advises Anna Harutyunyan, psychologist-consultant, specialist in parent-child relations:

— Fears themselves are natural to small child. And it's not always worth protecting him so much from them. There are fears that are inherent only to a certain age - the child outgrows them and ceases to be afraid. For example, babies are afraid of unexpected sharp sounds, being left alone without a mother, etc. School-age children are often afraid of bad grades or peer ridicule (due to appearance, For example). Such childhood fears are even useful: overcoming them, the child grows up. But everything is good in moderation. Fears - their quantity and strength of influence - must be feasible for the child's psyche. If the baby can’t cope on his own, then you need to help him overcome anxiety. Otherwise, fears will develop into neuroses, insomnia, and then into more serious diseases - then even a specialist will find it difficult to get to the bottom of where the health problem came from, what became its true cause.

Groups of children's fears

1. "I'm afraid that Babayka will take me away"

Fears provoked or inspired by parents.

For example, when a mother does not approach a screaming baby for a long time. Or he constantly takes care of the baby: “Don’t climb there, otherwise you will fall”, “Don’t take a knife, otherwise you will cut yourself”, etc. Or warns: “This girl is bad, but that boy is a bully.” Many mothers and grandmothers like to scare a recalcitrant kid with horror stories about Baba Yaga or about someone else's uncle, a wolf who will pick him up and drag him away if he does not obey. In such a situation, you should not be surprised later that the child wakes up and screams at night. Observe for yourself how often you use the phrase "I'm afraid that ..." in conversations with other people. Children very sensitively perceive the state of their parents, their self-doubt, excitement, experience because of something and begin to be afraid themselves. In addition, the child younger age he cannot always explain to himself why his mother, who is always so kind and affectionate, suddenly shouted or spanked. He cannot show aggression towards the mother he loves. So negative characters such as monsters appear, through them negative emotions find a way out.

2. "I'm afraid of the monster under the bed!"

Fear of something specific - the dark, loneliness, death, dogs, bad grades in school, cartoon monsters.

They are the easiest to deal with. The child should calmly and patiently explain the groundlessness of such fears. Show how this or that “terrible” mechanism works, how it works (for example, if a child is afraid of a vacuum cleaner or a noisy elevator).

3. "I'm afraid, but I don't know what"

Unconscious anxiety, which seems to be connected with nothing.

Talk to the child, remember together when he began to be afraid, what events preceded the fears. Perhaps it was a scary cartoon or an "adult" movie, your quarrel with your husband (than more mom they fight with dad in front of children, the more fears they have), an incident on the street (for example, someone else’s dog attacked him) or someone offended him in kindergarten, school.

4. "I'm afraid because it's necessary"

Talking about his fear, the child simply manipulates the parents.

For example, because he wants to draw attention to himself, to be with his mother more often. Or sleep in the parent's bed, although it is already large. If this is so, then you need to let him know that he was seen through, and explain that there is time for him, but there is time for other things. If he is used to falling asleep with his mother, try to change this ritual. Replace lying with your child until he falls asleep with reading a book before bed, for example. Then you can sit with the child for another 5-10 minutes, discuss with him the past day, plans for tomorrow, talk, and then still leave him to sleep alone. Explain that now is the time for the parents to communicate with each other, and his time with them is over. And show firmness in response to his manipulations. It is impossible to always satisfy all the needs of the child, sooner or later he needs to learn independence himself.

How can you help your child overcome fear?

• Give your child more attention.
• Get on your knees more often, hug, take your hand, look into your eyes when you talk.
• Say how much you love him and are always ready to protect him.
• Let the child tell in detail how the monsters and monsters that frighten him look like, what kind of head-arms-legs his horror story has, and then draw or blind him. Something abstract is always scarier than something more concrete. When the enemy is known in detail, he is no longer so terrible, it is easier to fight him. After this, the drawn monster can be burned (you can even allow yourself to set fire to the paper in a saucepan and then pour it with water) or tear it. Any ritual of destruction will do - it all depends on your imagination.
• Connect humor. For example, tell your child a secret that monsters are very afraid of loud noises. Therefore, monsters or monsters that have hidden in the corners can be scared with loud songs, tiger growls, crackers, etc., and then they will scatter.
• Explain. Many terrible things (for example, frightening shadows on the wall at night, sounds from the street, thunderstorm noise, etc.) can be found to have a completely logical explanation.

What should parents not do if the child is afraid of something?

• Do not punish for showing "cowardice." It will be even worse if the baby, in order not to lose your love, begins to hide that he is very afraid of something. Fears will go inside and develop into a neurosis. It will be very difficult to get rid of them later.
• Do not sort things out with your husband (or your parents, other adults) in front of a child. Nervous, restless atmosphere in the house contributes to the cultivation of children's fears. The less love in the family, the more fears.
• Do not force your child to overcome fear at any cost. For example, if he is afraid of dogs, force him to stroke the animal. Let him first observe them from afar, at a safe distance.
• Do not allow watching “scary” films before going to bed. It is better to read a book or watch some good cartoon.
• Never shame or make fun of a child.
• Do not call a coward, do not say “that you are different and behave like a girl”, “boys should not be afraid”, etc.

Questions and answers

The son is begging for monsters as a gift. Is it okay to buy scary toys for kids?

