Not every woman going through a period of romantic dating can easily recognize a despotic person in her chosen one. One day, having married him and shared a common path, she will realize that she has unknowingly let a real tyrant into her life.

Tyrants are power-hungry, aggressive and selfish men who always and in everything defend their rightness, do not listen to the opinions and desires of their spouse, trying to completely seize power over her through the use of violence (physical, psychological, sexual and economic).

How to recognize a tyrant in a man?

At the first stages of meeting such a person, a woman may not even suspect that in her gentle and caring lover hides a real “wild beast”, capable of completely subjugating her and making her his “whipping doll.” But over time, she begins to feel strong psychological pressure on his part, excessive demands on her and their common children, and notices an attempt to control all her actions and even her train of thought.

Let's look at other common signs of a tyrant man.

Harsh criticism of lifestyle

A tyrant man is convinced that he knows better how to go through life and what to do to achieve success. All ideas and attempts to make decisions independently on the part of the wife are suppressed by the tyrant husband. He criticizes her way of life, believes that she constantly chooses the wrong path in everything, often makes mistakes and takes ill-considered steps.

The tyrant is sure that his task is to teach his spouse about life. Therefore, he completely controls her, not allowing her to make her own decisions. The choice of profession, place of work, number of future children, the decision to take out a loan, planning a family trip will fall entirely on the “responsible” shoulders of a self-confident man.

It is impossible to please a tyrant man in anything. He will not be satisfied with everything: the volume of his wife’s voice, her culinary abilities, her friends and relatives, her hobbies and work. Such a person will always find a new flaw that he will begin to find fault with.

Criticism of habits

A real tyrant will never allow his wife to dress the way she likes. He will not only control her actions, but also independently choose the style of her hair, the style and color of her everyday clothes, and makeup.

In psychology, there are many cases where tyrant husbands created scandals for their wives who decided at their own discretion to change their hairstyle or buy a suit without permission.

If a woman has long developed habits (admiring herself in front of the mirror, washing windows at the same time of the month, drawing on paper during a telephone conversation, etc.), they will also be criticized by the tyrant, since they will irritate him .

The problem is that such a man is not given the opportunity to accept his wife as she is with all her advantages, disadvantages, habits and individual characteristics. A tyrant man will always see flaws in a woman, which, in his opinion, need to be constantly corrected.

Showing aggression for complete control

Tyrants can use different methods of “educating” their “wrong” spouse: from lectures that they will give for a long time for didactic purposes, to physical violence, severe beatings that cause harm to the woman. A tyrant man is convinced that “opening his fists” will only benefit his wife. With blows, he can teach her to behave correctly and always obey him.

Aggression rarely occurs in the presence of strangers. As a rule, only with his wife does this person turn into a “beast”. Therefore, mutual friends, relatives and colleagues are not even able to suspect a dirty trick.

Many tyrant men manage to control their spouse so tightly that she is afraid to admit to people around her that she is suffering because of her husband’s behavior, and does not dare to complain to anyone or seek help.

Decreased wife's self-esteem

Control is exercised not only through aggression, but also through regular lowering of the wife’s self-esteem.

Constantly pointing out her shortcomings, her husband will sooner or later make her believe that no one needs her except him. If she decides to leave him, she will seriously regret it, since she will be left completely alone without work, food and a happy, prosperous life.

Convincing his wife that she cannot take even one step without him, the tyrant husband will humiliate her dignity and inspire her with her insignificance.

Creating the illusion of a “leash”

Even if a woman has a job with a stable, regular income, she will experience a real fear of wanting to divorce this person. Under the influence of the ideology of her tyrant husband, she will worry about her future without him. Even if the spouses no longer share warm feelings, it will be incredibly difficult for her to leave him, as he will threaten persecution.

Some women (most often having children in common with their tyrant husband) suffer from remorse, fearing for the future of their children. Children tie her even more to her husband, so she is very worried even at the thought of divorce.

Why does a man become a family tyrant?

Psychologists know several common reasons that can influence a man’s transformation into a tyrant:

Heredity. Most experts agree that the reason for male “tyranny” lies in his distant childhood. It is quite possible that this person's father or other relative was also once (or still is) a tyrant. Observing the older man, the boy perceives his behavior as “correct” and his relationship with his wife as “normal.”

