"What if I want to give it back":

What fears do adoptive parents have?

and how to deal with them

80 percent of children living in children's institutions in Russia are teenagers. It is most difficult for them, because they are often looking for babies in the family. But older people also need help, love and care. You can support a child left without parents in different ways. You can help him improve his knowledge, introduce him to new professions, give him the opportunity to gain social skills, become his friend and mentor.
Or you can become a foster parent. And here many have frightening questions that prevent them from making the right decision. Marina Lepina spoke with psychologist Natalia Mishanina, head of the psychological service of the Arithmetic of Good Foundation, about what moments most often worry potential and already established adoptive parents and what you should prepare for in advance.

“I want to help, but I'm afraid to take a child from an orphanage - they are all children of alcoholics or drug addicts.

And they will grow up the same"

Not all hereditary is confirmed. Alcoholism is not inherited - it is a social history. If we immerse a person in a different environment than the one in which he was brought up and lived, we see positive changes in the development of his personality. We are 50 percent biological and 50 percent social. So it depends only on us, adults, how the child will develop.

If we provide a safe environment, the child is comfortable, he is loved, then he begins to develop rapidly. Lyudmila Petranovskaya notes that the child begins to develop from a point of calm. So thoughts from the series “the apple does not fall far from the apple tree” are a myth.

Look not at heredity, but at the history of the child, at his inclinations. People are not born alcoholics. The parents of this child also had some inclinations, positive qualities, but they could not realize them. So, by the way, it often happens. Children turn out to be responsible, talented, creative, diligent, although their parents led an asocial lifestyle.

See how the child behaves, what he is inclined to, what he loves and knows how to do - just develop him. So we can lead him away from the possible influence of the negative of the past.

“Why are we teenagers? They have already grown up, they hardly need a family.

A child needs a family at any age. And teenagers need a family first of all. Because there should be a significant adult nearby. It should help to get life skills, and no one in the orphanage will instill such skills. There is a myth that in the orphanage children are taught everything, they are watched there. Not at all - there children belong to themselves and are consumers of what they are provided with. And when the child is released from orphanage and enters society, we observe the trauma of freedom. They don't know what to do with it, they haven't received resilience skills. Because these important skills can be formed in a child by a person whom he will trust, from whom he will take a copy of his life. Another psychologist Lev Vygotsky said that a small person will develop according to the scenario that an adult puts into him.

Therefore, a teenager really needs an adult nearby - even if not a family, then at least a mentor who will help move through life.

If you want to become a parent for a child, then yes, you can say that “daddy-mother” is not so important for a teenager - but he desperately needs a close adult. Advisor, assistant. Who will lend a shoulder and help
V Hard time. Why
Are teenagers so scruffy?
Yes, because during the life in the orphanage they forbade themselves to show emotions. But if there is an adult nearby whom the child trusts, he will thaw.

Emotions need to be shown, even necessary, so as not to get sick, not to explode.
In the orphanage it is different: you show emotions - it means you are weak. You will be killed. They get used to this style of communication.

And from adults, these children have already received betrayal, deceit. And they think that adults will deceive, adults will not support. So they lock up their emotions. Feeling hurts, these kids think so.

It often happens that a child has entered the family, everything seems to be going well, and suddenly he does some incomprehensible, bad deed - and this repels the adoptive parents. They even think about giving it back. And when you ask him why he did this, the child replies: “Because I began to become attached. And I'm afraid that when I get used to them and love them, they will refuse me, give me back. I'd rather not get attached. It's better to have them back now."

With a trusting relationship, the child begins to open up, this has already been proven. Adolescents often begin to communicate more sincerely with mentors, revealing to them those things that they did not talk about with their peers. They are just like us, they are just afraid to show their emotions.

“Teens are cold, callous. We will not break through this ice, we will no longer melt their feelings, there will be no interaction.

