Surely each person has his own list of words and deeds that in no case can be forgiven to anyone. But love and close relationships often force us to reconsider our principles, and sometimes even change them.
Being in love sometimes closes a woman's eyes to the ugly male actions of her partner, often forcing her to forgive what, in general, should not be forgiven.
So, what actions and words can never be forgiven even to a beloved man?
Treason
On the topic of unforgivable betrayal, the opinions of women and men unanimously agree in their majority - you can’t forgive betrayal! In treason, several negative points are collected - this is the pain from realizing the deceit of a loved one, hatred of betrayal, and intolerance from the thought that he was close to another woman, this is the torment from the fact that someone broke into the close world of your relationship with a partner more, soiling and defiling the Temple of your love.
Sometimes even a very strong person cannot forgive betrayal, and the fact of betrayal can simply trample a weak, sensitive person.
Forgive the changer?
Of course, everyone decides for himself. But remember that to forgive is not to live the rest of your life with a person under the yoke of suspicion, pain and this resentment. To forgive betrayal is to let go of the situation, completely clear your heart of resentment and start life from scratch, never returning to the past. See also: How to respond to his betrayal?
The man raised his hand to the woman
The sad statistics that psychologists provide indicate that the fact of the first case when a man raises his hand to a woman soon becomes part of his rule of communication with a partner.
A man by nature is very strong, and he is able to protect his loved ones, as well as refrain from excessive emotionality and aggression. A strong man will never allow himself to humiliate a loved one.
The one who raised his hand against a woman is a creature with an unbalanced psyche, who can easily do it for the second and tenth time, each time getting more and more excited and using more and more sophisticated methods of humiliating his wife.
man beating children
Until the debate about whether physical punishment children, or it is not permissible, those men who do not have the right to be called men, dissolve their hands in relation to their children, explaining this with fatherly love and the desire to raise good people out of them.
The highest role of a mother is to protect her children from all the cruelties in this world. So is it worth it to forgive a person who regularly tortures your flesh and blood? Is your love for your husband or the habit of living with him together worth all the humiliation, physical and moral pain of your child?
Lie
Whatever the male lie - small or big - it can be a serious obstacle to this couple's path to happiness. As a rule, it is a small lie that undermines relationships - every day, bit by bit, suddenly growing into a snowball over time, which can no longer be moved aside.
A lie of a man is a serious reason to doubt his feelings and sincerity. Relationships are built on trust, if there is no trust, there will be no love.
Public words of insult against a woman
Dirty words spoken by a man in public should not be forgiven him. If a man suddenly begins to share the intimate secrets of your relationship with friends, criticize you rudely, utter obscene expressions against you - this is a serious reason to reconsider relations with him.
In no case should a man forgive such behavior - unless, of course, you want to remain humiliated and insulted all your life, and possibly even beaten, in public.
Disrespectful attitude towards women
“That blonde has a superfigure, and after giving birth you blurred like a cow”, “Yes, where do you care about this woman, you don’t know how to cook”, “My ex kept order, but you always have a mess” - and they continue comparing you with all the women on Earth, of course, is not in your favor. Should this be forgiven?
Respect is one of the pillars on which Love stands. There is no respect for you - and this love becomes "lame", or maybe it does not exist at all. Most likely, comparing with other women, humiliating you, makes a man feel the pain of his own EGO. Do you really need this weakling?
Male laziness
How often in life we see families in which a woman is “I am a horse, I am a bull, I am both a woman and a man”, and the man lies down on the couch, finding endless excuses for his passivity ...
Such a man does not look for an additional opportunity to earn money, he does not try to solve financial crises in the family, he does not do any household chores. The most favorite activities of such a man are watching TV programs, lying on the couch, meeting friends in a garage or a beer bar, fishing, eternal smoke breaks ...
Are you sure that at the moment when you are suddenly unable to provide for your family and do all the housework, your man will take over the solution of problems? So whether it is necessary to put up with his passivity today - the answer is quite obvious.
The greed of a man
It is very difficult for a woman to feel loved and desired if her man is tight-fisted in gifts and purchases. In such couples, constant friction arises over allegedly excessive spending by the wife and children. A woman in such a pair is unlikely to receive chic gifts, and bouquets for her, if they are bought, then only on the basis of the principles of economy - cheaper, discounted.
