What can you say about education through corporal punishment? Most likely, you will be strongly opposed. Let's turn the pages of history and look at how our ancestors raised their children. Beating at that time was the norm and even the rule of good education. As a result, we see that obedience was not just a word in those days, and even contradicting parents was considered rebellious at all and happened only in exceptional cases. About whims in those days and did not hear. So, is the "stick" a good method, and is it better than the modern "carrot"? It is the question of the appropriateness of corporal punishment that we will analyze today.

Until recently, physical punishment of children was commonplace.

Psychological aspect

Before starting the conversation, let's look at the statistics. About 95% of respondents, when asked if their parents beat them in childhood, answered in the affirmative. More than half of them, namely 65%, added that these punishments brought them tangible benefits.

Let us now turn to the consideration of the influence of physical punishment on the child's psyche. Psychologists, as well as all other sane people, are convinced that against such a weighty "argument" the baby will never find reliable defense. With the goal of forcing the baby to do something, bypassing its endless whims and harmfulness, the parent, using force, will solve it very effectively.

Everything works, but here the question arises that the cause of bad behavior has not been clarified and not eliminated. Thus, we get only a short-term effect. Doctor Komarovsky also speaks about this. To regularly fulfill your requests and demands, you will have to resort to violence all the time. Constant beating is not included in your plans? Remember that the child is afraid of punishment only the first few times, then he gets used to it and only becomes more and more embittered against you. The desire for revenge, based on resentment and pain, grows.

Most often, after a breakdown, the parent has a feeling of guilt towards the child.

Parents, as a rule, in most cases, strongly repent after each of their breakdowns. Their sense of guilt grows, because they raised their hand against a small and completely defenseless person.

Most main advice how to restrain anger and assault: feeling that you are about to break loose, quickly run out of the room, breathe deeply several times, count: 1, 2, 3, 4 ... and so on. Help yourself in any way to avoid another beating.

Science against beating

Dear reader!

This article talks about typical ways to solve your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know how to solve your particular problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!

From a scientific point of view, the question of the advisability of using physical punishment for educational purposes has been repeatedly considered by scientists. Professor Murray Strauss, who teaches at the University of New Hampshire, claims that children whose parents beat them as children have lower levels of intellectual development (IQ) in later life. Grown up kids, whose parents tried to look for alternative ways of influencing and ways of education, have higher rates.

Do we ourselves, unwittingly, introduce into the child’s psyche a “fad” about his low self-esteem, give him self-doubt, reduce mental abilities? Really, instead of confidence and ingenuity, we ourselves invite fear and pain to come? We see that children do not study well and think slower than their peers, we reproach them and punish them for every deuce, but this only aggravates the situation.

A child who is subjected to physical punishment grows up insecure and withdrawn

Law against whipping

About 13 out of 100 people participating in an independent survey pointed to the fact that the problem of domestic violence should be not only internal, personal, but also social. These issues should be dealt with by special bodies that monitor the observance of the rights and freedoms of the child. Such services should come to the rescue of a defenseless person who does not yet have enough of his own strength to resist the threat. Punishing the weak is always easy. In the legislative system of any country, you can easily find a clause that says that any violence against children should be prosecuted, even to the deprivation of parental rights.

Remember, it is impossible to beat a child either from a moral or legal point of view. Not a single part of the body is created for violence - neither the back, nor the priest, and even more so the head! This is the law!

Seeing a 3-year-old child having a hysterical fit and feeling that only a spank can bring him back to reality, do not rush to do it. Remember that you can always find other methods of influence. For example, use this: sit the baby on your knees and hug tightly. Give him the opportunity to calm down in your arms, to come to his senses. After a while, you will be able to talk to him calmly.

You can help a child get out of a hysterical fit with the help of love and understanding.

Deciding for yourself the question of whether to punish a child physically or not, and not finding convincing arguments that such actions contradict all possible principles - both moral, mental, and legal - answer yourself this question: what can give rise to violence (we recommend reading:) ? Honestly answer yourself: nothing but violence.

Consequences of assault

We emphasize again: never hit a child! Compare the situation when someone hit you. How will you treat this person? How is the child different in this case? Yes, practically nothing. The mechanism of perception of the situation is the same. Quite still crumbs, the kids already keep in their little heads the dream of revenge on their parents. They cannot yet cope with adults, so they switch to easier targets: younger comrades, animals. It is terrible to understand that the wrong behavior of parents in relation to their children can eventually give birth to the country of new maniacs, murderers, rapists and sadists. Most of these monsters were at one time victims of excessive domestic violence.

Why shouldn't children be beaten? As soon as you hit the baby, he immediately understands that:

• you can hit the weak;
• parents are unable to cope with children's pranks;
• assault is a great way to solve all problems;
• the closest people (parents) cause fear, they need to be afraid;
• the child does not have the physical ability to respond to the offender.