We will not be able to become necessary to him "

“I thought that if I just love a child, then everything will be fine, but it turns out that children from shelters have a completely different psychology, and they need rigid boundaries and a hierarchy. This is true?"

The child will come to you with his past. There may be so much unchildishness in it that an adult may not be able to cope with it. Therefore, you need to be prepared to take a child into the family. To study the psychology of an orphan child, to understand how his history and past affect his future. Maybe there happened terrible tragedy. Although, in fact, the fact that he was deprived of his family is already a tragedy. An injury that will affect his behavior in the future. And it is difficult to melt it with love alone. Love is one of the ingredients of success. We need a sequence of actions, confidence in their correctness, stamina. In general, an adult should be internally stable. You must know where you are taking your child. Understand what is happening to him, accept his situation. Do not panic, because he himself is scared and difficult.

Therefore, boundaries, rules, discipline are needed. This will help to go through the adaptation period and facilitate the lapping stage. Experienced foster mothers say that it is better to “tighten the screws” first, and then gradually loosen them, than vice versa. On the contrary, it may not work.

“What if it becomes hard for me, I can’t cope?

Do I want to give it back?"

Everything is better to agree on the shore. Foster parenting is not easy. And you need to calculate your resources and capabilities. To do this, you should go to a psychologist. And think: how ready am I as a person to cope with these situations? Is my family ready, how will the new family member affect the interaction with the rest, will this affect the comfort of the children who already live in the family?

What is most often associated with the desire to return the child?
With unfulfilled expectations. “I thought it would be good to study, but he doesn’t pull”, “he has such an angelic face, and he is rude, calls me names”, “I hoped he would grow up as an assistant, but he does nothing.”

But it won't be possible to say "I'm leaving you". You have to be ready to take responsibility for your decision. Adopting a child is a very serious step. You have to be ready to understand his traumatic experience, his character, maybe even love for his birth mother.

Preliminary work with psychologists will help to work out the impossibility of a return. Yes, such cases do happen, but extremely rarely, for example, when a child has a serious mental illness. But even this is not a reason for every parent to abandon a foster child.

“I’m afraid of his blood relatives. What if he leaves me and goes to them? How to share it with his own mother?

A child can leave you only if it is not possible to build relationships in your foster family. If warmth, care, respect, kindness reign in the family, he will not leave you. If you can build a trusting relationship in which everyone is happy, he will try to keep it. This has nothing to do with his interaction with blood relatives, if any. It is better to maintain these relationships - within reasonable limits, if they do not harm either the child or your family. This process, of course, should be taken under control by the guardian. And this requires the highest, perhaps, the level of professionalism of foster families.

What you need to know if you want to become a foster parent:
10 most important tips

● Be sure to go to the Foster Parent School

You need to approach this consciously, evaluate your capabilities. Ask yourself questions: how will this change my family, my life? What will happen in our common life in 5 years? After 10 years? And so on.

You must have a place for a foster child - both physically, that is, in your apartment, and psychologically - in your soul and life. Perhaps your life is already maximally filled with deeds, hobbies, worries. Is there a place in it for a new person, for a new relationship? Does it fit adopted child in your picture of the world?

● If you have your own psychological difficulties, traumas, negative experiences, work them out

It is worth working with a personality psychologist. “Otherwise, the trauma of the child will be delayed, clinging to the traumatic difficulties of the adoptive parents. That is, you first need to strengthen yourself, and then go to the child, ”explains the psychologist.

● You can not use the child as a way to heal yourself and lick wounds

A child will not be able to plug a spiritual hole or wound, you can only do harm with this. You will not be able to give him support, stability. “A child needs a stable adult. Not a child will become a kind of spiritual treatment for you, but you will become a resource and support for him. He needs you as a significant adult for his survival, personality formation and development,” says Natalia Mishanina.

● You need to make sure your loved ones are ready to accept a child.

Grandparents who are worried about you, the future adoptive parents, should not be confronted with a fact. This can disrupt relationships within the family. Prepare all loved ones.

