In our life, different events happen - joyful or tragic. If people didn't help each other through them, it would be much harder to come out of such a deep emotional experience. We may not always be able to find the right words to express our sympathy or compassion, but it is in our power to just be there. And this presence will say more than any prepared phrases.

Words of support in a difficult moment to a girlfriend and friend are very important. They are known to everyone - “I'm sorry”, “I sympathize”, “everything will be fine”, “with time the pain will pass”, “time heals”, etc. You just need to remember that no words alone can help, calm a person. It is important that words of sympathy and support are backed up by your sincere participation.

If grief happened

If you are unable to support the person in person, do so over the phone. Just call, express words of support and sympathy. This is always very important. Most importantly, speak sincerely, ask if you can help with something? Try to speak clearly but calmly. A person in an emotionally depressed state, experiencing grief, cannot always adequately assess reality.

Remember that it is not the words themselves that are important to a person, but your sincere willingness to come to his aid. Even just being with a person in difficult times is very important. If you want to somehow comfort a person, think about what would personally help you? What kind of words of participation, consolation would help you in such a situation.

Well, for example, if a woman who was married for 20 years was left alone, since her husband left for another, she needs not just words of support, she needs a specific plan for a worthy way out of this life situation. Here the words are unlikely to help: "You need to calm down, everything will be forgotten, everything will pass."

It is better to tell her that she is an attractive, quite young woman. What you need not to give up, but to put yourself in order, continue to live, build new relationships, create new family. Indeed, at 45, life is just beginning, the children have grown up and you can finally devote time to yourself. Offer her a joint shopping trip, sign up together with a beautician.

If the family of your friend or girlfriend is experiencing grief, one of his relatives, people close to him has died, stay close as long as possible, help with the organization of funeral events. If a person experiences deep despair, cannot adequately perceive reality, put before him a number of questions on the organization of mourning events that need to be urgently addressed. Say that your loved ones need him, they also need his help.

Words of support in difficult times are very important. But you don't have to wait for something bad to happen. Just tell your friend that you will always stay with him, no matter what happens. These simple words will remain in your memory, strengthen your friendship.

How to support a loved one if failures haunt?

As you know, life is a complicated thing, it consists not only of victories and joys, but of disappointments. Therefore, if your loved one has a losing streak, you need to support him, help him survive this difficult life period. The main thing is not to get lost. But finding the right words is not always easy.

What to do in such a situation - sympathize, find words of encouragement, or just sit silently next to you? After all, people who are in a difficult, emotionally intense situation can react differently to your participation. If this also applies to men, it is better to immediately abandon the manifestation of pity.

Pity poisons relationships

Of course, a person really wants to feel sorry. But you need to understand that pity is destructive, especially when it comes to the stronger sex. Pity demeans dignity. And with large portions, it can relax a person, not induce him to action. He ceases to look for a way out of the situation, to fight the negative circumstances that have arisen. Better tell him that everything that happened is not a problem, that together you can cope with everything. Say that you believe in him, his capabilities and know for sure that he will definitely succeed.

Don't give up, take action

In order to bring your loved one out of a negative state, so that he does not give up, but begins to act, you yourself must believe what you say. Believing in his strength, without long phrases and explanations you will be able to bring your loved one out of a stupor, push him to take action.

Tell him that if the problem that has arisen is voluminous, multi-stage, in order to develop the necessary solution, it is better to break it into small parts, and then solve each one sequentially, gradually eliminating it all.

Also, never do anything for him. He must believe in himself and decide everything himself. You can easily guide him with advice. You should not relax a man, it is better to help him show his masculine qualities, ingenuity, will, strength. Do not take the burden of his problems on your shoulders. Otherwise, each time this burden will be heavier. Solving his problems for him or offering to passively wait out hard times, you yourself will gradually make a loser out of your beloved, for which he will hate you when he sees that he has missed some opportunities.

If grief or any sad event happened in the life of your loved one, just be there for him. Sometimes, no words are needed. Your mere presence next to him, a kiss, a hug, can act better than any comforting words.

Words of support are not just sympathy, thanks to them you express your participation in the problems, troubles and grief of another person. Of course, there are no standard blank phrases that will be correct in a certain situation, suitable for a man or a woman, a grandmother or a young man. It is very important that the words come from the heart, are permeated with your feelings, but also forget about some human factors not worth it either.