It will be very difficult for any woman to come to terms with such a situation, if she has not completely given up on her life. And is it necessary to forgive a man for greed?
Insulting your relatives
If a man sincerely loves you, he will never stoop to insult your parents, children from a previous marriage, brothers, sisters, etc.
According to many people, in no case should you forgive your man the words of insulting relatives - even if they were uttered in a temper, and you should not forgive his ugly actions towards relatives.
Bad habits of a man
In no case should a woman put up with the most common bad male habits - alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling. A man who seeks solace in these manias of his does not really love you - these passions replace love for him. Although he may swear eternal love for you - but how, it is very convenient for him to return after a night of drinking or after major losses to the house, where he will be fed, calmed down, caressed.
Alcoholism, gambling, drug addiction can not be forgiven a man!
Male egoism and egocentrism
Your man speaks only about himself, attributing all family achievements to his person. He is ready to go on vacation to the country he chooses, it is he who decides which friends to be friends with you, and which ones should forget the way to your house.
A selfish man constantly wants attention to his person, but is very stingy to give attention to his companion or children.
Forgiving male egoism and resigning herself to this state of affairs, a woman a priori assigns herself secondary roles in his life. But wait, where is the love here?
When you grow up, you don't let girls treat you the way they did when you were younger. Disrespect for you remains in the past and all these unhappy relationships are on the verge. When you are an adult man, then you need to immediately upset a woman and twist it into a ram's horn, if she allows herself something that should not be.
The girl behaves the way you let her. Will she test you for character and balls? Of course, more than once.
1. The betrayal of the girl and the choice
Does a girl choose between you and someone else? So she does not love anyone, and no one really likes. The girl chooses with whom she will be better based on the maximum benefit. Who can give her as much as possible. But here the conversation is not about love, but material wealth and commercialism. Do you need it? Find a normal girl who will love and idolize you.
The girl set her horns and asks for forgiveness? Betrayal cannot be forgiven in any case. No matter how much you love. Throw to hell before you stain your name and your family.
2. Women's manipulations
This is the most popular game of a woman in a relationship. The girl begins to achieve what she wants using manipulation. Cheap play on emotions, moral pressure, threats of parting, deprivation of sex, demonstration of resentment, forcing with tears, categorical ultimatums, involvement of relatives and friends. A girl should be put down and ignored until she understands or you find a better chick.
3. Prohibitions and control
The girl starts to forbid the man to do what he wants? Don’t be friends with those, don’t go there, then don’t do it. Do as I said. An adult man will not tolerate such tricks and will put the girl in her place. Slavery has long been abolished, and the girl does not have the moral right to forbid something to a mature and wise man.
4. Comparison with others
A girl can compare you to other guys or her exes. Sometimes girls compare with their girlfriend's husband, reproaching you for a low salary, lack of press, or a small “friend”. A man does not have to endure this. You should find another girlfriend and let the girl go to hell.
5. Disrespect for a man
The girl is disrespectful to the man. She constantly criticizes and makes fun of him. The girl swears in the presence of strangers and expresses her displeasure. The girl treats the man's family badly. Such a girl has beguiled the shores and you need to get rid of her immediately.
When you grow up, relationships follow your rules, not women's. If a girl does not suit you, then it is very easy to replace her. Now there are so many girls that with your experience, lassoing a good and young female is not a problem. Are you a real man?
Surely each person has his own list of words and deeds that in no case can be forgiven to anyone. But love and close relationships often force us to reconsider our principles, and sometimes even change them. Being in love sometimes closes a woman's eyes to the ugly male actions of her partner, often forcing her to forgive what, in general, should not be forgiven. So, what actions and words can never be forgiven even to a beloved man?
Treason
On the topic of unforgivable betrayal, the opinions of women and men unanimously agree in their majority - you can’t forgive betrayal! In treason, several negative points are collected - this is the pain from realizing the deceit of a loved one, hatred of betrayal, and intolerance from the thought that he was close to another woman, this is the torment from the fact that someone broke into the close world of your relationship with a partner more, soiling and defiling the Temple of your love. Sometimes even a very strong person cannot forgive betrayal, and the fact of betrayal can simply trample a weak, sensitive person.
Forgive the changer?