● Separate work should be done with blood children

They should be ready just the same. Adopting a child into a family should still be a common decision. If there is sharp resistance, it means that the family is not mature. “At the Arithmetika Dobra Foundation, we have the School for Hosting Children course, we have trainings to increase family resources and work out emotional burnout for both children and adults. It is extremely important that children who are already in the family are not harmed either physically - you can’t, for example, narrow their living space, take away a room, things - or mentally, when the foster mother is completely given to the new child, and her own feels a sense of uselessness. The family should also prepare for these nuances in advance and not make mistakes,” Natalia Mishanina notes.

● Burnout is possible - the main thing is to catch this moment in time and correct the situation

Never blame yourself "I'm a bad mother, I failed." Be sure to work through the situation with a psychologist. It will also help to communicate with experienced resource foster parents - participate in communities of foster families.

● Get ready to let go

Any children - both blood and adopted - grow up and fly out of the nest. The child is not our property. Maybe you took him into the family at the age of 15-16, so little time has passed, and now he is already 18 and he wants to separate? The desire of an adult child to start an independent life is natural - support him in this, help him. If he is able to be independent, you have fulfilled your task as a parent and mentor.

● Don't beat yourself up "I can't love him"

Treat your mission as a foster parent as a very important task. Love is not always born, but trust, respect, attention to each other appear. You should not rely on unconditional love either on your part for the child, or vice versa, so as not to be hurt later by its absence.

● Think ahead about your role in your relationship with your child.

“If you take a teenager, do not tune in to the role of “parent”, “mother”, it is better to try to build friendly, mutually respectful relationships,” the psychologist advises. “And it makes no sense to enter into competition with blood parents. “I care about you, I support you, I help you - this is how I show my love as a foster parent” - it’s better to set yourself up in such a working way. And if attachment, friendly warmth, and even more love, are added to such goals, then this is real happiness for everyone. foster family.

A foster family is recognized as guardianship or guardianship of a child or children, which are carried out under an agreement on a foster family concluded between the guardianship and guardianship authority and foster parents or a foster parent, for the period specified in this agreement (Article 152 of the RF IC).

Who can be foster parents

Adoptive parents can be adult capable persons (spouses or single persons, both female and male) who wish to take a child (children) left without parental care for upbringing. Persons who are not married to each other cannot be adoptive parents of the same child (Article 153 of the RF IC).

Certain categories of citizens who, for one reason or another, cannot ensure the proper upbringing of children, cannot be adoptive parents. These include (Article 146 of the RF IC):

• citizens recognized by the court as incapable or partially capable;
• persons deprived by court of parental rights or limited by court in parental rights;
• persons suspended from the duties of a guardian (custodian) for improper performance of the duties assigned to them by law;
• former adoptive parents, if the adoption is canceled by the court due to their fault;
• persons who, for health reasons, cannot perform the duties of raising children;
• persons suffering from chronic alcoholism or drug addiction;
• persons who, at the time of the decision to appoint adoptive parents, have a criminal record, including for an intentional crime against the life or health of citizens.

Individuals who decide to become foster parents must adhere to the following algorithm.

Step 1. Contact the guardianship and guardianship authorities at your place of residence

Express your desire to take the child to a foster family (clause 2 of the Rules, approved by Decree of the Government of the Russian Federation of May 18, 2009 N 423).

In the guardianship and guardianship authorities, applicants will be offered a list of documents that must be collected in order to obtain an opinion on the possibility of becoming foster parents. In addition, they will be offered to undergo training as foster parents in the guardianship and guardianship authority or apply to an organization that trains foster parents (hereinafter referred to as the school of foster parents) (clause 4 of the Procedure, approved by Order of the Ministry of Education and Science of Russia dated March 13, 2015 N 235 ).

Step 2: Get Trained as Foster Parents

Apply with a written application and a passport to any school of foster parents, regardless of your place of residence (clause 12,, Order).

