They say you can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune. They say that on the ruins of an old family, a new one will not work. And the one who took her husband away from the family, loneliness and all conceivable sorrows will be the price for ruining someone else's nest ... Do you believe? Me not.
There will be no lectures about the immorality of homeowners. There will be no propaganda of selfishness and adultery. For one simple reason - everything happens in life, even if you promise and set clear boundaries for yourself. And you want happiness, despite the reproaches of your parents, the neighbor's whisper and ... such an uncomfortable question: "I took someone else's husband away, and what's next?"
Classic scenario No. 1. "It's a holiday with you, everyday life with your wife"
It was so grown-up at our barely eighteen. The friend's lover swore that he married exclusively "by flight", and now he is not at all attracted to his newborn son and his disgusted wife. He is drawn to her, the only one, and what a pity that she had not met him before!
He really didn't want to go home. After all, at home - diapers, children's crying, a wife tired to death and no paradise in a hut. And here - carefree first-year students and the continuation of the holiday of life. He eventually ran away from his wife. Yes, yes, as in a nightmare of any newlywed - leaving her without money, with a baby in her arms. But it was not possible to build a happy family with a girlfriend: as soon as the first signs of pregnancy appeared, he abruptly and without apology sent her to the doctor.
Take an objective look at the man you took away from the family. Perhaps he himself escaped from problems and troubles? If such statistics existed, we would know exactly what percentage of men have a mistress in the first year of a child's life. But even without statistics, ordinary observation shows: very high. However, you can escape not only from a child, and in any case, we can state: you got a very unfortunate copy.
He fled from the troubles in one family, he will run away to another, the one who betrayed one day will not be afraid to disappear again at the most crucial moment. He is with you while the celebration of life lasts, but sooner or later you will be left alone with your everyday life. And the only advice for a sane woman is "come to your senses, sir" and finally find a real man.
Scenario classic No. 2. "The taste of freedom, the intrigue of betrayals"
And this is the most typical story. He left the family for a long time and painfully, tossed between two fires and even turned a little gray. Finally, he was at the feet of his mistress, and she gained the long-awaited status of a wife. And after a couple of years, the public, led by the ex-wife, gloats: you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune. Because new wife experienced firsthand what it was like to be a mistress. A mockery of fate, not otherwise. And the first thing experienced ladies warn about women in women's forums.
No mysticism. The man felt the taste of freedom, the drive of betrayal, the intrigue of secret meetings. No wonder he wants to repeat the thrill. Either the new wife endures all his adventures, shedding tears into the borscht, or a divorce follows, followed by another one.
Analyze your relationship at the stage of adultery, what was more in them: true love or the exciting pleasure of eating the forbidden fruit? What was more on the part of the man? Was the man so attractive, thanks to the halo of taboo and inaccessibility? And if the first “accidental betrayal” follows (“I confess, I was drunk, I beguiled the demon”), you should not entertain illusions: such a man will not stop. From now on, your and his ideas about the fullness of life are seriously different. And if for you the won trophy immediately after leaving the family has lost all attractiveness, draw the appropriate conclusions and try to make peace with your conscience. Some succeed.
Scenario classic No. 3. "Thefts, bitches, hunters"
If you want to take a man out of the family is not so difficult. But often this does not require spontaneous emotions, but common sense, strategic thinking and a certain calculation. Burnt bitches can even make up a “hijacking” algorithm, almost unmistakable combinations of actions that can force any family man to leave the marital bed.
These women believe that only in the absence of a man lies the reason for their deep loneliness and disappointment in life. And they choose married people, because, in their opinion, only losers remain single. They figure out the ideal candidate, then gracefully take him away from the family and ... get at their disposal an unexpectedly ordinary man who brought with him old slippers and a suitcase packed by his ex-wife. They understand faster than others what to build new family on the ruins of the old one it will not be possible, they begin to get bored faster than others and, as a rule, they themselves expose the once desired man.
Remember, in the late nineties, all the bookstores were filled with cheap books from the series "how to become a bitch"? In them, the bitch was universally called the "hunter", and the second definition reveals the essence of these women much more fully than the first. The hunting instinct makes you catch game by any means, plan an operation to ruin the family, carry it out with jewelry accuracy and dance the cancan on the ruins of the hearth. And then - life, the boredom of everyday life. That's just the hunter does not need it. Poisoned by another portion of disappointment, she leaves to conquer new men.
