Children become orphans different reasons. Once in orphanages, such children are deprived of the most necessary for their full-fledged mental development- family of origin. That is why there is no happier moment in the life of this child than the moment when he is taken to a new family. However, this moment is just the beginning of an important journey - the adaptation of the child and foster parents to each other. The problems of adopted children in the family may be greater, the older the children who are adopted.

Problems of adopted children in the family

Adopting a baby from orphanage, parents hope that now their family will find its integrity. However, the appearance of a baby can be accompanied by a whole series of problems, because raising a foster child has its own specifics.

Psychological characteristics of orphans

After the child is abandoned, he ends up either in a baby house or in a boarding school. The older the baby, and the more time he lived in such an institution, the more likely he is to have psychological characteristics characteristic of orphans:

1. Orphans understand that they are deprived of the most important thing in life, so they believe that everyone around should help them and pity them. Therefore, they often have selfish character traits.

2. Since women are mainly engaged in the upbringing and education of orphans, such children have a feminized, feminine character. And they do not even have the opportunity to observe the features of male behavior. This is especially reflected in the gender identity of boys.

3. Children in boarding schools do not own their own property, therefore they do not take care of their property and do not appreciate what they have.

4. Children brought up in boarding schools have a highly developed social “we”, “ours”, therefore they do not always separate “my property” and “someone else's property”.

5. Such children do not have the opportunity to be alone and do what they love. The result of this is problems with mental development, self-esteem and the growth of self-awareness.

6. Since the life of children in a boarding school is subject to a general schedule and is controlled by adults, orphans do not acquire the skills of independence.

The problems of adopted children in the family are connected precisely with these features. Therefore, knowledge of these features should set parents up for what should be given first of all. Special attention these problems. Do not think that love and patience will change any child. Sometimes you may need a course of work with a psychologist or psychotherapist in order to correct the development of a foster baby. Of course, the earlier the child was taken from the orphanage, the more likely it is that he will grow up as a full-fledged personality.

Problems of adopted children

Most of the orphans have a heavy heredity. Among their parents may be drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals. However, some children end up in orphanages from normal families when their parents die. In any case, information about the past family future parent will not receive, therefore he cannot even imagine what he will face. It must be understood that the heredity of a child can be quite severe. However, when accepting a child, parents should accept him as he is and try to develop all his best qualities character and inclinations.

The main problems parents of adopted children face are:

1. Aggression. Although the baby is glad that he has found new parents, he is not able to immediately change his attitude towards life. The difficulties that he faces and cannot solve them cause him negative emotions, the culprits of which he may consider adoptive parents. Aggression can also occur in relation to other people.

2. Hyperactivity. Inability to control their movements, distraction of attention, which prevent the little man from gaining new knowledge.

3. Disobedience. Often it is not connected with the fact that the child does not want, but with the fact that he cannot get used to a new life.

4. Irresponsibility. No personal property in the orphanage and no need to resolve issues and plan
leads to lack of initiative and irresponsibility.

5. Weaker intellectual development. Even if a child was adopted at the age of about a year, his mental development may lag behind the age norm. It takes patience and constant work with the child to catch up.

Although the orphanage is an outlet for a child left without parental care, children cannot develop within its walls in the same way as they develop in a family environment. For this reason, parents may encounter various problems when raising a foster child, which may require the help of specialists to overcome.

wish all parents who have adopted children patience, wisdom and great love for those kids to whom they decided to give a family!

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Maria Soboleva

Adopted children in the family. What do parents need to know?

Everyone who decides to take a child into the family has many questions and concerns. Foster children - how difficult is it to raise them? How will they adapt to the new conditions, how much does it depend on age, is it possible to take children with health problems?

Adopted children - age features of adaptation

From birth to year

Certainly, the best option for everyone when adopted children appear in the family as babies.

Parents get the opportunity to start the formation of a child's personality from scratch. They will be able to observe all the main moments of the development of the crumbs - physical and intellectual.

Young children do not remember the negative of their unhappy past, they will accept their parents much more easily.

But mom will have to devote herself completely to the baby, be prepared for sleepless nights, anxiety for the health of the crumbs, worries about whether you are doing everything right.

Some babies cry very often, others are too lethargic.