Even if the boy felt pity for his mother, tormented by the monstrous character of his tyrant father, he can grow up to be the same “beast” in order to compensate for the grievances for his mother with another woman. Of course, this happens on an unconscious level.

Spoiledness, a feeling of “permissiveness” and lack of rigor in the education process. Sometimes a tyrant boy can grow up in a good-natured family, where parents always communicate with him and with each other gently and warmly.

If throughout his life he was pampered, given a lot of freedom, did not limit him in anything and constantly tried to please him, the child could over time develop the habit of getting everything he wants.

He will certainly carry this behavior into his adult life and into his relationships with his future family. And if his wife does not want to indulge all his desires and demands, one day he will force her to do this by any means.

Jealousy and an inflated sense of ownership. When newlyweds get married, they enter into a conditional agreement among themselves that they will help each other in everything. However, for a tyrant man, a woman is not an adviser and a faithful “right hand” in life. For him, she is just property, a thing that he uses at his own discretion.

If this “thing” has problems or shortcomings, he will correct them. Of course, a tyrant man will not ask her permission for correction, because for him she is only a “thing”.

Therefore, if a rival suddenly appears on the horizon, wanting to “take away” his own “thing” from the tyrant, he will show more aggression towards it, repaying anger and resentment against it in the most cruel ways.

Lack of self-confidence and self-affirmation at the expense of the weak. Also in psychology, there are cases when a quiet and shy person, unable to show aggression and take leadership positions in society among stronger people, “takes it out” on his wife and children at home. They are weaker creatures for him, whom he can manipulate, whom he can offend and constantly keep in fear.

Tame the “monster” or leave it forever?

There are women living among us who, when faced with male tyranny for the first time, respond with a firm refusal to submit to his demands, are not afraid to contact the police after physical violence, and are waging a fierce struggle for their own happiness, health and life.

However, not every woman has a strong character. Among us there are those women who cannot say “no” to their husband, who experience a feeling of extreme fear of him, and who are unable to help themselves.

Undoubtedly, in a family problem, when one person takes complete power over another, there are two culprits: not only the tyrant husband, but also his wife.

Having a meek and modest character by nature, weak willpower, many fears and the inability to resist aggression and get out of the control of a tyrant, it will be difficult for a woman to do anything to get rid of the position of a “slave”. However, if she wants to change her life, something must be done.

Psychological help very important in this situation. A specialist will help analyze the essence of the family problem, understand the motives of the tyrant husband and his wife, study their relationship and open a new “door” for the spouses for radical changes. Based on each individual case, the psychologist will create a program that will help the woman (and, possibly, her man) overcome her psychological problems.

Step to Liberation #1: Gaining Independence

As a rule, a woman is held back by one or several factors:

• children shared with husband, whose life she is afraid to ruin with divorce or other drastic changes;
• financial dependence(if the woman does not work and uses exclusively the funds that her husband earns);
• Nice memories associated with the early period of development of relationships with her husband, when he did not show his character;
• love feeling, which a woman still feels for her husband, despite his behavior;
• sense of duty to husband, making a woman think that she is obliged to help him become the same;
• hope that his behavior is only a temporary phenomenon associated with certain life events (for example, dismissal from work, death of a relative);
• fear of one's own loneliness(when a woman is afraid that after separation from this person she will no longer be able to meet someone else);
• fear of other consequences of divorce(for example: loss of housing, separation from children).

The list of dependencies may not end here. All these factors are like chains holding a woman captive, not allowing her to change her life for the better. However, gaining independence in this situation will be a necessary decision. Psychologists advise starting small.

The woman’s task in this case will be to find all possible ways to completely separate psychologically, socially and financially from this person, to involve relatives and close friends in solving her problem, who can support in this difficult situation, and also, possibly, temporarily provide housing, financial funds, etc.

All this is necessary in order to separate from your husband and protect yourself as much as possible from his influence.

• Gaining financial independence. If it is difficult to break off a relationship with a tyrant man due to financial independence, you should find a job and start living on your own. This is the only way you can declare yourself as an independent person, capable of making your own decisions and able to stand up for yourself.
• Gaining psychological independence. If a woman still has strong feelings for her husband, it will be much more difficult for her to leave him. In this situation, it is necessary to look at the current situation from a new perspective, weigh all the pros and cons, and also answer the questions for yourself: “does this person love you?”, “Is a loving person capable of acting as your husband does?” ?”, “Are you and your children happy in a family with such a person?”