The only way for an avid car thief to build a family is to reshape her own beliefs inside and out. But who is really going to do it? Advice from the category of empty moralizing. Therefore, the stories of such women will continue to be a clear embodiment of the saying “you can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune,” and their men will continue to return to their wives guiltily.
Happy Building Rules
However, hopeless stories are only one truth of life. But there is another. According to the Federal State Statistics Service, 57.5% of modern marriages end in divorce. This is a nightmarish figure, but behind it are millions of people who dream of having a second chance. Their remarriages often end badly, but it's not the law of the boomerang that is to blame, according to which the pain caused to other people returns to us. AND the best of that proof - happy marriages, in spite of any laws.
1. Learn from ex-wife . If your loved one left the family, it means rather not that you are the woman of his dreams, but that much did not suit him in the family. If a man leaves his wife, who, with her legal status, justifies eternal tantrums, insults and demands, and comes to the same mistress, he will run away from her too. Be wiser: give your loved one what he lacked in his past family and try to avoid the fatal mistakes of his ex-wife.
2. Take care of your "I". A frequent fate, especially among young girls: by hook or by crook, take someone else's husband out of the family, give birth to a child for him as soon as possible (so that he has no reason to return "for the sake of children") and ... turn into free app to a mature man. As one of my acquaintances says, "over all these years I could become anyone and achieve anything, and myself, wanting to keep someone else's husband, became an ideal hostess, an ideal lover and merged with the interior." You must live fully, and not try to "keep" every second.
3. Stay neutral about his former family. It is not so difficult to dissuade a man from seeing his own children, to make him forget the road to the recent past and set him against his ex-wife. But, firstly, you still have to live with yourself, and everyone who is capable of displaying at least some human emotions has a feeling of guilt. Secondly, the children will grow up, your husband will grow old and at some point will certainly regret that his children did not know their father. And he will not blame himself for this, no. You.
4. Build the future. As a rule, mistresses are extremely short-sighted. By agreeing to an affair with a married man, they are already with a high degree of probability dooming themselves to unpromising relationship, and when they decide to take him away from the family, they do not look beyond the very moment of triumph. But after the final kiss, no credits follow, but only the beginning of an old relationship in a new capacity. They didn't even think about the future.
I recall some kind of Hollywood comedy in which a deceived wife calmly asks her mistress: "Well, you took him away, and what's next?" And then in no time returns the bewildered husband. I recall Scarlett O'Hara, who for many years has never thought: how, in fact, she and her beloved Ashley will live after all the obstacles between them finally disappear. And why blame the "unfortunate foundation?"
What kind of relationship do you want? Are you ready for the fact that a man does not want to go to the registry office again? Wouldn't want another child? What will you do in this case: insist or wait? Or have you not thought about it at all?
To be afraid of karma - not to marry
I do not know who came up with the saying about the doom of happiness on someone else's misfortune. Perhaps an abandoned wife. Perhaps envious people who have someone else's happiness in their throats, especially if its presence contradicts all ideas of justice. This proverb is hissed after a woman who has married a divorced man (note that men are not reproached with a divorced passion), she promises retribution to a stubborn careerist who won the competitive race and to everyone who at least in some way was ahead of his brothers.
It is quite clear that the point of view expressed in the article most likely runs counter to the generally accepted one. But here's what I want to note: we all hurt someone from time to time. Each of our victories is accompanied by someone's defeat, and if the negative emotions of near and "far" would reverberate in our lives every time, then the world would turn into a large-scale hell of deeply unhappy people. After all, it's not about karma and not about the notorious "boomerang".
It is quite possible to build happiness "on someone else's misfortune", as life shows, but for this you need to live in accordance with your conscience and your principles. Do not persuade yourself, do not agree with your conscience that it categorically cannot accept. Do not deceive yourself, do not harbor illusions.
And to know exactly what you really want: for your loved one to be with you, no matter what it costs, or for him to be really happy?
IS HAPPINESS BUILT ON THE UNHAPPINESS OF OTHERS POSSIBLE?
