The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often complicated by disagreements.
The constant intervention of the mother-in-law in family life son can greatly spoil his relationship with his wife.
For this reason, daughters-in-law often think about how to put the mother-in-law in her place.
How to be happy in family life? Learn about it from ours.
Psychology of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship
True love and mutual respect are found in the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law rare enough.
Even with external friendly communication, these women, as a rule, have a large number of claims against each other.
On the part of the daughter-in-law, a negative attitude towards the mother-in-law can be caused by jealousy, sense of ownership towards her husband or characteristics of a young woman.
But often a bad attitude is formed in response to the negative behavior of the husband's mother.
The main reasons why the mother-in-law can behave aggressively towards the daughter-in-law:
How to communicate with an energy vampire in the family? will prompt you!
What if the husband's mother is..?
The daughter-in-law's behavior strategy directly depends on the nature of the mother-in-law. It is necessary to clearly identify the existing problems and develop a plan of action.
Energetic vampire
Energy vampires replenish the supply of energy at the expense of their interlocutors. During communication, vampires constantly complain about life, talk about their failures and illnesses. They may do it intentionally or unconsciously.
The interlocutors of such people in most cases are included in communication, adopt a negative mood.
The desire to calm the energy vampire or the appearance of irritation in response to his complaints cause a surge of negative energy in the interlocutor. This response energizes and stimulates the vampire.
The best way out of the situation is to stop this "donation".
Necessary Keep contact with your mother-in-law to a minimum.
If this does not work out, you should develop a calm attitude towards the situation. It is important to remain calm during communication, not to worry.
Manipulator
Manipulators seek bend others to your will. Most often this is achieved by developing a sense of guilt in the "victim".
With such behavior of the mother-in-law, it is important to be able to recognize situations in which she uses the current situation to satisfy her interests.
If her manipulations are directed at her husband, it is important to try to open his eyes to the true motives of his mother's behavior and teach him not to fall for her tricks.
If the mother-in-law tries to manipulate the daughter-in-law herself, it is necessary take a defensive stance and in any situation to defend their interests.
selfish
The egoist always cares only about satisfaction of their desires and whims.
The interests of other people do not matter to him.
The best way out in this situation is "mirror" response.
In response to the selfishness of the mother-in-law, it is necessary to develop a similar attitude towards her.
Never give up your plans to please her requests, never change your mind under her pressure.
A woman treats you badly
Daughters-in-law rarely remain indifferent to the current conflict situation. They worry for the following reasons:
Intervenes in the upbringing of children
Often the mother-in-law, as a grandmother, seeks to raise her son's children. The lack of a good relationship with the daughter-in-law can provoke constant conflicts regarding the relationship between the grandmother and the children. Main problems:
Turns your spouse against you
Often mothers-in-law try to get rid of their daughter-in-law through their son. They seek to turn a man against his wife, draw attention to themselves and arrange provocations. Recommendations in such situations:
Gets into a relationship
The mother-in-law intervenes in the relationship, seeking to control her son's life. Also, her intervention may have a specific goal - to spoil the son's relationship with his wife. How to fight7 Recommendations in such situations:
How to properly distribute responsibilities in the family? you will find on our website.
Ruined the family
Marriage is the union of a man and a woman. If a couple, then the reason for the divorce lies not in the behavior of the mother-in-law. A man, respecting and loving his mother, should behave like the head of the family and protect the interests of his wife and children.
A woman must find the strength to show patience, tact and cunning. A bad relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is just one of the many difficulties that couples can face.
If the mother-in-law was able to destroy the family with her actions, then there was no real intimacy, trust and mutual support between husband and wife.
Thus, complicated by a huge number of mutual claims and demands.
Preservation of peace in the family is possible only if all participants in the relationship choose smart tactics. This applies not only to the two women, but also to the cause of their dispute - the man.
How to defeat the mother-in-law? Relationship psychology:
Marriage is not only a relationship between a man and a woman, but also their relationship with children. It is also the relationship with each other's parents. The relationship of wife with mother-in-law, husband with mother-in-law. And the quality of these relationships is of great importance for the happiness of the family. The problem is especially acute if the family lives with the husband's parents, in the mother-in-law's apartment. In this case, it is often simply a matter of family survival. But even if the family lives separately from their parents, you still need to pay great attention to relations with them, to improve them, this will contribute to the strength and well-being of your family.