Most babies are afraid of hugs, strokes, they have poor facial expressions and generally inhibited sensory development - babies are not used to being picked up and kissed.

But all these symptoms disappear quite quickly when little foster children receive enough warmth and affection from their new parents.

One to three years

Foster children of this age already have experience of being in children's institutions, often negative.

They did not have close contact with their mother, their emotions are suppressed, and the feeling of their uselessness is already present.

But such adopted children are still quite malleable to external influences. Patience, constant care of parents, their affection and warmth can warm little hearts.

At this age, it is easier to objectively assess the health of children, in a timely manner to identify any possible pathologies in their development.

Education will require a lot of effort from mom and dad - it is important to pay special attention to the development of speech, acquaintance with the outside world, the formation of elementary everyday skills - hold a spoon, ask for a potty, wash your hands.

Parents may be concerned about the lag in the physical and mental development of children. But in the absence of serious pathologies, adopted children catch up with their peers in terms of development.

Vanya was taken into the family as a one and a half year old baby, he practically did not know how to walk. In terms of development, he resembled a nine-month-old child.

But after a couple of months, the boy's progress was obvious.

Close physical and emotional contact, proper nutrition, daily games and communication with parents helped the child catch up with his peers in development by the age of two.

Three to five years

Children after three years are already much more independent than toddlers, they have self-care skills. They have formed the main character traits, their inclinations, interests, abilities are manifested.

Parents can pick up a child who is close to them in temperament and psychological make-up - someone is closer to “give-ups” and fidgets, and someone wants calm, balanced children to grow up in the family.

Adopted children may well attend kindergarten parents get the opportunity to work.

Adaptation and upbringing are complicated by the fact that the guys remember well different episodes of their lives, relatives and parents (if they were not abandoned as babies).

Children have bad habits, behavioral skills that can be annoying and require adjustment.

Four-year-old Dasha constantly bit her nails. At the beginning of the child's stay in the family, until the stress from changes in life passed, the girl did not try to wean it off.

Then Dasha's attention was switched at the right moment, distracted by an interesting activity, a conversation.

No one told any horror stories (about worms and microbes in the stomach). It’s just that mom often did a manicure in front of a child, offered her daughter to play in a beauty salon.

The girl lost the habit of biting her nails, but it took a lot of time - more than a year.

It is already more difficult to overcome mental retardation, it will require constant efforts of parents, perhaps the help of specialists.

If foster children have previously lived in dysfunctional family They tend to have chronic diseases.

Five to seven years old

By this age, the child knows and can do a lot. He is independent, but the desire to get into the family, to have a mom and dad is very strong and conscious.

Such adopted children quickly find contact with their parents, they are in dire need of care and appreciate the attention of adults.

But children, having traumatic memories of the psyche, can hardly overcome distrust of the world around them, sometimes they can show aggression.

They noticeably lag behind their peers in erudition, communication skills, and social skills. Children will have to make up a lot, they need to be actively prepared for school, improve their health.

Over seven years old

Children of this age are less willing to be taken by foster parents, not everyone is ready to accept an already formed personality into the family.

Parents will have to overcome a lot - it may not be possible to fall in love with a child right away, it will cause irritation, anger, and sometimes a feeling of powerlessness to change something.

But on the other hand, adopted children over the age of seven are ready to appreciate the efforts of adults to replace their biological parents. In response to affection, they will eventually respond with love.

What worries parents?

Lack of initiative. Adopted children by the age of three have adapted to the environment in which they had to live. In children's institutions, they were not required to be active, to stand out from the group of their peers.

Don't be alarmed if the child appears indifferent and passive at first.


Children just have to get used to the new environment, to their parents, to feel safe. And then they will show interest in the world.

Inability to communicate. Adopted children do not know how to communicate openly, they do not look into the eyes when they are spoken to.

Be patient and unobtrusively, but constantly and calmly turning to the child, look into his face - at first at a certain distance, gradually reducing the distance.

Often parents are alarmed by some kind of forced smile of the baby and indifference to what you are trying to captivate him with.

Only when adopted children trust you will they begin to show their preferences and express their own opinions.

Nutrition problems. Adopted children are often very voracious at the beginning of their stay in the family. And not because they were malnourished in children's institutions.

