Starting family life, young spouses face a huge number of problems, among which the material well-being of a young family is one of the main ones. In recent years, an increasing number of women prefer to have a stable income before getting married, because they need the confidence that in the event of an unsuccessful marriage, their child will not need anything.

Unfortunately, often in pursuit of independence, women do not even think about what threatens their overly revealed financial independence from their spouse. And the consequences of this independence can be the most unpredictable.

Of course, few of the newlyweds will turn to their parents for help, so usually both make truly titanic efforts in order to earn an extra penny. It is known that women are stronger than men morally, they are also much more resilient. A woman will never stop halfway, and, having set a clear goal for herself, she will achieve her goal with all her might. In addition to the main job, she will look for options for additional income and as a result she will receive additional income, but family relationships will start to loosen up.

Firstly, she will devote much less time to her young spouse. In the first months of marriage, it is extremely important to spend as much time as possible together, learn to live not only for yourself, but also for another person, take into account his interests, passions and desires.

Secondly, the problems and responsibilities at home, which no one has ever canceled. Naturally, it is possible to shift half the trouble to a much less busy husband, but a man is simply not able to deal with everyday life the way a woman can do it, and even a saint will not be able to constantly live in dirt and dust and eat food in polyethylene from a supermarket, not not to mention such quick-tempered creatures as the stronger sex.

Thirdly, one should never forget that initially a woman is a weak being, and a man is a breadwinner and protector. Many representatives of the stronger sex so blindly believe in this truth that they begin to feel like insignificant creatures next to a strong and working (and also earning) woman. Even if it so happened that you started earning several times more than your husband, do not boast of your achievements. Let your spouse continue to sacredly believe that without his support, not only moral, but also material, you simply cannot survive in this world.

Do not shoulder an unreasonable amount of work. Everyone knows that a woman should always look feminine and beautiful, only then she will be desired. It is unlikely that dark circles under the eyes will add to your sexuality, so try to never forget about healthy sleep.

Also, don't do your husband's work for him. Of course, sometimes it’s much easier to pick up a nail and a hammer and do everything yourself, but why do you need a man at all if you combine the keeper of the hearth, the earner, and also the plumber-builder? It is better to once again turn to your spouse for help, let him feel his importance and please his male pride.

Do not complain about the fact that you have to plow for four in order to somehow provide for your family. With your exorbitant hard work and pursuit of wealth, you yourself could be the culprit of the fact that your beloved spouse became lazy and completely lost that initial ardor with which he entered family life.

There may be another situation: from the first day, your other half did not show much interest in the material well-being of your young family. Then another question already becomes: do you need such a person, against whom Hard time it will be simply impossible to lean?

Many women dream of living next to a strong man who will provide a roof over their heads and earn money for a lifetime in advance even in their youth. However, most of them eventually face a completely different problem - the husband really earns a lot, but devotes little time to his family, practically not being interested in any domestic issues and personal affairs of the household.

On the one hand, this is convenient - there is always a lot of free time for personal activities, but on the other hand, a long absence of normal communication leads to a loss of mutual understanding between spouses, their alienation from each other and other problems that flow smoothly from this.

What to do? How to live with a workaholic in such a way that it ceases to resemble the coexistence of two completely strangers under one roof, united by common financial expenses?

For a start it's worth figure out the reasons workaholism of his dearest spouse. After all, he can: be naturally inclined to many hours of work day after day, “run away” to work from personal problems with his wife, simply not be able to relax and have a good rest.

Then, when the reason is clear, you can begin to act. If a man has turned into a workaholic after some serious conflict has occurred in his relationship with his beloved woman, it is necessary to understand its causes and return the “lost” spouse in the office home.

In another case, when he simply suffers from the "excellent student syndrome" and forgets how important it is to live here and now, and not in the "bright future", one must try remind him that he has already achieved so much so now is the time to enjoy life.

In addition, it is desirable to arrange his life in such a way that so that when he returns home, he has something to do other than work. For example, distribute household chores and make sure that he regularly performs what is due to him. If there are children in the family, the workaholic husband can be offered to go for a walk with the kids in the evenings.