The seamy side of relationships is very important for gaining psychological freedom. If you realize that the strong feeling has passed, it will be easier for you to go through with the divorce.

Step to Freedom #2: Divorce Process

Of course, divorce is one of the most effective methods of ending a relationship with a tyrant man. If you realize that nothing but pleasant memories connects you with him, it is better to take this step on time.

However, there are often cases when a tyrant does not stop pursuing his wife even after the divorce.

It is imperative to tell your relatives and friends about your problem so that they can support you in your decision and establish a reliable wall between you and the tyrant man. If your husband is stalking you, but you have no relatives or close people who could help you, contact the police.

4 steps to taming a “monster”

If you do not want to consider divorce as a solution to the problem, you will have to make changes in your relationship with your husband. At the same time, it is important to change not only your husband’s attitude towards you, but also to change your own behavior tactics.

“Taming” is a more difficult way out of the situation, requiring maximum patience, time, tenacity of character and the ability to oppose from a woman. If you have never had to show willpower and object to your spouse before, you will have to step over your own fears, remorse and principles.

To tame a tiger, a circus tamer uses fairly harsh methods, including a method that involves the use of a whip. Unfortunately, you will have to communicate with a tyrant man in the same way.

Tactic No. 1. You should teach yourself not to notice reproaches and criticism from your husband, not to take them seriously. If a man begins to raise his voice and scold you for a trifle, mentally abstract yourself from this unpleasant situation, stop hearing and listening to his words, the sound of his voice.

Tactic No. 2. If a tyrant man manipulates you, use his own method and try to manipulate him as well. For each of his threats, you must have a pre-prepared response. If the situation reaches a dead end, when he begins to use force and threaten to beat him, call the police, ask neighbors for help, do everything to find help from other people.

Tactic No. 3. Don’t be afraid to object and argue with him, refuse him and oppose him in everything that is unpleasant to you. If he is “bad”, don’t cook him lunch or refuse to iron his shirts. The strike method can help not only in situations with workers fighting with management, but also in aggravated situations of family relations.

Tactic No. 4. As mentioned above, most oppressive men hide their “true” nature and the characteristics of their aggressive behavior from the people around them. Try to take advantage of an opportunity (for example, when you and your husband are visiting relatives) and provoke your husband’s behavior. Let him prove himself in public.

Living with a tyrant: do you need it?

In most cases, it is not possible to re-educate a tyrant man. This becomes feasible when he himself struggles with his character and tries to overcome his emotions, wants to change his relationship with his wife for the better and deeply repents of his actions.

Also, “therapy” will be effective if the woman manages to bring her husband to a consultation with a psychologist.

If you understand that it is impossible to make friends with a domestic tyrant, think about whether it is worth continuing your life together with this person? Often, it was divorce that allowed women to start their lives anew, look at themselves differently and move with renewed vigor to the next stages of their life’s journey, but without family tyranny.

If you have any questions, you can tell us about your problem on our website, it will answer your questions on-line.

Good day everyone! Sasha Bogdanova is with you... and today I would like to talk to you about “special” men! And they would be like this if there weren’t millions of them in the world...

There are such men, next to whom life can become a real test for a woman. For those around him, he is quite sweet, pleasant, and only those close to him know that in fact he is a despot - a real domestic tyrant.

I’ll say right away that you will never be able to change your tyrant husband! Any attempts to convey to him that he is somehow treating you differently will be nipped in the bud. Because for himself “he is always right”, he knows everything and does everything better than you.

At best, he will simply tell you “stupid, idiot, you don’t understand anything! I’m trying to be stupid for you!”

Those. He will cover up all his nagging and tyrannical actions towards you with care. Allegedly, you are doing everything wrong, but he is so smart and will teach you how to live correctly. Like everything is for the good.

And he never admits that he is wrong! And even more so, he does not admit to you or himself that he is not healthy - he is mentally ill.

Moreover, most likely he will also turn everything upside down so that you will begin to consider yourself a psychopath, and not him, so that yours will drop to zero, and this is the goal of your “precious” hubby.

After all, the less confident you are in yourself, in your strengths and abilities, the more attached to him. He will do everything to convince you that such a stupid woman is not needed by anyone but him and that you should be grateful to him for bothering with you.

Is it worth saving the relationship?

Tormenting you day after day with his supposedly vitally “necessary” moral teachings, he will drive you to madness, completely depriving you of the feeling of joy and any significance of yourself in this world.