They obey adults - you offer to eat, they do so. Adjust the amount of food yourself, otherwise the children will overeat.


The kids have not seen homemade food, they are interested in trying everything. They can also eat while the food is in front of them. So to speak, for the future.

In the orphanage, after all, it was hardly possible to come up at any moment and take a cookie or an apple from a vase.

There are also reverse situations - children refuse food. This happens due to stress.

Do not insist that the child eat everything. Offer a small portion of the portion, and try to serve a delicious breakfast by decorating the dish in an original way.

Difficult adaptation . Adopted children go through the period of addiction differently: obedience is replaced by whims and aggression.

For some, rebellion manifests itself immediately, someone looks obedient in the first month, and then begins to test new parents for strength.


Calm, it would seem, five-year-old Artem quickly got used to the new family. But a month later, the child seemed to have been replaced - he broke the purchased toys, refused to fall asleep alone.

It was a kind of test of parents - you loved me good, but I can also be bad. The boy was not scolded, but explained - we are very offended by your behavior.

If you do not need toys, we will give them to other children. Before going to bed, mom or dad will definitely sit with you, read a book together, and then you will fall asleep sweetly.

Calmly, without raising your tone, but persistently, you need to bend your line, explain to the child that you do not like his behavior, prohibit some things. Proper upbringing does not allow permissiveness.

About the secret of adoption

Foster children should know the truth about their appearance in the family. Otherwise, having learned about it from strangers, the child will receive a deep psychological trauma.

And the risk of revealing family secrets, unfortunately, is always great.

The main thing is to present information correctly, children are able to perceive it normally, as they have a flexible psyche.

Experts consider the best moment to be the age when the child begins to be interested - where do children come from? This usually happens with children older than three years.

The main idea should be the statement - we have been looking for you for a very long time and are satisfied with our good choice.

Adopted children with health problems

Children with poor health also have the right to live in a family with loving mom and dad.

There are many cases where the care and patience of parents worked wonders, adopted children who are cared for recover faster. Even a developmental delay is quite surmountable in the conditions of a full-fledged family.

But about children with severe mental disabilities, not everything is so simple. Firstly, only a few, truly merciful and selfless people, can decide to raise such a child.

And secondly, these children require a special approach and treatment that non-specialist parents are unlikely to be able to provide.

Raising adopted children is a noble and necessary thing. Thousands of babies have been waiting for their moms and dads for years. And not everyone manages to get them.

To everyone who was not afraid of difficulties and decided to become parents of a disadvantaged child, I would like to wish not only strength and endurance.

Let adopted children become family to you, and mutual love warm to each other.

Take it, tell your friends!

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How to explain to children where babies come from? There is perhaps no more difficult and delicate topic for parents. What can you tell a child at different ages, is it worth using children's encyclopedias and educational cartoons - find out the opinion of psychologists on this matter.

NATA CARLIN

It is depressing that the number of abandoned children is growing year by year. But we should be proud of those families who decided to take a child from an orphanage. For the most part, these are people who do not seek to receive benefits for a foster child, they love children and want to give them a piece of warmth and love.

If people take a baby from an orphanage, they raise it like their own child. There are cases when these children never find out that they are not related by blood. But, how to properly raise a child who is taken from an orphanage at an age when he already understands that he did not have a mom and dad, and now they have? You have discussed possible development options in the family, and are ready to reckon with. You are ready for the fact that a person with his own habits, tastes and interests will come to the house. Now it is worth learning about some of the problems that can arise in the process of raising a foster child.

Adopted children in the family - features of education

Are you sure that you have calculated your strengths, and they will be enough to take an adopted child into the family and raise him as your own? After all, this is not a thing that can be returned to the store if it did not suit you in some way. Children are characterized by disobedience, whims, tantrums and tears. And this applies not only to children from the orphanage, all children are the same. The main thing to remember is that if you fail to fulfill your obligations and return the baby to the shelter, you will sow hostility and hatred towards people in his soul. He will finally be disappointed in himself, life and the people around him. After all, after the betrayal of the relatives of mom and dad, a “blow” from foster parents followed.

There are several rules, following which, you can understand how the right decision you make when accepting an orphan child into your family.