Oksana Krivovyaz, Mytishchi

— The belief that a child should not have scary toys is widespread. And many specially buy only soft, pleasant little animals for children. But it's not right. In the same way, it is wrong to divide toys by gender: dolls are only for girls, cars are for boys. Toy monsters needed! The child can break them, "kill" them in the game. So, through toys, he kills his fears, reduces the level of anxiety and calms down internally. When the internal problem is solved by the child, he himself will lose interest in this toy. Children's pistols, weapons should also be. When a child plays "war", he splashes out aggression and negative energy. Indeed, in the real world there is aggression and cruelty, the child must learn to cope with them, and the task of parents is to help him do this adequately.

How to react if the child is afraid that we will all die? How to calm him down?

Olga Panova, Saratov

All the fears of a child are connected in one way or another with the fear of not being, and the fear of death worries most children. Children from a very young age are faced with death - dead bugs, the content of films and cartoons, so it is undesirable to hush up and try to get away from this topic. Talk to your child about death. After all, the unknown scares the most. Explain that every living thing has its own cycle of birth, growing up and dying. It is better to avoid such explanations that death is an eternal sleep. Then the child will definitely be afraid to fall asleep. First of all, children are afraid of death, because they are afraid of being left without parents. Explain that this is still far away, that the child himself will first have to grow up, mature, that many interesting and joyful events await him ahead. What happens to a person after death? This can be explained in terms of your own ideas: for example, that only the body dies, but the soul is immortal, etc.

Children's fears ... What is it and how to deal with them? As a rule, the reaction of adults to the fears of children is very different. Some parents begin to panic and immediately begin to give their beloved child sedatives. Others simply do not pay any attention to the experiences of the child, believing that over time it will pass by itself. Still others begin to scold and even punish an innocent baby, believing that he invented all the fears in order to receive certain relaxations in discipline and additional privileges.

And only a small part of parents make the right decision and seek qualified help. child psychologist. But this is absolutely correct, because ignoring children's fears can significantly aggravate the situation and lead to such a formidable complication as childhood neurosis, which requires serious treatment, often in a hospital. Timely work of a psychologist with children's fears will help to eradicate the problem at the very beginning of its development.

Even in the event that neurosis has been avoided, the child's fears, left unattended, can cause significant damage to the child's psyche. After all, many complexes and phobias inherent in adults originate in childhood.

The essence of childhood fear

What are children's fears and what is their nature of origin? Fear is an emotional reaction of the psyche to the impact of threatening factors. However, as the psychoanalysis of children's fears shows, their specificity is such that, as a rule, there is no real threat, and the very occurrence of the problem is due to a very rich and vivid children's imagination. The source for the imagination of the child is his environment, in particular, adults who overly emotionally discuss in the presence of children the problems of fires, natural disasters, traffic accidents and other accidents.

Children's night terrors can be caused by watching horror movies. Often it seems to us that the child is busy with his own affairs and does not pay any attention to what is happening on the screen. However, in fact, this impression is very deceiving - the baby, like a sponge, absorbs all the information. And since he is not always fully able to distinguish truth from fiction, this subsequently leads to the emergence of children's fears.

Causes of anxiety in children

There are also many different prerequisites for the development of fears in children. The causes of their occurrence are often hidden much deeper than it seems. Where adults don't even know to look for them. Psychologists call the main ones:

1. Strange as it may seem, but urbanization has made a huge contribution to the increase in cases of children's fears.

   The child may feel lonely, tired of the constant abundance of new, often completely unnecessary information. In addition, urban children, as a rule, often suffer from hypertrophied parental care, which also has a very adverse effect on the child's psyche, making the child insecure and fearful.

2. The lack of interaction with adults is also far from harmless.

   None computer games, TV and the most expensive toys cannot replace a child's live human communication. Lack of close emotional contact with parents in half of all cases is the cause of children's fears. Very often, to completely eliminate them, it is enough just to spend more time with the child. And not just to be around, but to communicate: take walks together, play, read.

3. Psychologists have noticed a certain pattern: those children who do not receive the necessary physical activity are much more likely to face the problem of their fears.
4. The dominant behavior of the mother is also the cause of children's fears.

   If a woman takes a leading role in the family, allows herself aggressive behavior in relation to other family members, the child's fears in such a case are provided for him.

5. Quarrels in the home also almost inevitably lead to strong childhood fears.

   The child is not fully aware of what is happening in his family, but he feels very well that something is not right. And these anxieties are embodied in fears, although the true causes of children's fears remain a mystery to parents.

Diagnosis of children's fears

An important part of the psychologist's work with children's fears is their diagnosis and establishment of causes. As a rule, for child psychologists, the diagnosis of children's fears is not difficult. All of them are very similar to each other. Each psychologist has his own method of identifying children's fears. But in general, in their essence, they are all very similar and are based on the main typical features of the child's psyche.

Absolutely any method of diagnosing children's fears aims to identify not only varieties psychological illness but also its cause. Some specialists use drawing for this, others use modeling, and still others prefer conversations with the baby. It is difficult to name the best diagnosis of children's fears, since all these methods give equally effective results, and when choosing a method, it is necessary to take into account a number of individual psychological and age characteristics of each child.

