Alas, not everyone gets temperamental and romantic macho. Most men are quite cold emotionally. The severity of his gaze, he will not smile once again, the last time, perhaps, he uttered them when he made a marriage proposal.
But no matter how cold your iceberg man is, he is still your favorite person. And first of all, it is worth understanding why he is so poor in emotions. The reasons for the external coldness of a man can be ... well, at least 5!1. Temperament is
He is reserved and calm in almost any situation. It's hard to get him out of it. He is practical and smart and does not consider it necessary to waste himself on unnecessary emotions. He will never hit the table with his fist in a fit of anger. And only a heavy silence can betray his anger. He can love with all his heart perfectly and secretly.
He does not like to admit his weaknesses and often makes high demands on those around him. Strict, but fair, kind, but stingy with emotions - opposite qualities can surprisingly coexist in him. Do not forget that everyone loves as best he can. A phlegmatic nature can both repel you with external coldness, but also interest you in your own, as it may turn out later, rich inner world!
What to do: in this case, almost nothing. Just accept it the way it is and continue to love. After all, each of us has his own temperament. Well, you got such a snowman man. Show emotions for two.
2. Burnt in milk
Perhaps he was once a wonderful, sweet, open and generous guy with emotions. But then an evil, insidious "predator" came in the form of a girl of heavenly beauty and (left, deceived, betrayed, humiliated). This is how a wonderful kind guy turned into a harsh, cold monster, who now considers it his duty to put all representatives of the "predatory sex" in their place. Only the chosen one can change this stereotype in his head, and then if he himself wants it.
What to do: patience and only patience. And in no case do not give up, even if at some point it seems to you that you are hitting a wall. Only your warmth, care and love will eventually help him realize that your feelings are sincere. And then he can open up.
3. Greetings from childhood
In many ways, the attitude of a man to a girl depends on how he was raised. Maybe he just did not have a positive example of attitude towards a woman. Maybe he just doesn't know how to express his emotions. Like a schoolboy who pulls a classmate by the braids is proof of crazy love. The boy grew up, but he did not learn how to express deep emotions normally. The situation is similar to the attitude of men towards dancing - “I don’t know how, therefore I won’t dance.” The same thing can happen with emotions. But, after all, it is quite possible that if a person is restrained, then there is something to restrain.
What to do: Become an example for him. Do what you would like him to do or say. And most importantly, do not demand and do not expect responses or emotions from him. After all, the stone wears away the water. Seeing the manifestation of your feelings, he may begin to show them himself. And at this moment it is important to evaluate his words (by a show of tenderness or a kiss), so that he understands how pleasant and dear you are to what he says or does.
4. Indifferent
Things are worse if he was completely different before - emotionally open, sharing personal experiences, spending free time with you, and even when he was very busy, he managed to write SMS. And now it's been changed? Maybe he just doesn't care about you? And he no longer wants to take part in the exchange of positive emotions? Perhaps he just became indifferent to you?
What to do: in this case, it's time to save the family. And there are many options here. First of all, it is worth talking frankly in order to understand the reasons for alienation. But do not build a conversation on the principle: "it's his own fault", trying to hang all the sins on him. Also, maybe you need to change something in yourself, get carried away with something, in a word, somehow interest a man, surprise him.
5. The reason is not in him
And in whom? Yes, in ourselves! Sometimes the level of our emotions just rolls over, not everyone can stand it. If you every 10 minutes; does not call Pusey, Kitty, Bunny, Kukusik; does not want, embracing, to look; does not respond to another tearful tantrum and does not run on demand to fulfill your whim, there is a high probability of its absolute adequacy. It is quite possible that he is just a normal and mentally healthy man, therefore he gives out impulses of tenderness in a dosed, masculine way.
What to do: just understand that all the disadvantages of his coldness are offset by a high degree of your emotionality. In the end, you are a harmonious couple - ice and fire, which means you complement each other perfectly.
cold star
Among the famous iceberg men, the cold Hollywood star - Keanu Reeves - shines brightly. The press often focuses on its mysteriousness and secrecy. A photo of "sad Keanu Reeves" a few years ago caused a storm of emotions around the world. He does not flicker at social events at all, and in rare interviews he is completely laconic.
Such secrecy and detachment are explained by many by the tragic circumstances of his life more than 10 years ago. Died in 1993 best friend actor - River Phoenix. In 1999, he and his lover Jennifer Syme did not become happy parents, their long-awaited child was born dead. And after a year and a half and herself. Until now, 41-year-old Reeves lives the life of an inveterate bachelor and devotes a lot of time to work. Apparently, no one has yet succeeded in melting the ice in the heart of this man. It is noteworthy that the name of the actor in translation from Hawaiian means "cool mountain breeze."
External coldness is often a defensive reaction. Of course, you can find out what this fortress is protected from and how to find the key to it if you wish. The path to the heart lies in this case through common interests, trusting relationships, and mutual interest in each other. Only love and warmth can melt the ice, although this takes time.
It seems that only yesterday you felt like a real princess from a fairy tale, enjoyed life and the hugs of a loved one, and today you feel only coldness, alienation and pessimism.
