We have already talked about a second chance in a relationship in one of. It also describes how to mend broken relationships: what to do and what to stick to. Now let's try to figure out in which cases a second chance can be successful, and in which it is just a waste of time.
Of course, there are so many people, so many opinions, so many destinies and situations, so everyone has their own story, and it ends in their own way. However, there is still life experience, and the experience of psychological counseling, which shows that there are quite a few typical examples of positive and negative outcomes of the "second chance" - so let's try to look at them.
When is a second chance justified?
In a large proportion of cases, the resumption of broken relationships leads to a very productive and happy life. Why is this happening?
Firstly, after a breakup being a big shake-up, a person may realize his mistakes and the mistakes of his partner. He wants to change in order to change his life for the better.
Secondly, knowing about these mistakes and having sorted everything “by the bones” a fair number of times, the couple will be able to learn to continue to easily and quickly evaluate their conflicts from the outside, look, as it were, “from above” at all their problems and solve them more clearly and with less losses.
Third, having lost something important in their lives, having gone through separation from it and finding it again, people begin to appreciate and cherish it even more - a person, relationships, family, atmosphere. And as a result, a more accurate, reverent attitude towards your partner, when the head works first, and not emotions or pride, allows the newly acquired union to grow stronger and develop.
With the right approach to building new relationships, couples in the following types of situations have a good chance of getting it all right again:
- if your partner or you made a serious mistake once - once you can try to understand, forgive and forget everything;
- if your partner or you have realized the “wrongness” of your behavior over a long period of time, you can always try to adjust to new tracks, begin to control yourself and your actions in the name of joint happiness and love for your soul mate.
- if you have too much in common in life - family, children, a long relationship, special relationships with relatives - then the mutual responsibility for the "second chance" will be much higher and more conscious than in the situation "we just met."
When a second chance won't lead to success?
Remember that any relationship, any person can be given a second chance - no one is stopping you from trying, doing something new, changing something, or giving your partner time and opportunity to gradually change. But do not forget that if the second chance ends successfully in 50% of cases, then the third, fifth, tenth chances are a waste of time and nerve cells. Such regular repeated attempts, as a rule, do not end in anything good. If a person or couple was unable to fix something on the second try, failed to improve, etc., this means that, most likely, they:
- or so they did not fully understand each other, did not understand with all the depth of those moments in which they cannot converge, did not manage to find the very “root of evil” in their relationship;
- or one of the partners does not want to give in and bends his line, not being able to listen and hear the other;
- or a person does not realize all his responsibility for this “second chance”, does not attach global significance to a new life.
Therefore, first of all, with a “second chance”, whether you are going to take this step or have already taken it, you need to clearly analyze the above points, and only then draw conclusions whether your second attempt will be successful or not. By itself, everything will not work out, you just need to trace that line, see that point in the relationship at which the main obstacles and problems begin.
In general, it is very difficult for a person to change, to rebuild himself, and it is practically impossible to change a person from the outside, therefore, if you see that sooner or later a “second chance” does not justify itself, think about it properly, maybe it’s worth ending such a relationship, don’t suffer and move towards something new.
So, for example, a constantly changing man can swear for the hundred and first time and assure that he will improve, but in reality this will definitely not happen. A person with harmful addictions - drugs or gambling - is also ready to change and give up everything at any moment, but in reality it turns out that only a severe breaking of life can do this, and not he himself in his next chance.
Therefore, you should not step on the same rake if:
you have been cheated on many times
you have been betrayed strongly and not for the first time,
hands have been raised on you repeatedly,
your partner went over all the adequate limits,
they never learned to look after you like a woman, treat you like a real woman (respectively, the same for men),
as well as in other similar situations.
And, of course, when you are asked to give a chance for the next - far from the first - time, you can almost 100% predict that it will not end in anything good. If you have not been able to improve relations for the previous two, three, four times, then the fifth or tenth attempt is unlikely to be fruitful.