Due to the inequality of forces, the child simply cannot respond to the offender in the same way.

Despite the fact that 67% of the parents surveyed speak negatively about the use of physical punishment for educational purposes, they still spank their children from time to time. Often parents raise their hand to a weak toddler because of their own impotence. They cannot convey the word “no” to the baby in other ways. Beating on the ass seems to them the most effective way. No, it shouldn't be like that. Anyone will understand a tired mother, exhausted, irritated and broken, but none of the listed conditions justifies spanking and slapping in relation to her beloved baby. Feeling that you are about to break loose and lose your temper, start acting: count to 10, breathe deeply, go to another room, hit a pillow, try different ways elimination of anger. Do your best, but don't let yourself hit the weak.

What to do?

We have already mentioned that bad deeds, harmfulness and whims are only consequences, and the reason is completely different. In what? It will seem strange and banal - in the desire to be seen and heard.

The kid wants to get our attention at any cost, so give him this attention. Walk and play together more often, hug and kiss more often. You will see how correctly you act: affection and care can melt the coldest heart ice.

What to do when you have exhausted all verbal arguments? What to do if it is necessary to convey to the child the wrongness of his actions? Silence is not an option, but trying to change the situation can be a good method.

Joint leisure strengthens family relationships, increases the level of trust

Learn to compromise

Situation: you are tired and want to sleep, but the baby still does not calm down. You have tried everything to calm him down: requests, threats... One gets the feeling that he is doing everything on purpose to annoy you. Just a little bit more and you will break loose ... Stop! Imagine in place of your little one a 4-year-old adult - your peer friend. He wants to have fun and make noise, while you are already deadly tired and fall off your feet. Are you going to spank him, or worse, spank him with a belt? Most likely, you will try to find another way to negotiate. You will either go to another room yourself, or ask him to leave, referring to your own fatigue. Try the same methods with your baby. It may turn out that the baby just missed you, then the surest remedy is strong hugs and sincere conversation.

The second situation: the kid offends other children on the playground, he can hit the head with a spatula. Step aside with him and calmly but persistently talk to him, explaining that you will go home now, since he does not know how to play well with others. Say also that you will do this until he learns good behavior. Seeing that even after your conversations, the baby continues to do bad things, know for sure that he does it out of spite. This is how he wants to get your attention.

Give yourself a chance to be real

The scale of negative emotions from pranks and pranks of your child will soon reach the boiling point. You fight with yourself, try not to scream or get angry, but still, having reached the limit, you can’t cope and beat your blood again (we recommend reading:). After that, you reproach yourself, scold and blame. Not worth it. Most the best option Talk to your child and explain why you did what you did.

If an adult made a mistake, you can directly tell the child about it.

Conversations can be held at any age. It does not matter how old the baby is now - one, two, three years or 10 years old. Do not be shy about your anger and irritation, let the baby know about them. Do not strive to be the perfect mother, be alive and natural. Call a spade a spade: “I was terribly angry with you because…” Always back up your words with explanations. Having saved yourself from the need to accumulate anger and anger, as well as learning to talk about it with the baby, you yourself will see that the need for punishment will disappear by itself.

Find the root cause in yourself

If you began to regularly and methodically spank the baby for any offense, and for serious misconduct you can flog him badly, there is a clear problem. Of course, not for children, but your personal. Being in a difficult emotional and mental state, the parent is constantly excited and irritated. With punishments and flogging, he vents his anger, relieves stress. Most people who beat babies were themselves beaten as children. They do not see anything wrong with beating: we were punished with a belt on the pope, we will be punished too. Realizing that the tactics of the parents in relation to the person were wrong, he still shields them, proving to others and to himself that beating is a useful thing. Such parents can hit the child in the heat of anger on the lips for some impudent word addressed to them.

In such situations, the surest way is to get rid of childhood psychological trauma. Not seeing the reason for your anger and frequent use of corporal punishment, consult a psychologist. The science of psychology will help in this case to identify the root cause and eliminate it.

The main assistants in the matter of education, namely humane education, are patience and boundless love. Raising children is a lot of work and hard work, but all problems and difficulties can be overcome. Seeing the negative from the side of the little one, do not rush to conclusions. It is important to find out the reason for this behavior. Do not forget that each age has its own characteristics and needs that you need to listen to.

A person who has barely been born should already appear before you as a full-fledged person. You can not perceive it as a weak and subject to you being, meekly fulfilling all your requirements and desires.

Corporal punishment leads to the fact that the baby becomes frightened, embittered and morally humiliated. Do not allow yourself to destroy the trust that exists between you and your child. Beating awakens feelings of hatred in him, and this behavior will only worsen. This will be followed by new punishments. Break this vicious cycle. Don't let your child lose their self-respect.