And when he starts to object that he has a lot of work planned "at home", you will have to upset him by saying that work - remained at work, and at home he is no longer the boss department and not the general director, but a loving father and husband from whom relatives expect active participation in their lives.

This also applies to weekends. Do not allow him to do business on Saturday, and even more so on Sunday. Instead, plan interesting vacation in nature or a train out of town (where you definitely can’t take any items even remotely resembling a laptop or diary).

If all the methods proposed above do not help to return your loved one “to the true path”, you will either have to point out that the current state of things does not suit you at all, or accept his lifestyle and completely immerse yourself in self-development by studying various sciences or active passion some hobby.

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In general, he became a husband because he was a workaholic: we simply had no time to meet. On the first day of our acquaintance, he, telling what beautiful legs I have, suddenly interrupted, apologized and started calling on his mobile to puzzle some Nina Mikhailovna with some overhead. It was, by the way, 11 o'clock at night.

In general, he became a husband because he was a workaholic: we simply had no time to meet.

On the first day of our acquaintance he, telling what beautiful legs I have, suddenly interrupted, apologized and started calling on his mobile to puzzle some Nina Mikhailovna with some invoices. It was, by the way, 11 o'clock at night.

“And what,” I asked, “should she bring these invoices to you now?”
- No. Find tomorrow at the office.
“Will you be in the office tomorrow?”
- Will.
“Then why call the unfortunate woman in the middle of the night?”

The man looked at me with surprise, then with delight... And he offered to meet again tomorrow.

Escape to work (type one)

After 10 days, I howled:

- All! Enough! I haven’t slept for a week now, I don’t have time for friendly gatherings, for talking with my mother, for theaters and computer games. Only work and you, you and work! .. We need to meet at least every other day ... Or better, only on weekends.

- On weekends, I also work (here I called him a "workaholic"), but sometimes you really need to sleep. I think it’s better for us to live together: then at night we can meet in any scenario, but while I’m away, you will chat with friends, visit your mother, go to theaters and hang around at the computer ...

The arguments were so logical that I did not find objections.

Actually, I'm not adapted to coexistence: I like to lie around and be silent when I come home from work; I am annoyed by the presence of strangers behind my back when I type articles on the computer; I never cook breakfast, because I have tea for breakfast, and I rarely cook dinner (because I eat only vegetables) ... And I can also not clean the house for a long time.

As it turned out, such a "mismanaged bitch" can only get along with a workaholic: he also comes home from work squeezed like a lemon and wants to keep quiet; he is used to leaving for work early - and therefore he hastily breakfasts himself (I don’t know, by the way, with what); he comes home from work late, and he doesn’t give a damn about how long I’ve been doing cleaning - if only the bed was ready. And we cook dinner together - because you need to communicate once. And tell me, where else can you find a man who will calmly perceive your nightly vigils at the computer ?! And a workaholic - easily. He will sit in another corner of the room with a calculator and will solve his problems: he, you know, "likes to work in my company."

By the way, he now comes home from work at eight instead of eleven, and he stopped calling his colleagues in the middle of the night. "A man," he said, "goes headlong into work if he has nowhere else to go."

Yes, and psychologists say that one of the most common causes of "work addiction" is disorder in personal life. A person does not want to return home - so he sticks out at work.

Excellent student syndrome (type two)

The second common cause of workaholism is the A student syndrome. These children studied well at school because they were praised for their efforts, they went in for sports so that their peers would not tease them, they overcame music school so as not to upset their mother ... In general, they do not believe that life can just get lucky. They do not want to merge into life and love it. They are accustomed to "achieve everything with their own labor" and receive remuneration for this work. They do their best to demonstrate to others that they are ready to take on any task on their powerful shoulders ... In the end, they get confused in these countless tasks, they certainly forget to do something, because of this they are terribly worried in order to "atone for sin" new task... And so on ad infinitum.