We present to your attention Quotes, aphorisms, thoughts and sayings of the great and not only great (but just people) about Chance in life. And so, a chance in life - in quotes and aphorisms on the site. (Continuing the topic, we advise you to read: article)
The best sayings and aphorisms about a chance in life:
Take a chance! All life is a chance. The person who goes further is usually the one who's done and dared. (Dale Carnegie.)
All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: Chance, Nature, Compulsion, Habit, Cause, Passion, and Desire. (Aristotle.)
Our lives will only improve when we take risks, and the very first risk we must take is to be honest with ourselves. (Walter Anderson.)
This was my life. I have found that it is worth living, and would gladly live again if the opportunity presented itself. (Bertrand Russell.)
It is choice, not chance, that determines your destiny. (Gene Nidetch.)
Enjoy life because it gives you the opportunity to love and work and play and look at the stars. (Henry Van Dyke.)
The golden opportunity you seek is within you. It is not in your environment, it is not in luck or chance or other people's help, it is only in you. (Orison Swett Marden.)
A successful person is one who met a chance and took it. (Roger Babson.)
Luck is everything, may your hook always be thrown into the stream where you least expect to catch a fish. (Ovid.)
Necessity is the mother of risk. (Mark Twain.)
In shaping life, chance and the ability to respond to chance is everything. (Eric Hoffer.)
A wise man turns chance into a lucky break. (Thomas Fuller)
Everything that exists in the universe is the fruit of chance or necessity. (Democratic)
Chance has something to say about everything, even how to write a good letter. (Balthasar Grassian.)
Nothing happens by chance, my friend…. There is no such thing as luck. Every little thing has a meaning, and there is a meaning behind it. Partly for you, partly for me, it's impossible to see it for real right now, but it will be, soon. (Richard Bach.)
Chance - very easy to sell or buy, but not very easy to use. (Lada Wolf)
If you are given a chance at life, you need to be able to pass it with dignity. (Neyah)
It's easy to say - weigh all the odds. To begin with, these very chances must be obtained - absentee weighing is obviously inaccurate. (Yuri Tatarkin)
Seeing a chance is not yet an art. Art is to see the chance first. (Benjamin Franklin)
Was at the right time in the right place. And this is the main thing! (stasis)
A missed chance, by definition, is considered alien from the start. (Yuri Tatarkin)
Don't turn your back on offers, chances are rarely given. (Sergiy Babiy)
Don't miss out on all chances. At least one, overwhelmed, to the hands, and stick. (Yuri Tatarkin)
There is always a chance. You just don't have to lose hope. (Tulebaev Dauyrzhan)
Life is the last chance given to us by fate to become human.
And to be alone all my life than to endure resentment. This is what many of us think, but it is perceived by many people as the path of least resistance, the wrong path. Of course, such a theory, such a way and style of behavior is acceptable, but you need to understand all the pros and cons of each of them.
The opinion of psychologists
When people come to psychologists and ask about whether it is worth forgiving a person, they themselves are often asked by the specialists themselves: “What do you think?”. Indeed, as you yourself think, it should be so, say experts in the study of human behavior and mood. Your personal comfort and attitude plays a key role here. You should not change yourself and try to do what society says. These may be recommendations or wishes, but not orders.
Giving a second chance to the person who offended you is your full right. It is also your full right to reverse action. Why should you go to meet someone who doesn't. From the point of view of psychology, only the outcome that will require the least expenditure of your nerves is correct.
The opinion of successful people
If you know such a famous actor as Jean Reno, who starred in the cult film "Leon", which, by the way, could be included in our selection of motivational films, then you should have heard his famous words that you should not forgive offenders. He said, “Never forgive those who betrayed you. It is forbidden. Bite your elbows, chew the earth, but do not return to where you were once betrayed.
Many successful people say that only parents deserve forgiveness. Traitors must stay out of your social circle. If someone tells you that you are wrong, it means nothing. If someone stops communicating with you because of some incident in which you were left "out of the blue", and even offended, abandoned, then these people also do not deserve your attention and nerves.