On December 6, students of the 11th grade of the MKOU of the Kady secondary school wrote a final essay, which is an admission to the state final certification for programs of secondary general education. 31 participants were registered to write the final essay.
The duration of writing the final essay is 3 hours 55 minutes (235 minutes). For participants with disabilities, disabled children and the disabled, the duration of writing the final essay (statement) is increased by 1.5 hours.
15 minutes before the start, the topics of the final essay for the Kostroma region were announced:
111. When can betrayal be forgiven?
201. What actions of a person speak of his responsiveness?
305. Is happiness built on the misfortune of others possible?
403. How is boldness different from recklessness?
508. Can public opinion be wrong?
To receive a “credit” for the final essay, you must receive a “credit” according to criterion No. 1 “Relevance to the topic” and criterion No. 2 “Argumentation. Attraction of literary material” (setting “failure” according to one of these criteria automatically leads to “failure” for the work as a whole), as well as additionally “pass” according to one of the other criteria: No. 3 “Composition and logic of reasoning”; No. 4 "The quality of written speech"; No. 5 Literacy.
Students who received an unsatisfactory result, did not appear for the final essay or did not complete it for good reasons, on February 7, 2018 and May 16, 2018, will be able to re-write the essay.
Change is a terrible word. Few things in our world can compare with the horror of what is happening for a deceived woman if she really loves her man. In the acute phase, a woman is ready to do something stupid. Then the pain will decrease a little and she will learn to think rationally. But a man in such a situation may not immediately respond, but still leave the traitor. However, men rarely try to recapture other people's wives, choosing married ones just so that there are no problems. But for many unofficial “wives”, the proverb “You can’t build happiness on someone else’s misfortune” is relevant.
without cheating
Relationships develop most honestly in a situation where a mistress simply uses a man as a source of money, without pretending to marry and destroy the family. By the way, such a problem-free model of relationships is most often used by rich men who are being hunted. Therefore, it is rather difficult to destroy the family of a rich man by taking the husband away from his wife. Wealthy men are too smart to play by the rules of mistresses. If the mistress has enough intelligence, she realizes that the man will not belong to her. And the rule “you can’t build happiness on someone else’s grief” does not apply to her, since she does not build anything.
On someone else's caravan ...
It is realistic to beat off someone else's husband only if he is a man from the lower part of the middle class or is generally poor. And this is real precisely because the wife does not fight for this with smart methods. Because they better not waste time with married men with financial "advantages". You can't build happiness on unhappiness. Yes, and there will be no happiness with "poor quality" if you swung at the poor. Then you will blame yourself for wasting time and effort. Better work on yourself to choose a free one. And do not reproach yourself and do not feel guilty. By the way, if you were able to recapture someone else, there is a very high probability that another will take him away. Traitors in war are not trusted.
Protection won't work
By engaging in sexual intercourse with a man already "ringed", you are committing a huge sin. And if you try to break up a family, and children remain in the family without a father, then the situation is aggravated. When a deceived wife goes to sorcerers, servants of the dark forces, God will not protect you. And if a man is rich, then his woman has enough money for the most “effective” rituals. So you run the risk of getting to God's judgment ahead of time and the underworld shines for you. Wife too, of course. But you don't think about her, do you? You can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune.
Alternative
The problem of lack of men, in principle, is acute. Especially in the states of the former Soviet Union. But after all, these difficulties can be circumvented - there are quite a lot of suitors abroad who want to marry our women. Of course, provided that the chosen one has a good face, keeps herself within the framework of the figure and easily communicates with people. You can't build happiness on someone else's misfortune. If you can't build a house in Russia, perhaps you can do it in America. Emphasize the beauty of facial features, make a figure, learn to communicate. And learn the language - to take time for useful work. Then you will not have to think that you cannot build happiness on someone else's misfortune - your life will enter a reasonable track and you will build your own house, and not destroy someone else's.
Everyone considers his position to be the most unfortunate, and everyone least of all wants to be where he is.
Mark Tullius Cicero
For the unfortunate, life itself is an injustice.
Publilius Sir
The unfortunate are always to blame.
François Joseph Debillon
The unfortunate are forgotten just like the dead.
Pliny the Younger
We cannot even remain unhappy for long.
Francois Rene de Chateaubriand
Not to feel your grief is not characteristic of a person, and not to endure it is unworthy of a husband.