10 facts against corporal punishment of children and 8 tips for parents to restrain themselves, not to give a cuff and not to lose the trust of the child.

1. Any physical impact, be it a single push, a slap, a slap, or a series of blows, a shake, a spanking with a belt, is a gross violation of a person’s personal boundaries. As a result, children who are beaten by parents "for educational purposes" will not be able to develop the ability to protect and defend their own boundaries in adulthood, and the ability to recognize and will not be instilled.

1. Mom and dad are the closest and most beloved people, in fact, they are the main and often the only environment for the baby at a time when he is just starting to explore the world and learning to build relationships with other people. In early childhood, a basic trust in the world is formed, which later becomes the foundation for interaction with the outside world. The infliction of physical suffering and intimidation on the part of the closest people greatly undermines the credibility of them and the rest of the world. This is very slow mental development and affects socialization.

1. When a child is beaten, in addition to pain, he experiences fear, disappointment, and humiliation. The consequence of this is a decrease in self-esteem, a loss of self-respect. Inevitable "personality breakdown". The child "closes" in itself, the development of such qualities as initiative, leadership and creativity is automatically suppressed.

1. Depending on the character traits of a child whose parents punish them by causing physical pain and humiliating their dignity, there is a very high probability of developing pessimism, and in some cases, anger.

1. Physical punishment does not affect the root cause of disobedience and brings a short-term result. At first, physical punishment frightens the child, but he quickly “gets used” to this unpleasant measure of influence, and, at least, internally distances himself from the offending parent, and often begins to feel a desire to take revenge.

1. If an adult is not a sadist, he inevitably experiences feelings of guilt and remorse after physical abuse of a child who is weaker and more defenseless than an adult. The result of assault is a spoiled mood for all family members.

1. When parents beat their children, they set an example of sociopathic behavior. The child, faced with parental aggression, concludes that all difficult situations must be resolved using force, aggression and intimidation. And, growing up, will make the appropriate choice. And here the range of consequences will be huge: from children who are aggressive in kindergarten and at school, the so-called difficult teenagers - fighters, bullies, hooligans to juvenile delinquents, maniacs, sadists and sexual perverts.

1. Child being beaten by parents early childhood gets used to the fact that he deserves such an attitude, and subconsciously learns as a kind of axiom that the people around him have the right to humiliate and offend him. If the closest people in the world, parents, beat him and consider it normal, what to expect from the rest?

1. A child who faces parental aggression and physical punishment will unconsciously divide the whole world into "Victims" and "Aggressors", and even as an adult, will behave in accordance with the chosen role. The typical behavior of the Victim girl will develop according to such a well-known scenario: as a partner and spouse, she will unconsciously choose the Aggressor in order, again without realizing this, to recreate for herself the situation of violence, cruelty and intimidation familiar from childhood. And the Aggressor boy will marry and begin to systematically torment his wife and children, and the forms of manifestation of aggression will vary from the so-called “verbal sadism” (hurtful words, constant criticism, unfair assessments, name-calling, systematic undermining of self-esteem in the wife and children, yelling at family members , threats) to throwing objects, beatings and inflicting injuries of varying severity.

1. If parents get used to hitting a child and do not always control their affect, there is a very high probability of causing physical injury to the child, albeit unwittingly. There are many cases when an angry dad pulls the handle of a naughty daughter too sharply and she gets a dislocation; or a mother in irritation pushes her son who has been rude to her and he hits his forehead against the doorway or the back of his head on the armrest - the child receives a hematoma. In addition, repression and physical abuse in childhood can cause diseases of the nervous system, up to and including mental illness.

“And if you don’t beat, then the child will grow up mumbling!”

Yes, one of the most frequent arguments in favor of a tough upbringing and physical punishment is a discussion on the possible dangers of showing gentleness, pity for children: supposedly, if you do not show toughness and pity the child every time he shows a need for pity, affection, understanding and forgiveness, the child will learn to manipulate his parents. On the contrary, affectionate, patient and understanding parents grow up children who can understand and forgive. And the fear of raising a child to be a manipulator is characteristic of manipulative parents. A typical example of manipulation of one’s own children is the postulate that “love and respect must be earned”, and good attitude and gifts must be paid daily with obedient behavior, good grades and other variations on the theme of meeting parental expectations.

“How to resist and not give a slap on the back of the head?”