Of course, everyone decides for himself. But remember that to forgive is not to live the rest of your life with a person under the yoke of suspicion, pain and this resentment. To forgive betrayal is to let go of the situation, completely clear your heart of resentment and start life from scratch, never returning to the past. See also: How to respond to his betrayal?
The man raised his hand to the woman
The sad statistics that psychologists provide indicate that the fact of the first case when a man raises his hand to a woman soon becomes part of his rule of communication with a partner. A man by nature is very strong, and he is able to protect his loved ones, as well as refrain from excessive emotionality and aggression. A strong man will never allow himself to humiliate a loved one.
The one who raised his hand against a woman is a creature with an unbalanced psyche, who can easily do it for the second and tenth time, each time getting more and more excited and using more and more sophisticated methods of humiliating his wife.
man beating children
Until the debate subsides about whether physical punishment of children is necessary, or it is not permissible, those men who do not have the right to be called men spread their hands in relation to their children, explaining this with fatherly love and the desire to raise good people out of them.
The highest role of a mother is to protect her children from all the cruelties in this world. So is it worth it to forgive a person who regularly tortures your flesh and blood? Is your love for your husband or the habit of living with him together worth all the humiliation, physical and moral pain of your child?
Lie
Whatever the male lie - small or big - it can be a serious obstacle to this couple's path to happiness. As a rule, it is a small lie that undermines relationships - every day, bit by bit, suddenly growing into a snowball over time, which can no longer be moved aside. A lie of a man is a serious reason to doubt his feelings and sincerity. Relationships are built on trust, if there is no trust, there will be no love.
Public words of insult against a woman
Dirty words spoken by a man in public should not be forgiven him. If a man suddenly begins to share the intimate secrets of your relationship with friends, criticize you rudely, utter obscene expressions against you - this is a serious reason to reconsider relations with him. In no case should a man forgive such behavior - unless, of course, you want to remain humiliated and insulted all your life, and possibly even beaten, in public.
Disrespectful attitude towards women
“That blonde has a superfigure, and after giving birth you blurred like a cow”, “Yes, where do you care about this woman, you don’t know how to cook”, “My ex kept order, but you always have a mess” - and they continue comparing you with all the women on Earth, of course, is not in your favor. Should this be forgiven?
Each of us has a ready list of deeds and deeds that cannot be forgiven to people under any circumstances. And it's not that we are evil or vindictive, find fault with others. It's just that there are things that ruin someone else's life, break the harmonious picture of the world. The result is broken destinies, lost families and pain. Especially often, women, the elderly and children are subjected to serious insults and blows, both literally and figuratively. Men by their nature belong to the powerful of this world and due to physical strength they can protect themselves. But also, they are able to inflict pain, both direct and figurative, on others, weaker. A woman in love is ready to forgive a lot, which is what spurs her beloved on new "exploits". And why not, because everything goes with impunity. And this is the biggest mistake - to forgive everything unconditionally. Let's take a closer look at what actions a man can never be forgiven for, or at least left unattended.
Protect yourself
No matter what troubles and problems hang over the family, a woman is always “on horseback”. She, wiping her tears and swallowing the pain of resentment, continues to take care of her beloved household and tries to endure the blows of fate. And the main offender continues his cloudless existence and is unlikely to think about changing. After all, she endured - it means she loves! So it will continue to be bullied, and you endure. Is it worth it? What are you afraid of?
Loneliness - you are already alone, only humiliation and insults are added to it. Lack of finances - you will be nervous and endure - you will have to look for money for treatment. Leave children without a father - why do they need such a father?
Think better about their psyche, it will be traumatized from childhood and as a result will lead to serious psychological problems. At a minimum, they will be notorious, as a maximum, by repeating their father. Full-fledged members of society cannot grow up in a family where lies, violence and other negative aspects are present.
Each of us has an internal gradation, according to which we either make another compromise, or silently, pack our things and leave. The latter suggests that there is no longer any hope for a change in circumstances. So, let's begin to study the list of actions that categorically cannot be forgiven by a man, even the most beloved one.