Complete the training and receive a certificate of completion of the training (clause 11, Order).

Training is carried out free of charge (clause 5 of the Order).

Step 3. Prepare the necessary documents

For subsequent submission to the guardianship and guardianship authority, you need to prepare the following documents (clause 4 of Rules N 423):

• an application to the guardianship and guardianship authorities with a request to be appointed foster parents;
• a certificate from the place of work of the applicants indicating the position and average salary for the last 12 months or another document confirming the income of the applicants; for pensioners - a copy of the pension certificate and a certificate from the territorial body of the Pension Fund of the Russian Federation or another body providing pensions;
• an extract from the house book from the place of residence or another document confirming the right to use the residential premises or the ownership of the residential premises, as well as a copy of the financial personal account from the place of residence;
• a certificate from the internal affairs bodies confirming that the applicants have no criminal record for crimes against the life and health of citizens;
• a medical report on the state of health based on the results of the examination of the applicants, issued in the manner established by the Ministry of Health of Russia.

Note. The list of medical institutions that applicants will need to visit will be issued by the guardianship and guardianship authorities;

• a copy of the marriage certificate (if the applicant is married);
• written consent of adult family members, taking into account the opinion of children who have reached the age of ten, living together with the applicants, to accept the child (children) in the family;
• a copy of the certificate (certificate) of training as foster parents;
• autobiography;
• passport or other identity document.

Step 4. Submit documents to the guardianship and guardianship authorities and get a conclusion on the possibility of being foster parents

The collected documents can be submitted to the guardianship and guardianship authorities in person or using the Unified Portal of State and Municipal Services (functions) or through the MFC, with which the guardianship and guardianship authority has concluded cooperation agreements.

When considering the possibility of applicants to become foster parents, the guardianship and guardianship authorities conduct a survey of their living conditions, during which they take into account the living conditions, personal qualities and motives of the applicants, the ability to fulfill the duties of raising a child. Within three days from the date of the survey, an act of the survey is drawn up.

On the basis of this act and the documents collected by the applicants, the guardianship and guardianship authorities within ten days give an opinion on the possibility of being foster parents or decide to refuse this, indicating the reasons for the refusal. The refusal can be appealed in court (clause 9 of the Rules).

The specified conclusion is the basis for the selection of a child (children) for the purpose of transfer to a foster family and is valid for two years from the date of its issuance.

Step 5: Visit the institution where the child is located

Information about children left without parental care can be obtained from the guardianship and guardianship authorities, as well as on the websites of the federal or regional data bank on children left without parental care (clause 15, Administrative Regulations, approved by Order of the Ministry of Education and Science of Russia dated June 15, 2015 N 588).

Applicants must apply to the guardianship and guardianship authorities at the location of the child in order to obtain a referral to visit the child. As a result of the acquaintance with the child, the applicants either decide to accept a particular child for upbringing in a family, or declare their disagreement. In the latter case, applicants, at their request, are given a referral to meet another child (paragraph 10 of the Rules; paragraph 71 of the Administrative Regulations).

Step 6. Wait for the decision of the guardianship and guardianship authorities to appoint you as foster parents

Based on the application for the desire to adopt a particular child and the submission of a complete package of documents, the guardianship and guardianship authorities at the location of the child make a decision on the appointment of applicants as adoptive parents.

After that, foster parents can take the child into the family (clause 9 of the Rules).

Step 7. Conclude an agreement on the creation of a foster family

On the basis of the decision of the body of guardianship and guardianship on the appointment of applicants as foster parents, an agreement on a foster family is concluded. A child under the age of majority may be transferred to a foster family for a period specified by the agreement.

Foster parents receive payment for their work, the amount of which is determined by the agreement on the foster family in accordance with the laws of the subject of the Russian Federation and depends on the number of children taken for upbringing (clause 2 of the Rules).

Note!

If you become a foster parent in relation to the child, then you will have the right to receive a standard personal income tax deduction ( pp. 4 p. 1 art. 218 of the Tax Code of the Russian Federation).

