Every time we enter into a new relationship, we make the same mistakes. Is it any wonder that then everything happens according to the same scenario? One of the most common mistakes is breaking the advice to “Keep your distance in relationships.” How does this happen and what is the risk?

Oh, this all-powerful myth about two halves of one whole! It gives rise in our minds to the idea of ​​harmony as a complete merger - after all, the halves form one whole. So, everything should be common: views, hobbies, walks, friends, money, life goals ... All this, of course, is good, but is it achievable? At the initial stage of the relationship, during the period of falling in love, the distance between partners is a rarity, on the contrary, they strive to reduce it to zero. And then, after a few years, they win back every centimeter of personal space, because we need it! But first things first.

Distance and period of lapping characters

One of the reasons for the crisis of temperament (and divorce after the first year of marriage) is the increase in distance. Remember, as in the poem from the movie "The Irony of Fate": "How painful, dear, how strange / Being related in the ground, intertwined with branches - / How painful, dear, how strange / To split in two under a saw!". Indeed, we often hear complaints in the following form: “He (she) is moving away from me!”. This means that one of the partners seeks to increase the distance. There is nothing wrong with this - except in those cases when the attraction disappears altogether and each family member "enters his own orbit." And if you are not separated from you in order to mind your own business and live your life, then you just have different ideas about the proper level of intimacy and intimacy in a relationship. You most likely seem intrusive and need to moderate the situation a bit.

Why do we seek to dissolve in each other?

Where does it come from, this desire to become one? The further the relationship goes, the more secrets and secrets we learn about each other, hanging them on our love and depriving it of lightness and carelessness. We open ourselves to each other with joy, seeing love and acceptance: look, what (what) am I, will you love me? We need someone's love in order to put up with our own imperfections - it turns out that everything is not so bad if they love me ... In general, we need rapprochement, and we achieve it.

Those who are familiar with love addiction are downright sick at the slightest increase in distance in a relationship. As Erich Fromm, a great specialist in the feeling of love, wrote: “ Often selfless obsession with each other is not at all proof of great love, but only a measure of the loneliness that preceded the meeting». So the increase in distance causes such people a proportional increase in fear of loss. The circle closes.

In order not to let the partner go far, we hit control. It seems to us that relationships can be "preserved" at the point of the highest intensity, hiding together in love, as in a common cage. For a while, you really can live like this (by the way, in such couples, communication with relatives and friends is gradually fading away. They are not bad together either). But one of the couple will still want to go out and take a breath of air. Read: increase the distance in a relationship.

What to do to not be intrusive? 10 practical tips

As the poet-sage J.H. Gibran wrote, "Love one another, but do not turn love into chains." How to achieve this?

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And how do you react when you are distracted from important thoughts?

I am angry. And the more I am immersed in thought, the more it annoys me when someone or something distracts me. I try to restrain my anger and not show it, but it doesn't always work out.

And why are you angry? Do you find it hard to focus again?

As a rule, it is not difficult to concentrate. I can usually go back to what I was thinking after being distracted. It's annoying to have to interrupt your thinking and spend time on something else. And I want to stay for some time inside the thoughts without leaving them. Given how much time I need, I don’t know in advance: maybe an hour, maybe 3 hours, or maybe the whole day. Well, sometimes, if I have to switch for a long time and pay a lot of attention to something else, I lose the idea of ​​​​what I was thinking about earlier.

In psychology, there is such a thing as PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION . Psychological projection – this is when people think that in the same situation other people will experience the same thoughts, emotions, desires, and also applies to events and people, just like you yourself. You yourself are very annoyed when you are distracted, and therefore you, on a subconscious level, think that other people will be annoyed with you when you distract them. And that's why you're afraid to "distract" them.

And how to overcome it?

Source:

Psychological projection is a mirror that you put between yourself and the rest of the world. Instead of communicating with other people, you communicate with your own reflection.
http://stud-psyholog.ru/online_psihologicheskaja_proekcija_1.htm

How to stop being obsessive

Obsessive as flies, people are very annoying and unpleasant. Even loving people, do not always endure annoying harassment and part with such individuals. Have you grown irritable? Then uproot it from yourself. Change in everything, pay attention to your life, your appearance, their interests and tasks.

Obsession irritates women, men and friends. No one is happy when they have to communicate with a bore. Especially when it comes to relationships between a man and a woman. Constant calls, SMS, the same questions about the place of stay, infuriate and lead to a deplorable end. What do they do with an annoying fly? She is either driven away, brushed aside, or slapped with great pleasure. Why be clingy and annoying?

To get rid of such ineffective sociability, it is worth changing your behavior. Let your partner calmly work or rest, and you go about your business or your appearance, get carried away with an interesting activity. Turn into a mysterious, thoughtful, a little inaccessible, mysterious, then interest in you will increase, and you yourself will become more confident and happier.