It is possible that your husband will agree to visit a psychologist with you, but if suddenly the specialist says even a word that you also have a problem, even a small, insignificant one, the tyrant will perceive this and turn it around so that it’s all your fault.

And at every opportunity he will not miss the opportunity to remind you of this. And you will again be trampled by his malice, without having a word to counter his arguments.

Do you think that you love him and that he is the best thing that was and is in your life? I remember the lines from the song:

© “What then can I expect from life if the best thing I had in it was YOU?” - Zemfira...

What to do to preserve yourself under the pressure of tyranny?

Is it worth trying to maintain something in your life together with someone who not only makes you unhappy, but frankly cripples you, both mentally and physically?

I think the answer is obvious: NO!

The only thing to do is run! Run without looking back and without remembering!

Dear, lovely women! Take care of yourself! Your happiness is in your hands and only that, and not in someone else’s, and certainly not in the hands of a tyrant husband! No one has the right to decide for you!

We are all free in our desires, actions and choices!

Tyranny in the family is a complex topic in family relationships, which the woman herself can change. Being inside the situation, sometimes a woman may not realize that fate has connected her with a tyrant husband. Therefore, you should learn to identify such a man and decide what to do next. For a tyrant, a wife is a victim, to whom he will convince her that she is wrong in all matters of life. A tyrant husband feels great if his wife experiences insecurity, which allows him to manipulate her. He will definitely blame his companion for his failures, both big and small.

Often at a psychologist’s appointment, when the conversation turns to domestic violence, women mean physical violence. However, along with the physical, it causes no less troubles, which are difficult for women.

Types of behavior of a tyrant husband

Psychologists note two types of tyrannical behavior:

– the first type includes men who were unable to realize themselves in the business sphere. Husbands who have not been able to find their purpose at work can easily “try on” the role of a leader at home. They tell their loved ones what to do, constantly criticizing them. Such men want to emphasize their status in every possible way, because they are the head of the family. In turn, they expect total worship from family members;

– the second type includes men who have childish complexes. Complexes of this kind are often associated with resentment towards parents and classmates. The remaining childish complex inside forces the man to hold on to a dominant position. This is due to the fact that the “child” inside the man is afraid of being offended in advance. This type of man constantly causes showdowns and scandals; they are present everywhere: at home, at a party, in the supermarket. This happens because in this state he feels protected.

Signs of a tyrant husband

Below are the most common signs of a tyrant. So, you can classify your husband as a tyrant if:

– he likes to put his wife in a dependent position, be it emotional or material;

– speaks discourteously about the wife’s relatives and friends, and also does his best to limit her communication with her friends and wants the wife to give all her time and attention, preferably to him;

– likes to criticize women’s manner of speaking, dressing, putting on makeup, and laughing;

- over time, it becomes virtually impossible to please her husband; she is constantly being criticized: she sat down wrong, stood up wrong, didn’t add salt to the food or over-salted it, talks too quietly or loudly;

– the husband likes to make fun of his wife, and if he hears that this is unpleasant for his wife, he tries to convince her that there is nothing wrong in his actions, but her perception is very critical due to increased sensitivity and lack of a sense of humor;

– a man allows himself to humiliate and insult a woman with obscene words, forcing her to feel endlessly guilty about everything;

– after any conflict, the husband always blames his wife, and if the man did something wrong, then it is the wife who is to blame;

– the man is not responsible for his words. He rarely keeps promises, but demands the exact opposite from a woman;

– naivety that a husband can be remade;

– presence of small children;

– subconscious contentment with the role of the victim: there is no need to take responsibility for the family, make decisions, the woman enjoys scandals with subsequent reconciliation;

– financial dependence on husband;

– lack of work,

– memories of the initial good relationship and the conviction that the spouse will improve, becoming the same;

– lack of friends and relatives who could help;

– feeling of one’s own guilt for the fact that the spouse has become different;

– lack of self-confidence;

- being left alone and not understanding what to do next.

If a woman sees a way out in continuing to live with a tyrant, then she has the following options for behavior:

The first is to submit in everything and submit to your husband.

The second is to win your position and be able to stand up for yourself.

The choice remains only for the woman.

You can make life easier with a tyrant, but only if you decide to fight back. To do this, you need to contact a psychologist, with whom you can analyze each specific situation, drawing up a specific action plan.