1. First of all, try to anticipate a situation of acute conflict. most common cause without a measure of mischievous children's behavior and violation of parental prohibitions is the desire to attract attention! Set aside at least half an hour or an hour for individual communication with your child: play, walk, show interest in his hobby. It is not difficult and effective, practice shows that the whims and mischief of the child becomes much less.
2. Try to negotiate and control your affect. If you feel like you are losing control of your anger, take a time out. Get out of the room, take a deep breath and let your intellect take over your affect.
3. An excellent start to work on self-control will be the realization of the fact that physical superiority over a child is by no means an argument worthy of an adult with a normal level of internal culture.
4. Learn to analyze yourself. Ask yourself: “What is driving me now, at this moment, when I am ready to hit a child?” Possible answers will be more eloquent than any recommendation - fatigue, accumulated irritation, the desire for a quick, immediate result when influencing the child, unwillingness to understand him and find the right arguments, the right words, suitable intonations for persuading.
5. Remember that if within reasonable limits to give children what they are so eager to achieve, they will not only grow up as self-confident people with developed initiative and creative abilities, but by the example of their parents they will learn to be grateful and give joy to loved ones.
6. Try to negotiate with the children and interest them. The “carrot and stick” method is more appropriate for animal training, and it is more expedient for human cubs to cultivate the ability to independently distinguish between good and evil, think about the consequences of their actions and be responsible for their consequences.
7. Try to protect the child from suppression, intimidation and leveling as long as possible. The older, stronger as a person and more self-confident he will be when he first encounters humiliation and disrespect, the less likely it will “break” him and undermine faith in people. A person who is not accustomed to rudeness, rudeness and humiliation from early childhood grows up to be an optimist, an active person and a true leader who knows his worth and respects the personal boundaries of other people firsthand, and also knows how to captivate, interest, support and empathize.
8. Enjoy with your child such a short, instantly flying segment of childhood, bathe in love and affection, trust children as much as possible, open your heart to them, instead of intimidating and humiliating kids, so fragile and defenseless in front of adults. Teach your child to enjoy life and explore the world, to enjoy life, and not "learn to survive right from the cradle in this unfair and complex world."

Experts unanimously argue that it is impossible to spank children, since assault is not the best method of influencing a child. And yet, many adults are sure that it is easier to slap the baby on the pope once than to repeat many times why something should not be done.

Today we will discuss the arguments of domestic and foreign psychologists who oppose physical punishment, and find out why you should not spank children.

The statistics are relentless - about 60% of Russian parents from time to time use physical force in relation to their children. Of course, in most cases, these are not severe beatings, but the notorious slaps and cuffs, which mothers and fathers generously “gift” naughty children.

Why do parents spank their naughty kids anyway? Because this is the easiest way out of the situation.

Judge for yourself, there is no need to look for the cause of a bad deed, no need to think about children's emotions, choose other ways of education. Spanked a couple of times - and it seems that the conflict has been settled.

Let's find out what can happen if you constantly use physical punishment in relation to the baby.

Why can't you spank a child?

One can disagree with psychologists and as long as one likes to assure oneself that light slaps and cracks are for the benefit of children, that such in a simple way they will quickly understand what can be done and what should be refrained from. However, this is just self-deception, and here's why.

1. Child learns through imitation

If you regularly spank your child, prepare for the fact that one day he will hit you, a sandbox buddy, or a pet.

In this case, your words that “You can’t fight” or “Don’t you dare beat your mother” will not have any effect on him. The kid will quickly learn that the big ones can offend the little ones, and the strong ones can offend the weak ones.

2. Decreased self-esteem

The self-awareness of children is created, first of all, by their parents.

A small child is not yet aware of the causal relationship between a spanking and his bad deed.

Slapping a two-year-old baby in the hearts because he broke a typewriter, you will not teach him to be careful when handling things.

“I was hit, I am bad and do not deserve love,” children think so. And with each blow, their self-esteem decreases more and more.

3. The child gets used to flip flops

Probably, after the first thrashing, the baby will obey you and stop being naughty. However, do not flatter yourself, this did not happen because he repented and realized that he had done wrong. Simply, the child was frightened and wants to return your good disposition and love.

If physical punishment has become commonplace, children begin to perceive it as inevitable and do not change their own behavior.

4. Whipping does not teach internal control.

Children who receive from their parents "on the first number" do not learn to control their actions.

They need approval, a person who would say what is right and what, accordingly, is not.

Such children live by the principle: “I won’t do it, otherwise I will be punished.” But ethical norms are much more important: “You can’t behave like that, because it’s bad.”

5. Hitting people is a crime

Physical impact is the use of force, that is, an action that is wrong and condemned by any society, and sometimes criminally punishable.

You will not beat your colleague who did something wrong in the workplace, will you? How is your child different from other people?

6. Schedule in your own impotence

The main argument of adults is that the child is simply uncontrollable and does not respond to other arguments. However, in this case, the problem is not in the child itself, but in your relationship and inability to cope with children.