The classification of children's fears distinguishes two main types:

1. "Silent" fears

   This is when the child himself denies the existence of a problem, but it is absolutely obvious to the parents. These most often include fears of animals, loud noises, strangers and unfamiliar surroundings.

2. Fears are "invisible"

   Here it's the other way around. The kid is aware of his fears, but adults, on the contrary, do not notice any signs of their presence in the child. Invisible fears are much more diverse, psychologists have identified a huge number of them. We present the most common ones:

• The child's fear of punishment for any misconduct

  Moreover, the error can be so insignificant that adults simply do not pay any attention to it. The presence of such fears indicates serious problems in the relationship between the child and parents, sometimes it can even be the result of excessive strict treatment of the baby. In the event of such a fear, parents should seriously think about their behavior with the child and reconsider it in order to avoid serious problems.

• Fear of blood

  Very many children, at the sight of a small drop of blood that appears from a skinned knee, begin to scream with such force that one might think that the wound is not a small scratch, but skin taken alive, which, among other things, is sprinkled with a pack of salt. In fact, the child screams not from pain, but from panic fear. This is a feeling that is absolutely beyond the control of the child, so you should not make fun of him. The fear of blood is most often due to a banal ignorance of physiology - it seems to the baby that all the blood will flow out and he will die. Strictly speaking, the fear of blood is a derivative of the fear of death.

• The death of parents is also a fairly common kind of children's fears, often generated by the adults themselves.

As you can see for yourself, the fact that a child does not tell his parents about his fears does not always mean that they do not really exist. In the event that parents deny the phenomenon of children's fears as such, and, accordingly, do not see the need to work with them, they can be asymptomatic. However, in such a case Negative consequences for the child's psyche will be many times harder than if the parents recognized the problem and helped the child in overcoming childhood fears.

However, those parents who themselves have a suspicious nature and excessive impressionability can also aggravate the situation by creating unnecessary turmoil around it, thereby concentrating and fixing the baby's attention on the existing problem. But work with children's fears is precisely to identify fears and make the child forget them, without focusing the child's attention on them.

Sometimes there are even situations in which parents involuntarily, on a subconscious level, can project their own fears onto their children. This, as a rule, is the fear of the death of parents, which any child experiences sooner or later, the fear of punishment (most often found in men). As a rule, if parents manage to find their common fears with their children, overcoming them becomes much faster and easier.

Revealing the causes of children's fears

As already mentioned, in order to successfully overcome the fears of a child, it is necessary to find out their causes with the help of psychoanalysis. At home, you can use several simple, parent-friendly methods for identifying children's fears, which give a very accurate idea of ​​​​the nature of the problem:

• Drawing

  Even if your child does not have special artistic talents, you can ask him to draw something that worries him. However, the request should be in a very soft tactful form and in no case should it be an order. Modeling from plasticine is suitable for those children who do not like to draw. The recommendations to parents in this case are absolutely identical.

• If the above method did not help determine the causes of children's fears, you can invite the child to come up with a fairy tale that will tell exactly what worries the baby.

  As a rule, this method is ideal for identifying children's fears after the age of five. Be sure to write the story down on paper. Firstly, fears are visualized in this way, which is the task of absolutely any diagnostic technique, and secondly, it can be useful to you in the future, in case of recurrence of anxiety and fears in a child.

Another effective way to overcome fears in children is to talk with a child about a topic that concerns him. An adult who will have a conversation with a child should take this issue seriously and think over the list of questions that he will ask the child in advance. Also note that all questions are asked at a level accessible to children's understanding. Do not rush the child with the answer, you need to give him time to think. In no case should you focus on any one reason, as this can lead to the emergence of a new fear.

Classification of children's fears by age

There are various classifications of children's fears that are understandable only to psychologists, so there is no point in listing them all. However, below are the most full list common childhood fears, taking into account age characteristics, because this syndrome is different in different age categories.

Children's fears in babies from 0 to 3 years

• No matter how strange it may seem, but the children of the first year of life are also subject to children's fears.

  For example, it could be fear of a new environment. Surely any mother noticed how the baby changes, as soon as he gets into an unfamiliar room.

• Babies also have a common fear of losing their mother.

  It is so common that it simply does not make sense to describe the problem. However, unfortunately, very often such fear is mistaken for the spoiledness and whims of the child.

• At the age of one to three years, new children's fears appear, the unwitting culprits of which are the crumbs' parents.

  For example, the fear of the dark, when a child is frightened by a “babyka” and other mythical characters.

• There is also a child's fear of being alone even for a minute.

  As a rule, it arises precisely due to the fact that adults considered the elementary need of the baby for parents in the first year of life as ordinary spoiledness, and the child was deprived of constant close contact with his mother.

• Night fears. In most cases, they are an extension of the fear of the dark. Remember that watching some modern cartoons can significantly aggravate the situation.

Children's fears in children 3-5 years old

• Panic fear of being alone;
• Fear of the dark.
• Also at this age, some parents are surprised to notice that their crumbs have a fear of confined spaces, for example, the child may refuse to enter the elevator or begin to demand to leave the door to the bedroom open. Psychocorrection of such childhood fear obligatory, otherwise this fear can surface in adulthood, turning into claustrophobia.
• Children's night terror at this age is caused by fairy tale characters, so a child at this age identifies them with very real people.