Psychologists advise not to take a subordinate position in the family, not to lower your head and not give in to slack. As soon as a woman shows weakness, the tyrant will go on the offensive, so you need to become a strong personality and...

How to get rid of a tyrant husband

If life with your spouse has become unbearable, then the best way out is to end the relationship and get a divorce.

To do this you need:

- to awaken self-love and realize that there is only one life and living it with a man who does not love and does not respect is stupid;

– you should understand that a woman is just a victim for her husband, he does not see her as a person, so he has no problem throwing out all his negativity, uncertainty and inadequacy on her;

– you need to seriously think through your future plan and not take serious actions for now, but it will be necessary to create a financial safety net and search for housing. It is advisable for a woman to seek specific advice from a psychologist, since it is a specialist who will help to understand each specific situation, give recommendations on how to behave with her husband, how to stop his male cruelty;

– you will need to restore lost connections with loved ones and friends, tell them about what happened, why you stopped communicating with them. To do this, you should voice your problem in case you have to contact them for help;

– if there is no assault in the family, you can declare your intention to separate directly. If the spouse does not give his consent, then it would be appropriate to seek help from a lawyer or a crisis center, where they will provide legal assistance and a roof over your head;

– you should get a job, save up money for a future independent life without a husband;

– it is necessary to start communicating with people again and go out into society in order to get away from home, acquire new interests and acquaintances;

– if your husband engages in assault, you should pack your things when he is not at home and move out immediately. You can rent an apartment or turn to friends, relatives for help, write a statement to law enforcement agencies;

– if a man has acquired a taste for tyranny, then he will not stop, so there is no point in engaging in self-deception, believing that he will improve and being persuaded by such a person;

– when the decision is made, you should seriously consider how to leave your tyrant husband and successfully implement the exit plan without negative consequences;

– if it so happens that a woman does not have the financial means to rent an apartment and does not have relatives, then you can use the help of a crisis center, where they will provide shelter and protection;

– you shouldn’t be afraid that your ex-husband will start stalking you. Often such people are cowards and are afraid of publicity for their actions. If you are very afraid, you can move to another city and start life there. In any case, it will be better than continuing life, following the lead of your fears. You should also not endure beatings and bullying in order to preserve the family for your children. In such a family, children grow up unhappy. By remaining in the family of a tyrant, there is a high probability that children may repeat the behavior pattern of their family;

– to give yourself confidence, you should talk to women who have experienced a breakup with a tyrant. Among them it is difficult to find those who are upset by the decision. Most regret that they did not do this earlier.

The problem is considered a fairly common social phenomenon. Domestic violence is found in absolutely all social strata of society. Therefore, women need to remember that any psychological action of a violent nature is considered a crime. Various personal humiliations and insults will only intensify and worsen after a little time. Silencing this problem will not solve the situation favorably. First of all, women should turn to family law specialists and psychologists for help, and they should also seek support from loved ones. There is no need to refuse communication with loved ones. Even if they cannot help, this will provide an opportunity to speak out and receive psychological support.

Women who suffer from violent abuse often find it difficult to accept help from others. Often they are embarrassed, ashamed and simply afraid to ask for help, so they are left alone with trouble. There are also people who do not know where to turn, suffering from domestic tyranny. If there is a need for immediate response, then you need to contact the police. But it should be borne in mind that the police will not resolve issues that require a cardinal position from a woman. First of all, the woman herself should try to get rid of the emotional or physical oppression of her husband. Until a woman makes a final decision on her own that she is no longer a victim, changes in family life will not occur.

There are specialized organizations (crisis centers, social services) that provide assistance to women victims of violence. It is important that the telephone numbers of these organizations are always at hand in case of need.

A woman can provide phone numbers to neighbors and children so that they can independently ask for help if she is unable to do so at a critical moment.

Husbands who commit violence bear civil, administrative or criminal liability. It is necessary to understand that before the tyrant husband takes responsibility, a lot of mental energy and time will be spent, but all these are trifles compared to the tragic consequences that hushing up the problem can lead to.

An idyll in family life is the central heroine of any woman’s dreams. Mutual respect, so often described in fairy tales, reverent attitude and affection often quickly dry up in harsh reality. Many people realize the problem only when a hurricane of cruelty and anger suddenly bursts out of a benevolent family man, which cannot be controlled either by persuasion or humiliation.

There is a problem!