Workaholics who have grown from excellent students are an incurable pathology. You can’t cope with it on your own, except perhaps with the help of a psychotherapist who will climb into the depths of the subconscious, pick open the children’s complexes and allow you to get rid of them.

The only thing that can be done is to use male perfectionism for home use. Let him think that in the house without him, no issues can be resolved at all: you are afraid to sleep without him (go to the store, communicate with utilities), the children obey only him ... And the neighbor invited you to the sauna for the weekend. Then the workaholic will begin to work hard on the family front as well. True, there is a danger that, in the end, he will overstrain from excessive workload, earn a stroke, a heart attack, at best, a neurosis. Or start hiding from family problems at work, thus becoming a workaholic of the first type.

Greedy (type three)

Most often he is greedy for money. And plow, plow, plow for the sake of daily bread. This bread does not go down the throat, but he earns and earns everything! There is no longer any strength or time for grain consumption - and he is still working.

This could still be tolerated, but the workaholic begins to reproach the household with this very bread and "then his face." There is only one way to neutralize this disgrace: to work and earn money on your own. Firstly, your husband will have nothing to reproach you with, and secondly, you will show him a clear example of the fact that you can exist quite tolerably without burning out at work.

Greedy is a person who lacked something great in childhood: either he lived in deep poverty and received ridicule from his peers, or his parents did not like him, giving all their mental strength to their younger brother. And now he is trying to compensate for this shortage with the help of money. By and large, there is nothing terrible in this: a person must somehow assert himself, and your workaholic has chosen not to worst way. The main thing - do not let him be approved at your expense.

Perhaps he is not greedy for money, but for work. To be more precise - to glory. He likes that everyone sees how irreplaceable he is, how nothing can be solved without him ... This is all also from a lack of love, which is now compensated by vanity. The workaholic so believed in his own exclusivity that he would not entrust even the most routine matters to either partners or subordinates. And partners and subordinates are so accustomed to this that they have long forgotten how to make independent decisions. Therefore, the greedy workaholic does not go on vacation with his family (he does not go anywhere at all), does not go to the pool (because you cannot take your mobile phone with you into the water), and gives valuable instructions right from the marital bed.

You will not believe, but this dependence is overcome... by sex! Exhaust your loved one to the point of impossibility, inspire him that the bed is his field, that it is here that he will manifest himself as much as possible. Firstly, he will guess that work is not all that he can, secondly, having received the very love that he lacked in childhood, he will get rid of complexes, and thirdly, choosing between work and pleasure, a person (although would in three cases out of 10) prefer pleasure.

The main advantages of a workaholic husband

The main disadvantages of a workaholic husband

• He talks about work all the time. And try to penetrate: sometimes it is interesting.
• He has no time to engage in a family-cultural program (theaters, museums, exhibitions, picnics, etc.). Take care of yourself. Set a date in advance and let him put you and your Mozart in his weekly.
• He has no friends. Only colleagues and business partners. And it's boring.
• His cell phone can ring at the most wrong moment- and you will remain unsatisfied. Of course, he will return later (because he is used to doing any job well) and will take care of your pleasure ... But the mobile phone can again ring at the most inopportune moment.
• In the evenings it is silent and gloomy. Do not pester, feed him - he will start talking (of course, about work!), because he needs to talk to someone.
• He values ​​independence too much. And when you ask him for his opinion about the sheepskin coat that you have your eye on, he will answer something like: "You wear it - you decide!"
• He thinks fast. Therefore, never try to deceive him. And think carefully before you say anything.

How to get along with him

• Rejoice that he is a workaholic and not an alcoholic.
• To create a situation where he will want to go home - maybe he will get rid of workaholic addiction altogether.
• Get more girlfriends with whom you can go shopping, to theaters and to the bathhouse.
• Mind your own business - then you will not have the feeling of a lost and past life.

Yulia Domna, based on materials from the site "AiF Daughters-Mothers".