Fears in children 5-7 years old

At the age of 5-7 years, the syndromes of children's pathological fears become much more diverse. The horizons of the child are expanding, and with it, new fears may appear in the life of a little man.

• For example, night fears at the age of 7 take on a new form - the child begins to be afraid to fall asleep, because in a dream he sees terrible dreams. And this is a very serious burden on the nervous system of the child, so the correction of night fears for 7 years is simply mandatory.
• There is a fear of punishment. As already mentioned, this is a very disturbing signal that the relationship between parents and children is not all right. Psychocorrection of children's fears of punishment should begin with a change in the approach of parents to the process of raising a child. It has long been recognized that the physical impact on the baby does not bring anything but harm.
• Under the influence of adult conversations and TV viewing, a child may develop an overwhelming fear of animals, most often dogs. By the way, adults often reinforce this fear by overprotecting the child.
• At this age, the child is faced with such a sad phenomenon of human life as death. However, the child still cannot fully comprehend this, and therefore the baby develops a fear of his own death, the death of his parents.
• In addition, the fear of death in a child, as a result, entails the emergence of fear of all kinds of fires, natural disasters, accidents, and so on.

Fears in children 7-11 years old

Children between the ages of 7 and 11 have new fears associated with a new stage in their lives.

• Fear of school.
• Fear of the team caused by difficult adaptation.
• Fear of getting a bad grade.

As part of the program for correcting children's fears, psychologists give several extremely useful recommendations to parents. After all, it has been scientifically proven that in 95% of all cases of childhood fears, the mother and father of the baby are directly or indirectly involved in this.

• Taking care of the psychological health of the child must begin even before he is born.

  Child psychologists note an interesting pattern - the calmer the pregnancy was, the less often children have any childish fears in the future. So try, no matter how trite it may sound, to be less nervous during pregnancy.

• Recommendation for mom: no matter what high position you hold at work, remember that a child is not your subordinate, he needs not a strict leader, but a gentle and loving mother

  It has been noticed that in children of domineering, strict mothers, fears are much more common and in a more severe form. Treatment of children's fears is very complex and often requires the use of pharmacological drugs.

• In no case should a child be allowed to feel abandoned and unnecessary.

  Even if you spend most of your time at work or you have youngest child, or for some other reason, you have no strength left at all, it is necessary, overcoming yourself, to pay attention to the child. In the absence of adequate treatment of children's fears caused by a sense of their own "uselessness", in adolescence this problem can lead to the emergence of suicidal tendencies in a child.

• However, it is also not worth instilling in a child a sense of his own exclusivity.

  Selfish thinking also often leads to the emergence of a fear of losing one's exclusive position, which has the character of an obsession.

• Try not to limit the child in communicating with peers - this will lead to fears of school life.
• Never compare your child to other children

  In no case should you cite as an example to the baby the successes that his peers have achieved. This is likely to lead to a decrease in the child's self-esteem.

• In no case do not scare the child with dogs, doctors or policemen. The child takes such threats very seriously.

Speaking about how to overcome fears in children, I would like to note the pleasant fact that, fortunately, almost all of them are temporary and can be perfectly corrected. However, this requires parents to take this issue seriously. In the same case, if you can’t cope with childhood fears on your own and you don’t know how to deal with their consequences, you can always seek help from a psychologist who will tell you how to get rid of the problem. As a rule, the problem can be eliminated in any, even the most severe and advanced case, but it is advisable not to waste time so as not to injure the child's psyche.

Children's fears are states in which there is an acute experience of a sense of danger and direct threat emanating from ordinary phenomena, which occurs only in childhood. Children's fear is one of the ways of knowing the world and the most powerful factor of socialization, the awareness of the finiteness of being by the baby and the limits of his own capabilities. The period of experiencing childhood fears is necessary, it allows the young human personality to mature and realize itself. Different periods of a baby's life are characterized by different fears.

"Normal" children's fear lasts no more than a month, and then disappears without a trace, and sometimes is replaced by a new one. The task of parents is to help the baby survive childhood fears without loss, so that they can be finally overcome. If childhood fear is not experienced and mastered in time, it can linger for a long time and remain in adulthood, which will greatly complicate life.

From an evolutionary point of view, the fears experienced in childhood are necessary to keep the baby from contact with danger and unwise actions with sad consequences.

Researchers identify several significant causes and provoking factors that push the unstable psyche of the baby to the formation of children's fears.

Cause	Description
adult threats and anger	kids perceive adults as being at an unattainable height, and due to their age they can’t oppose anything to them
suggested dangers	fears of parents like “don’t come close - they will kill!” are taken literally by the child and evoke an appropriate reaction
"horror stories" of peers	older children may deliberately bully a sensitive toddler by bullying him with stories
specific incident	fright caused by a specific event - an incomprehensible loud sound, barking, crackling, blow - "gets stuck" in the child's psyche
neurosis	functional or reversible disturbance of the nervous system caused by severe mental trauma or prolonged emotional stress
menacing fantasies	children endow inanimate objects with the properties of living things, and night shadows, fluctuations in light or an opened closet door seem to the child as terrible and dangerous as a real threat to life
family conflicts	in quarrels and quarrels of parents, small children blame themselves, and suffer from this
insults caused by peers	A child, like an adult, needs recognition. If the children's team does not accept the baby, he will definitely develop fears
separate housing	children living in apartment buildings have more opportunities for communication than kids living in cottage villages
only child	a baby who communicates only with adults at home is more prone to anxiety and fears, and vice versa, the presence of brothers and sisters does not allow fears to take root
age parents	parents who have lost their own spontaneity take care of the child too actively, and their anxiety is transmitted to him
floor	girls develop fears more often

How are age and fear related?