A husband-tyrant is a fairly common wording in everyday life: a neighbor beats his wife, a social acquaintance is addicted to humiliating his own beloved, and the newspapers again write about the torture of his wife’s husband and children. This kind of news instills panic and seemingly unfounded anxiety into the heads of even morally stable citizens.

Non-standard approach

Particularly suspicious women even see mysticism in a family where a tyrant husband rules. Conspiracy and egg rolling are the first things that come to the minds of many housewives, so simple hoaxers and charlatans often profit from the psychological imbalance of the family. Advertising brochures and homemade advertisements ring out the omnipotence of such specialists who will successfully help improve the weather in the house in favor of the offended party.

Many people rush for help to the lords of cards and stones in order to learn from witchcraft. Conspiracy in such techniques plays rather the role of self-hypnosis, which helps a woman realize the presence of a problem and, to some extent, makes it possible to calm down. If you often repeat your wishes, the Universe will one day hear them, many philosophers and prose writers of our time believe. It’s just that in the case of beatings and bullying, sequentially stated words read on the new moon do not always play a decisive role.

At the moment, in the practice of many world experts, there are trainings and techniques for women who have learned from their own example how to organize their lives when their husband is a tyrant. The advice of a psychologist in this situation can be regarded in different ways: as motivation in making fateful and already hard-won decisions, or as a foundation for persistently justifying any male actions.

Jealousy is the cause of many problems

Oddly enough, the situation where the wife of a monster regularly justifies her own tormentor is the most common in the world. Most people cite the feeling of jealousy, popularized through books and movies, as the main root cause of a poor family situation.

It is often associated with a feeling of constant fear and rivalry, which originates from early childhood, which was experienced by a tyrant husband. It is an all too common trend that in a large family, parental attention is not distributed quite fairly and equally. Each child has their own unique character, their own degree of activity and worldview, so the human factor can simply play a role in the older generation. Freud, the most frequently discussed and difficult to perceive psychologist, at one time painted a picture of the first example of jealousy in a child - the fear of losing the mother's breast and milk. The founder of scandalous depth psychology believed that a baby’s feeling of fear of losing the blissful connection with his mother manifests itself from the first days. Uncontrollable screaming and crying are colorful confirmations of this.

The wife is a kind of continuation of infantile affection, which is so valued by the tyrant husband. For boys who have not fully lived through the growing up stage in the cocoon of their parents’ love, women rather become a means of filling the family gaps. As a result, relationships and all their joys and sorrows are perceived through the prism of their own program. This situation is difficult for most normally developed women to cope with.

Initial manifestations of jealousy, or rather mistrust, often inspire the woman herself, increasing her self-esteem. especially well-fed and contented, often leads to a cooling of feelings, insipidity and boredom, which short-sighted ladies decide to sweeten with jealousy. Unreasonable delays at work, lack of time for marital responsibilities, flirting with strangers and staying online for a long time take their toll. As a result, the faithful, tormented by demons since childhood, loses already fragile control: sudden calls, commanding habits and demands for a report on any case can be intensified by scandals and fights.

Even experienced psychologists find it quite difficult to talk to such active wives. The established concept of good intentions leaves a woman’s subconscious too slowly. In her understanding, only the desire to add spice and gloss to married life is recorded, and the damage caused by her whim cannot be immediately analyzed.

Signs

Jealousy rests on three rather well-fed pillars - the thirst for property, a progressive sense of inferiority and the projection of personal shortcomings onto those around them. The tyrant husband is no exception. Signs of jealousy always eloquently demonstrate their origins:

1. The owner does not accept the possibility of his woman communicating with other representatives of the stronger sex - no amount of acquaintance with comrades and introduction of a male team will correct the perception of the tyrant. He also completely denies the need for his beloved’s personal space. All-consuming control is the motto of his entire life. Often the root cause of this behavior is the man’s character itself - stubbornness and lack of communication skills lead to lust for power and quarrelsomeness.
2. A feeling of inferiority is a solid foundation for tyranny: a man dissatisfied with his body or character shows his complexes more clearly than a woman. Any desire of the spouse to develop and improve is perceived as betrayal and manifestations of treason. Comparing or drawing a parallel with his wife is the worst offense that a tyrant husband can imagine. Signs of jealousy manifest themselves with theatrical meticulousness - any wishes or demands receive an unprecedented resonance and a powerful rebuff from the faithful.
3. With the projection of shortcomings, everything is relatively simple - a husband prone to adultery does not doubt the sinfulness of his own wife, therefore delays at work and silence on the phone are always perceived as a proven fact of treason.