Handing out cuffs, mom or dad signs for weakness and thereby drops his authority in the eyes of the child.

So, children's provocations will continue.

7. Distrust of parents

Corporal punishment destroys trusting relationships between family members, breaks affection and love.

Agree, it is difficult to love the person who spanks you.

This method of education is effective only because the children are still small and cannot oppose their own strength to their parents. Sometimes childhood grievances are transferred to adulthood, making it difficult for grown children and aged mothers and fathers to get along.

8. Decreased intelligence

Meanwhile, American psychologists conducted a study showing that the level of intelligence among children who are regularly spanked by their parents is significantly lower than that of their "unbeaten" peers.

Yes, and discipline and obedience are better in the group of schoolchildren to whom adults are more loyal.

How to keep from spanking?

Let's say you realized that you can't spank a child and decided to abandon this unpromising method. And what to take on arms? We offer several useful tips from experienced psychologists.

1. You need to learn to negotiate with the baby. Imagine your friend in his place. You won’t spank an adult with a belt because, for example, he interferes with your sleep? You will prefer to leave the room, ask him to leave, explain that you are tired, etc. Try to do the same with your child.
2. Do not accumulate negative emotions. Children often bring to a boil with their pranks. If you endure them, do not voice them and do not get angry, then in the end everything can end with a slap. Express your emotions: "Your behavior makes me terribly angry." Having stopped accumulating irritation in yourself, you will learn to talk and communicate with children, which means that the need for spanking will also disappear.
3. Look for the problem in yourself. We have already said that spanking is not a child's problem. This is a signal of the psychological distress of the parents. Perhaps you are in a state of stress, do not know how to cope with anger. If you find yourself grabbing the belt too often, the best course of action is to see a specialist.
4. Do not consider the baby an exact copy of you. Sometimes you can hear a parent complaining: “I couldn’t say a word across to my father before, but mine don’t obey me at all!” Mom grew up as an obedient and calm girl, and she gives birth to a child with a difficult character? Nothing terrible, consult a psychologist, read the literature on raising "difficult" children.
5. Apologize to your child. Each of us is a living person, not an ideal being. If you couldn’t contain your irritation, be sure to ask your child for forgiveness for a slap or a slap. Tell them that you were angry not at the baby himself, but at his misbehavior.

Of course, in one article it is impossible to tell how, if not by spanking, to raise a baby, instill in him norms of behavior, stop tantrums and whims.

So, to the question of whether it is possible to spank a child, most psychologists confidently answer: “No.” Physical punishment often does not bring a positive result, but, on the contrary, violates parent-child relationships.

Think for a minute before you spank the fidget again. Perhaps there are other parenting methods in your parenting arsenal that will be more effective?

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To spank kids, and even more so cuffs? Doesn't fit in the head. Well, except for a massage, of course (there somehow you need to lightly pat). My eldest did not receive slaps and cuffs from me and grew up to be a kind girl, but she gives back to boys at school. It was once, however, as the author writes "strength against strength." At the age of three, my daughter began to act up in the street in full: with wallowing in the mud and beating her legs. I dragged her to the house (the girl pulled out thoroughly, a couple of times she almost flew out of my hands, I got scared). And at home, no persuasion and stuff. Then I spanked her, but she was wearing a thick down jumpsuit. Then there was a conversation and an agreement. There were no more such tantrums. I don't plan on assault with my youngest either.

I really like the first method: to imagine in the place of the child your friend who commits the same offense. Indeed, you won’t spank a friend, even if he interferes with sleep or scatters his things around the house :-) This method works well for me, immediately the irritation on the baby decreases.

Assault has nothing to do with "spanking", as you know, even the royal and royal persons in childhood were spanked by their caregivers or parents .. Even the Bible says that loving parent flogs a naughty child, but flogs loving. How to "vaccinate" from bad habits and inclinations, of course, if other methods fail. It is natural and normal for a child to be spanked by his own father or mother! Adequate parents will not harm their child. You can punish with words much more painfully and hurt the inner little man with anything, even with explanations that may not always be clear to the child. The question of who spanked and for what spanked is more relevant than whether to use force or not. Psychologists learned a lot from the Bible, only they did not see that physical punishment is the norm for the educational process, extreme, but still the norm.

Excellent article. I also believe that children should not be spanked. If a parent spanks his child, this proves not the child's fault, but the parent's inability to explain to his child what he is wrong about.

It is hard not to agree with the opinion of the author, but in our time the younger generation is becoming more and more ill-mannered. I am also against violence, but I think that sometimes you can still “slap” a child. This is applicable in cases where other, humane methods of education have been tried in vain.

Some will be surprised and find this question very strange, because it is well known that physical punishment is not the best of disciplinary strategies.