See the pain and fear of the mother-in-law
There is a widespread idea, especially among young people, that my spouse (husband or wife) is this particular person, outlined by the biological contours of his body. This is an unfortunate mistake. By getting married or getting married, we connect not only with this person, but with a large complex of people and relationships that surround him... Read more
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law: 7 myths
The daughter-in-law is not obliged to obey her mother-in-law, she is an adult and a free person. The mother-in-law, who tries to bend her daughter-in-law under herself, risks ruining relations with her son's family and not seeing her grandchildren. The mother-in-law also thinks that since she “acquired a daughter” in the person of her daughter-in-law, she has the right to tell her what to do. But adult children are not obliged to obey the instructions of their parents, especially not their own. Read more
Need to reconcile with parents
If a couple has a harmonious relationship with the parents of both spouses, this really ensures the well-being of the relationship within the couple to a large extent. Today, future spouses pay little attention to what kind of family their life partner has. All traditional chains, traditional relationships in the family, all the logic of building premarital relationships are forgotten. Read more
Relationship with parents of husband or wife
When living with parents, in general, two situations are possible: young spouses live either with the husband's parents or with the wife's parents. Let's go first to the husband's house, because there we meet with the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, and this is always more interesting. Indeed, these relationships are very complex. Even if it is the most beloved mother-in-law, some kind of friction arises all the time ... Read more
Responsibility is the basis for love in the family
It is necessary initially, when people are already starting some kind of relationship (it doesn’t matter if it’s family relationships with parents or among themselves, or friends, or any other) already take care of these relationships, because everyone understands that if you break a cup or, if it cracks at least, then it can be glued together later, but it will not be whole. It will no longer be so stable: it will fall out there, then the crack will go there again, it is necessary to glue it again. Those. we need to maintain these relationships... Read more
Conflict with father-in-law
There comes a time in every person's life when he realizes that he is not perfect. Some people understand sooner, some later. The fact that I am a bad wife, I learned after 11 years of marriage from my father-in-law. It should be noted that my husband's family was very different from the family of my parents. Looking at my husband's parents and their relationship, I often wondered why these people still live together. The intolerance towards each other was simply unbearable... Read more
Parental Immaturity (Part 1)
I would like to reflect on the emotional maturity of women who focus, often excessively (I use that word without hesitation), on their own children. It is difficult to unequivocally establish whether love pushes a woman to do this or selfishness, intoxication with her feelings. Unfortunately, many women are not emotionally mature, they do not have such wise, foreseeing love. They focus not only on their feelings, but also on short-term sensations, which are for them the only explanation for their behavior. Read more
Parental Immaturity (Part 2)
For a man, women are important element building self-esteem. For him, they are like a mirror in which he examines his masculinity. And the greatest success and at the same time an element that enhances the dignity of a man is the admiration of a woman for his position, actions, achievements, in a word - his masculinity. Read more
Parental Immaturity (Part 3)
A desperate son-in-law threw a wardrobe over the balcony from a high floor only because his mother-in-law bought it, and he did not want to let her furnish his apartment. In no way do I want to justify such behavior. I just want to show that the intervention of parents - even with the best of intentions - in the arrangement of the life of the newlyweds can cause all sorts of negative emotions, especially in a young man who wanted to be the master of the house. Read more
Intervention of parents in the life of the newlyweds
Living with the parents of a wife or husband is always a serious test for a young family. Coercion of newlyweds (even to good ones) is an unacceptable interference in their life, in the life of a family, which should be based on independence, self-government and responsibility for one's own destiny. Coercion is an unacceptable method because, firstly, it is usually ineffective, and secondly, it often causes great tension in the relationship between the newlyweds and parents ... Read more
Living in parents' apartment
The living of young spouses in a common apartment with their parents is unusually dangerous, since it gives rise to the temptation to seek comfort and “ride” on their parents. Without a doubt, this leads to the degradation of the personality of young people who should become mature people. At least in order to become a great example for your children. It's so easy to let mommy help if she wants to. Read more
Together 3 years. I am 23, he is 27. No children. In relations with her husband and mother-in-law, the situation is out of control.
The fact is that I was very jealous of my husband for his mother. When he called her (she lives in another city), he talked for a long time, sent some jokes to social networks. networks, when she affectionately called him, I was directly torn from the inside. But I pulled myself together, tried to analyze, judge soberly - let go.
But last week she came to us for 5 days. Before that, they had not seen each other for 7 months. I was “for”, because I understand with my mind that all this is nonsense, and staying with relatives, where everyone is already sitting on each other’s heads is not an option. And we have a one-room, but large studio. It's my husband's mom. How can you not invite her? Moreover, when we communicate with her on the site, it is a complete delight - an intelligent, calm, wise woman, she seems to have no requests and complaints. Although I don’t have hopes that she loves me like her own, it’s clear that she is trying to treat me well, to take care of me.