You must know what kind of child you have chosen from all the children in the orphanage. Talk to caregivers, nannies, and teachers. Give your child as much free time as you can. It is impossible to rely on the behavior of the child himself in this matter. After all, each of those kids who live in a shelter passionately dreams of finding a mom and dad. The child will "go out of his way" to show himself only from the best side. Do not allow yourself to make an impulsive decision, spend at least a month communicating with your baby.

After the child is already at home, a wave of euphoria from the happiness of being in the family overwhelms him with new force. In a foster family, orphans take a long time to adapt. The same can be said about parents who get used to their "new" adult child. He may call you mom and dad from the moment they met, but that doesn't mean he's used to you. He really wants not to upset adults and please you even more. The child shows maximum activity and goodwill, he expects to be praised and paid attention to.

Adaptation.

The attack of euphoria will gradually pass, and everyday life will remain. It will be necessary to live on, to look for common ground and mutual understanding in the new family. The next stage in the behavior of the adopted child is denial and contradiction. He tries to achieve concessions and in every possible way shows his character. Why? The answer is that it is important for him to know the boundaries of what is permitted in this family. Carlson's phrase is appropriate here: “Calm! Only calm! So you keep in order the nervous system of all family members and the family itself. Purposefully and methodically explain to the child that he is doing wrong. Give examples of how to behave. Don't fight and don't shout! However, do not allow yourself to be manipulated and indulge his whims. Some parents, desperate to cope with such behavior, bring themselves to depression. Never, even in moments of despair, remind your child that he owes you as a foster parent. What, if not for you, he was now in an orphanage. Sooner or later, you will be ashamed of your weakness, and the child will hate you.

How long this period will last, no one knows. It all depends on you and. next period in raising a foster child - a reward for your nerves and resentment.

The upbringing of a foster child in a family begins with these main periods. They are long and painful. The total time of adaptation and getting used to each other by both parties can last up to 5 years. So, stock up on a lot of patience and love.

Adopted children are problem children

If a child who is born in a family is uncontrollable, then adopted children who are not yet familiar with the rules and laws of your family will cause some problems. Knowing in advance what you will experience, you can prepare for problems in advance.

Even before adopting a child, decide among yourselves whether you will tell him in the future that he is adopted. If you think that the baby should never know that he is not your own, make sure that this information does not come to him from outside. It's one thing if he hears it from you, another thing from strangers. He will decide that you have been lying to him all your life, and now you have betrayed him. This statement defies any logic, but, as a rule, this is exactly what adopted children say.


When you take a child into the family who remembers his biological parents, there are serious difficulties associated with the fact that the baby constantly draws a parallel between you and his mom and dad. In comparison of two families, the first will be the best for him. Even if his parents who beat and offended him, they will be shrouded in the memories of the child with an aura of love and longing. Get ready for this turn of events. "Close your eyes" to these statements and comparisons. Otherwise, by proving the opposite, you will only turn the child against you.
Stereotypes about children from an orphanage are disgusting. But, in most cases, deprived of the most necessary, these guys are seen stealing. Once you know for sure that the child stole from your pocket, in the store, from a classmate or sister, take action! No matter what, and how much he took. The main thing is that he coveted someone else's. Talk to the child, identify the reason for his act. Provide him with everything he needs, just do not overdo it so as not to spoil him.
If there are other children in the house, explain to the foster child that many things are different in the family than in the orphanage. If there it was accepted that all things are common and do not have one owner, then here each family member has his own things, which can be taken only with the permission of the owner. Try not to offend the child with this statement, time will pass and he'll get used to it.

A family grows a native child who knows you from birth, is used to the rules established in the house. For him, your love and care is a common thing, for this you do not need to do anything and prove that he is good. With an adopted baby, things are different. Therefore, you need to know what the child you have taken from the shelter expects from you.

The child must be sure that you love him in any case. Feeling does not depend on any circumstances. It doesn't matter to you that he studies poorly or stepped on the cat's tail. You must love the child not for its merits or demerits, but for the fact that he is in this world and he is next to you.
Let your child know that you respect every decision they make. He deserves respect as a person, as a person. This will allow the child and self-respect.
Don't make your child afraid of you. The feeling of fear is not the feeling that gives rise to love and respect.
Attention in relation to the child should always be close. You must know what is happening to him, what worries and worries him. This will allow you to take action in time and avoid trouble in the future.