Do not follow your sick imagination, you should not climb into the soul if you are not allowed to go there, move the arrows in the other direction, direct all your energy to your development and transformation.

It all depends on your own desires. If you want to get rid of importunity, then take all effective measures.

Source:
How to stop being obsessive
Obsessive as flies, people are very annoying and unpleasant. Even loving people do not always endure annoying harassment and part with such individuals. Have you grown irritable? Then take her out
http://qalib.ru/a/kak-perestat-bit-navyazchivoy

How to stop being obsessive to men?

Girls, I'm in trouble. I just can't. In general, if I like a man, then I cannot restrain myself and begin to impose myself.

Such a situation, I will meet a man, add each other in the social. networks and everything began. If I liked it, then almost every time I see that it is online, I will write. How many times have I promised myself to wait for them to write themselves, but I can’t restrain myself.

Well, that's not very pleasant. It's like I'm being forced. Sometimes they answer directly, as if they don’t want to communicate, and still I can not write for a couple of days, and then write if I really liked the man. I think it scares them off.

And so what should I do? How to stop being obsessive? And that already itself infuriates such my behavior.

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Somehow it turns out that you become attached to everyone, and it’s too windy, since you write to everyone, everything suits you, and really, obsessive.

But you know, I have a friend, and a girl constantly struck up a conversation with him. Compliments, flirting, attention, she tried very hard, and he ran away from her. And in the end, with this obsession, she achieved it and the result is two kids.

Therefore, I can understand the insistence on one particular person, but not on everyone who changes.

They will think that you are annoying like a fly, you won’t let you take a step, they are afraid to get acquainted with such people if they want a family.

You know, I read your story, and honestly, somewhere I felt sad, but somewhere I smiled. you are the complete opposite of me. So if I like someone, I will show it at most in some way once and that's it. And I won’t call or write first, only if it’s on business. And all my friends scold me for this, that a man should also see the attitude towards him and desire!

But everything is different with you and you want to get rid of it, I would not advise you, you need to go towards your goal, and not sit on the priest evenly. and to be imposed, this is when he ignores you, but you still demand something, I agree here, you need to have a sense of respect for yourself, and then, well, if you really want to, why close your feelings.

So I advise you to live as you lived and not think about what you are imposing. Men who are interested in you will like it, but who cares, they will not pay attention!

Although they also love the inaccessible, but everything is more complicated there, you can’t do that.

Well, it seems to me that there can be only one piece of advice: get busy! I think that men are afraid not so much of your obsession as of the fact that you have nothing more to do, only write to them. And since there is nothing, it means that in the future you will do the brain, call every second, etc., but why does a peasant need this?

Men are pleased with the attention. Therefore, if you really want to know how he is doing and just chat, then you can write first and so honestly and say, they say, you miss him. But if you are always drawn to write, simply because there is nothing to do, then this must be stopped. Well I do not know. I wanted to write - did 10 squats. Once again I wanted - 10 more squats. And so on until there is no more strength to write)))

Well, you really need to take a break. Go read a book or something, so as not to write to him every time)

Whatever your relationship (be it love or friendship), excessive obsession can destroy almost everything. It's okay to have strong feelings for your partner, however, you shouldn't cross that fine line between showing affection and being annoying. You can’t get hung up on relationships, because any person always needs and needs his personal space. Decrease your own suspiciousness and anxiety Any anxiety conditions are mainly associated with depression and stress, and this, as a rule, is the main cause of obsessive behavior. Try to cope with your suspiciousness and anxiety, otherwise your partner (or friend) will simply “suffocate” from you. Try daily twenty-minute relaxation practices. Either way, learn to reduce and control your anxieties. Meet People In order to stop being intrusive, you need to expand your "social network". Meet new people and take up new hobbies! Be friendly, more approachable, and don't forget to spend time with your old friends too. Go shopping with them or take a walk in nature. Be alone for a while Many people don't like to be alone, so they run the risk of becoming too intrusive and annoying. In other words, they become “too much” in communication. Sure, being social, outgoing, and social is a positive quality, but you also have to learn to spend some time alone and even enjoy it. This is a great opportunity to get to know yourself better and feel more comfortable with yourself. Raise your self-esteem If you think that you are still sinning with obsession, then start working on developing and “educating” self-confidence. One of the most common causes of addictive and obsessive behavior is precisely insecurity and fears. Perhaps you are just afraid of losing your partner's love when he is not around you. Get rid of these destructive feelings and love yourself. Give people their space Everyone needs their own space from time to time. By the way, you too! Therefore, stop forcing excessive communication on your partner or friends. Give them a break from you and start learning to be independent. If you don't see your loved one or friends every day, it's not the end of the world. Stop annoying and distracting them with phone calls, letters and messages. Reconsider your relationship with trust issues To be a less pushy person, you need to resolve issues (or problems) of trust for yourself personally. Let go of all those painful events or things that at one time undermined your faith in people. Be patient, because it is impossible to resolve this in a short time. Don't let your past dictate your present. Achieve your own goals In order to get rid of your importunity in any relationship, you must have your own goals and achieve them, then you will focus your energy on the process of achieving them. As soon as you devote your time to this, you yourself will instantly see that your obsession with loved ones and loved ones will evaporate.