Control interference!

The abundance of all-knowing female advisors is a characteristic feature of families in which the husband is a tyrant. Divorce and emergency relocation are the most popular proposals that can be heard during kitchen girls' get-togethers. The most active friends not only motivate and instruct, but also strive with all their might to become an actor in a family problem. Psychologists advise spouses to control this process of interference in their personal lives. Not all issues require a mass audience.

Awareness of the problem

In a situation where a woman is married to a sadist and an avid alcoholic, an external factor plays a significant role. Being in a constant cycle of alcoholic feasts for her beloved, chronic lack of funds and beatings, not everyone can find the right solution to the current situation. To imagine the full depth of the family tragedy, it is worth going back to its beginning. None of the girls knowingly married an alcoholic and a bully. This is the main thesis of any family confusion. And often it is a stranger who helps to realize it.

Each cell of society develops independently, and the pace, as well as the direction of this process, is determined only by its participants. A person cannot suddenly become a never-drying subject with constant bouts of aggression. Alcohol addiction progresses demonstratively gradually; it spreads throughout the body like bad news, persuading its cells to obey only the thirst for drink.

Women often miss the beginning of such a tragic epic, because an accommodating and positively thinking husband after drinking is somewhat impressive. This situation is common in families where the breadwinner is burdened with overwhelming tasks of providing and raising. Women themselves prepare the soil for their halves. In world practice, there is a common case when a mother assigned her husband the role of family executioner. All the toddlers’ misdeeds and disobedience are clearly conveyed to the parent in the most colorful form, after which the tired husband sets about family repression. Few women realize that the mission of a punisher qualitatively destroys the human psyche, and a man subconsciously does not want to lose the throne of a strong and courageous hero. The circle closes suddenly, sometimes not even leaving a loophole for correcting mistakes.

The burden of social, marital and parental obligations puts pressure on a man, especially if from childhood he was not instilled with the habit of sharing his even minor fears and anxieties with those closest to him. The best anti-stress is alcohol, which becomes a catalyst in the process of transforming the spouse. Frequent corporate parties and buffets, later drinking because of evening sadness, then just for the appetite. Conversations and pleas often lead to dramatic outbursts of anger, assurances of complete control of your cravings and the ability to stop communicating with a glass at any second.

Signs of distress

Experts say that none of the clients of drug treatment institutions came to them on their own initiative, especially in the initial stages. Often the initiator was the victim, whose life was qualitatively ruined by her tyrant husband. Only wives who are health workers or well-rounded people know what to do with a brawler and a drinker.

The first signs of disaster can be processes that seem small at first glance:

1. The degree or quantity of the beloved's drinks has changed - the husband smoothly switched from beer to vodka (cognac) or from a bottle to packs.
2. The so-called hangover has disappeared - or headaches (stomach) pains do not appear from previously noticed doses.
3. Reflection of the amount of alcohol on the attitude towards children and spouse. The husband not only takes it out on his wife, who prevented her from getting the dose, but also tries in every possible way to unbalance the children.
4. The appearance of a now frequent guest is amnesia: cases when the awakened tyrant husband cannot put all the events together. Advice and persuasion only lead to irritation and scandal.
5. An eloquent manifestation of dissatisfaction with life, family and work in sober moments of life. The tyrant husband not only grumbles about the faucet breaking for the nth time, but also gets irritated about twos, the amount of food or politics; the sight of his wife especially infuriates the aggressor, and fights happen.
6. Hours-long alcohol marathons have grown into multi-day events - the appearance of drunken moments is the most striking manifestation of addiction; after the first incident, you should immediately drag your hubby to a narcologist.

How to live with a tyrant husband who regularly looks down the throat is not so easy to determine. Each case is strictly individual and depends largely on the willpower of the alcohol addict himself and his family. But there are several general principles for smoother coexistence with the aggressor.