For each age period characteristic of their children's fears, the child is afraid of what he is already able to realize. From birth to adolescence, children experience biological fears, then social ones.

Children of the first year of life are afraid of loud noises, undressing, unfamiliar surroundings. Fears arise in front of the unknown, and this is quite natural, but in a healthy baby, the fright quickly passes and is replaced by an interest in what is happening around.

Children from 1 to 3 years old are most afraid of parting with their parents, trauma and nightmares. During this period, nightmares may appear, especially in adverse conditions - in a new apartment, for example. Until the age of 3, it is better for the baby to spend time with his parents, and to start visiting the children's team later - this is a guarantee that the baby will grow up balanced (with normal heredity, of course).

The biggest fear of childhood from ages 3 to 5 is the dark, closely related to the fear of being alone. At this age, it is better not to leave children alone in the room, they instantly have a fear of closed space.

Junior schoolchildren from 6 to 7 years old experience a deep fear of death. This is a natural process when a child realizes that life is not eternal. Fear comes regardless of whether someone in the family or circle of acquaintances passes away. The inevitable age-related fear comes to all children, this is a stage of personality development.

From the age of 7 until puberty, emerging fears can reflect events occurring in the close environment: war, pain, attack, punishment, falling from a height, parental disapproval, loneliness.

Teenagers try themselves in the world of adults, and they have corresponding fears - physical deformity, failure, collapse of plans, loneliness, impossibility of self-realization.

Classification

It is very conditional, but, nevertheless, it allows you to determine how specific children's fear corresponds to the stage of development of the baby.

IN early age the child is characterized by biological fears - the death of parents, fire, water, heights, depths, darkness, monsters. Social fears join later, when it is necessary to take one's place in society.

Psychologists divide children's fears into 3 main groups.

Symptoms

Whether or not a child will tell about what he is afraid of depends on many factors. An open, good-natured baby can talk about his experiences if there is trust between him and the parent. More often, children are silent and hide what worries them - they do not know how their parents will react to this, whether they will ridicule, whether they will scold.

You can determine the presence of children's fears by the behavior of the child. A fearful child is tense, anxious, frightened, often withdrawn. He shudders, does not approach the object he is afraid of, cries at night, does not let go of an adult.

The method of psychologists Panfilova and Zakharov offers to substantively determine the presence of children's fear. You need to draw two houses: one is black and the other is red. An adult names all possible fears and settles them at home: in black, what the baby is afraid of, and in red, everything else.

There are also many questionnaires that are easily found in the public domain: Louise Duss, Hakobyan and others.

The simplest test that is understandable and accessible to all children and parents is a drawing of their fear. The child draws on a blank standard sheet using colored pencils.

The first thing that catches your eye in the picture is the biggest fear. It can be an animal, a person, a natural phenomenon or an inanimate object. It is important to pay attention to color. Black, brown and gray indicate that the child is experiencing severe stress, literally overwhelmed by children's fears.

The rest of the colors are distributed as follows:

It is useful to invite the child to draw a family. In the concept of "family" the baby includes those whom he often sees - acquaintances, neighbors, animals. From the figure it will be clear which person has the greatest influence on the baby. In such drawings, fears unnoticed by adults can be found: fear of a father, grandmother, dog or tram.

Looking at the picture, you need to understand that the world of a child is fundamentally different from the world of an adult. For the baby, everything is real: both real events and fictitious fears. It is best to analyze the drawing in detail with a psychotherapist or psychologist, this will help to understand your child.

Correction of fears

It begins with the contact of adults with a psychiatrist or psychotherapist. Quite often, it is adults who, by their behavior, induce the development of fears in the baby, need correction.

If the parents themselves are cowardly - more often than not, they are mothers and grandmothers, then they unwittingly support the child's desire to be afraid of everything. This often happens in families where the child was expected for a long time, after IVF, for example. Fears in such kids arise literally out of the blue, for an insignificant reason.

With those fears that do not violate the usual life, you can appeal to an adequate adult in a particular family, ask him to communicate confidentially with the baby, ask about all the fears. A few days spent with a self-confident, balanced adult - father, grandfather, uncle, cousin- are able to change the attitude of the baby to the world around, relieve anxiety and fearfulness.

The psychotherapist teaches anxious parents how to respond normally to the daily challenges of life. The calm benevolence of adults is a guarantee that the child will successfully overcome his fears.

However, sometimes separate work with specific fears is required.

Fear of darkness, heights and water

These fears are overcome with thematic fairy tales and games. First of all, you need to try to "pull out" the fears of children - draw, sculpt, show in the sand. Visualization of experiences in itself removes many fears. Depicted, concretely shown fear loses half of its awesome effect.