Treason
Quite a controversial topic among modern psychologists. In the old days, when there was no such freedom of action, the woman's answer was always unambiguous - "Get out!". But now the morals are slightly different, and some experts argue that cheating can even strengthen marital relationships. Remember the phrase "Leftist - strengthens marriage!". No and no again! Cheating is not a banal sexual contact with another woman. If the question was reduced only to the physics of the act, then no problem. It's about betrayal. When he entered into an alliance with his girlfriend, and she believed him, the man convinced her of his sincerity. Turns out he was lying. If you try to “step on” your throat and try to forgive, then get ready to remember this for the rest of your life. Pain and resentment will surface every time he repeats "I love you!", "You are my only one." Every time he goes on a business trip, your soul will plunge into a storm of torment and mistrust. And your suffering will not be unfounded.
After all, if you changed it once, who will guarantee that it will not go “to the left” the second, third time. Perhaps further he will think over his exploits in more detail and mask his contacts well. In addition to the fact that such a situation will hurt you, the children will also be in an atmosphere of deception and distrust.
beatings
There is an interesting myth about why Eve was created from Adam's rib. The Lord thus wanted to point out that both man and woman are equal in every way. If he carved it out of his leg - it would be possible to humiliate, from the head - consider it stupid. But the rib located under his strong arm is a symbol of the woman's security. And what actually happens in some cases. With the same hand, he not only beats a woman, but kills a man in her. Of course, only weak, vile and notorious individuals are capable of such acts. Only a weak personality can raise a hand against a woman and a child, as they are not able to show their strength in front of their equals or stronger ones.
The most common mistake women "Beats - it means he loves!". There is no worse excuse for male cruelty. How so? What kind of love can we talk about if it gives him pleasure to hurt, humiliate, “trample” into the dirt? What a masochism! And who is hitting? The one you loved, dreamed of a long and happy life next to him, gave birth to children, cook your favorite dishes, wash, court. Yes, he is a banal ungrateful pig, that's who!
We will not now focus on why it occurs. Let it be on the conscience of the parents of your beloved and, of course, on his. Let's talk about what to do in cases where you are being abused by your spouse. And we are talking not only about the physical, but also the moral, psychological form. He can “destroy” you with words, deeds, insult you financially. So do not assume that a woman cannot complain about cruelty if there are no beatings and sexual violence.
Quite often in closed families there is a special kind of violence that is difficult to immediately consider. This includes constant humiliation and insults, coercion to refuse contact with the outside world. Authoritarian husbands forbid going out, communicating with friends, visiting relatives and friends, studying, working, participating in foundations, organizations, etc.
There is also economic humiliation - restriction, control over the expenditure of finances. Quite often, a man concentrates all the money in his hands and does not allow his wife to spend even a penny on himself. And why - still she sits at home. There is something to wear - a million dresses (and there are only two of them, and then, from a girl's life). And what is remarkable, regardless of social status - rich, poor, successful entrepreneurs, etc. are subjected to violence. You can learn about the cruelty of men, domestic violence in various variations from numerous groups on social networks. And what is sad, aggression is growing every day. To understand the nature of the phenomenon, you need to study it carefully. There is one serious moment - both aggressors and victims are united by certain patterns.
Here are the main psychological traits of the victim:
- diffidence;
- low self-esteem;
- anxiety;
- excessive suggestibility.
Most often, an adult victim of domestic violence will always find something to justify his abuser. The most frequent phrase - I myself am to blame, which suggests that a person suppresses his anger, looks for his guilt in everything, confidence in the insecurity and unresolved problem. Some ladies are even sure that domestic violence is the norm for an ordinary family. The conditions in which she was brought up, the relationship of her parents, affect. Such women will judge those who are arrogant to men on TV, show feminism, fight for their rights.
These are people who have also been subjected to cruel treatment, humiliation and insults since childhood.
- they have low self-esteem;
- in all their actions they look for the guilty on the side;
- find excuses for their actions;
- they do not realize the pain they cause to their woman;
- they understand very well that there are people on whom they cannot show their aggression.
Psychological portrait of a domestic tyrant
The tyrant, as a rule, is always in good standing among colleagues and friends. Such characters did not appear in the chronicle of incidents, they were not involved either for debauchery, or for inappropriate behavior, etc. Moreover, in relation to strangers, they are always courteous and well-mannered. No one can imagine that this gallant man is capable of violent acts. But these people are very dangerous. You can't get up and walk away from such a person. You are his property and he has the right to do whatever he wants with you. Thanks to you, he can throw out his weakness, inflicting beatings or moral humiliation.