For example, be prepared that a person who is alarmed by something may not respond to your words in the usual way, be more quick-tempered, not compromise, etc. In addition, words that will calm a woman’s nervous system may not be correctly perceived by a man and vice versa. Therefore, it is necessary to observe not only tolerance, correctness and subordination, but also take into account the peculiarities of this situation.

Your soulmate should always feel your support, because you are a support for her in a difficult situation, a vest in grief and a person with whom they share happiness. Be sure to say again about your feelings, repeat that there are two of you, and it is easier to overcome any difficulties together.

Be sure to express your feelings:

• "It hurts me to see you upset"
• "I'm just as worried as you are."

This wording brings you closer, makes the conversation more frank and creates a trusting atmosphere. And if you can’t find the right words or you see that words are superfluous now, just stay close. Sometimes no words can replace the presence of a loved one.

Words to a man in difficult times

Men react much more sharply to life's troubles, believing that they are responsible for everything, because they have been taught this way since childhood. But in fact, there are situations when the man’s fault is not in what happened, but he still reproaches himself. In this case, you need to be as gentle as possible, not persistently and not aggressively (after all, we remember that upset people are prone to unexpected reactions to any of our words), to convince the man that you do not need to blame yourself.

Suitable phrases:

• "Your fault in this case is not,"
• “This is a combination of circumstances independent of you,” etc.

It is important to help a man stop self-flagellation and start looking for a solution to the problem.

Never express your sympathy through the adjectives "poor", "unfortunate", do not say that you are so sorry for him. On the contrary, you need to encourage him with phrases about how strong he is in spirit, that his vital energy is enough to cope with more difficult tasks. If you say that a man is very smart and will find a way out of this situation, then his ambitions simply will not let him sit in one place with a sad expression on his face. To confirm your words, the man will begin to act.

Woman - support in your own words

A woman, on the contrary, must first be reassured, perhaps later you won’t have to look for solutions to problems, everything can go away with hysteria. Finding words of support is very important in such a situation. For example, if the reason for a bad mood is a breakup with a man, then compliment her on her attractive appearance, say that she good hostess and still quite young.

Well, if the situation allows you to be distracted and do other things, walking, entertainment, cooking new dishes - all this can distract a woman from sad thoughts.

Girl - words in difficult times

Young girls in stressful situations can make extremely rash acts. Therefore, it is important not only to calm them down and distract them from the problem, but also to isolate them from important matters and tasks as much as possible. Try to dip the young lady in a sea of ​​positive emotions, avoid the standard phrases: “Everything will be fine”, “Everything will pass”, “I sympathize”, etc. They will only aggravate the situation.

Be sure to try to talk to the girl about how she feels, help release all her negative emotions, and then set her up in a positive way or help find a way out of a difficult problem for her.

A friend in a difficult situation

To whom, if not the best friend, will a girl turn in a difficult situation? Of course, initially you need to listen to your girlfriend, especially if you see that a person wants to speak out. The presentation of the problem relieves the soul and helps to look at the problem from the outside. Words of consolation, advice - what the girl obviously wants to hear in response, so do not hesitate to express your constructive thought, just remember that in this situation you need to present your position gently and not persistently.

SMS to a person in difficult times

If you suddenly found out about the problem of a close person you just know, and there is no way to be near him, then you can always send a short message with words of support. No need for long epithets about your sympathy.

Sometimes just texting is enough:

• “I know what happened. You can always count on my help."

These two sentences are rather short, but their meaning will be clear immediately. Don't expect an immediate response, it may take a certain amount of time for a person to decide to ask you for support or just talk about their problem. But when your loved one knows that you are ready to share the burden of the situation with him, immediately the world will seem a little rosier to him.

Words of support in prose

Even if you send a message with words of support on a social network or by phone, let them be better in prose. So, you express your words sincerely and in an accessible way. Otherwise, the recipient may get the impression that instead of a call or a personal visit, you searched for a rhyme on the Internet, and then simply copied it and sent it. This will spoil the impression of even the most sincere empathy.

Be close to a loved one during his joy and share the burden of trouble with him. After all, together you are stronger! And find for him exactly those words that convey your true feelings.

Sometimes supporting a person in difficult times means saving his life. Both close and unfamiliar people can find themselves in a difficult situation. Absolutely anyone can provide help and support - moral, physical or material. To do this, you need to know which phrases and actions are the most significant. Timely help and sincere words will help a person return to their previous way of life and survive what happened.