Discussion

Guys! Hello! Please repost:

Shooting a story about workaholics)

The first hero: he has a working day, like everyone else, from 10 to 19.00. + lunch. But he, arriving at 10, worked until 00.00 without lunch. There is no personal life, and this is AT LEAST. He came to work even with a temperature, always refused to take time off, sick leave, because he really wanted a promotion OR really wanted the company to prosper. So he worked for 3 years. One fine day - a microstroke, an ambulance, and so on. Now almost a disabled person, works at home.

The second hero: there was a family and children, a beloved wife (husband). But he was so fond of work that he did not notice how the hours were running ... in general, the story is similar - day and night at work, until 2, until 3 at night there. Then shower and back. MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE BORDERS DID NOT DEMAND SO MUCH WORK. DID NOT EVEN HINT. Bottom line: the wife (husband) left, was fired from work because the production deteriorated (because the body does not rest), but most importantly, now our workaholic goes to the doctors, because he completely planted his body with cigarettes, coffee and energy drinks.

The third story: the hero is still working for days (we shoot at work). Considers him to be the most important unit in his work environment. The authorities are not against his workaholism, he really brings super profit to the company, but: he has neither a personal life nor friends (for there is no time). Chief friend - mobile phone. Our hero is already on antidepressants and energy drinks, but he believes that this is the norm.

Please respond to people who have encountered this problem

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My husband is a workaholic and an alcoholic. Previously, he worked and drank at work, but now he only works, as he has filed himself. But oddly enough, it didn't get any better. He says that he does it for my son and me, that it is easier for him to adapt without alcohol. And in my opinion, he's just hiding from us at work. We rarely see him. When he comes, we are already sleeping, and when he leaves, we are still sleeping. This is how the days go by. It's so sad when no one is waiting at home. And she herself is waiting for his return from work and almost always in vain. And nothing in this world can lure him home. Because home for him is only to sleep and eat.
A good article, but it says the most important thing, that workaholics don’t even have sex. At least we definitely don’t have any personal life. We don’t go anywhere, we don’t even walk with the child. And we only have sex once a month. This is my limit, my limit and this is all I can count on in this life. And no dinners, no sexy lingerie, no romantic surprises will help, because the husband does not come home on time. And no persuasion, no scandals help ... It's so sad to be completely alone in a family. Because workaholics don't need a family...

my husband does not smoke, does not drink, but he breaks away in bed, he says that he is resting like that, he always wants and when he wants he always demands his own.
besides, very jealous, don’t stay with friends for a long time one prostitute another whore, don’t go there, don’t look at him :), the only joy is shopping and that doesn’t make you happy anymore, after another tantrum, he gave me a car: ((another), worse all in all, I love him very much and respect him as a person, I really miss his attention, now I read what was written, it looks like the nonsense of a stupid girl enraged by fat :(

I never thought that my husband would become a workaholic (have known each other for 6 years, married for 2 years). When we met, for a long time I could not force him to get a job. I, being younger than him and studying at the day time, worked, and he, a correspondence student, spent days on end playing the computer. I remember he got a job as a lawyer for an enterprise with several neglected cases, I offered to stay a couple of weeks to clear the blockage. “I’m leaving 15 minutes later than everyone else,” was the answer. They already say the truth - be afraid of your desires, they can come true. Now our young family is on the verge, my husband has gone to live with his parents. When I started reading the article, I thought that my virtues would somehow console me - nothing like that !!! Most workaholics live in constant stress and relieve it with sports, mine with alcohol and cigarettes. Moreover, he says that he hates his job (law enforcement agencies). The day he comes after eleven, tk. works, and the day after midnight, because resting from work. On Friday - buzzes until the morning, on Saturday a hangover, on Sunday he goes to work. The circle closes. He is always tired, he rests lying on the couch and try to move him from there !!! He listens to my reports about the past day, but thinking about his own. Independence? Oh yeah! My problems and the problems of our family are my problems. He is independent of them. I mainly solve problems, he denies common problems: “I have enough problems at work.”
Money? My God, what a trifle. I also make good money, but due to the lack of time, we can’t even spend it ... We bought an apartment more than a year ago - at first I did the repairs, now I quit - everything has fallen. We live with parents.
Indifference - to life? Yes, mine has it, it's convenient, but for the time being - broken sockets, broken furniture, he also does not notice. Moreover, his father is also a workaholic - he sees everything very vigilantly. His lightly greased oven infuriates him and the crumbs on the table...
Girls, dear, everything is described smoothly in the articles, the share of the wife of a workaholic is not at all easy. In the beginning, you can also hit work, and then, when do you stay to sit with the child? What then?..