Often women make the same fatal mistake in relationships. As soon as a more or less worthy man turns up with them, they share their ins and outs with him in the very first weeks of their acquaintance. Both young people and married ladies sin with this. And the worst crime is female obsession and constant demands. From an obsessive girl, a man constantly hears something like the following message: “You must do what I want.”

Naturally, when two people live together for several years, they become close. It is not difficult for them to do something good for each other, but they come to this through the thorny years of a long life together. And even such intimacy is achieved only on the condition that the woman is cunning enough. Possessing a certain measure of feminine wisdom, she does not translate these relationships into kinship, in which the spouse usually begins to be perceived as a sister or a caring mother.

Women's accessibility: the scourge of relationships

Men are creatures that are frightened by the excessive assertiveness of ladies. But often a woman spoils relationships with her own hands. It often happens that two people spend the night together, and gradually the girl begins to slowly transfer her little things to his house - slippers, shampoos. But who asked her to? With such a line of behavior, she only once again emphasizes her accessibility.

The vast majority of men simply can’t stand women’s attempts to control them:

• they are annoyed by the question “What are you thinking about?”, since in fact, at any given moment in time, they can think about anything;
• the question "Who called?" from the same category. After all, the call can come from anyone, and if necessary, the man will definitely inform the girl about it;
• and the leader of annoying questions - "Do you love me?". According to most men, admitting every minute of their feelings is by no means a show of true love.

Once, a girl made a tattoo on her arm with the image of the initials of her gentleman. To this, he told her bluntly that he considered this complete nonsense. Their relationship, as you might expect, was short-lived. And after some time she had to draw these letters. However, who can say for sure that in the next relationship she will not repeat such stupidity?

Why does a man need freedom

Problem female obsession very common. Each of the partners needs a different amount of communication, but women tend to show more obsession. Fine ladies they do not realize that a man often needs to be alone not only to outline and “rest” from a woman. It is also necessary in order to once again dream about her in her absence. After all, it is precisely at such moments that an opportunity arises to experience the most powerful experiences of love and affection. If a man feels the need for separation, then it will only serve to strengthen the relationship.

And this desire in no way indicates that he does not feel love. It’s just that sometimes a man needs to be distracted, go about his business, feel like a free person. Each person has their own characteristics and needs, and we have no right to blame people for this. No one can get rid of their needs at the snap of their fingers. If you do not deal with their satisfaction, this can lead to the most tragic consequences. At the end of the story, repressed needs can burst out with double or even triple force. Everyone is able to find an acceptable way to satisfy them. The ability to find a compromise is the key to a stable, happy relationship.

Female obsession: what to do

So, what can you do if you notice traits of excessive obsession in your behavior? Let's consider several ways.

1. Of course, the very first thing a woman can do is not to condemn her lover for spending time with friends, to give him the opportunity to relax sometimes, to periodically disappear from his field of vision.
2. If a man stops responding to messages because he is uncomfortable with your obsessive behavior, ask him to respond with a “key phrase” at such moments. For example, that he is currently busy. This will serve as a signal that you need to "slow down", and also help to identify those moments when a man feels or does not feel like communicating.
3. Try experimenting a little. Make a promise to yourself to wait for a message from a man. Consider this as a kind of training of volitional qualities. Also, such an exercise will help you determine how often a man needs communication. As a result of this practice, relationships will stabilize, become more harmonious.
4. Take your time. Often the most interesting friends - and this applies to both sexes - are busy and enthusiastic people. Those who have a lot to do simply do not have an extra minute to communicate. The paradox lies in the fact that this employment makes them interesting personalities, attractive partners. If your main occupation is to sit back and wait until a man deigns to write a message, this often signals banal boredom. Find yourself an exciting hobby, and then a call from your loved one will not be a huge relief, but a joyful surprise.
5. Hide away from men's eyes women things". This is also an important point. Girls who would like to be attractive to their lover will not show him a variety of " women's secrets”- lying with a mask applied to your face and cucumber slices in front of your eyes, or excitedly talking about your exhausting diet.

Of course, when living together it can be very difficult to hide all your actions from a man. But he will appreciate the fact that you strive to make yourself more attractive when you are alone.

All for now.
Sincerely, Vyacheslav.