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Helping people in difficult situations

In a person's life, there are many situations in which psychological, moral and even physical help is required. In this case, the presence of people is necessary - relatives, friends, acquaintances or just strangers. The degree of intimacy and the duration of acquaintance does not matter.

To support a person, it is not necessary to have a special education, a sincere desire to help and a sense of tact are enough. After all, correctly chosen and sincere words can change a person’s attitude to the current situation.

Shared experience



Understanding

A person who finds himself in trouble should know that he is understood. It is very important during this period to have a like-minded person nearby. If the situation is related to the loss of a beloved man or job, remembering a personal example will be the most effective medicine. It is recommended to tell how hard it was during this period and how successfully it all ended in the end. But do not focus on your heroism and quick problem solving. You just need to say that everyone has such problems, and a friend will definitely cope with them too.



All will pass

You need to convince the person that you need to wait a bit, and it will become much easier. The realization that everything will be fine will create an atmosphere of security and peace.

Guilt

In a difficult moment, it is natural for a person to blame himself for all the troubles. He tries to shift responsibility for actions to which he has nothing to do. In this case, the task of close people is to dissuade a person from this. Try to refute all possible positive outcomes of the situation. If there is still a person’s fault in what happened, you need to try to make amends for it. It is recommended to find words that will help convince a person to ask for forgiveness, which is necessary for his own good.

Solution

A direct question will be very effective, how can a person be helped in this situation. You can offer your own solutions without waiting for his appeal. Sincere interest and taking action will make you feel supported.

In no case should you use the phrases: "forget", "do not worry", "do not cry", "it's even better." Attempts to "bring to life" with the help of shouting, accusations and sudden movements. Such “help” can lead to a complication of the situation.

How to support the man you love

Representatives of the stronger sex try to restrain their emotions, so they most often close in on themselves. From this experience, they become even stronger, and a mental wound brings not only psychological experiences, but also physical pain. The girl at this moment should be as attentive and caring as possible, but in no case intrusive.

If a husband has problems at work, which are accompanied by material losses, it is necessary to say the most important words for a man: “Money cannot affect our relationship in any way. I will always be there." This should be said as calmly as possible, with a smile and tenderness. Excessive emotionality or nervousness will confirm the man's fears that the relationship is purely mercantile.

If the problems are related to relationships in the work team or relatives, an assurance that the girl is on the side of the guy would be appropriate here. He does not need to reproach himself and feel guilty. The beloved woman fully and completely shares his point of view and will do everything necessary for the successful resolution of the situation. It does not hurt to tell a man that he is strong and will definitely cope with problems. Self-esteem will not allow him not to justify the hopes placed on him. SMS with words of love or poems during the working day will cheer him up. An example of such a message:




Words of support for the woman you love

To help the woman you love, you should start with affection and tenderness, the essence of the problem does not matter. First of all, you need to hug her, kiss and calm her down. The most necessary at this moment will be the words: “Calm down, I am near and I love you. Trust me". Then you can continue to hug, drink tea and wait for complete calm. Only after that it is recommended to calmly sort out the situation, be sure to take the side of the beloved woman.

Assistance, both moral and physical, should be provided. You may have to talk with the offenders, sort things out, take some action. In a word - to shift part of the work on yourself. Feeling a strong male shoulder and real help, any girl will calm down, no matter how difficult the situation. A small gift, a trip to a restaurant or a theater will quickly bring her back to her old life. Phone calls during the day, SMS in the form of words of love and support in prose or poetry will be very appropriate. An example of such a message:




How to comfort a sick person

Support for a sick person can be provided in the form of words and actions. But this is not always possible, since people can be at a distance from each other.

Good words

The most valuable way to help a suffering person will be words of support. To calm the patient, you can:

• Speak words of love. They must be repeated sincerely, with genuine participation. By voicing the phrase: “I love you very much and will always be there,” you can reassure a person, create an atmosphere of security.
• To compliment. Sick people are very vulnerable, so they listen to every word and gesture of others. Notes on the most minor changes in appearance in better side will sound like compliments. Even if these changes are not present, it is recommended to say about their presence. A sick person is not able to perceive reality objectively. With oncology, this will give the suffering person hope for a miracle; with a serious non-fatal illness, it will speed up recovery.
• Praise. Praise a sick person should be for every little thing, even for a spoonful or a sip of water eaten. A positive attitude will help speedy recovery or alleviate the patient's condition.
• Keep at a distance. A phone call or Skype conversation would be appropriate. It is very important for the patient to hear a native voice, to see a familiar face. Further actions will be constant SMS, written poems, sent pictures and all those things that the patient likes. But the most significant will be the phrase: "I'm on my way."
• Discuss abstract topics. It is worth moving away from boring topics and giving preference to light and fun ones. We must try to remember an interesting story, an anecdote, tell funny news. You can try to discuss neutral topics: a read book, a movie, a recipe for a dish - everything that will interest the patient at least a little.