Surely, many citizens of our country are thinking about the question of what is better to choose - the status of a foster family or?

If our citizens know almost everything about guardianship, then practically nothing about the foster family.

For this reason, we will consider this status in more detail. How to issue it? Who can become a foster family and so on.

The concept of a foster family. What laws govern it?

The definition of “foster family” means citizens who are registered in an official marriage or single persons who have expressed their desire and at the same time are ready to take responsibility for raising minor children or the elderly.

It is also worth noting that a minor child who is placed under guardianship is called an adopted child from the point of view of the current legislation of the Russian Federation.

If we talk about the legislation itself, then the issue of the formation of a foster family is regulated by such legislative acts, How:

1. the Family Code of the Russian Federation, in particular Article No. 152, which describes a clear regulation for the implementation of the “foster family” program;
2. the Family Code of the Russian Federation, in particular Article No. 153, which provides for the possibility of terminating the agreement on a foster family;
3. Decree of the Government of the Russian Federation, which provides for the conditions for obtaining the status of a foster family.

This the legislative framework is key in this matter. In fact, there are a considerable number of legislative norms on the issue of a foster family in the territory of the Russian Federation, but they only supplement these main bills.

It is also necessary to take into account the fact that the foster family is formed on the basis of the signing of an agreement between future parents and guardianship and guardianship authorities.

Distinguishing features from guardianship

Many citizens of our country believe that there is no difference between a foster family and guardianship. But is it really so? Let's try to figure this out in the difference table.

foster family	Guardianship
Requirements for a foster family are loyal	Strict selection conditions
A complex documentary process that requires the signing of an agreement	All you have to do is present the required documents and that's it.
Guaranteed benefits	Vague wording in legislation on eligibility for benefits
Meetings of the trustee with their relatives and friends are allowed	Guardianship and guardianship authorities may not allow visits from their biological relatives

As you can see, as such, there is no significant difference in these two forms of the device and they differ little from each other. In fact, we can say that the issue is only in legal documentation and that's it.

Terms of appointment

To the question of who can be a foster family, the current legislation gives a clear answer.

In particular, foster families can be:

Besides, mandatory conditions considered to be:

• the presence of an official place of work;
• no restrictions due to medical conditions.

Registration procedure

You must understand that you can become a foster family for both minor children and senior citizens of our country.

For this reason, we will consider the procedure for registering a foster family for each category separately.

For a minor child

First of all, you need to remember the fact that in order to become a foster family, you must apply to the guardianship authorities at your place of residence.

Design algorithm foster family for minor child is as follows:

For an elderly person

If we talk about the process of forming a foster family for an elderly person, then algorithm is as follows:

From this algorithm, we can say with confidence that the process of forming a foster family is completely the same as for a minor child.

List of required documents for registration

As mentioned earlier, applicants for the status of a foster family must write in the presence of the guardianship and guardianship authorities the appropriate statement.

But apart from this document, must be provided and others, the main of which are considered to be:

• from the last place of work;
• a certificate from the personnel department on the availability of official employment;
• , which indicates the composition of the family;
• a document that confirms the ownership of the foster family for an apartment or a house;
• a certificate from law enforcement agencies that each member of the foster family has no criminal record;
• original marriage registration certificate, if any;
• autobiography (written for each member of the foster family);
• written consent of each family member to receive this status;
• copies of passports of the foster family.

Agreement conditions

The main conditions are clearly spelled out in article No. 152 of the Family Code Russian Federation.

In particular, the contract V without fail indicate:

• conditions of maintenance, upbringing and education (if we are talking about minor children);
• directly the rights and obligations of the foster family;
• what duties are imposed on the guardianship and guardianship authorities in relation to the foster family itself;
• period of validity of the agreement on the foster family;
• on what grounds and what consequences may be in case of early termination of this agreement.

It is necessary to take into account the fact that this list is not final and guardianship and guardianship authorities have the right to supplement it with their own specific items.