However, some parents are still of the opinion that whip education is much more effective than the now popular carrot education. It is necessary to figure out where is the line that separates reasonable punishment and unjustified cruelty.

The question of whether to beat or not to beat a child, as a rule, arises from parents when their beloved baby turns two or three years old.

In that age period there is a formation of the personality, also the kid absorbs different information, is armed with new skills and studies the limits of what is permitted.

Obviously, such a process of growing up must be accompanied by various troubles, since the child learns the world through trial and error. He studies and tests literally everything, and such behavior often poses a danger to children's health.

It is natural that every parent tries to protect the baby from various traumatic situations. It is also clear that when such cases occur, moms and dads are overwhelmed by bright and strong emotions.

In addition, children at the age of three enter a special crisis period, when stubbornness, despotism, negativism, obstinacy, masterful "notes" appear in their behavior. Some kids even become completely uncontrollable.

Teenagers who are prone to egocentrism, maximalism and a tendency to manipulative actions do not differ in exemplary behavior.

That is why infrequent outbursts of anger and the desire to spank your beloved child in the hearts of even the most loving and most liberal parents visit. And this is quite normal, but there are situations when the desire to punish a child physically can be considered something abnormal.

Other reasons for corporal punishment

Statistical data show that the vast majority of Russian parents admitted that in their childhood their parents used physical punishment against them.

Moreover, 65% of all respondents are still fully convinced that the use of such strict disciplinary measures by their parents was only good for them, therefore, corporal punishment is occasionally used against their children.

What are the sources of such ambiguous parental decisions?

1. Family traditions. Some adults can take out their own childhood grievances and complexes on their child. Moreover, mothers and fathers do not even perceive other methods of persuasion and education, believing that with a slap and good word You can achieve more than just a good word.
2. Unwillingness to educate or lack of time. As already noted, upbringing is a complex process, so for some parents it is much easier to hit a child than to have lengthy conversations with him, proving him wrong.
3. parental helplessness. Adults clutch at the strap out of desperation and a banal lack of knowledge about how to deal with a naughty or uncontrollable child.
4. own failure. Sometimes parents hit their child in the butt just because they need to take out their anger on someone for their own failures. Any childish misconduct becomes a reason to break loose and “break away” on the baby for their problems at work or in their personal lives.
5. Mental instability. Some moms and dads need strong emotions. They get them when they scream, beat children for nothing. Then, fueled by strong emotions, the parent who beat the child cries with him.

Thus, there are many reasons for using harsh disciplinary measures. And those who think that only alcoholic parents or other antisocial personalities are fond of such educational methods are wrong. It remains to be seen why such measures are undesirable.

Why can't you hit a child?

Fortunately, many adults who physically punish children know how to stop in time and do not hit them with full force.

However, even a light blow (especially on the head) can harm the child's body. And than younger child the more serious the consequences. And many of them are invisible to the layman.

If you do not take into account the already very serious cases of child abuse in the family, then you can find a huge number of parents who periodically allow themselves to resort to corporal punishment.

They are convinced that it is possible to beat a child on the hands or a soft spot, since such measures do not harm health, but they give a good educational effect.

However, such mothers and fathers forget that punishment can affect not only the physical, but also the psychological level.

1. Unwanted physical contact (spanking, poking, shaking, spanking with a belt) violates the child's personal boundaries. He does not develop the ability to defend the limits of his "I". That is, other people's opinions, words will be too important for a grown-up person.
2. Based on the relationship with mother and father, a basic trust in the world is formed. Violence on the part of the closest person causes distrust of people, which negatively affects socialization.
3. Constant spanking makes the child feel humiliated, which is fraught with a drop in self-esteem. And this can already lead to the loss of such important qualities as initiative, perseverance, self-esteem and perseverance.
4. The spanking parent leads by example aggressive behavior. A child who is faced with the rigidity of a father or mother believes that conflicts must be resolved with the help of force, threats and other aggressive acts.
5. If children are flogged, they begin to divide all people into “victims” and “aggressors”, and subconsciously choose the appropriate role for themselves. Victim women marry aggressive men, and male aggressors will oppress their wives and children through threats or physical violence.

Corporal punishment does not affect the cause of disobedience and is short-lived. At first, the fear of being spanked is present, but then the child adapts and continues to play on parental nerves.

The opinion of American scientists

The truth that childhood experiences affect later life is familiar to everyone. Physical abuse by loved ones is a common factor in the occurrence of psycho-emotional disorders and neurological diseases in adulthood.

Scientists from the United States, studying the consequences of the use of physical punishment for educational purposes, cite some shocking data. So, people who were regularly slapped and slapped on the back of the head were distinguished by reduced intellectual abilities.