Forbidden words

Some phrases can harm a sick person. Do not talk about the following topics:

• Disease. You should not discuss the symptoms, look for their confirmation, give similar examples from the lives of people you know. The exception can only be happy cases of successful healing.
• Friends reaction. It is not at all necessary for a sick person to know what kind of reaction his illness caused in others. If this touched someone, let him visit him personally (do not notify about this in advance, as the visit may break and the patient will be disappointed). A reasonable solution would be to simply say hello and tell the news about an acquaintance.
• Personal impression. It is categorically not worth telling what reaction the disease caused in the helping person or nearby relatives. Trying to demonstrate your compassion, you can upset the patient even more, because he became the culprit of the experience and continues to torment his loved ones with his position.
• Distance. If the terrible news about the illness of a loved one caught up far from him, the best solution would be to urgently hit the road. This must be informed. The solution of issues, negotiations with superiors regarding the departure and other problems should remain secret. The patient should not be aware of matters that may be more important than him. If it is not possible to come, then you can refer to the lack of tickets, non-flying weather and other factors. Here, a lie will be to the rescue, since waiting can prolong the patient's life.
• A pity. If the disease is fatal, the pity of loved ones will constantly remind of this, causing a bad mood and deterioration in well-being. If the disease is not so serious, then there is a risk of its complications, because the patient will think that something is not being told to him. Sometimes the patient may have a reluctance to recover, as constant pity is addictive and even simulation.

Useful actions

Correct actions in relation to the patient contribute to recovery or can alleviate the course of the disease:

• Care. Some patients need constant care because they cannot do anything on their own. But even if a person does not need enhanced care, attention and care will only benefit him. It would be appropriate to simply offer to lie down and make tea. A good help would be cleaning the apartment or cooking dinner. The main thing is to correctly assess the situation and help only if necessary. Do not forcibly remove the patient from his usual duties, persistently sending him to rest. Sometimes it’s enough just to be there and let them take care of themselves. This will allow a sick person to temporarily forget about his illness and feel needed.
• Abstraction. It is useful to distract the patient from medical procedures and talk about pills. If a person has the ability to move around, it is necessary to persuade him to take a walk in the fresh air. You can visit some events, exhibitions, museums, creative evenings, etc. The changed appearance should not be a hindrance, the main task will be to convince the patient that now positive emotions are much more important than the perception of others.

Condolences after the death of a loved one

The irreparable loss of loved ones causes severe suffering, with which a person without outside help not cope. In order to provide the necessary support in a timely manner, it is recommended to familiarize yourself with the main phases of the emotional state in this situation:

• Shock. It can last from several minutes to several weeks. The impossibility of perceiving reality is accompanied by a lack of control over emotions. Attacks can be accompanied by a violent manifestation of grief or complete inactivity with stone calmness and detachment. The person does not eat anything, does not sleep, does not talk and hardly moves. At this point, he needs psychological help. A reasonable decision would be to leave him alone, not to impose your care, not to try to force feed, water, start a conversation with him. You just need to be there, hug, take by the hand. It is important to carefully monitor the reaction. Do not start conversations on the topic: “if we had known earlier, we had time, etc.”. It is already impossible to return anything, so you should not provoke feelings of guilt. No need to talk about the deceased in the present tense, remember his torment. It is not recommended to make plans for the future: "everything is ahead, you will still have time, you will still find it, life goes on ...". It will be much better to help in organizing the funeral, cleaning, cooking.
• Experience. This period ends after two months. At this time, a person is a little slow, poorly oriented, almost unable to concentrate, every extra word or gesture can burst into tears. The feeling of a lump in the throat and sad memories do not let you sleep, there is no appetite. Memories of the departed cause a feeling of guilt, idealization of the image of the deceased, or aggression towards him. During this period, you can support a person kind words about the deceased. Such behavior will confirm a positive attitude towards the departed person and will become the basis for a common experience about his death. Do not give examples of other people who have experienced even greater grief. This will be perceived as tactless and disrespectful. Walks, simple activities, a simple release of emotions in the form of joint tears will be very effective. If a person wants to be alone, do not disturb him. In this case, you need to constantly be in touch, call or write messages.
• Awareness. This phase tends to end a year after the loss. A person may still suffer, but he is already aware of the irreversibility of the situation. It gradually enters the usual mode, it becomes possible to concentrate on working moments or everyday problems. Attacks of unbearable mental pain visit less and less. During this period, he has almost returned to normal life, but the bitterness of loss is still present. Therefore, it is necessary to unobtrusively introduce him to new activities and recreation. This should be done as tactfully as possible. You should control your words and be sympathetic to possible deviations from his usual behavior.
• Recovery. A person fully recovers one and a half years after the loss. The sharp pain is replaced by a quiet sadness. Memories are not always accompanied by tears, it becomes possible to control emotions. A person tries to take care of loved ones, now living people, but he still needs the help of a true friend.