Why does this happen in relationships? How to return the former fairy tale, love, trust and passion? If there are no good reasons for a divorce, then psychologists call a similar period in a couple's relationship “cold”. It is characterized precisely by all of the above: a lack of interest in each other, apathy, discontent, dissatisfaction and a desire to drop everything and slam the door. The only explanation for this situation is the fading of feelings. And if they are not rehabilitated at this stage, then later they can no longer be saved, and then a break is inevitable.
Similar relationships can develop in people who live in civil marriage, because their relationship is frozen at this stage; in lovers who see no reason to move on; in a family where there is a love triangle or no children. Remember that absolutely all relationships should develop, improve and give love and joy to both. Otherwise, only anger, discontent, stress and depression await you.
If it has already happened that there is some kind of alienation between you, feel free to go on a joint journey. You can take a trip to places you remember or visit the country where you spent your honeymoon. Visit your favorite places, remember the history of your acquaintance, try to smile more and enjoy every minute spent together. This is to allow your feelings, even if not by much, but to return to the original.
To avoid in your life together In such a situation, use the following tips for prevention.
Say no to boredom!
Do not degrade and do not turn into a boring couple. Do not stay at home, get out with friends to the cinema, theaters, museums and just for walks in the park. Invite guests to your house, have fun parties, avoid routine in every possible way. As often as possible, go to the places where you first met, kissed, confessed your love to each other.
Arrange your little holidays: First Kiss Day, First Sex Day, Dating Day and so on. To some, all this may seem banal, but in fact, such things bring additional colors, emotions and sensations to the relationship. It is never superfluous to say “I love” to each other and give one more kiss.
Don't get hung up
Never dwell on an existing problem. Men less dramatically and painfully experience some discord in relationships. They go completely to work. Therefore, try to transfer all your discontent, negative emotions and experiences into sports, music, reading, drawing - everything that can bring you pleasure and make you forget about existing problems at least for a short time. Force yourself to look for the beautiful and positive in the things and people around you.
Give affection
If possible, give each other caresses, kisses and hugs. Touch your man as often as possible. And no matter what you touch: with your palm to your face or lips to your hair, it can even be more emotional than, say, sexual intercourse. Speak tender words to him more often and tell him how proud you are of him.
And another tip - never punish your man with a lack of intimacy. This can make him look for sex on the side, and then the family will collapse for sure.
Be Diverse
A girl should always be mysterious, different all the time and have her own zest. Change your image, experiment with makeup, hair and clothing styles. Do not forget to ask your loved one what he likes in your image, how he would like to see you.
And you're so cold
Like an iceberg in the ocean
And all your sorrows
Under dark water
Alla Pugacheva. Iceberg
Coldness as a quality of personality - a tendency to extreme restraint in the manifestation of feelings, to a passionless, indifferent, insensitive attitude towards someone or something; lack of ardor, passion, warmth.
There lived a husband and wife. They lived happily ever after for many years. Raised two daughters. The daughters grew up, got married and went to different cities, but they did not forget their parents: they always called them, congratulated them on the holidays, sent gifts. The parents grew old and the day came when the mother died. The father was left alone. It became unbearable for him to live alone. Then he decided to sell all his property and move to one of his daughters. No sooner said than done. A father came to visit his eldest daughter. She received him well. The old man cheered up, for the first time after the death of his wife began to smile, fiddling with his grandchildren. But his joy did not last long, he got tired of his daughter: she began to reproach him, stopped caring for him. The old man began to yearn, and began to leave the house in the morning. He puts on his coat and hat in the morning and sits on a bench near the house all day long. Why are you wearing a hat and coat in the summer? All the neighbors are laughing! - the eldest daughter was angry. And her father answered her sadly: "Cold words freeze even in summer." So some more time passed, and one fine day a car drove up to the house. The youngest daughter got out of the car, saw her father on the bench and rushed to hug him: - Dad, I came for you. You lived a little with your sister, now let's go to us. We missed you, your grandchildren always ask when grandfather will arrive. The old man was delighted, ran home, quickly packed his things and returned. The eldest daughter, delighted that her father was leaving, went out to see him off. My father took off his coat and hat and was about to get into the car when she came up and asked: - That was all in a coat and hat, but then he took it off. Look, no matter how cold it is on the road. “I’m not afraid of a cold,” my father answered with a smile, “cold words freeze even in summer, and warm words warm in winter.”
Coldness is too far a distance for a relationship built on love. Love has the opposite azimuth from distancing. Coldness, like a stern watchman, does not let anyone into the soul. Perhaps it was the result of a chain of disappointments in the past or the fear of becoming a "target" of interpersonal relationships. Coldness is afraid to reveal his feelings, avoids words of love, sometimes avoids intimate relationships, is not inclined to make compliments, ask for forgiveness.
So that coldness does not reign in relations, a man and a woman should not part for a long time. If one of the family leaves for a month, it is dangerous. If for two months it is very dangerous. If by three, it can be disastrous, a man, for example, may no longer return. Both of them may not want to be together at all. A person might think why we were together at all. After a long separation, it takes some getting used to. jerky movements can further increase the distance.