She raised him, one might say, alone (she divorced her father when her husband was 12 years old), now she has no one and, as she says, she doesn’t need to. Judging by the stories of her husband, they were quite close: they went on vacation together until the age of 19, walked. So I barely survived this week: I broke down, freaked out, took offense, left home, behaved like a stupid teenager.
As soon as her husband appeared, and she began to lisp with him, give advice on wearing the “right” intimate things, hygiene, tried to feed almost out of her mouth, hug when she tried to show an active interest in what interests him - in me as if a demon was possessed. It seemed to me that she was trying to show her superiority, superiority, that she was closer to him and he should listen to her. For example, I notice that he leaves the house in a T-shirt, I say: “Put on a jacket, it’s cool outside”, she: “Yes, put on a jacket, mom tells you then 10 seconds later adds, and wife.” Or we go shopping: “son, will you sponsor our shopping?”. As if I myself and my husband cannot decide how much money to take from the family budget.
Even her help, such as washing the dishes in our apartment, giving advice or cooking something without my knowledge, preparing breakfast for my husband, is perceived as an attempt to “take away” something important from me, an invasion of personal space. Intellectually, I understand that this is all some kind of madness, that this is a normal relationship between mother and son. It would be much worse if he "sent" her and responded badly. She does not want to offend, humiliate anyone, she just got used to addressing him like that. I understand that it was she who brought him up as a good person, pulled him as hard as she could. I understand that she wants to help me, she doesn’t want to strain me by taking care of herself when she is visiting.
The only problem is me. But why it takes such ugly forms, and how to deal with it, I have no idea. I really need help from the site, until I did trouble, spoiled the relationship with my indignation, dissatisfied face and then my husband's tantrums. I just wanted to stand up and scream, “Enough! This is my husband and I myself am able to take care of him and resolve all issues! We are family with him, accept that he is no longer yours. a little boy and now i have to be main woman in his life!" Today she left and I am extremely ashamed. Such an emptiness inside.
I am absolutely "for" helping her, both material and moral. But again, so that it all goes through our family council. When we decide together what to give, how much money to give, I try to choose the best, I insist on good amounts. When something happens to her, I want to support. But exactly as long as I am not forced out of this "scheme", even if not on purpose. Then I'm just beside myself with rage.
I really want to overcome all this nonsense, I want the family to be friendly, so that in the future my grandchildren will happily wait for their grandmother to visit, and not conflicts and misunderstandings. About myself and the website of my family: my mother died when I was 17 years old, my father got married after that and lives his own life, and he is not disposed to close relationships, he always blames me for everything. My sister lives with her family in another city. There is work, hobbies, but at such moments I cannot distract myself from bad thoughts - it is unbearable.
- Why does a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law develop relationships in one family, and not in another?Often a man unconsciously chooses a wife who looks like a mother, and if the mother is an attentive, kind, affable and hospitable person, then, in general, the wife will be close to this image. And two easy, pleasant people will be able to find a common language. But if she is dominant, if she is used to doing everything as she wants, if she demands that her opinion not only be considered, but strictly followed - of course, a conflict with such a mother-in-law is inevitable. “And here I am!” - Behind this statement is the unwillingness and unwillingness to accept changes either in one's life or in the life of another person. And now imagine that the son brings his daughter-in-law to this mother-in-law, whom he, in turn, chose in the image of his mother. Of course, these two women will not mirror each other, they may have a different level of upbringing, education, a different cultural code - this similarity is conditional. And yet each stands in its own position, each believes that only she is right, each has a lot of claims against the other. And the poor man rushes between them.
The main reason for the conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is the desire of one person for the other to correspond to subjective ideas about him. This is generally the biggest misconception that occurs in relationships between people. For example, a mother-in-law has an image of an ideal daughter-in-law, a daughter-in-law has an image of an ideal mother-in-law. And this discrepancy to the ideal image causes in a person irritation, resistance, and unwillingness to communicate. When a person makes claims to another, first of all it means that he is dissatisfied with himself. Conflicts often arise when a person expects that his partner is capable of a deep understanding of his problems and internal complexities. This is a huge illusion - each person has their own ideas about relationships, and often our expectations do not coincide with reality. From this arise resentment and claims to each other.