If the described phases are delayed in time or do not come to change, it is necessary to urgently seek help from specialists. This condition is dangerous and fraught with the occurrence of serious diseases.

A collection of texts with words of gratitude to a friend for friendship, written in prose (not in verse). As they say - in your own words. These warm, sincere, beautiful words useful both on a holiday (for example, on a friend’s birthday, on the anniversary of friendship, etc.), and for support in difficult times and for decorating the most ordinary ordinary day. And they can also sign a postcard, a gift (a box of perfume, for example), a card for a bouquet.

Adding words of love to the text will help you.

All names in the texts are mentioned only for convenience of presentation, do not forget to change them to the name of your girlfriend.

Tanya, I'm happy that you are my friend. I envy myself and am proud of our friendship. You are real, bright, fresh as a breath of air and alive. I adore you and thank fate that we met. Thank you for always supporting me in difficult times and sharing joyful moments with me.

Katenka, I hope that life will someday give me an opportunity to truly thank you for your friendship, support and joy that you generously share with me. With such a friend, life in the world is not scary, joyful and interesting. I'm proud of you, my bright man. I hope that we will carry our friendship through life. I wish that nothing destroyed her (friendship), no one soiled our relationship ... that she lived forever. Thank you dear for everything.

Svetlanka, until I met you, believed that female friendship does not exist. And I'm glad I was wrong. Now I know for sure that it (friendship) not only exists, but also happens to be one of the most beautiful things in the world. Thank you for being my friend. I will not stop thanking life that I met you and that our friendship is still alive.

I have already told you “thank you” for many things, my friend. And I can probably say a lot more. But today I want to thank you simply for the fact that you are always there and for the fact that you are. I am very happy about this and only dream that you remain my friend forever. I have never met such sunny people and every time I wonder - how am I so lucky? I wish you to always remain with the same pure heart and bright soul. And may life protect you from any evil.

Dear friend! I have been preparing words for today's event for a long time. There is so much I want to say to you and I am so grateful to you for so much that I would have to read my speech for several hours. Therefore, I will simply tell you: I am grateful to you for being with me. I remember every minute I spent with you and they were all happy, joyful, interesting and unique. I didn’t think that such friendship was possible between girls (women, girls) and I never tire of being surprised by it.

I thank life for such a gift (friendship), appreciate it, enjoy it, cherish it as the greatest treasure and hope for your reciprocity.

Olenka, I want to tell you that our friendship with you is the best that I have. And I want to thank you for it. It brings into my life only joy, warmth, pride and support under my feet. I wish you to always remain as beautiful, joyful, bright, interesting and "not like everyone else." I love everything connected with our friendship and I don't want to lose you.

Dear friend, thank you for your friendship. For a pure heart that never lies (lies). For a clear vision. For the lack of profit. For not being jealous. For what you forgive. For your support in difficult times. For the joy that you share with me and for the difficult moments in which you never turned away from me. I love you for it, and even if our friendship someday ceases to exist, I still can never say that the time spent with you was a mistake, that it was unhappy, or that I wasted it for nothing. Because such a bright time cannot be called empty. It will always remain for me - valuable, warm and sincere. Thank you for being with me.