Seneca
In misfortune, one often regains peace, taken away by fear of misfortune.
Maria Ebner-Eschenbach
Great misfortune is the inability to endure misfortune.
Bion Borisfensky
In misfortune, one can only console oneself with the misfortune of others.
Henri de Monterland
It is impossible to find such an unfortunate house that would not have the consolation of seeing another house even more unhappy.
Seneca
Unhappiness is a contagious disease. The unfortunate and the poor need to stay away from each other so as not to get more infected.
Fedor Dostoevsky
If you're going to be unhappy, it's best in California.
Barbara Stanik
Without misfortune, people would be bored. Grief captures more than joy.
Etienne Rey
The greatest misfortune of my life is the death of Anna Karenina.
Sergey Dovlatov
Misfortune tends to call forth talents which, under the happiest of circumstances, would remain dormant.
Horace
There are situations in life in which misfortune gives the right to immortality.
P. Buast
Great misfortune is the inability to endure misfortune.
B. borystenite
It is in adversity that a person makes many friends. To be the confidant of happiness is the destiny and virtue of the few.
A. Morua
There is no person more miserable than the one who was not allowed to experience misfortune.
D. Taylor
The basis of unhappiness is often happiness.
author unknown
The essence of unhappiness is to want and not to be able.
B. Pascal
The two common causes of people's unhappiness are, on the one hand, ignorance of how little they need to be happy, and, on the other, imaginary needs and boundless desires.
K. Helvetius
Misfortunes bring terrible benefits: they uplift the soul, exalt us in our own eyes.
A. Herzen
Only misfortune teaches fools wisdom.
Democritus
All the joys and misfortunes of people are created by their own thoughts.
Hong Zicheng
If people have nothing to boast about, they boast about their misfortunes.
A. Graf
Unhappy who has never been unhappy.
Ancient aphorism
Everyone is as unhappy as he considers himself unhappy.
D. Leopardi
People are unhappy only because they do not live according to the laws of truth and goodness. Often people do not understand this and think that they are unhappy for other reasons. - I'm unhappy, - says one, - because I'm sick. “It is not true, you are unhappy because you cannot patiently endure your illness. “I am unhappy because I am poor,” says another. - And I - because I have evil parents. - And I - because Caesar does not favor me. That's what people say. But all this is not true - they are unhappy only because they do not live the way their mind tells them to.
Epictetus
If you like, a person must be deeply unhappy, because then he will be happy. If he is constantly happy, he will immediately become deeply unhappy.
F. Dostoevsky
The unfortunate are always to blame: they are to blame for their existence, for saying that they need others and for not being able to render them services.
O. Mirabeau
The unfortunate have a truer and more accurate idea of happiness.
A. Vampilov
The happy count time in minutes, while for the unhappy it lasts for months.
F. Cooper
Of all the unfortunate, the most unfortunate are the lazy ones, they can do nothing, even if the fire of hunger burns them.
T. Vidyapati
Whoever considers himself unhappy becomes unhappy.
K. Helvetius
(an essay based on the “Hero of Our Time”, tightly intertwined with my worldview)
Princess Mary: “Is this gentleman a cat who has such an unpleasant, heavy look?”
Maxim Maksimych: “He was so thin, white, his uniform was so brand new ...”
... Dark April night ... gray clouds float lazily over the smoky ceiling of our city ... No stars, no moon - in a word, no romance ... I sleep, but my dream is disturbing ... faceless images float in my head, the chain of which can break at any moment ... and , apparently, that’s why the world becomes completely quiet, nothing moves around ... It feels like I’m walking along a glass wall, running my finger along it and can’t find the entrance ... the entrance to sleep ... and then suddenly something gently pushes me in the back - probably a dog - and I get inside something mystical, immense ... imperceptible ...