We must always remember that each person has a set of the most uninteresting, unsympathetic, incredible qualities. And if the daughter-in-law, entering into a relationship, understands this and recognizes the right of the mother-in-law to be herself and not meet her expectations, then, as a rule, she is not disappointed in relations with her mother-in-law, even if the mother-in-law is a difficult person. And if the mother-in-law understands that the daughter-in-law should not meet her expectations, and removes the claims against her, it will be easier and calmer for everyone. It is not necessary to love your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, but it is important at least not to have internal resentment and irritation, which are an obstacle to a peaceful life in the family.
There are very active mothers-in-law who try to get into all the events of their son's life, even the most insignificant ones: how he dresses, where he goes, what he does. And it is clear that this causes resistance in the daughter-in-law. The son, over the years of his life with his mother, got used to this and developed his own style of behavior - somewhere he evaded, somewhere he obeyed. For the daughter-in-law, this situation is new, and, of course, it irritates and revolts. If the behavior of the mother-in-law hurts, this indicates that the daughter-in-law has an inner readiness to follow her requirements: after all, you want to be good in the eyes of your husband's mother. And this contradiction causes an internal storm. An emotionally mature person knows that he does not have to obey always and in everything. A mother-in-law can want anything, and if her desires coincide with the capabilities of a young family, then they will come true; if not, then the desires will go into the category of unfulfilled. With this position, the behavior of the mother-in-law does not cause a strong surge of aggression and does not affect relations with her spouse.
- If the relationship does not add up and a conflict arises, what does a man feel?
It all depends on the relationship of a man to his mother. Some very painfully perceive the possibility of a certain conflict situation. Others, on the contrary, like it, because they cannot openly express their claims to their mother because of childhood fears, unwillingness to get involved, spoil their mood, and through their wife, who is in conflict with her mother-in-law, they clear their emotional blockages, show that discontent, which mothers would never dare express directly. For example, if a wife does not want to visit her mother-in-law often, with her help he wins back his territory and internally supports her unwillingness to see each other. Moreover, it happens that if the daughter-in-law tries to establish good relations with the mother-in-law, the spouse begins to get angry. The daughter-in-law tries to somehow reconcile them in order to minimize the mother-son conflict, and the husband, on the contrary, provokes it.
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The mother-in-law is also not always ready to understand that the son has already grown up, that he has his own family and it would be nice if his life improved. Against this background, the mother-in-law begins to get sick (not on purpose, it all happens unconsciously), because everything that happens in her son's life does not meet her expectations: his family is not like that, and his wife is bad. Manipulation begins through claims and accusations. And this desire of the mother-in-law to penetrate into someone else's life, control it and by any means force other people to do what she wants, at a deep level is much more important for her: after all, this raises her own status and significance. But if the mother-in-law really wishes the son well, it is important not to invade his family relationships and show respect for the boundaries of his personal life.
- Can the mother-in-law influence the disintegration of the family and, conversely, its unity?
Of course, it depends on the person and on his internal motivation. For example, a dominant woman, who is used to having everyone in her family obey her, suddenly felt that her daughter-in-law did not match her son. Suppose she expected her son to choose a wife from a good family, with a certain position, and the choice of her son did not live up to her expectations. The mother-in-law cannot come to terms with this situation, her inner motive begins to control her, unconsciously she begins to undermine the relationship between her son and daughter-in-law - she makes some remarks, reproaches, expresses her displeasure to the daughter-in-law in the eyes, begins to incite her son: “I told you that she’s not like that, just look - Vasya’s wife does this, and that, and yours is such and such.
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However, it also happens that no most evil mother-in-law can destroy strong family- and vice versa, the most wonderful mother-in-law cannot save the family if it breaks up.
If a good relationship has developed with the mother-in-law, is it still necessary to keep a distance, realizing that the mother-in-law is not a mother? Is it possible to discuss her husband with her, as with a girlfriend?
Sometimes the relationship with the mother-in-law is warmer and more trusting than with your own mother. And the mother-in-law can understand and support you better than your closest friend. But here it is important to understand that no matter how well she treats her daughter-in-law, a son is a son. Even if you express your dissatisfaction with her son, you need to spare her maternal feelings. It also happens that after the breakup of the family, the daughter-in-law and mother-in-law support warm relationship and help each other.
If initially the relationship with the mother-in-law did not work out, is it worth trying to fix them, can they get better over the years?