I don't get it, what about the kids? how do they understand that dad is constantly at work, they need to play and communicate with them .......

Y menya myg toge trydogolik.Rabotaet kagdyu minyty,energii ctolko,chto y menya yge net sil.On schitaet ras ya sigy doma,to dolgna 24 chasa v sytki rabotat.A y nas 3-x etagnii dom,3 koshki i sobaka. chto prixoditsya kagdii den s tryapkoi begat.A myg delaet tolko to,chto emy dostavlyaet ydovolstvie: Y nego xobby-morskie ribki,garten,esda na velosipede i beg.Vse chto on sarabativaet,yxodit na soderganie doma i ribok.A ya k sogaleniu ne mogy naiti raboty sdes v Germanii,t.k. gdy baby.
Vot i ne radyet menya eta gisn za granicei. Dymau vernytsya v Rossiu.

Oh, and my husband is a workaholic! It is now 21.20, and he sticks out at the "school". As for the fact that there is no time to quarrel with a workaholic, this is a delusion, yesterday they quarreled on the phone at half past one in the morning due to the fact that he would still "sit" a little at work, after all, I already went to bed anyway! Tried to fight different ways, spent more money, he generally stopped appearing at home, made new acquaintances, became jealous even of women, and stuff like that, so we also live abroad and you can’t run away to your mother in a “vest to cry” and daughters are a little over a year now , you sit with her like "bring a dog." But auto-training, that a workaholic husband is better than an alcoholic, helps a lot. And in general, girls, if you don’t touch such men, they even from time to time find time for walks with their families and solving everyday problems, and when he comes home from work with a detached look, and you don’t bother with questions, after having dinner and sitting at the computer for a while, my husband comes out of his office and we can even watch TV together, even now I watch football, specially turn it on and wait for my husband to come out of his "ambush" sometimes.

I also need a workaholic husband. It would be fine for me if he worked hard at work until 11 at night, and in the morning he ran there by 7:30. The main thing is to sleep in the same bed. Then you won’t have time to quarrel with him :)) on the contrary, every day when he accidentally came home earlier is a real holiday! And in general, I respect only those men who love their work.

And my workaholic studies during the day, works in the evenings and weekends. And he loves it! And the fact that he lives in constant stress (and I along with him), he does not seem to notice. To all my attempts to subdue him, he replies: "And I'm like this ..." or "I have already refused so many offers ..." I feel sorry for him, but I don't know what to do.

I read this article and realized: I need a workaholic!

And my workaholic worked so hard that he stopped noticing and understanding me at all. And then he says that our communication is meaningless, some kind of dead end. And I found a girl, a cheerful chirp.

Funny and sad, laughter through tears. Now I’ll read it again, or maybe I’ll print it out, I’ll look at the merits later when I get really sad

Hello!
I never imagined before that it can be so hard with a person for whom work is everything.
And finally, I picked up the exact definition - he is still real
workaholic, after reading the material on the Internet, I was convinced that everything was correct. And the question arises, what should I do, leave everything as it is, I can’t, he says that he wants to earn a lot of money in order to buy a business, and then live and work 6 hours a day.
The situation is this, we meet, and it turns out very rarely if at first he somehow tried to find time. Now it's gotten really bad.
I'd like to hear opinions:
Is it possible to somehow try to cure him of this addiction. Maybe try to live together.
And I would like to hear similar stories, and whether it is possible to live like this and be happy at all.
[email protected]

Yes, I read the article and it even got better, it’s not so bad when my husband is a workaholic, I just couldn’t find the value, now it’s easier, maybe the application of tips will help in life :)

A workaholic is constantly improving, this is the main thing. But do not forget about health (physical and spiritual) is the basis of energy. It is also necessary to have an active rest, for example, Hatha Yoga, skiing, swimming ...., do not go away from reality (drink, smoke, ...) take life as it is, there is a lot of buzz in it ...