In order not to be captured by a mentally unbalanced tyrant, think over a plan of action in advance. Of course, if you decide to get rid of it once and for all.
- Record all his unpleasant actions on video.
- Do not be afraid that you will leave - it will close the “under” lock and become more cruel.
- Arrange with someone you trust to prepare a shelter from the tyrant.
- Gather the necessary things in advance, be sure to make a copy of the keys if necessary.
- Gather the necessary medicines.
- You must have cash, if your husband is an influential person, he will track it by card.
- Clear all information about yourself on social networks.
- Turn off the phone and throw away the old card, insert a new one, unknown to anyone. Dial the numbers of loved ones from memory. Using the card, immediately destroy it.
- Hide from him in a place completely unfamiliar to everyone. Will be with relatives and friends - will find. At the same time, people dear to you will fall under his “hand”.
- Do not leave children with him.
- So that he, as an influential person, does not have the opportunity to turn them against you, deprive him of the rights to their upbringing, present a video and photo of the facts of his cruelty.
- If you live with a tyrant in an apartment, arrange with your neighbors, let them call the police at your first screams.
Someone will think that we have presented the script for another thriller about an abusive husband and an infrequent victim of his wife. Imagine that in life such situations, unfortunately, are not rare. Don't believe? Scroll through the statistics and see how many women die from domestic violence. And you will understand that this is not even a thriller, but the horrors of our realities.
Any situation involving abuse must end in court. Everything is important here - from your record to the testimony of witnesses, with a medical examination. As soon as you have been beaten, report to the police and consult a doctor. In order not to receive a well-deserved punishment, tyrants go to great lengths to beg forgiveness from the victim. You can't trust them. The statistics are more than depressing. Of the 100% of cases in which the wife forgave her husband for beatings, in 95% the violence was repeated again. And the worst thing is that every time the cruelty of a person only intensifies.
child abuse
When you act as a victim, it's bad, but if the child is simply prohibitive. It is difficult to even write about it, let alone witness such a relationship. Many parents do not understand that our children feel only their own guilt for all the problems in the family. It is not clear for what reasons, but they are always sure that their parents quarrel only because of them. Only as a result of his act or disobedience, the father beats the mother, yells at her, insults, etc. It is difficult to imagine what stress the child's psyche is undergoing at this moment. But when a child is beaten, it is necessary to stop the tyrant for the first time and leave. However, the child does not always admit to the mother that he received the belt from the father. Again, he is afraid that he will cause conflict or aggression of the father against the mother.
As a result, approximately 75% of those subjected to violence in childhood grow up with serious psychological deviations. They have an unstable psyche, increased aggression. And most often, future tyrants grow up from such children, who commit violence already in their family. There is a certain vicious circle and a series of violence transmitted through the dynasty.
The mother should always pay attention to the behavior of the child in the presence of the father and check his body. We saw bruises, abrasions - immediately go to the doctor and write a statement to the police. We decided to forgive this moment - it means that you are the same criminal as your husband is a tyrant.
The fact that the baby is subjected to beatings and screams from the parents "says" his disturbing sleep, restlessness, unstable behavior, beating kittens, puppies. If the suspicions are confirmed by the behavior of the spouse - do not endure. Save your baby and run away from him. The mechanism of action is the same as in the previous case.
Alcoholism, drug addiction and gambling
As medical practice shows, there are no former drug addicts or gamblers. And those stories that pass from mouth to mouth about miraculous healing are an exception to general rule. Understand that this person is no longer able to control his actions and will return to his addiction. Over time, when he does not have enough funds for the next dose or game, he will take the amount out of the house. You will hide - or beat and take away, or sell the right thing. Why should you endure it? Why should his negative habits that kill him fall on your fragile shoulders. He cannot pull himself together - let him be treated, but leave you alone.
Leave and do not turn around, and if there are children, even more so. They should not see a father who goes down and down. His habits can be adopted by your children, and what's in the future? Another lost person to society? Only one way out - "Out of sight - out of mind!".