What surrounds me is reminiscent of a forest ... most likely, autumn ... Not far from me, in the shade, a little sideways, right on the ground, a man sits with his head down and draws something on the sand with a twig ... “He is of medium height; his slender, thin figure and broad shoulders proved a strong build ... ”And despite his appearance, he looks broken ... Now, right in front of me, a man swallows fate, like a dog struck in battle licks his wounds ... The smell of grief hovered in the air, I felt it with my skin , and “his face did not express anything special” ... strange ... perhaps this is due to the fact that his face was almost invisible ... I suddenly had a desire to go up and comfort him, when suddenly ... “he raised his head and laughed ... I got chills on my skin from this laughter ... "
... And I wake up in the middle of the room in a cold sweat ... It would seem that I didn’t see anything terrible, but on the other hand ... I have just been enveloped in a vacuum of inconsistency ... the senile grief of a young man ...
I grope to the table, light a candle and start writing... Why a candle? Yes, it’s just that her light is less bright ... it doesn’t hit in the eyes and doesn’t confuse thoughts ... with reflections ... with the knowledge of a person, most of which remains a mystery to all mankind ...
Pechorin... Who is he? “A stone thrown into a smooth source”, “A gentleman who has such an unpleasant, heavy look”, a gentleman who “never became a slave to his beloved woman”? ... All this is true ... This is the first impression of Pechorin, which for him the environment remains the last ... This is a mask tightly attached to the face ... And only we, the readers of his diary, can find out what is hidden under this terrible mask ... Pechorin himself tells us: “Everyone read signs of bad properties on my face that were not ; but they were supposed - and they were born. It turns out that this society put him in a mask? This society made him a man who lives "not with his heart, but with his head ..."? Society has turned him into a sailor, whose "soul has become accustomed to storms and battles", who is "cast ashore, bored and languishing ..."?
And what is he really like? Why did he live? For what purpose was he born? What is he hiding, or rather, that he does not want to see society under this mask of cruelty? “Despair is not the kind of despair that can be cured at the muzzle of a gun, but cold, powerless despair…”
I imagine him as a person tired of life ... a person ready to face death at the age of 30 ... it’s scary to imagine how much it takes to go through to become like that ... And he didn’t have to worry - it was enough to just try, learn about everything, study everything ... “such was the man: what he thinks, give; apparently in childhood he was spoiled by his mother.
Pechorin is a subtle psychologist ... he understands people, probably many times better than himself ... He says: “When I got to know a woman, I always accurately guessed whether she would love me or not ...”. Why is this? - Is it because I never really value anything and that they were constantly afraid to let me out of their hands? Or is it the magnetic influence of a strong organism?”
Pechorin is absolutely not afraid for himself. He is ruled by curiosity ... a curiosity that can stop his life in an instant. But he looks at the world with the eyes that a child looks at his toys... Once he sets a goal, he will definitely achieve it... Breaking fates, taking lives... "But what do I care about human joys and misfortunes?"
Who is he? A man who lives according to the laws of the wolf ... And is he even a man? His life is like a flight, the flight of a huge, proud bird in the boundless sky...
The love of Princess Mary for Pechorin does not mean anything, he just wants to feel power over her, like a bird of prey wants to feel how the torn game beats for the last time in her bones. “She is like a flower, whose best fragrance evaporates towards the feather beam of the sun; it must be torn off at this moment and, after breathing it to its fullest, throw it on the road: maybe someone will pick it up!
But is it all on the outside? Do we feel sorry for Pechorin himself as well as his victims? He himself admits to us: "If I am the cause of the misfortune of others, then I myself am no less unhappy." A soul disappointed in this world... Boredom, it turns out, is not so harmless...
Such pleasures that can be obtained for money, Pechorin was disgusted even in his youth; he was also tired of society in the big world; “Love only irritated my imagination and vanity, but my heart remained empty…” Is it really so huge, this heart, that no one can fill it? Yes! "I was ready to love the whole world - no one understood me: and I learned to hate."
People, what have we done?! We killed personality, crushed it, smeared it on our own soles! Pechorin whispers to us about this, he asks for help, quietly, so as not to awaken his pride: “I became a moral cripple: one half of my soul did not exist, it dried up, evaporated, died, I cut it off and threw it away, while the other moved and lived at the services of everyone, and no one noticed this, because no one knew about the existence of her dead half ... "
And now every night he will look at us from behind the glass of his dreams brown eyes, eyes that "cannot laugh ...", eyes that emit a brilliance, "like the brilliance of smooth steel, dazzling, but cold." And his heavy, penetrating gaze “could have seemed impudent if he had not been so indifferently calm ...”