Of course they can. If the daughter-in-law has a healthy, adult position in relation to the mother-in-law, if she is clearly aware that her mother-in-law is not her girlfriend, not her mother, if she is not deceived in her expectations in relation to the mother-in-law, and the behavior of the mother-in-law does not hurt her emotions, over time, such a humane position leads to the fact that the mother-in-law changes her negative attitude to a positive one. Children grow up, the family does not fall apart, the mother-in-law sees that her son is happily married, and over the years becomes attached to her daughter-in-law. Often these relationships develop into completely healthy ones.
About the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, they compose songs, make films and stage performances. Thousands of new families are created every day. And almost every family has the same problems: "intolerable mother-in-law."
Notice they don't say "intolerable daughter-in-law." Because it is in the hands of the daughter-in-law that the well-being of the family hearth lies. It depends on the daughter-in-law how her relationship with her mother-in-law will develop. In all this, the main thing is not to start a conflict from the first day of acquaintance. To avoid this, we have written this article especially for you. So, how to fix a broken relationship with your mother-in-law
2 main rules for the daughter-in-law:
1. First What a daughter-in-law needs to understand in her relationship with a "difficult mother-in-law" is that the mother-in-law is not fighting with her, but for the place that the daughter-in-law now occupies in her son's heart. Previously, his mother was the main woman in his heart, now his wife. No need to try to replace your husband's mother, take your place in his life, the place of your wife.
2. Second, do not forget, constant complaints to your husband about your mother-in-law, her words and behavior negatively affect your relationship with him, but not his relationship with his mother. If you manage to build a relationship with your mother-in-law, you will see how your husband will breathe a sigh of relief (he may even tell you about it). After all, he is also a man, and it was also hard for him all this time that you were fighting.
The main misconception of daughters-in-law is that we all believe that now all the attention and love of her husband is devoted only to us, and mother is left in the past. The son grew up, and now he has new woman in life. ALWAYS put yourself in the shoes of your mother-in-law! After all, it was this woman who raised the man you fell in love with and married.
golden mother in law
- If you live in different apartments. Of course, living in the same territory will affect your relationship with your mother-in-law in the most unfavorable way. This has been verified many times over by the experience of many families. Well, what to do, because sometimes a young family has nowhere else to go, except to the parental home.
With rare exceptions, living in the same apartment, you will live together. Because it's at least 2 housewives in the kitchen, different eating habits, their own cleaning schedules.
Agree, sometimes, after 6 days of work, you want to come home and hang out a little, put your feet up on the sofa, and watch a couple of episodes of your favorite series, and postpone the cleaning until Sunday morning. But the mother-in-law may not appreciate such behavior and consider you a slut, a lazy person, etc.
- She still has children. You will undoubtedly be lucky if your husband is not the only child of his mother. It's even better if he has a sister. Then his mother will be more tolerant and restrained, since she is both mother-in-law and mother-in-law at the same time.
- If your mother-in-law is a mega busy person. She has her own business or she is always passionate about her favorite activities. In this case, she simply will not have time to think about making comments to you. She is more likely to bore you with her stories about hobbies or work, but not because Olezhik has a dirty shirt or that you swaddle her grandson incorrectly.
If you have such a mother-in-law, then congratulations. You are very lucky! Further, the information in the article is not for you, but for those who do not have a mother-in-law, but a monster.
There may be difficulties if:
- You and your husband live in the same apartment as your mother-in-law.
- Your husband only child in family.
- Your husband is a late and long-awaited child.
- Mom raised and raised him alone, working 3 jobs.
- The mother-in-law is retired and has no hobbies or hobbies.
From the first acquaintance, find out from the mother-in-law how she wants you to call her: by her first name, patronymic (most priority), “mother”, or just Lena, as well as “you” or “you”. For some moms, this can be a matter of principle.
How to live with mother in law
1. Politeness kills on the spot. Do not fall for provocations, always be polite and tactful.
2. Find common interests. Yes, sometimes it can be difficult to do this because of the difference in age, life principles, etc. But it's worth a try! Maybe your mother-in-law does not accept being treated like a person from the last century. Maybe she wants to be on par with the youth: she likes to shop, watch modern sitcoms, go to trainings or do yoga, etc. Invite her to the theater, go shopping or go to the spa together. After all, she is also a woman and nothing feminine is alien to her.
3. Never complain about your mother-in-law to your husband! It's hard for him to take sides. Even if she was a bad mother and their relationship with her son was not always perfect, he will still love her, just like your child loves you. He will try to stay neutral, but he will eventually break down, and this will reflect on your relationship with him, and not on his relationship with his mother.