It all starts with small lies and ends with big lies. Do not tolerate a person who begins to lie over trifles. Such a habit suggests that he is so arranged - he cannot live without lies, and that's it. And the moment will come when he will deceive you in a very serious matter, and you will feel a serious blow. The deceitfulness of men is evidence of their insincerity, a game on your feelings. What kind of family harmony can we talk about if there is no trust. In addition, this habit can be intercepted by children, from which big liars can also grow. And believe me - no one will thank you for them! Leave and do not regret!
disrespect to you
Many psychologists argue that love and respect are slightly different feelings. And each of them should be present in every full-fledged family. If a man loves and whispers gentle words at night, and easily offends and humiliates during the day, think about whether you need such an attitude. Especially if your spouse humiliates you by comparing you with other women: “Look, that blonde hair is styled better than yours,” “My ex cooked better than you,” etc. It's one thing to make a remark, it's another thing to make it so that you feel your insignificance and feel heartache. Yes, he is not only rude, but also cruel. Is it worth it? Let him humiliate and insult the former, the same blonde, but not you! Do not hesitate to forgive!
An insult in front of everyone
Well, there can be no question of continuing to live with such a nonentity. In normal families, everything happens - minor conflicts and quarrels. But as soon as guests cross the threshold of the house or you go to a dinner party, everything should be calm and beautiful. He has no right to raise his voice at you, let alone humiliate and insult you. And if it comes to the point that he reveals your intimate secrets to his friends, while accompanying your person with dirty words - throw him out of your life as an unnecessary and vile ballast. And don't try to blame yourself for everything.
If you think that on the other hand, he will behave differently, you are mistaken, and deeply! After all, it's not about you, but about his vile character. He will insult everyone who becomes his wife, otherwise he cannot!
Narcissistic and egocentric
Everything in your home is the result of his achievements. Well-bred children are his job. Excellent repair - well, of course, thanks to his efforts and guidance, the craftsmen did a good job. Naturally, only good people are allowed to go on vacation to the best resort, while you spend the summer in an abandoned village with his grandmother or stay in a stuffy apartment. After all, someone needs to look after the dog. What about shopping? Doesn't it seem strange to you that everything that is most expensive, the best and most beautiful is purchased for him, and you have enough of a cheap blouse in which you can only sell potatoes on the market. This is how you will be in life on the second, and even on the third, fourth plan. Is this love? Will you continue to endure?
lazy husband
Greedy spouse
This feature is generally inherently very ugly. But if a husband now and then presses finances, not allowing his wife to purchase the right thing, then he simply does not appreciate it, does not want to share it. We are not talking about families in which a difficult period has come. But loving husband will always make sure that his beloved looks good. And if he is stingy, it means that he does not love enough. And so it will be all my life - do you want to endure? Decide for yourself.
Insults against your loved ones
Sincere love for a woman provides for a reverent attitude towards everyone who is dear to her. If he speaks badly about your mother, father, brothers and sisters - think about it, does he really love you? If you forgive at least once and try not to exaggerate, keeping silent about his rudeness, it will only get worse. Firstly, find out by what right he speaks of those whom you love and respect. Secondly, ask - what did they do to him? I must say that for people like him there are no good people in the world at all. All are bad, all are greedy, all are evil, only He is good! You should not associate your life with such a person.
We cannot endlessly continue the list of actions that are not subject to "challenge" and forgiveness. Many women, after reading our recommendations, can enter something of their own here. It is important for us that the weaker sex stop tolerating insults, violence, humiliation, lies and insults. We need to stop and remember that we are the same people. And each of us must learn to love ourselves for who we are. Do not look for shortcomings in yourself, and if there are any, then it is up to you to correct them or not. In any case, you can always find more humane ways to deal with problems than to beat, call names or humiliate.
Almost every person adheres to certain principles throughout life, which can be adjusted depending on situations. One of these can be called a label specially created in the imagination called: "What cannot be forgiven."
Let's talk about this topic in this article. What is forgiveness, what can and should be forgiven, and what cannot, because the offender will strike his blow again. In addition, we will discuss that you cannot forgive a guy and a girl when it comes to relationships.
What is forgiveness
Everyone who professes any religion knows that forgiveness is a charitable and right thing to do. It is considered wrong to carry a grudge, but an even more wrong action is the act of revenge. The best thing you can do if you have been offended is to forgive the person and let go of the situation, that is, stop thinking about it and beat it over and over again.
Probably, each of us understands: to forgive is right and good, but it is not always possible.
Why don't we want to forgive people?