As a rule, a massive “body” of egoism tries to hide behind coldness, she is comfortable, because a loved one is trying to awaken sensitivity, tenderness and softness in her. This can be done if you know how to give love. Coldness does not refuse to accept love, but in terms of bestowal she is a miser, which one still needs to look for. You need a huge supply of patience and love to live in harmony with the coldness. L. Shchegolkova writes: “It has been proven by more than one generation of women that you can live with any man, even sometimes you manage to achieve happiness for yourself. By cultivating your patience, the ability to forgive and accept him as he is, you risk being canonized during your lifetime. However, is the game worth the candle? If you ever decide to have children, then along with your beautiful eyes and his reliability, his coldness may also be transmitted to the child. Transmitted, of course, not by genes, but by upbringing, but this will not change the essence of the matter. In addition, you will have to "work for two" and replenishing the emotional supply of your couple threatens with emotional burnout, only if you suddenly did not purchase a perpetual motion machine somewhere at a sale. After all, emotional stinginess is a serious problem that often calls into question the relationship itself. However, if you are sure that your love is mutual and comes disinterestedly from the heart, then you always have a chance to fix everything. And if you don’t have such confidence, then emotional coldness ceases to be the number one problem. ”
To break through the ice blockade to the heart, you need not a crowbar, but the warmth of your heart. Ice will melt under the influence of heat, coldness can be broken into small fragments with a crowbar, without reaching the desired goal. Reproaches and reproaches for coldness never work, they only increase the distance in the relationship, pushing it to the extreme - complete indifference.
On the scale familiarity - indifference, coldness is somewhere in the middle. Indifference, as an inability to love, as a burnt out soul, is a pole to which improperly built relationships can lead. From coldness to indifference, a well-trodden road. It is worth connecting your egoism, and in an instant you will rush to the pole of "permafrost" - indifference. Therefore, if you decide to live with coldness, tell her that you love her for who she is. And she, for sure, will gradually begin to melt, relax, exhale. The ice sheet will fall. Tension will be replaced by trust, and the emotional distance between you will be reduced. You will approach the area where the sacred, the intimate and the intimate are hidden.
Only unconditional love affects the transformation of coldness. Relationships in the mode “You tell me - I tell you, but first you do it” do not work with coldness. Selfish, selfish relationships will only expand the permafrost zone in relationships with each other. From coldness it is futile to expect guessing your desires and intentions. What it is not capable of, it is not capable of. It’s better to explain in a kind, gentle tone that you like to hear not just the phrase: “I thought about you,” but with the addition of the word “beloved.” Gradually, from the vocabulary of Ellochka - a cannibal, he will move on to the vocabulary of a person familiar with feelings and emotions. Turning a cold person into a sensitive one is an impossible task, but steps in this direction are promising. The choice and business is yours.
In interpersonal relationships, it is effective to move with benefit, to stop with harm. It is necessary to explain to the adherent of coldness that every vicious quality of personality is directly related to certain diseases. Coldness is no exception. It is fraught with the following consequences for the body: kidney problems, heart pain, depression, fatigue, bodily weakness, hypotension, respiratory diseases, tightness and rheumatism.
Petr Kovalev 2013
There is a translated and voiced video on the Gloomy Voice YouTube channel that should explain where the coldness between partners comes from and how to deal with it.
At the beginning of a relationship, we are filled with love for each other, but over time, for some reason, feelings fade away. We begin to appreciate the work more, checking the phone while our partner is talking, skipping over how his day went by. For all this, there is a popular superficial explanation - they say, people sooner or later begin to annoy each other. But close acquaintance with something or someone does not always mean that fatigue will come.
There is another explanation for the "cooling" in relations - on the one hand, more gloomy, but at the same time more encouraging. You just need to accept that the loss of interest is a natural and inevitable process. Boredom exists because it hides something more complex and more active. For example, our partner hurt us, made us angry, or scared us in some way. And then we simply did not find easy way tell him and yourself about it.
Withdrawal is a veiled emotional distress. Just a way to cope. You have to fight the feeling that your partner is a monster and you are a weakling. loving person- the creature is very vulnerable, this must be reckoned with. It is best to think of a lover as a child - no wiser or more experienced. After all, our ideas and dreams are still guided by these youthful impulses. Even if we have grown under two meters and are close to having children ourselves.
Popular
Trifling grievances, which by adult standards are not worth a penny, cause a real flurry of emotions in such a vulnerable person with childish reactions. This must be kept in mind. As a result, distance becomes a logical defensive reaction, because we do not want to look ridiculous and are afraid to show our childish nature. This is where the cold comes in.
What to do? Get used to the idea that adult rules do not apply to love relationships, and try to speak directly when something excites you and does not suit you. Even if you are afraid to sound ridiculous and infantile. Mutual understanding and forgiveness are key elements of a relationship, and each partner should be aware of when the other has a moment of distress, as described above. If suddenly minor disagreements arise in a relationship that devour them, a constructive dialogue should help fix everything. You don't have to pretend that you don't care if you're hurt. You need to be honest with each other and yourself and understand each situation, then no "cooling" in the relationship can be expected.