Ksyusha! I want to say a giant "thank you" to you for your friendship! If all people had friends like you, then there would be many more lucky people in this world. Because you are an unearthly, unreal, reliable, smartest, most talented, kindest and brightest girl and just a fabulous person. I never get bored, sad, empty and bad with you. Why, I wouldn’t leave you around the clock at all. I drink light, warmth and kindness from you, as from a holy spring, and I can’t get drunk. Thank you for sharing our friendship and generously sharing with me the brightest that you have. I will never stop admiring you and the life that gave me you.

Today I want to thank my friend (insert name) for friendship and for her amazing human and female qualities that strengthen, help and develop this friendship:

• For sensitivity and tact - a natural talent that is not taught anywhere;
• For the ability to listen and hear - a rare skill these days;
• For the lack of selfishness - thanks to this quality, friendship (and not only ours) is real;
• For the hellish patience with which she is able to listen to my crying in difficult times and cries of joy in moments of happiness;
• For the wisdom that helps her give me the most wonderful advice for any life situation and make amazing decisions;
• For the kindness that does not dry out in her and which she so generously shares with those around her (and most importantly - with me);
• For the fact that she is able to forgive and not to trifle when something went wrong between us;
• For the agility and resourcefulness with which she can dodge trouble and get me out of it;

But most importantly, I want to thank her for the rarest talent for a woman in our time - the ability to be friends with another woman. Be happy dear, don't leave me. I promise that I will always be the same friend to you that you have become to me.

I want to thank you for your friendship, my precious, and tell you that I dream of seeing you always happy and joyful. So that you always smile. So that all troubles bypass you (otherwise they will have to deal with me). May the sun never leave your life. So that all your dreams come true, and plans come true. So that you always have reliable assistants - it is easier to live in them. In general, I want nothing to ever overshadow our friendship and I promise you that I will always be there to drive away any hardships, support and please.

Lena, every day I bless the one who invented friendship. And now I want to thank you for it. You work miracles every day, without knowing it, probably. And I want to wish you to live a long, long time so that the miracle does not end. And so that the sunlight does not disappear from my life. You are very dear to me, I appreciate every minute spent with you - be happy and let those who are dear to you be happy.

Today, Lyudochka, I have prepared a special present for you. I give you this medal (certificate, souvenir, memorable gift, etc.) for friendship. Take it with mine sincere words thanks.

I thank you for being amazing. For the fact that I can be silent with you endlessly and chat incessantly. For the fact that I am sure that you are not able to betray on the sly. For the fact that it is always pleasant to be with you, even when you are going through not the most pleasant moments in life. For the fact that with you it’s not scary to go not only to reconnaissance, but in general to rush to the ends of the world without a return ticket. For the fact that next to you there is always something to be proud of. I think that such people are almost never found, they are only written about in books and films are shot. I am happy that I met such a person and even more happy that I managed to make friends with him.

Masha, I am sure, no matter how hard times friendship goes through, it will forever remain in our hearts as the brightest time of life. I will always remember you and the time we spent together. And even if someday we find ourselves far from each other, know that I remember you, I keep you in my heart and I will help you in any way I can if you call. Thank you for your friendship and I hope I don't disappoint you either.

Thank you best friend that your smile and laughter brighten my life. That you lend a hand when I need it. I also thank you for your congratulations on all the holidays and even for giving me a kick when I stop, not knowing how and where to go further. For calling me to visit, and for always waiting. For the fact that I can see you whenever I want. Thank you, my dear, you are a battery in my world, do not let it stand still and warm me.

My dear friend, thank you for the fact that I can chat with you over trifles and be absolutely happy at such moments. For your concern for me and for your concern. Thank you for making my soul feel like your own. For your endless, same question in messages: “Where are you, my friend?”

I thank you for everything, for everything, and most importantly: I thank you for being my friend, girlfriend, loved one and soul mate.

My beloved girlfriend, I want to tell you why I appreciate you, I cherish and never tire of thanking you ... I appreciate you for keeping my secrets and not regretting revealing yours. I adore you for your sharp tongue and excellent sense of humor. I get warm when you worry about me. I'm not angry that you dump your troubles on my head suddenly and without warning (it's so tonic). It invigorates me when you do not leave me alone with my thoughts.

I am glad that you share my successes with me, because it is very difficult to carry them alone. I am happy when you rejoice at our luck and swear at bad luck. In general, my friend, I live with you! A fulfilling life. And for that, I sincerely thank you.