If we talk about the duties of a foster family, they are spelled out in article No. 137 of the Family Code RF.

In particular, these are duties, How:

In fact, adoptive parents must comply with all the rights and obligations prescribed in the contract in full, otherwise, the contract may be terminated.

How is follow-up

Accompanying a foster family is carried out as follows: for a foster family appointed social worker.

On the other hand, the social worker:

• provide all the necessary assistance that members of the foster family may ask for;
• carries out visits during the first years of the contract with a check on the living conditions and treatment of his ward;
• assists in the organization of spending the free time of the trustee. This may be assistance with the purchase of tickets for a concert or theater, and so on.

It is also worth noting that every six months the foster family takes so-called courses that allow them to improve their understanding of providing the necessary assistance to their caregivers and adapting them to society.

In the event that the social worker discovers the existence of any illegal actions of the foster family in relation to his ward, he has the right to initiate the termination of the current contract, and in this case, criminal or administrative liability may arise.

For an example of creating a foster family, see the following video:

For a number of reasons, today many children are left without parental care and love. The shelter staff does everything to make the kids feel safe. But no one can replace mom and dad. Adopting children is a great alternative. Little members of society are cared for, and adults can feel the joy of parenthood.

What is a foster family?

One of the most common orphans is the foster family. This is an opportunity for children to feel like full-fledged people and grow up in care and affection. Parents make out only. There is no need to adopt orphans. Depending on the size of the living space and living conditions, you can take in a family from 1 to 4 children. The pupil lives with foster parents until the age of 18.

Family-type orphanages are also common today. This is a slightly different form of custody. Parents receive appropriate payments for the upbringing and maintenance of orphans. In this case, you can take more than 10 children of any age. Kids know that they live in a foster family. Despite this, they receive the same care as other children from their parents.

The foster family is constantly under the supervision of social services. Parents act according to the planned plan. Orphans most often end up in families with certain psychological problems. Foster parents, together with psychologists, do everything to make the child adapt to new conditions.

Features of the foster family

First of all, it is worth remembering that an adopted child in a family has the status of an orphan (as opposed to the adoption procedure). This means that all state benefits and payments remain. Social services can regularly offer vouchers to sanatoriums and recreation centers. In addition, monthly pensions are paid to orphans. Children can stay in the family until the age of majority or until they graduate from a higher educational institution. Further, they are provided with a workplace and a hostel. Children in a foster family come only for a certain period of life. Despite this, foster parents with their wards most often remain warm relationship. Many orphans remain to live in the family even at an older age.

The foster family has many responsibilities to the state. Parents receive payments for worthy maintenance and upbringing of children. Adults who choose to take care of orphans need to be trained accordingly. In the future, every 2 years you will have to take retraining courses.

The status of "orphan" is saved?

A foster family is an opportunity to raise children in a narrower circle. Adults (a man and a woman) who decided to take the kids under guardianship act as teachers. But we are not talking about adoption. Children always have the opportunity to communicate with their biological parents if they wish. Very often, babies become orphans with living relatives. Adults who lead the wrong way of life, do not properly care for the child, are deprived of parental rights. The baby is taken to an orphanage. Communication with relatives can stop only if the child is adopted.

Although the foster family cannot forbid contact with blood relatives, meetings with biological parents can be strictly supervised. If possible, such meetings should be avoided. Communication with relatives can be a real trauma for a child. And the psychological health of foster kids should come first.

Is adoption possible?

A foster family is a temporary form of placement for children. The child knows that the parents are not relatives. The most difficult thing is that the baby can be adopted by another family without consent. As soon as there are people who are going to adopt the baby, he can be removed from the register of the foster family.

Children quickly become attached to their other people can be a serious psychological trauma for the child. Fortunately, toddlers at a reasonable age are rarely chosen for adoption. Most often, these are babies up to a year old, who are still little attached to their guardians and quickly adapt to new conditions.