In every family there is a breadwinner, and there is a keeper of the family hearth. However, if earlier the husband earned money and spent the whole day at work, and the wife was waiting for him with a hot lunch at any time, today the situation has changed radically, and now the woman earns.

Indeed, it often happens that the main source of income is the work of a woman, and there is nothing left for a man to do but pay more attention to children, housework and home life. Many representatives of the stronger sex consider this situation egregious, but other husbands, on the contrary, take off this unbearable burden of making money from their shoulders and try to relax more.

At first, everything is perfect in such a family, and the husband sincerely enjoys his part-time employment and communication with children, but every day he feels more and more uncomfortable and humiliated. This is not surprising, since a woman who earns money for the family very soon becomes eternally irritated, despotic and demanding, and it turns out that the spouses change roles. She is dissatisfied with everything, and he tries to justify himself and quickly eliminate all the shortcomings.

Henpecked people can live their whole lives under the wing of a powerful wife, but a self-sufficient man experiences an approaching midlife crisis ahead of time, and perceives his woman as an ATM, not noticing her femininity and sexuality. It is possible that she herself deprives herself of these important feminine qualities, since she constantly disappears at work, sometimes simply without thinking about her appearance. If you judge like that, then you can wait for a divorce, but parting is always an extreme measure, so it is very important to come to a mutual compromise and maintain a prosperous family.

If the wife works hard, the task of a loving and caring husband is to remind her that in the world, in addition to the stormy labor activity, there is still a lot of beauty, and family life is ideally full of colors and joyful events.

A workaholic wife is the scourge of our time, since becoming a successful business woman is always prestigious and promising. Women no longer want to wait for the sponsorship of a man, so they try to fulfill themselves and secure a prosperous future for themselves.

So, what should a spouse do in such a delicate situation? There are many ways to reunite the family, the main thing is to set a goal and clearly follow its achievement.

Option one. Make her an offer she can't refuse. To do this, you need to remember that he loves his spouse and put pressure on "weak spots", so to speak. Some are fans of shopping, others love traveling, and still others have long dreamed of visiting an amusement park, but never found the time. So, it's time to set aside at least one day off for the realization of a cherished dream.

Option two. "Get sick." Of course, you should not deliberately infect your body, but it is definitely necessary to pretend to be sick. A caring woman, even the busiest, simply cannot leave a sick person and will definitely take a day off to heal her missus on her own. Thus, you can check the sincerity of her feelings and care, if any, are still present in the soul.

Option three. To ask the wife of the boss with the arguments "For family reasons." And what, this is an option, but the boss, especially if he is also married man, will definitely make concessions in the name of the family, giving an unscheduled day off to such a valuable shot.

Option four. Humble yourself. If a woman works so hard, then you can find positive aspects in such workaholism, for example, a comfortable existence, prosperity and the opportunity to lead a desired lifestyle. Let the wife "plow", and you can entertain your life without her presence.

In general, it is quite possible to get along with a workaholic spouse, the main thing is not to take her work and round-the-clock employment so categorically. It is advisable to find the positive aspects of such a family life and just enjoy your leisure time.

The twenty-first century is, oddly enough, the century of workaholism; moreover, according to statistics, it is the representatives of the weaker sex who work harder. Today, there is only one businesswoman for three businesswomen, which indicates that modern men have become very lazy.

In conclusion, we can only add that work should not be the main meaning of life for a woman, especially if she has children and a husband. If you do not stop in time, then the children will grow up without a mother, and the husband will one day announce his departure to a less busy woman.