On the basis of the fears discovered, the adult and the child compose a fairy tale in which the child plays the role of a kind and brave giant, and fear is presented as a cowardly and evil character. Everything happens, as it should be in a fairy tale - good triumphs over evil. After that, the specific fears of the child finally disappear, because it makes no sense to be afraid of what is defeated.

The game of hide and seek works great when a thing hides either in a bright room or in a dark place. For going to a dark room and discovering something hidden there, a prize or a lot of points is given. It is important that the kid wins, it is better for adults to play along.

Fear of heights and water will perfectly help to overcome a trip to a water park, where there is an abundance of both. If there is no water park nearby, the same thing - jumping into the water, climbing a flowering hillock - can be done during a summer field trip.

It is important to demonstrate to the baby that everything frightening can be gradually overcome. You can enter a dark room with a candle or a flashlight, and the monsters do not live there. There is no one under the stairs either, if you look around carefully. The height offers a wonderful view, and the water can be warm and rock on the waves.

Night terrors

Night fears are associated with a change in the world around you at nightfall and the daytime overexcitation of the baby. First you need to try to streamline your daily activities.

Hiking in nature, walking, visiting the zoo, interesting games with adults or peers saturate with impressions and physically tire. When the baby barely has time to touch the pillow in the evening to fall asleep, he does not have time for fears.

In the evening and at night, all objects change their shape, shadows and unusual light sources appear. The kid does not know this, and therefore is afraid. It needs to be clearly shown where it comes from. Frightening outlines can be caused by a lantern turned on outside the window, a fluctuating curtain, an open cabinet door. It is necessary to show how the shadow changes with movement.

It is useful to end the explanation with an afternoon game of shadow play. This will give the child an impetus to the development of imagination.

Sometimes children wake up in the middle of the night screaming and crying because they had a nightmare. It is necessary to calm, give water and not leave the room until the baby falls asleep again. During the day, it is advisable to draw a nightmare in order to end it - lock it up, lock it in a cage, put up a barrier. The painted fence takes the concrete thinking of the child for the present, and children's fears end.

Separation of reality and fiction

The child needs to be explained and shown the real dangers constantly, almost every day. At the same time, it is required to remain calm and not exaggerate the danger, so as not to fertilize the soil for the development of children's fears.

For example: fire is dangerous, matches can burn a house. But if the matches are not touched, then nothing will happen. It is necessary to show how they are lit, how they burn, how a fire flares up. But at the same time to show that the fire will go out from the water, that the groove in the ground will not allow the fire to spread, that you can cook fish soup and warm tea on the fire. When explaining, simple concrete examples are required; a child of 3-5 years old cannot understand anything abstract. Delimiting fiction from reality is an important stage in the formation of thinking.

Psychoanalysis of children's fears

This method of explaining children's fears was introduced by Freud, an Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist. According to his theory, the formation of children's fears is based on natural age-related sexuality.

According to Freud, the child goes through 3 main stages:

1. Oral, from birth to 1 year, when all possible pleasures are associated with the mouth area - sucking, tastes of new food, the need to try everything new “by the tooth”. Insufficient satisfaction with the process of eating, a nervous situation during this period spoil the character of a person forever.
2. Anal - from birth to the 2nd year, when the child learns to use the potty and realizes that he can control his body. During this period, it is important not to suppress independence in order to avoid the formation of children's fears in the future. Attempts to “break” the baby and steadily fulfill all parental requirements at this time lead to the formation of a personality without will.
3. Genital - from 2 years. At this time, the child discovers gender differences, and actively studies them. Girls gain experience of erotic sensuality. A strict ban on studying oneself leads to a variety of characterological disorders, the formation of massive childhood fears, often turning into an adult state.

Childhood is a period of varied experiences. The more impressions the child receives, the easier it will be for him to develop further. Overcoming children's fears begins with a varied, fun, eventful life in a friendly family.

Children's fears are specific disorders. Depending on age, they are manifested by experience, anxiety, anxiety. So the body reacts to an imaginary or real threat. Fears are accompanied by emotional transformation, acceleration of heart rhythms, malfunction of the respiratory and muscular systems. The behavioral feature is manifested by avoiding potentially dangerous sources (situations), increased attachment to parents, and a syndrome of fear of loneliness. The disease is diagnosed and treated by a psychologist or hypnologist. For this purpose, special testing, questionnaires, individual conversations are used.

Any fears are divided into fear, phobia, anxiety. Some quickly appear and disappear, others remain in memory for a long time. At the same time, the critical situation does not repeat itself, but children's fears remain.

The infant is unable to understand the logical cause-and-effect relationship of fright. His perception of the world is completely in solidarity with his parents. Consequently, adults sometimes transfer their own fears to babies. The perception of children's fears is based on an alarming intonation or look. By the look of mom or dad, the child decides whether to cry or not.

Causes of fear syndrome in children

Fear is the main cause of fear. There are many reasons for this:

• sudden cry;
• parental panic;
• bite of an animal or insect;
• injury;
• funerals of relatives and the like.

A child brought up in a positive, calm and confident environment often experiences the situation briefly. If there were quarrels and other traumatic circumstances with the baby, the manifestation of children's fears can be fixed for a long time in memory, which leads to a reaction to a critical situation in the form of crying.

