serving his third term. In general, he’s a good guy, and also an athlete, but his lifestyle is gopnic. Now he is already 31 years old. He says he wants a family and a normal life. Unlike the first one, he doesn’t play cards and doesn’t ask for money. And because of this, I even took out loans of thirty to fifty thousand.

I am an open person, I always believe in the best and hope that a bad person can be made good.

I do not regret my past experience and now I am not ready to give up such a life. This has its own romance; ordinary relationships cannot compare with this. I am an open person, I always believe in the best and hope that a bad person can be made good. I have fans on the outside, even many - I don’t know why they are attracted to prisoners. Mom says this is my psychology.

Natasha, Yoshkar-Ola

“We met while still free, a month or two later he was imprisoned, and our communication stopped. Two years later he wrote to me. After some time, he offered to come for a short date - she agreed. When I saw him, I realized that I had fallen in love: I left the zone - everything was like in a dream. I didn’t know what to do, I let everything take its course. We continued to communicate. He proposed to me, asked his friend to buy a ring and flowers.

They signed in the colony six months later. We were given only five minutes, because my husband is a persistent violator of the regime, and he is serving time under Article 105, Part 1 - for murder. They gave me seven years, I waited two, there are still three left.

I have a lot of fears. My cousin’s husband was staying with me, but when he came out, they lived for a while and went their separate ways. And sometimes you read stories in groups on VKontakte - your heart turns over. When he comes out, I want to take him away from his friends, somewhere to the south, to the sea. I always tell my friends that my husband is on a business trip. She told one colleague that she was married to a prisoner, and he told me: “If he gets out, he’ll leave me.” So what if so? I’ll be 25 then, I’ll be able to find someone else, and this story will become an experience for me. I started to take things easier and stopped worrying.

Natasha, Zarechny

- It all started stupidly. I had just divorced my husband then. We wrote to each other on Odnoklassniki, he said that he was in jail and suggested we meet. And I’m a lonely girl, divorced, and I say: let’s have some fun. A month later he left and came to my home. And there was only a nanny with a child (from his first marriage), so the first thing I did was meet my son. Met me from work. I'm standing there, embarrassed. And he knew each other for a hundred years: he came up and kissed me. And from the first day we began to live together. The next day I no longer needed a nanny. He began to fuss with the child, cut his hair, fed him, played with him. Then he took us to his mother. I didn’t even teach my son to eat from a spoon - he did it all.

We lived together for two years, and he got drunk again and was put on the wanted list. He tells me: “I don’t want to go back, I won’t go, they’ll put me in jail.” I tried to persuade him to go, otherwise they would add extra charges for running away, but he didn’t mind. What’s funny is that my dad is a police captain, but they quarreled, and my father began to help the cops in every possible way. They took me and my child to another apartment and locked me up on the fifth floor.

Somehow I hear someone calling. I think this is what has gone crazy for me. I went out onto the balcony to check - there was no one, I looked up - it was hanging. It turns out that he and his friend knocked down the door to the attic. A friend holds him by the legs and shouts: “Natasha, take it, otherwise he will break!” I grabbed him, dragged him somehow, and we lived locked up with him for a week. When my father arrived, I hid my beloved in the closet. We wanted to run, but there was a safe door that couldn’t be opened. Then friends brought a rope and he was able to climb down.

We wrote to each other on Odnoklassniki, he said that he was in jail and suggested we meet. And I’m a lonely girl, divorced, and I say: let’s have some fun.

I would have been on the run for a long time, but I got drunk on City Day, became bolder, and let’s send the cops to hell. He was captured. I didn’t know anything for a long time, and then a subpoena came - they called me as a witness. The sentence was short: a year for the crime and another six months for escape. They were assigned to a colony near Kamensk-Uralsky. Dates once every three months for three days, plus additional ones for good behavior. Traveling there is expensive: it costs seven thousand for groceries alone, plus travel and renting a room.

If you end up in prison in a dream, your plans are not feasible. Seeing a prison building means you will have to cancel your trip due to sad circumstances at home.

Imagine that the walls of the prison are crumbling and all the prisoners are released.

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Dream Interpretation - Husband

Hugging and kissing your husband when meeting or seeing him off is a sign of complete understanding and love between spouses, peace and harmony in the family.

If in a dream you give your husband a letter addressed to him, having previously familiarized yourself with its contents secretly from your spouse, this foreshadows a divorce and division of property through the courts.

If your husband came home from work tired and also sick, such a dream foreshadows troubles and lack of money.

A cheerful and energetic husband returning from hunting or fishing means prosperity in the home and new acquisitions.

A dream in which you accuse your husband of cheating speaks of your overly biased attitude towards him in real life.

If in a dream your husband leaves his family in your care, and himself disappears for several days in an unknown direction, without deigning to give any explanation, such a dream means a temporary discord in the relationship between you, which, however, will soon be replaced by complete agreement.

A quarrel with your husband because of your addiction to alcohol should make you think about the origins of this weakness of your spouse - is it not in your behavior that they lie?

Burying your husband in a dream foreshadows the arrival of his friends, because of which the apartment will temporarily turn into an inn and at the same time a drinking establishment.

A dream in which you leave your husband for another person can bring you big troubles in real life due to your too sharp and long tongue.

If in a dream your husband goes on a business trip, and you act according to the classic scheme, receiving your lover on your marital bed, in reality your excessive coquetry will give your husband a reason to suspect something is wrong.

For a young girl, a dream in which she sees herself married does not promise her marriage in the near future.