Even if the husband himself does not speak flatteringly about his mother, most often he does not allow other people to do this, even his beloved wife.
It is even more dangerous to put a husband before a choice: either I, or your mother. One woman raised him for 30 years, invested her soul, and he loves the other with all his heart. A man can have many wives, but only one mother. This is only your war with her, and the main weapon in it is your cunning!
In the family of my friend, maman did not calm down in any way that SOMEONE took her son away. She went to any lengths: she imitated migraines, fainting, seizures, in general, she did everything so that only her son would jump home. And what?! In the end, this solid, successful uncle in his profession returned to his mother under the wing, and the relationship broke down.
Even if you rarely communicate with your mother-in-law, still call her, take an interest in her affairs. Briefly tell your news, ask her more.
Remember the main rule: everyone loves talking about themselves!
Invite her to dinner or for a walk, of course she is unlikely to agree, but you can safely say to your husband that you are calling his mother, you are interested in her affairs, you invite her to visit. And the next time she complains to her son about how ungrateful and generally a bitch you are, her husband will understand that this is not so, because you were the first to make contact. 1:0 in your favor!
4. Mothers-in-law, who had their golden boy “torn off from their breasts”, endure it very hard when they cease to be needed by their already adult son. And then there was some girl who got him hooked. Therefore, the main disarming effect in this situation will be that you show her that she is not abandoned and is not indifferent to you. Call her yourself: for her birthday, before her arrival, or just for advice on what to buy her father-in-law for her anniversary. It doesn't cost you anything, but she enjoys it.
5. Don't form a coalition with the sister of the husband or the wife of the husband's brother, against the unbearable mother-in-law. Here the situation is unstable and can turn against you. Of course, you can, occasionally, discuss the stories of Elena Pavlovna, but do not build joint plans for ignoring or revenge.
6. Praise your mother-in-law and/or her son more often. It seems that you have nothing to thank her for, because you still have to look for such a vixen! Let your praise be even in small things, for example, “it’s probably thanks to Olezhik’s mother that she cooks pilaf so tasty” or “if it weren’t for Elena Pavlovna, I wouldn’t have guessed that I needed to take a spare suit for my son on the road.” Even though it will be hard for you to say all this. Grit your teeth, smile at her, praise her. In the end, this way you will feel better that you have not spoiled your mood again.
7. Compliment your mother-in-law more often. Even if here it seems to you that she did not deserve compliments for her boorish behavior. This will discourage her. The more often you practice this, the faster you will learn to compliment her with ease, and as a result you will get a good attitude towards you and approval of your relationship.
You can compliment her salad or the delicious tea she treated you to last time, or how beautiful her hairstyle looked at the wedding, how did she achieve such a hair color ?! In general, think! This is your weapon in the program to strengthen family relationships.
Even if the relationship has already deteriorated for initial stage, it's never too late to pull yourself together, bite the bullet, forget your principles for 5 minutes, call and ask your mother-in-law "where did she buy that coffee", even if you hate coffee.
8. Don't complain about your mother-in-law's husband. Thus, you convey to her the information "you raised a worthless man."
9. Do not involve children in conflict. Children are children. It's not their fault that you are fighting with their grandmother. And even more so, they do not understand why they should communicate less with her. Even if the relationship is unbearable, do not forbid children to communicate with their grandmother. In addition, the mother-in-law will be pleased if the grandson comes to her and says that he drew this drawing for her, and his mother helped him (of course, if there is no devil on wheels).
10. But you don’t need to be too frank with your mother-in-law. If the relationship deteriorates, all knowledge about you will turn against you and will be used by the mother-in-law on the battlefield.
11. Be wise, tolerant, cunning and learn to compromise. Help the mother-in-law in something, for example, take her from the hospital or help with seedlings in the country. Good deeds cheer you up, besides, perhaps someday you will need her help. But you don't have to sacrifice your interests either. Learn to tactfully and politely refuse if you really feel uncomfortable helping her at the moment.
12. Avoid getting personal and conflict situations generally. Grit your teeth, agree, agree that you are a worthless woman, this will discourage the mother-in-law. She simply will not continue the argument, as she will be disarmed.
13. In no case do not interfere with your husband's communication with his mother. Do not dictate to him when and how much he should communicate with her. Remember: Mom is Mom. Parents are not chosen.
By accepting a husband, you accept his entire family: mom, dad, grandmother, brothers, etc.
Golden rules to help you build a relationship with your mother-in-law.
What if I do not want to communicate with my mother-in-law. More on that in the next video!