Other reasons:

1. Overdeveloped fantasy. A child may mistake shadows for monsters or ghosts at night. View animated films draws in the mind images of negative heroes, such as aliens, monsters and villains. It is important to monitor the reaction of a son or daughter by filtering the films they watch.
2. Family squabbles. In a rare family, quarrels between adults are excluded. Scandals with the use of loud and obscene expressions, beating plates, lead to the fact that the baby grows shy, capricious.
3. Social discord. Problems in relationships with peers, teachers and others are one of the reasons for children's fears. Girl or boy, behave constrainedly. Timely noticed fear of this nature is quickly eliminated.
4. neuroses. A psychological deviation that develops gradually if the fear intensifies and is not worked out.

What are children afraid of?

Children's fears for a number of factors can be exacerbated:

1. Relatives of the child experience constant anxiety before anything. It is necessary to work on yourself, to open the world to the baby from the positive side.
2. Parents remind the offspring of his fear with mockery. The way out is to accept the fears of children as your own, to find a specialist.
3. Frequent presence of a source of fear. You need to find out the root cause of the fear and eliminate it.
4. The dominance of parents towards their children. They try to psychologically become at the level of the child, causing not fear, but respect and friendship.
5. For the violent manifestation of emotions, punishment follows. This only reinforces the manifestation of children's fears. Let self-expression be active, after the child calms down, explain to him the reason.
6. Lack of parental attention. It is necessary to allocate at least an hour of time for a heart-to-heart conversation.
7. Lack of friends. Try to become a friend for your son or daughter, understand the reason for his isolation.
8. Overprotection. Excess attention, like its lack, causes the development of certain children's fears.
9. A dysfunctional family. If the offspring is brought up only by the mother, she should tune in positively, become not just a friend, but also a protector of the child.

Most fears in children arise due to the wrong attitude and behavior of parents. In any case, each member of the family should stand behind each other as a “wall”, collectively discussing and solving problems.

Types of syndrome of children's pathological fears

Experts divide phobias into several types:

1. This group includes nightmares. The process of a child's sleep is accompanied by involuntary actions (talking, sleepwalking, convulsions, urination). After waking up, the baby immediately looks for parents or falls asleep soundly, remembers nothing in the morning.
2. Unwarranted feelings. This is the most common type of childhood fear. A person is afraid of the dark, loneliness, fairy-tale and cartoon characters, often thinking out non-existent moments. To convince the child that fear is unfounded does not make sense, he will insist on his own.
3. Compulsive fears. This category includes phobias of open and closed space, heights, flying on an airplane and others.
4. Delusional experiences. Here, the object of fear is ordinary things (toys, items of clothing, telephone). Coping with such fear is not difficult if you understand its cause.

How do children's fears manifest themselves?

Psychology makes it clear that a newborn baby shows fear in one way - it goes into hysterical crying. In older children, the range of signs is somewhat wider:

• follow mom or dad everywhere;
• in the crib they hide, covering themselves with a blanket;
• show aggressiveness or often cry for no apparent reason;
• act up;
• draw pictures in black tones, depicting various monsters;
• afraid of the image of the object of fear;
• exhibit non-standard behavior (biting their nails, pulling their fingers into their mouths, sorting out items of clothing).

If these signs are present, it is better to consult a specialist, for example, psychologist-hypnologist Baturin Nikita Valerievich.

How to identify the cause of children's fears?

It is necessary to talk with the child about his fears. For example, compose a fairy tale or come up with a drawn story in which he is the main character. At the point where the plot begins to transform in a negative direction, you should ask the child to change the meaning in such a way that the child becomes a positive winner in the end.

Psychology of children's fears by age

Depending on the age of a person, children's fears have their own characteristics. Up to three years old, kids learn the basic skills of life, an awareness of gender differences comes, the division of people into friends and foes. In this period of time, the family is a safe haven for a small citizen, provided there are no conflicts. In a psychologically healthy "cell of society" the baby quickly forgets the fear of birth.

Children's fears at this age are similar to mother's stresses. At 2–3 years old, a child sometimes experiences fear or jealousy at the birth of a brother or sister. The child is afraid of parents leaving, going to bed on his own, sharp sounds, strangers, falling at the first steps. Some fears are a direct projection of the fears of adults.

How to protect from children's fears? You should not sort things out with your spouse in the presence of the baby, believing that he does not understand anything. The child instantly reads the tension in the environment, reacting by crying to the behavioral change of the parents. At breastfeeding possible quarrels with family members should be minimized, since experiences are transmitted with mother's milk. A healthy atmosphere gives the baby the opportunity to gain confidence and find their personal position.

At the birth of a second child, anxiety can be overcome by switching attention to caring for the youngest. The longer mother and baby are in contact at this stage, the better. It will be useful to teach the child to independence. Bedtime stories should be chosen carefully, avoiding "horror stories" and sad stories.

From 3 to 5 years

A small person at this age is as sensitive and emotional as possible. The sphere of knowledge is expanding much, which serves as fertile soil for the emergence of children's fears. There is a process of rapprochement with parents and other children. Friendship with new comrades can last only a couple of days, the realization of society comes, that there is not only “I”, but also “We”. The imagination is actively developing, the baby is trying to imitate the characters of his favorite fairy-tale heroes. Irritability, mood swings, and resentment are often observed. Sometimes parents are required to be constantly nearby.