This is the letter that came to our editor:

“Assalamu alaikum. I really need your help, sister. They hurt me a lot, I don’t know how to get over it. I waited 7 years for my husband to get out of prison, married him 4 years ago when he was in prison, supported him as best I could, went to see him there. He said that he would never betray. He was released, and we immediately went to the Caucasus to live with his parents, lived there, and he went to another city - to arrange a life for us, to rent an apartment. then he calls in the middle of the night and says that he got married in a Muslim way. I don’t know how to survive all this, I don’t know.”

My answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam, sister. I understand your emotion of bewilderment. You are most likely in a state of hopelessness, loss of strength, exhaustion and despondency. You may have developed a feeling of denial about everything that has happened to you. Following this, new emotions are born, forming your assessment of what happened and the person to whom you trusted your feelings and made joint plans. You are disappointed and surprised. And your condition does not allow you to adequately assess the situation and get out of it with less losses for you.

You know, I imagined the image of a “hedgehog in the fog” - there was such a cartoon. It is gloomy, when I looked at it, I wanted to dispel the fog in which the hedgehog was, and place it on a green lawn, where the morning dew on a blade of grass is reflected in the brilliance of the rays of the sunrise, in an apple orchard... where ripe, juicy fruits lie under the trees, attracting the attention of that little hedgehog with thin legs, holding a bundle of personal belongings on a stick behind his shoulder, wrapped in a handkerchief stained with dust.

So your state is similar to the mood of a hedgehog. And I'm sad. It’s sad that your expectations were not met, your hope died down and tears appeared. Tears are not always a bad thing. They are useful because they tell us that we are alive. They help us feel ourselves, understand our capabilities and ways to achieve what we want. When emotions leave us, they are replaced by new ones. When something leaves us, something else comes in its place. This is normal and the way it should be.

And in order for you to survive what happened, the first thing you need to do is live your emotions, understand your feelings and condition. When you understand yourself, you thus give yourself support that no one can take away from you. Support you can give to yourself anywhere and anytime. Support that only you yourself are capable of, because no one can know what is in your soul and the path of your heart.

Don't be afraid to feel sorry for yourself. Your strength is that you have the ability to feel sorry for yourself. Cry, hug yourself and move your hands from your elbows to your shoulders and back... rock, sitting still, as if your mother is rocking you in a cradle. Feel your feet and what they are on: cold floors or warm ones? Try to imagine what position you are in now: are you slouching or not? Straighten your back. Watch your breathing. If you don't want to straighten up, just watch your breathing. Take a deep, slow breath in and out. Repeat inhalation and exhalation. Imagine that with each exit, everything bad leaves you, and strength comes in its place, you become cheerful, you feel warm and good, and your heart is filled with joy. You are alive, everything is fine with you and your loved ones. You are safe. There is no reason for grief and persistence in being in a bad mood. Smile to yourself! You are alive. You sense and experience what is happening to you. You can control your behavior. You can speak or be silent, sit or stand. You are in control of making a decision - any decision, any day. You are free to use your body and time. You can think or you can rest. What do you want now?

The first thing you should do when you feel your pain so clearly that you can express it in words is accept the situation as it is. Entirely. Accept what happened to you. Say: “Praise be to Allah, the Wise and the Loving!” Exhale. Allah showed you what is real and what is your illusions, what you can rely on in life and what should not be taken into account. Allow yourself to be sad just as long as you think about how to improve your situation.

Try to take something positive from what happened. Make a layout: “what happened to me and why” and put a plus sign under each item, realizing what positive changes the incident gave you.

Try to put yourself in your husband’s position and think about why he did this to you. Are there mitigating factors? such as a recent stay in prison, moving to another city... Don’t blame yourself and don’t “let all the dogs loose on him.”

If you have the desire and strength, listen to him. What will he tell you? Ask him the reasons for this action. Try not only to hear him, but also to understand him. And to do this you need to get into his position. Did he deceive you? How often did you see each other after his release from prison? Ask about his feelings towards you and how he sees your future life. Of course, it is better to talk to him when you meet, rather than on the phone. At the same time, do not forget to be aware of what is happening to you: what you feel, what you want, how you see your future life, what you are ready to do, what he should do, and what you should do.

In this whole situation, do not allow two things to happen: do not belittle your merits and do not exaggerate his shortcomings. You must understand that what you experienced seven years ago is a sign of your resilience and reliability, devotion and dedication. What you are experiencing now is a sign that you are a living and feeling woman. Try to find reasons for his actions.

I advise you to think about your future after a serious conversation with your husband, who will resolve all your questions to him. Find a quiet, cozy place and, slowly, think about what and how you want for yourself in this life. Are you ready to compromise and smooth out the corners of your relationship with your husband? Make a plan for how you want to live under your current circumstances.

Do not forget about the material side of the question: how will you live on, and whether your husband is able to provide for two families. Think about meeting your husband’s second wife - talk to her, maybe she didn’t know about your existence. The three of you think about what you should do in such a situation.

Ask Allah to ease your situation and trust in His mercy towards you. Thank Allah for the perseverance and determination you showed seven years ago - not every woman is awarded such noble qualities, praise be to Allah Almighty. And ask Allah to increase His mercy for you. I wish you happiness in both worlds, sister. Amine. I hope I was able to help you.

“...Don’t stop trusting in the mercy of Allah. Verily, only unbelievers cease to trust in the mercy of Allah.” (Sura Yusuf, 87 verse).

Elvira Sadrutdinova