Looking into your radiant eyes in the photographs, my friend, I am warmed by your warmth and charged with the joy they radiate. And touching your hand, I regain my vitality. Remembering our nightly gatherings, I am filled with joy from the fact that you are in the world. I thank you for your friendship, my good one ... even after years and distance, she helps me, supports me, does not let me get lost. Thank you and be happy, friend.

I can't imagine my life without you my friend, and I thank you for you. And for being my friend. You are my closest person, my world without you is simply impossible and unable to exist. Well, how can an outsider laugh so loudly when I stumble and yell: “clumsy cow, look under your feet!”

But can anyone, except for a true friend, hold out a hand when I fall into a puddle, cheerfully saying: “come on, come on, get up, fat creature, why lie down ... go not at the resort.”

And who else, besides a friend, can gobble up all the food in the refrigerator and, without thanking, without apologizing, fly away in an unknown direction for an indefinite period? And after that, also appear as if nothing had happened again, and, as if nothing had happened, demand more?

But how can a strange and cold person enter my home, opening the door with his foot and after hours?

In general, dear, I am grateful to you for always toning me up, not letting me relax and stimulating my nervous system.

Tim Lawrence, a psychotherapist and journalist, wrote an article in which he talks about how you can really help a person experiencing grief. He warns that with common phrases that are customary to say for support, you need to be more careful - they can hurt even more.

We publish an article by Tim, who himself experienced the loss of loved ones at a young age and knows what we really need in difficult times.

I listen to a friend of mine who is a psychotherapist talk about his patient. The woman had a terrible accident, she is constantly in pain and her limbs are paralyzed. I've heard this story ten times already, but one thing shocks me every time. He told the poor man that the tragedy had led to positive changes in her life.

“Everything in life does not happen by chance,” these are his words. It amazes me how deeply ingrained this banality is even among psychotherapists. These words hurt and hurt severely. He means that the incident makes the woman grow spiritually. And I think it's complete nonsense. The accident ruined her life and destroyed her dreams - that's what happened and there is absolutely nothing good about it.

Most importantly, such an attitude prevents us from doing the only thing we should do when we are in trouble - to grieve. My teacher Megan Devine says it well: “Some things in life cannot be fixed. It can only be experienced".

We do not only grieve when someone close to us dies. We indulge in sadness when loved ones leave, when hopes are dashed, when a serious illness overtakes. It is impossible to correct the loss of a child and the betrayal of a loved one - this can only be experienced.

If trouble has befallen you, and someone tells you the following worn out phrases: “everything that does not happen is for the better”, “it will make you better and stronger”, “it was predetermined”, “nothing happens just like that”, “you need to take responsibility for your life”, “everything will be fine” - you can safely delete this person from your life.

When we say such words to our friends and family, even with the best of intentions, we deny them the right to mourn, sadness and sadness. I myself experienced a huge loss, and every day I am haunted by guilt for the fact that I am still alive, and my loved ones are no more. My pain has not gone anywhere, I just learned to direct it in the right direction, working with patients, and better understand them.

But under no circumstances would it occur to me to say that this tragedy was a gift of fate that helped me grow spiritually and professionally. To say this is to trample on the memory of loved ones I lost too soon, and those who faced similar adversity but couldn't get over it. And I'm not going to pretend that it was easy for me because I'm strong, or that I became "successful" because I was able to "take charge of my life."

Modern culture treats grief as a problem that needs to be fixed, or as a disease that needs to be treated. We do everything to drown out, displace our pain or somehow transform it. And when you suddenly encounter adversity, the people around you turn into walking platitudes.

So what to say to friends and relatives who are in trouble, instead of "everything in life is not accidental"? The last thing a person crushed by misfortune needs is advice or guidance. The most important thing- understanding.

Say literally the following: “I know that you are in pain. I am here with you".

This means that you are ready to be near and suffer with a loved one - and this is an incredibly powerful support.

For people there is nothing more important than understanding. It does not require any special skills and training, it is just the willingness to be there and stay there for as long as it takes.

Be there. Just be there, even when you feel uncomfortable or don't seem to be doing anything useful. In fact, just when you feel uncomfortable, you should make an effort on yourself and stay close.

“I know you are in pain. I'm near".

We so rarely allow ourselves to enter this gray zone - the zone of horror and pain - but it is there that the roots of our healing lie. It starts when there are people ready to go there with us.

I ask you to do this for your loved ones. You may never know about it, but your help will be invaluable. And if you ever get into trouble, find someone who is ready to be there. I guarantee he will be found.

Everyone else can go.