Those who want to take a child from an orphanage, but have doubts, need to find foster parents with a lot of experience. Talk to them, tell them about what stops and scares you about the issue of a foster child. The advice of those who bring up foster children boils down to the following positions:

Learn from those who have already gone through the difficult path of raising foster children;
Do not lose even in difficult situations;
Faith in the Almighty and his laws save from despair and help to find a way out;
Love the adopted child more than yourself.

Ways to solve social problems of adopted children

Therefore, you need to know the standard situations and ways to resolve conflicts.

A child who has spent his whole life in the company of the same disadvantaged children has. They are explained by the fact that the baby has always been left to himself. No one explained anything to him, did not talk to him, and did not solve his problems. Therefore, do not "fight" from the first days. First determine the cause of fear, its origins. Take it step by step - first gain the trust of the baby, give him the opportunity to tell about his fear, and then solve this problem together.

Accustomed to living among people who know his abilities and abilities, appearing in a new team, the child becomes an outcast. After all, children are cruel, they do not care about the true motives of why a classmate does not want to communicate with them. They deny his presence, and try to "annoy". Perhaps the reason that the child does not study well is the unwillingness to study and go to school.

Get your child interested in learning new things. . Twos are corrected by fives, which children receive as soon as they feel the strength and understand that gaining knowledge is interesting.

Foster children need to be taught what money is. It is necessary to give a precise formulation of how to use them, and what benefits can be obtained if the means are used rationally. Give your child some money once a week. Together with him, determine the material benefits that he wants to receive. Depending on what the baby is planning to buy, set a goal. Explain to the child that if he wants to buy a bike, then spending the entire amount that you give him regularly will not achieve his goal. Allocate your child's pocket money as follows:

School breakfasts;
Travel to and from school
Movie and popcorn expenses;
The amount you need to set aside to buy a bike.

If you are thinking about adopting a child from a shelter or orphanage, prepare mentally in advance for the fact that from this moment your life will change. Patience and love will help you in this noble cause.

February 15, 2014, 14:12

Today, hundreds of programs focused on . Despite this, the number of children deprived of parental care does not fall. The way out of this tragic situation can be foster family.

The concept of a foster family

A foster family is a family placement option for an orphan child or a child whose natural parents were. For its formation, the territorial guardianship department creates an act and an agreement.

The status of a foster family is regulated by articles of the Family Code of the Russian Federation 152-155 (), and is accompanied by.

Formation of a foster family

Article 152 of the RF IC strictly spells out the regulations according to which the care program is implemented. The foster family is formed on the basis of agreements. This agreement is signed by the parents-custodians and representatives of the child (guardianship authorities).

The contract specifies:

1. Responsibilities of parents. Namely, to raise a child, to organize for him quality conditions for life. To carry out leisure, to respect, to help the child adapt to life outside the orphanage.
2. Guardianship responsibilities. The state department is called upon to control the upbringing and maintenance of a child transferred under the admission program. In this regard, the foster family has the right to payments in 2017: one-time allowance – RUB 16,350.33(for each child), monthly payments (40% from the average salary of a parent for the last year), monthly remuneration to parents for each child under 10 years old - RUB 7,857.64 who has reached the age of 10 8 756 rubles. Guardianship authorities also undertake to provide other social support to the family (the list of benefits is established individually, depending on the capabilities of the region).
3. Complete information about the child, his birth parents.
4. Contract time.

Termination of a guardianship agreement is a rare legal practice. But these situations happen. By law, such cases are regulated by Article 153 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation.

So, treaty about the foster family is broken if:

1. Expired.
2. Adoptive parents no longer want or can not take care of the child - problems with health, material support.
3. The guardianship authorities revised their decision and refused to guardianship of the parents. This happens if the family notices unfavorable conditions for the child to live.
4. One of the parties to the agreement violated its terms.

Important: if the foster family is ready to take care of a frequently ill baby, with developmental disabilities or a disabled child, then the future place of residence should meet the vital needs of the foster child.

Guardianship is always in the best interests of the child. Therefore, if the child has already reached the age of 10, no contract will be signed without his consent. The interests of younger children are represented by guardianship authorities.