In especially severe cases, it was even about mental and physical disorders, since the centers responsible for processing and storing information, speech and motor functions were seriously damaged.

In addition, according to the same American scientists, children who are subjected to corporal punishment are more prone to vascular diseases, diabetes, arthritis and other equally serious diseases as they grow up.

Also, teenagers whose childhood was overshadowed by parental aggression are more likely to become drug addicts, alcoholics and criminals. And they also adopt a cruel parenting style and transfer it to their own children. That is, a kind of vicious circle is formed in which aggression generates cruelty.

However, it should be noted that this work was criticized by other specialists. Some scientists felt that there were certain inflections in the data presented. For example, the researchers didn't bother to categorize sadistic parents and moms and dads who occasionally use light corporal punishment.

That is why it is extremely difficult to judge whether spanking and slapping can really backfire on mental insufficiency or heart problems in adulthood.

Refusal to use physical "arguments" in communication with a child does not mean that it is worth completely abandoning disciplinary action as an effective measure.

If a child has committed a truly serious offense, adults must take certain steps. Otherwise, rare cases of misbehavior can become a mass phenomenon, which will be extremely difficult to deal with.

How to punish?

What is for a child? A pediatrician tells about this, as well as about how to replace a computer.

Well, the highest parental "aerobatics" is the ability to anticipate conflict situations. First of all, you need to understand that the main source of bad behavior is the desire to attract the attention of adults. If you begin to communicate more often with the child, the number of whims and misconduct will immediately decrease.

Alternative measures do not work: what to do?

Many parents, reading such advice, begin to think that the authors live in some kind of parallel or ideal reality, in which the child is always obedient, and the mother is always calm and balanced.

Of course, there are situations when requests, persuasion, explanations are not able to help with calming and bringing a child who has become stubborn or has gone into a rage into a normal emotional state.

In such a situation, as some experts believe, a light slap can switch attention and become a kind of inhibitor of a psycho-emotional outburst. Naturally, the power of the slap must be controlled (as well as your mental state).

In addition, corporal punishment (we are not talking about spanking in this case) is not excluded if:

• children's behavior poses a direct threat to the life and health of a little bully (poking fingers into sockets, playing with fire, moving towards a highway, approaching the edge of a cliff, etc.);
• the child has crossed absolutely all the limits of what is permitted, clearly trying to piss you off, and he does not respond to other disciplinary measures and may even behave inappropriately (see the previous paragraph).

After a light slap, you need to without fail explain what the punishment followed, how to behave correctly. Do not forget to also say that it is the act that you do not like, and not the child himself. You still love him.

Parents in the studio!

Curious what moms and dads themselves think about this? As is usually the case in matters of education, opinions differ significantly. Some parents are convinced that spanking and the usual spanking on the fifth point is quite effective method disciplinary action.

Like, they beat with rods for the faults of our ancestors, and nothing - they grew up no worse than the rest.

Other adults oppose any forceful influence in relation to the child, believing that the best way education are conversations, explanations, stories and illustrative examples. Here are some specific comments from parents.

Anastasia, expectant mother:“And I often flew in the pope: both with a belt and with a palm. And nothing - everything is fine. Now I myself think that if the conversation does not help, you can use force. But not to beat, of course, but just in a soft place lightly. The child must occasionally be beaten on the pope if he does not understand normal words.

Kristina, mother of two-year-old Yaroslav:“In my childhood, I was often beaten with a belt, I still take offense at my mother. She still thinks that if she beat the child, then there are no problems. I firmly decided that I would not spank my kids. And I try to solve all the difficulties with my son without a belt and slaps. I try to negotiate, although he is still small. It seems to work calm conversations.

Of course, it is up to you to decide which parenting methods are applicable specifically to your child. However, it should be understood that the formation of personality occurs from early childhood, and it depends on the parents what the current baby will carry into the future life.

Many experts oppose physical punishment, citing well-reasoned examples of why you should not beat your children. Perhaps their arguments will help you decide which is better - a stick or a carrot.

Young photographer from Hungary Fanni Putnoczki took this photo of her younger sister with "painted on" bruises to show the horror of child abuse. For many children, this horror is real. Photo: World Photography Organization

Child abuse has no safe forms. There is no acceptable force with which a strong and adult has the right to hit the weak and unresponsive. For those who cannot manage with modern methods of education, it is better not to have children at all.

While the discussion of the draft law on combating domestic violence in Belarus is taking on a variety of turns, news portals continue to cover the case of the brutal murder of a two-year-old girl in Slutsk. What a terrible, diabolical irony in the neighborhood of these news.

No one in their right mind would justify parents beating their children to death. But where there is a discussion about domestic violence, a lot of "buts", "ifs" and "sometimes" are sure to pop up. It turns out that in exceptional cases, for exceptional misdeeds, only if other methods did not help, slightly, according to the priest, purely for educational purposes, without any sadistic pleasure ... Yes, it turns out that it’s even useful!