There may be several reasons for this. So, one of the most common - we like to be offended. That is, we have suffered some damage, infringed on our dignity, have pity on us! And if there is no one to feel sorry for, there is no need - I will just walk around and savor my resentment, like a slice of sour lemon.
The second reason lies in the impossibility of forgiveness as such. That is, we have certain principles that determine the value of our personality. For example, we say to ourselves: “Here I am so beautiful, you can’t raise your voice at me!” And then life brings us together with a person who did not know this truth about us and “overlaid” us with a three-story mat. To forgive him is to step over your own principles, and this is quite difficult to do.
The third reason may be in what kind of offense we were offended. What if it is incommensurable, according to our concepts, with nothing? It's one thing to forgive the person who hit or humiliated you. It is possible, albeit not easy. Is it possible to forgive someone who took away the health or life of a loved one, voluntarily or involuntarily? Is it possible to forgive a doctor who made a medical error, or a driver who accidentally knocked down a pedestrian? Let's talk about this further and find out what cannot be forgiven and what needs to be forgiven.
About self-esteem
You know yourself very well, don't you? What exactly do you like and what do you not. Where did you grow up, study, work. With whom you are friends, whom you do not like and whom you would like to meet as your soulmate. The collection of all these sensations, memories and mental images is your self or ego. Imagine: you suddenly lost your memory as a result of an accident. You come to your senses, look in the mirror and see your reflection... You understand - it's you, but who are you?
Memories seem to be erased. It turns out, take away our memory, and we lose ourselves? No, that's not true - we will lose our idea of ourselves, and nothing more.
Now for the principles. All your dogmas, ideas and rules are the same feigned components of the "I". You have created them, fashioned them with care, and carry them with you so that your self-identification is as complete as possible. After all, the more you can tell about yourself, the more complete you are. So, know, to the question: “What cannot be forgiven to a person?” There is only one answer: “Everything can be forgiven. The only problem is the will to do it.” If you go beyond your ego even for a second, you will know: you have no principles and rules, and you can pardon even your own executioners in your imagination.
Why We Are Taught Self-Dignity and Pride
About what cannot be forgiven, parents tell us in the process of education. This is done for a good purpose - to protect kids from mistakes. After all, everyone should have a sense of dignity, self-love. Mom does not want her daughter to suffer from her husband's fists in the future. A father does not want his son to have his wife cheat on him. Therefore, since childhood, everyone carries in their head a Pandora's box called: "What can never be forgiven." Notice the box is closed. Parents tell us that it is impossible to forgive, but they do not reveal the cards to the end: what will happen if you still forgive the offender? ..
Therefore, every man knows that it is impossible to forgive a woman, and every lady keeps a scheme in her head, which she will not forgive her chosen one, and so on. Most often, these principles are solid as flint, and to violate them is tantamount to betraying oneself.
What can not be forgiven: "Ask"-list
Let's make a list of the most acute situations and deeds that are very difficult or impossible to forgive:
- An insult to human dignity or humiliation.
- Physical violence.
- Betrayal, betrayal.
- An accident with tragic consequences.
- Intentional harm leading to a tragic event.
As you can see, there is always something worse than what has already happened and that "cannot be forgiven." For example, some unfortunate person was publicly scolded and humiliated by the boss. The man vows to himself never to speak to him again and considers him enemy number one.
But if in the evening the same poor fellow finds out that his wife also cheated on him, then the morning situation with the boss will no longer seem so sad. The boss can already be forgiven, but the wife becomes persona non grata in the soul of this person. Go ahead. Agree that the same betrayal will not seem too much grief compared to points four or five.
This thought experiment demonstrates that the category "What can not be forgiven" is relative and can change in your mind. You are the rightful owner of your principles and beliefs. Therefore, it is up to you to decide whether to forgive the offender.
Learning to forgive
Not being able to forgive is like throwing weighty cobblestones to your already heavy life burden from time to time. Have you noticed what happens in the mind with “unforgiven”, and therefore unresolved situations? Many "pull" with kindergarten memories of how they were offended, teased. Further in life - even more insults. They accumulate and increase in size, at the same time giving rise to complexes and negative expectations from others. “I have been offended so many times - it means I am a loser. Weak person. If I was good, I wouldn't be betrayed so many times."