The procedure for the formation of a foster family

We will describe in stages how to take a child from an orphanage or a baby home and create foster family:

1. Transfer of the mandatory list of documents to the territorial guardianship authority.
2. Employees of the department within 3 days will check the submitted documents, enter the information into the database, and inspect the living conditions of the applicants.
3. Waiting for a decision on the appointment or not appointment of the applicant as a foster parent takes about 10 days from the date of submission of documents.
4. If the issue is resolved positively, parents receive a referral to orphanages to get acquainted with the child and his personal file. If necessary, the child can undergo additional medical diagnostics.
5. In case of a positive outcome, the parents write a statement of their intentions to take the child into the family.
6. Preparation of an act on the transfer of the child to a new family.
7. Signing an agreement.
8. Calculation of social payments.

To start the procedure for registering a foster family, you must contact the Department of Guardianship and Guardianship at the place of residence.

List of documents

• certificate from the place of work of future parents. It should indicate the position, average salary, give a description;
• information about the composition of the family;
• documents for an apartment or house (owned by parents);
• a certificate from the police confirming the absence of a criminal record;
• health certificate;
• autobiography;
• written consent of all family members of the applicant.

Conclusion

Let's define the main points of the article:

1. Adoptive parents- persons who are ready to help an orphan child or a child whose parents are deprived of parental rights in education.
2. When accepting a child into a family, parents must understand that he will retain contact with his relatives and his last name.
3. The process of registering a foster family is complicated, but the requirements for parents are more loyal, in contrast to the adoption procedure.
4. Children who have fallen into a foster family and parents who have taken on their upbringing are entitled to material assistance from the state in the form of benefits.
5. Before starting the registration procedure, the family should evaluate their capabilities and not be guided only by material gain. Foster parents should become his assistants in life, a role model.

The most popular question and answer on foster families

Question: My husband and I are foster parents for an abandoned child from the hospital. What are the legal benefits for foster families? Alina.

Answer: Alina, since the child was placed in a family from a maternity hospital and is abandoned, the number of benefits is much wider than with ordinary adoption. Firstly, all food (up to two years) and medicines (up to three years) are paid by the state. With a court order, you are entitled to a lump sum payment as well as monthly child support.

At the same time, the child retains all rights: he receives housing (the right to housing of biological parents or a new one, from the state), studies free of charge in the same way as orphans. A mother who does not work, but is raising a child, these years are included in the pension experience.

The children themselves receive a large number of lump-sum benefits at various stages of life: when applying for a job, when changing educational institutions. All kinds of content are also saved.

Today, foster parents receive 40% from their weighted average earnings for the year, but not less than 3 minimum wage set for the region.

Many modern families with great sympathy they treat the pupils of orphanages, realizing how hard it is for kids without parental affection and family comfort. That is why an adopted child in a family is a fairly common phenomenon. More than one hundred couples bring up non-native children.

Even more families are thinking about the issue of adopting a baby into their home.

The women's site "Beautiful and Successful" dedicates this article to these families to help them make the right decision and suggest how to build relationships with a little man who has already experienced so much in his short life experience.

Perhaps a conversation on this topic should start with the fact that a family that decides to adopt an orphan or take care of an orphanage baby will have a very difficult time. And the main source of difficulties will not be the child himself.

Problems in relations between foster parents and children appear primarily due to stereotypes about children from orphanages, on which adults unfairly hang negative labels.

Therefore, before adopting children into a family, it is necessary to understand why children from orphanages are different from their peers growing up in families.

Features of the development of children living in an orphanage

For the normal development of a newborn baby, it is very important that the mother takes him in her arms more often, caresses, and talks to him. Children in baby houses do not have all this. The nannies try not to deprive a single child of their attention, the children are well fed and warmly dressed.

But orphans do not have contact with one specific person. This negatively affects their development.

Unfortunately, in babies growing up without parental care, such mental disorders are often observed:

1. mental delay and physical development, weak immunity. Observations show that babies from a baby house get sick more often than their peers, surrounded by the care of mom and dad. Such children later begin to roll over, sit, crawl, walk, talk.
2. Increased, sleep disturbances, aggressiveness. Children preschool age living in baby houses can be whiny and restless. Trying to cope with psychological discomfort, they can sway from side to side for a long time, lying in a crib, howling monotonously. A child who has fallen into a foster family from a baby house, at first, can literally not get off his hands for a whole day.
3. Inability to build relationships with adults and peers. Site site warns: before you take foster child into a family where other children are already growing up, parents should prepare their own sons and daughters for this, explaining to them that the foster brother had almost nothing of his own before, and he still does not understand what his own territory is.