This text will not be about the legal aspects of domestic violence, not about abusers and victims - it will be about the border. About that abstract feature that separates phenomena, states and objects from opposite or adjacent ones. And in this text there will be a lot of interrogative sentences.

Everyone feels the difference between a sadistic parent from crime reports and a person who admits that a child can be slapped on the bottom if he does not understand otherwise. We are well aware of how far one is from the other - and between these two poles there is a whole range of transitional, intermediate scenarios.

... Spank so that he knows; give a cuff so as not to get under your feet; pour the first number for a deuce; give a slap in the face for unwashed dishes; beaten to bruises for a late return; throw away a crying baby ... Break his arm or break his head, but not out of malice, but because he is tired of crying ... And finally - to score. To death. Biennial.

Do you want to find yourself a safe point on this scale leading from justifying light blows to inhuman beatings?

President Lukashenko criticized the concept of the draft law on combating domestic violence: “All this is nonsense, taken primarily from the West ... We will proceed solely from our own interests, our Belarusian, Slavic traditions and our life experience.” "A good belt is sometimes good for a child"- says the head of state.

Suppose the child behaves worse (which is not surprising), and parental punishments become more severe. At what point do you stop being a fair parent, a supporter of moderate traditional punishments, tested by generations, and become a little bit sadistic? Not yet the one who brutally mocks an uncomplaining baby, but already - just a little bit - dangerous? That is, so that one blow back was still acceptable, but a little harder to apply - no, it is already unacceptable. I'm not sure anyone can show me this point of no return.

At what age can you start hitting your child? The baby is probably not worth it yet? When will he start walking - is it already possible? It's too early, probably still barely standing on his feet. Maybe in kindergarten when he is five times smaller than an adult? Kind of unsportsmanlike. Probably, at school, bad grades will just begin, there will be many reasons. The main thing is to finish on time, because a teenager can suddenly respond to a blow. And how many stories when children, who were bullied for years, killed their parents with unbelievable cruelty and did not feel remorse. There is nothing good in this, but there is nothing strange either.

How hard can you hit your child and on what parts of the body? On the pope - it's clear, we honor traditions. Can a belt with weights be used? Should there be footprints for edification? Is it ethical to beat girls in this way or should only boys be punished with a belt with their pants down? Doesn't this look like some completely painful deviation in the end?

How do parents come to the idea that they need to start hitting their child? Education consists of a sequence of actions and decisions of the educator. A parent who has not coped with his tasks, is trying to catch up with a beating? Raising his hand to strike, he signs his impotence and his failure as an educator. He beats the child not because he is guilty, but because the aggressor cannot cope with anger, irritation and dissatisfaction with his own pedagogical success. In front of him, his pants down for punishment, stands the result of his string of bad decisions. He talks about uncontrollability, not wanting to admit that he simply screwed up.

Or is the child beaten from birth? That is, the parent initially in his educational plans lays down these measures as admissible? Why can you - at least slightly - spank a baby, how can he deserve punishment? The one who is hungry? The one you wanted on your hands?

From time to time, hysterical parents beat someone, falling into anger (“I can’t deal with him anymore”, “Look what you brought me to!”, “You were bad and pissed off mommy”). Someone is beaten constantly and severely - simply because the parents are asocial inhuman psychopaths, too inevitably, unfortunately, falling into the news reports. Is one so far from the other?

"We were beaten - and we grew up as normal people" - this is the standard excuse of the supporters of the belt, in which the mistake has crept in. They didn't grow up normal. They continue to broadcast from generation to generation this unhealthy scheme of advocating violence against the weak and defenseless. Sometimes - completely helpless, trusting, incapable of anything to oppose cruelty.

Cruelty, invading the worldview of an unformed personality, will settle there, displacing the norm; a grown child will be cruel to people, animals, himself and someday - to his aging parents. Beating for beating, let no one be surprised. Even one single unfair, unacceptable parental punishment can be imprinted in the memory for a lifetime, and then your adult child will remember it, choking on sobs, with hatred for you, alive or dead.

Traditions are born, strengthened, inherited, become obsolete and die, each has its own life cycle, this is the essence of cultural progress. The concept of the norm is shifted over time, corrected, brought into line with modernity; raising children by beating is not the norm for a very, very long time, it is an anachronism.

From a slap on the pope to a fatal beating is very far, but there are no marks on this segment. Child abuse has no safe forms. There is no acceptable force with which a strong and adult has the right to hit the weak and unresponsive, there are no acceptable places for beating on a child's body. For those who cannot manage with modern methods of education, it is better not to have children at all.