One of the characteristic childhood fears of 3–5 years of age is the fear that they will stop loving him. The fear of loneliness is noticeably manifested, the child should be given more time. Often there are phobias of closed space, punishment.

The best defense against fear will be a worthy example, open manifestation love for both the child and the spouse (ge). Kissing, hugging, stroking - the most important. You should not say phrases that you do not love your child now, as he behaved badly. This can be stored in memory for a long time.

5–7 years

Children identify good and bad people in the environment. In the first category, they include those who show kindness, smiles. Those who are angry, bring unpleasant sensations (for example, doctors) are considered bad. At this age, suspiciousness and anxiety are often manifested.

Children's fears at 5–7 years old:

• fear of one's own or parental death;
• nightmares (night tantrums);
• fear of injections, bites, heights,;
• anxiety in relation to the other world, punishment from parents;
• fear of the future.

You can protect yourself from children's fears by convincing the child that he is safe, with evidence that the world around him is not scary. The main thing is not to injure the psyche with threats and shouting, to speak evenly, calmly, to explain that the bad words that slip through his speech are unacceptable. Hypersensitive children need to read good fairy tales, protect them from stress.

From 7 to 11 years old

Schoolchildren no longer behave selfishly, they begin to realize that society requires mutual contact between peers and teachers. Develop discipline and a sense of duty.

Children's fears of this age still include the fear of death, worrying about their parents. There is a fear of an attack by strangers, bad grades, fires, robberies. Phobias become specific but not as strong as school takes up most of the attention. It is not excluded the development of guilt, especially if the child is different from others.

They warn fears by educating confidence in a son or daughter. Listen to the offspring, do not insist on friendship with those who are not interested in him. He must clearly understand that he is expected at home, regardless of whether everything always turns out the way it should. Praise for responsibility and help, even if it is insignificant.

Age 11-16

This is not an easy period of growing up. Teenagers change their worldview, their own principles appear. Sometimes the transformation comes so abruptly that the parents feel they have lost control of the situation. A person begins to adjust interpersonal communication, self-esteem becomes a priority.

The fears of children of this age include misunderstanding, they feel ambivalent. A teenager wants to merge with a common team, while not spraying his individuality. Another common fear of changing appearance. Girls are more emotional than boys, it comes at the age of 15. It is accompanied by a fear of censure and shame, and can be transformed into phobias.

To prevent disorders, it is necessary to increase the self-esteem of the child, to evaluate his worthy deeds. Girls need to be convinced of their attractiveness, guys - of their trust. It is important to find the optimal line between the excitability and aggression of a teenager, realizing that he is a reflection of his parents.

Syndrome of fear of schoolchildren

This type of fear is separated into a separate category. It can appear with the beginning of school life, if it is difficult for a child to survive separation from their parents. This can be due to the fact that the adult himself was not enthusiastic about the school, spoke negatively about it. Solving educational problems instead of a student leads to a loss of responsibility for one's own actions.

It is easier to cope with the fear of children who have been instilled with a certain independence since childhood. The problems of loneliness are more easily experienced at school by those students who were brought up in kindergarten. Gradually, the child tries to adapt to those around him.

Diagnosis of fears in children

Fears in childhood become the main reason for turning to psychologists and psychotherapists. When diagnosing children's fears, a clinical interview is conducted. After establishing contacts with a specialist, the guys do not hide their concerns. To fix the degree of intensity of the disorder, psychodiagnostic techniques are used:

1. Questionnaires specially designed for the study of childhood phobias. Schoolchildren primary school questions are asked face to face. Teenagers fill out the test forms on their own. Literature is selected taking into account the age of the client.
2. projective ways. This includes drawn tests, fairy tales, methods of presenting situations in a peculiar way, allowing you to choose the mechanisms of interaction between the child and the specialist.

Treatment of children's fears

Providing assistance to those suffering from childhood fears is based on recreating a cozy homely atmosphere. Psychotherapeutic techniques are also used. They provide an opportunity to work through and realize emotional negativity.

Family-type consultations are focused on identifying the causes of children's fears, clarifying the characteristics of relationships within the family. Then recommendations for further treatment are given.

Psychotherapy sessions are conducted personally. First, the fears are discussed, then they are worked out. One of the popular methods is fairy tale therapy or a technique using the creative abilities of the child.

Drug treatment of phobias in children includes taking sedative and anxiolytin drugs. Therapy is recommended for exacerbations, the treatment method is adjusted individually.

Hypnotherapy is one of the most effective methods getting rid of childhood fears. Learn more about the techniques used at this channel.

How to deal with children's fears? First of all, you need to understand that requiring a specialist to cure a child does not mean the absence of work on oneself. First of all, parents should rethink their behavior, understand the child and draw appropriate conclusions.

In order to convey useful information, psychotherapists create specialized corners, including in kindergartens and schools. It provides information that allows you to navigate the modern approach to raising the younger generation, as well as recommendations on how to deal with children's fear. The sooner treatment is started, the sooner the child will become a full-fledged member of society, getting rid of obsessive thoughts and ideas. Running cases require a personal approach, otherwise they may manifest themselves in adulthood.