Wise and experienced people say that in 99 cases, those who offended you will do it again. If necessary, they will do it a third and fourth and even fifth time. Morality and the laws of society say that you need to forgive people. Forgive them, but don't bring them back into your life. It is extremely rare, that is, almost never, relationships of a love and, moreover, friendly nature do not last long if they have already been broken. This is fact, not fiction. You are just wasting time. Of course, you can be kind people, but your kindness must be adequate and correct. Very often, disappointments make us weak and do not deprive us of hope, but we need to live in the real world, and not in a fairy tale where everything is simple.
Everyone is looking for their place in the sun, their own path to success. You can reach great heights, but lose everything because of people who do not deserve forgiveness. If a person is very dear to you, then you can try to give a second chance, but just do not hope that he will realize it and meet your expectations. Don't expect anything good or bad from people. Neutrality is the best you can think of.
There are many reasons why a person missed his first chance. Someone will be disappointed by one-time minor misconduct, which has accumulated so much that patience simply burst. Someone will come into shock from the lies of a loved one, from undeserved resentment. In the worst case, betrayal could also occur. But if a person asks to give him another chance, and, moreover, his words are very sincere, then you need to think deeply.
The cause of discord can be the accumulated misunderstanding, based on a number of accidents and minor skirmishes. There was a crisis, but you understand that if you treat each other more carefully, this can be avoided. Relationships are also work on yourself. If this understanding has come to both partners, then such a couple definitely deserves a second chance.
Some people can act selfish until a shock occurs. For example, your partner was frivolous, allowed himself to stay up late without warning you, could ignore your requests. But when you confronted him with the fact that they didn’t intend to tolerate such neglect anymore, he suddenly realized how wrong he was. Such insights do happen. In this case, the person deserves a second chance.
Why You Shouldn't Give a Second Chance
It happens that a person’s misconduct was in your favor: you were tired of these relationships for a long time and thought about how to break them as gently as possible. Of course, the situation could turn out to be far from mild, but if you are sure that you do not want to maintain your previous relationship, then do not agree to give out a second chance. A person's arguments can be very different, ranging from the fact that it all happened by chance to listing what binds you (long relationship, children, joint business, housing, etc.), but stand your ground. Even if he emphasizes that your common child needs both parents, this is not a reason to stay in a relationship just for this reason.
You should not give a second chance to someone who has serious psychological problems and does not intend to solve them. For example, if your partner is a chronic alcoholic or drug addict, if he raised his hand against you or a child several times, constantly tried to humiliate you, or he already had several cheating, then he does not deserve the next chance. The very fact that the problem is chronic suggests that you already gave him a second chance, and he failed. The sooner you stop it, the better for both you and him.
It happens that a person really made a mistake. You are very hurt by what is happening, but he, too, most likely is not better. He is tormented by guilt. If you understand that repentance is genuine, and the partner is not going to allow anything like this ever again, then giving a second chance may be worth it. But be aware of your feelings. Think about it, you can. It happens that feelings remain the same, but forgiveness is already more and more difficult. On the one hand, the ability to forgive is a great blessing, but on the other hand, some events are indeed unforgivable.
What is the result
Probably, any person to whom you have genuine feelings deserves a second chance rather than not. But any person, rather, does not deserve a third, despite your feelings.
In modern society, people are connected by various relationships in which it is impossible to do without joys, or without sorrows and disappointments. Resentment is one of the most common types of negative experience in communication; it occurs when a person has failed, failed to live up to hopes, trusts, and expectations. And then the question arises: what to do if you were really let down and Is it worth giving people a second chance?? Many believe that this is not worth doing, since after the second chance, a third, fourth, and so on will be required. Let's try to figure out if this is really the case.
Second chances in friendship - is it wise?
Most likely, betrayal in friendship is the result of a more serious process in personal growth. When one person works on himself and strives to develop further, and the second calmly stands in one place, they become uninteresting with each other, there is a feeling of alienation, and then neglect of a friend and betrayal. Or maybe the person has matured, internally changed, he had a change of priorities. Or maybe he just doesn't care at all.
If a friend tells others your secrets - this is not normal, over time you will simply stop trusting her. If quarrels often arise over trifles, then life turns into a nightmare that occurs according to a certain pattern.
If you are no longer interested in your friend, is there any point in continuing to communicate and trying to establish a lost contact?