Believe (and verify) that forgiveness is the simplest and most natural thing you can do in response to an offense. This is what the Bible and the Church teach us. What can't be forgiven? From the point of view of Christianity, there are no such acts. Everything can be forgiven!
Accept the imperfection of the offender. Realize that he is only human. He has his own fears, outlook on life, complexes. Perhaps, by hurting you, he just wants to get out of his quagmire, to rise above, albeit dishonestly, at your expense. Forgive him. Wish him happiness, because a satisfied and happy person will not cause or wish anything bad to another. And you will see that the situation will be resolved, that the burden will fall off you, it will become easy for you! And the offender will leave your life or apologize if this is your loved one.
“Forgiveness is my favorite rake”
Have you ever heard from women who are regularly beaten by their husbands that they understand why this happens? Like, my mother told them for a long time that you can’t forgive a man for violence, but they, such and such, forgive, and therefore suffer. How does this fit in with the theory that you need to forgive?
Everything is very simple! Forgiveness is necessary, and even necessary. But the act of forgiveness, alas, does not make the offender a saint. If you forgive an unfaithful betrayal or an aggressive one - beatings, you will not protect yourself from the arbitrariness of this person in the future. What to do? Weigh soberly what kind of person this is, and - most importantly - what place he occupies in your life. Perhaps it would be better to forgive him and ... forget, let go on all four sides.
What can not be forgiven in a relationship
For example, you found out that your girlfriend cheated on you. It hurts you, but you love her very much and therefore forgive, decide to be with her further. A year passes, and you again learn about infidelity. Well, you forgave her in vain?
Let's clarify something. Forgiveness does not mean allowing the person to do something wrong to you again. Forgiveness means accepting the situation: “You are wrong, but I forgive you. You are just a person, and therefore you have the right to make mistakes. That's how you should think if you've been hurt. And to continue to live with someone who beats you, calls you names or cheats is another matter. Most likely, a person relates to life and to you personally in a completely different way than you think is right. If you have been betrayed once, there is a high probability that this will happen again. However, it is quite possible that this will not happen again. In general, what to do next is up to you, but you must forgive!
A little more about relationships
Do not ask more questions like: “What cannot be forgiven for a man?”, As if the representative of the strong half of humanity is some kind of separate subspecies. Every man is unique, every mistake is unique. The fact that you came across not very good “cavaliers” simply means that you are progressing in development and refuse to be content with little.
No less ridiculous are questions like: “What can not be forgiven to a girl?” Remember that you need to forgive a person in any case, regardless of gender and age, and this is important not only for him, but also for you. But whether to build a relationship with the offender further or disperse is already your conscious choice. Forgiveness in and of itself does not commit anyone to anything.
What if the person cannot be forgiven?
There are things for which it is not possible to forgive a person. It is very easy to talk about how to let go of a traitor or foul language in peace, but there are offenses that are very difficult to forget. It's about about accidents, accidents, negligence, not to mention even greater evil - conscious crimes. How can you forgive a guilty person if a fiend is hiding behind the appearance of a person?
Let's be honest: this is a complex topic. You may not be ready to read what we have to say next, and yet it is. Hatred towards someone corrodes your soul. If you have been hurt the most, you have only two options: dig into this trouble, reliving it again and again, or allow yourself to live on, letting go of the situation. What to choose is up to you, as you are the master of your life.
How to forgive a crime and a criminal?
The word "criminal" comes from the word "to cross", that is, this is the person who steps over universal norms, forgetting about the value of life and health. Such people exist and, most likely, will always exist. We cannot look into their heads, read their thoughts, but if we managed to do this, then, according to psychologists, we would see a child there, whom someone once greatly offended, but he could not forgive. Now it may be your turn to draw a conclusion. But remember that forgiveness is not for someone else, but only for you.
Summarizing
We may think that it is impossible to forget some things and insults, but with the same success we can simply take and “let go” of the offender. Remember that forgiving doesn't mean allowing him to continue bullying you. Just try to accept his imperfection, admit that this is just a person who has the right to make a mistake. However, do not confuse forgiveness with permissiveness. If the one who hurts you is such by nature - just leave him and go on your way.
And one more point that should not be forgotten. The longer you carry the burden of resentment, and the heavier it is, the worse it is for you. You lose your joy in life, your self-esteem drops. Forgive everyone who has ever hurt you, release those people in your mind, and you will immediately get relief.