It is undesirable for the wife of a tyrant to allow the following:

1. Ridiculing addiction or the personal qualities of a spouse in society - caustic statements will not only not spur a man to improve, but will also lead to increased cravings, because the bottle, not the family and children, brings euphoria every time.
2. Provoking jealousy in the husband towards one of his company - this trick is practiced by many wives, not realizing that the situation, modeled as positive, will turn into a drunken trial with possible injuries and greater hatred towards the wife herself.
3. Shifting responsibility for a drunken husband onto the shoulders of his parents - a feeling of shame cannot pave the way for an addict to recovery. And in most cases, he knocks out the slippery ground from under his feet, the tyrant withdraws into himself, uses his fists at the slightest provocation and runs away into the warm arms of his addicted companions.
4. Ultimatums and threats of divorce - such sanctions can help only for a short time and only in cases where the principles of love and a craving for family remain alive in a man’s soul, otherwise cries about deprivation of rights to children and joint property can lead to relapse and physical reprisal
5. Simulation of serious illnesses or refusal to perform usual household duties - the powerlessness of a woman in almost all men causes disgust and to some extent even resentment; in the mind of a man there is a principle that dictates the obligatory presence of a blooming woman in his place; violation of this rule can cause an increased desire to drink and rowdy.

A small list of useful habits will help you adjust or simplify your own life with your tyrant husband:

1. It's worth starting with yourself. Marriage to a tyrant is not the end; you should not get used to the role of a frozen victim and let everything take its course. Financial independence (even the most minimal) will help to soberly assess the situation; the material plane always leads to a constant analysis of one’s capabilities and dependencies. In the initial phases, a drinking husband can still notice his wife’s transformations, analyze his own suitability for such a woman and pass judgment on himself.
2. It is always worth assessing how a tyrant husband behaves. There is no need to reward a boorish man with a drink or two to improve his mood. A woman who wants to protect her family from the alcohol plague is obliged to introduce a moratorium on alcohol in her household. The so-called in Soviet times is not a method of influence or control over the faithful; the ban on drinking should become a principle for the whole family, and not just for those on an alcoholic diet.
3. The main problem of the family is a bored tyrant husband. The psychologist's advice is quite simple - in moments of enlightenment from alcohol, men often do not understand where to put themselves, society is constantly developing, and binge drinking only knocks them out of this pace. The tyrant needs to be interested or wisely introduced to a joyful activity - mountaineering, cycling, hiking or parachute jumping can easily replace the euphoria of alcohol in their emotional value, the main thing is not to leave a man with this activity alone, female praise and inspiration are excellent catalysts for male aspiration .
4. The tyrant's wife must accept the fact that alcohol is a method of relaxation, therefore, by replacing it with something more intense, you can get rid of the problem itself. This principle works at the very beginning of alcoholism; this cannot change an inveterate drunkard. To begin with, a woman must take herself into her fragile hands and begin to act - constant scandals and the use of a rolling pin only discourage a man from doing something. Dinner should be a small holiday for a man, even without fabulous salads and appetizers. A pleasant conversation, delicious tea (coffee), a tidy wife are the key to the stability of any relationship. If the family has come to the conclusion to solve the problem together, it is worth arming yourself with life’s tricks.
5. If a man is grieving about troubles or difficulties at work or in society, he should not brush aside the inflated problems. Every person feels a thirst for support and understanding; neglect from loved ones is often accepted as personal defeat and disappointment. Medicine in the form of alcohol or drugs is found much faster than the family's distress signal matures.

All these rules can give results, or at least some results, only if the whole family is united and understands the seriousness of the alcohol problem. If a man does not recognize his own weakness and the harmfulness of such behavior, it is much more difficult to cope with it.

How to get rid of a tyrant husband? How to separate peacefully?

In the case when all methods have been tried, and the result rather aggravates the situation, you should think about divorce. How can you divorce a tyrant husband without harming your children and your own nervous system? For many women, it sometimes takes a whole decade to come to this conclusion, because the weaker sex is prone to idealization and hope, so the harsh reality does not immediately overtake its victim.

Which is prone to violence or hostility, the algorithm is quite difficult to derive. First of all, you should get a good lawyer. Consultations will help you realistically assess the situation, possible consequences and prospects, as well as be supported by arguments from a legal point of view. The next step is to remove the move; you should not share the premises with an uncontrollable person, attacks of aggression can lead to injury or death. It is better to send children to a psychologist to correct existing phobias, as well as prevent future ones.

If everything is returned...

It happens that a tyrant ex-husband tries after some time. Each woman decides for herself what to do in this situation, based on common sense and already acquired experience. The main nuance remains the reaction of children to the development of such a plot; after analyzing the totality of all factors, you can decide the fate of a second chance for the tyrant.