A broken flower cannot be brought back to life. A leaf plucked from a branch will no longer take root back. And it seems to many that what is broken can no longer be restored. On the one hand, this thought is true, but on the other hand: life is already too bitter, joy is highly valued in it. Is it really worth depriving yourself of the joy of communicating with a person with whom it has always been good, or is it still worth giving a chance? Here you need to proceed from the gravity of the situation, and personal feelings and thoughts.
A second chance at love - does it make sense?
One of the most important qualities of love is the unquestioning acceptance of a person as he is. No one has the right to change a person, even the closest person has no right to do this. But you can influence a loved one, namely by your actions, behavior, conversations. If there is no acceptance on the part of the partners, they are constantly in conflict with each other, reconciliation is difficult for them, they do not want to give in - this is question number two.
When a life partner changes, the person who has always been heaven for you is very painful. Resentment simply breaks the soul and heart into pieces, the desire to live disappears. But life does not end there, you need to make an important decision: cut off relations or compromise? If there is no desire in your soul to forgive and give a second chance, in the future the relationship can hardly be built again. But if a loved one takes an oath that this will not happen again - sit down and judge. If you cannot live without him, give him an attempt to improve, but never forgive the third, and even more so the fourth time.
Business relations: are there any chances?
Not only a close person can let you down, but also a business partner or employee. If a person is systematically late for meetings or violates obligations, shows irresponsibility or has caused a larger trouble, it is not good to leave this unattended.
The inconsistency of a partner or employee invariably harms the external face of the company, therefore, in the business sphere, deliveries and unjustified expectations must be prevented.
Talking directly is one of the most effective ways to deal with violations of discipline and business ethics. Start the conversation by explaining your positions, principles, generally accepted requirements. Severely reprimand, issue a fine, deduct a percentage of income, cut back on professional duties, or simply threaten to terminate a partnership or employment contract - the specific decision is up to you. In the business sphere, a person can and even should be given a chance: he will certainly improve in the future. But if the situation repeats itself, there is no third chance.
Second chance: arguments for and against
According to psychologists and sociologists, it is possible to give a second chance to a person in any relationship if:
- Along with this, radically change the strategy of relationships in order to avoid repeating mistakes and problems. To do this, just take a look at the current situation from the outside and make your verdicts.
- Reflect and find the reason, the obstacle in the formation of strong relationships and try to fix everything in order to avoid trouble in the future.
- A person is too dear to you, he is not just a habit and a successful filling of free minutes of life. You cannot imagine life without him and are ready to forgive. Note that similar feelings should arise from both sides.
If an unpleasant situation is a repetition of a previous experience, this is a clear argument against the possibility of a second chance. Also, do not scatter your trust to the wind if you do not see a future with a particular person.
Is it worth giving people a second chance and why?
Forgiving people is always necessary, but forgiveness does not imply a complete restoration of relationships. The second chance is a purely personal matter, and a person must make a decision on his own, based on his life experience. However, you should not be too strict with others: after all, people tend to make mistakes, and every person has the right to make a mistake. That is why a second chance must be given. Maybe a person is deeply aware of what happened and will never repeat the mistake in his life. And you will receive in his person a reliable support, a devoted friend.
Another thing is that this bug-fix should not be the system. When making an important decision, take into account the individual characteristics of the personality of a particular person. Maybe even 18 chances will not be enough for him: here you should think about yourself. Is it necessary to poison your life with endless problems, or is it still worth breaking with it?
In any case, you can give the opportunity to improve in any situation, but with the agreement that it is only one, the next time everything will turn out to be much more difficult. Say it to your opponent's face directly, without hesitation. After all, you are not some kind of vegetable to be constantly, unconditionally subjected to humiliation, insult, disappointment - you are a person. And remember that there is something that cannot be forgiven to anyone - this is violence, both physical and moral. There is no need to even waste time thinking about whether to give people a second chance: the risk of repeating sadistic methods is great. Restore relationships with those whom you truly love, without whom you cannot live, and in whom you really have confidence. Know the value of yourself, your well-being and pure relationships between people!
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