The deviations listed above are not at all the result of some kind of congenital pathology or poor heredity, as people who do not understand the psychology of children at all often think.

Developmental delay, anxiety, inadequacy - these are all the fruits of social neglect. And the sooner a child from an orphanage gets into a family, the easier and faster it will be to correct all these defects.

Adaptation of the adopted child in the family

The duration of the period of adaptation in the new family of a pupil of an orphanage will depend, first of all, on his age and previous life experience. Very young children under the age of 3 get used to the family quite quickly, they are able to fall in love with foster parents as if they were their own.

If the child was in the orphanage up to 6-7 years or longer, it will be difficult for him to get used to the new living conditions.

According to psychologists, the process of adaptation of a foster child in a family is divided into several periods.

1. The so-called "Honeymoon". Often, babies who have a dream of a mother come true, at first they are in a state of joyful excitement. Due to the huge amount of new information and impressions, the foster child cannot immediately remember the names of the new parents, where the things are in the apartment. But such forgetfulness does not at all indicate a bad memory of the baby. Gradually, the child, getting used to the new environment, will begin to show his character.
2. "Return to the Past" period. Having become acquainted with the new way of life, the child again returns to the habits that he had previously formed. A child placed in a foster family may remember the rhythm of life in the orphanage, change a lot, become withdrawn again, or, on the contrary, be too active, intrusive. Foster parents must understand that during this period they are strictly prohibited from:
   • show the baby your dissatisfaction with him;
   • punish him too severely;
   • compare him with other children;
   • dwell on the shortcomings of the child.

   In order to successfully overcome all the difficulties of the “Return to the Past” period, foster parents need to understand why the child behaves this way.

   Perhaps he is afraid to be in an orphanage again, or he is simply looking for a line of behavior that his new parents would like. The family should help the adopted child to overcome this period, accepting him as he is, without demanding too much from him. The calm behavior of parents, their sufficient attention, affection, moderate severity and justice are the key to a successful transition to a new period of adaptation.

3. Stage of habituation. This period is also called "slow recovery" because children can literally "bloom" by changing into better side. At this stage, the adopted child finally begins to behave naturally, his tightness, secrecy, distrust disappear. He takes an active part in the life of the family, feels like a full member of it.

The upbringing of adopted children in a family after their complete addiction is no different from the upbringing of native sons and daughters. It should be aimed at the formation of an independent personality capable of making decisions and being responsible for their actions.

Who should adopt a foster child?

There are some of the most common reasons why people adopt a foster child into their family.

• Absence of native children. Couples who are desperate to wait for their own baby adopt or adopt an orphan. This strengthens the relationship between spouses, makes the house a full bowl. Between foster children and foster parents there are the same relations and feelings as between relatives. Thus, an adopted child is a chance to make a childless family truly happy.
• The desire to give the warmth of his big soul to a baby left without parents. There are people who simply cannot ignore someone else's misfortune. They are especially sympathetic and kind, and also very fond of children. Typically, such families take foster children, because they believe that the more sons and daughters in the family, the happier and stronger it is.
• The desire to change society for the better. Each family that has adopted an orphan makes a significant contribution to the improvement of society. After all, children from orphanages often repeat the fate of their parents and abandon their own children. A child who finds himself in a foster family, in which he feels loved and needed, breaks this vicious chain.

Yes, raising a foster child is a very difficult job, which requires a lot of patience and strength, especially mental strength. At the same time, taking an orphan under one's guardianship is a good and charitable deed.

There are many cases when a childless mother who sheltered a baby from an orphanage was soon given a child by higher forces.

One of the Russian proverbs says: "To attach an orphan is like building a temple." But it is not in vain that priests bless not everyone who wishes for adoption. To do this, you need to mature spiritually.

Therefore, people who doubt the decision to take a foster child into their home, it is better to postpone this act until complete confidence comes.

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