Who can become foster parents?

Education in a foster family can be carried out by adults whose family member exceeds the subsistence level established by law. A man and a woman who are not married cannot be guardians of the same child. The health of people who want to create a foster family is of great importance. Before processing the documents, you must complete the full medical examination. People who are registered in a narcological or tuberculosis dispensary cannot accept children.

People who have previously been convicted or deprived of parental rights also cannot create a foster family. The same rule applies to former adoptive parents if the child was returned to the shelter through their fault. If adults meet all the criteria, they should receive appropriate training. The foster family should become a real rear for a child deprived of parental attention.

School education for foster parents

Foster Parent School is preparatory stage, which enables people to understand whether they can properly raise a non-native child. The program for all such schools is the same. It is approved by the Ministry of Health. During the training, future parents will be informed about the peculiarities of raising kids from orphanages, learn their needs. During training, 20% of adults give up on the idea of ​​creating a foster family. And there is nothing wrong with that. Only people who are confident in their abilities can bring up a worthy citizen. If there is no such confidence, it is not worth starting.

Psychologists work with future parents during training. Adults have many fears associated with future guardianship. Many are afraid that an adopted child in the family will inherit the negative character traits of blood relatives. There is such a possibility, of course. But it is of great importance proper upbringing. If you direct the energy of the baby in the right direction, he will grow up as a full-fledged member of society. In addition, everyone knows that children copy the behavior of adults. Set a positive example little man. And then all the negative traits of character will come to naught.

How to create a foster family?

A foster family is a very serious step. Those who decide on it, initially need to come to the city and write a corresponding application. Next, you will have to collect a package of documents, which will include parents' passports, identification numbers, marriage certificates, health certificates of family members, and a certificate of family composition. Copies of all these documents will also need to be provided.

School education for foster parents is a prerequisite. Appropriate training can also be taken at the regional center of social services. After training, parents have the opportunity to pass the Board of Trustees. It is here that the decision is made whether the spouses are suitable for creating a foster family. If all is well, the adoptive parents can choose children to raise (from 1 to 4, depending on the decision of the Board of Trustees). Within a few days, the final legal stage of paperwork is carried out.

Social support

The state undertakes to constantly provide social support to foster families. Each family is assigned an appropriate employee who regularly visits the family and communicates with the children. This makes it possible to understand whether the adopted child feels good in the family, whether he receives the necessary care and attention from adults. Psychological support is provided to parents and children. There is always an opportunity to seek qualified help.

Once every two years, foster parents, families with adopted children take courses to increase the educational potential of adults. Specialists in psychology, pedagogy, and medicine are involved in the training. Parents should not only surround the kids with love and affection, but also know how to behave correctly in a given situation, how to provide first aid.

Parents who have adopted an HIV-infected child deserve special attention. Such children can be placed in a foster family only with the consent of adults. At least once a year, you will have to undergo training in caring for sick babies. For the upbringing of HIV-infected children, additional benefits are provided to foster families.

Responsibilities of adoptive parents

Foster parents act as legal representatives of children in organizations and enterprises. Adults are responsible for the life and health of adopted babies. Mental and physical development children in foster families also falls on the shoulders of adults. A man and a woman who decide to create a foster family must do everything so that the child becomes a full-fledged member of society. The kid goes to study in a secondary educational school. Parents make sure that there are all conditions for normal mental development.

Foster parents have the right to apply pedagogical methods of education, punish the child for disobedience, and encourage him. Methods of education are necessarily discussed with social workers. What absolutely cannot be done is to raise a hand against foster children, even for educational purposes.

Rights and obligations of children in foster families

For children deprived of parental care, when they get into a foster family, all state guarantees and benefits are fully preserved. They have the opportunity to receive alimony and pensions that were previously assigned. Foster parents can receive financial assistance for children. Social services make sure that this money goes to meet the needs of children. For the normal development of orphans, a foster family has been created. Payments can be transferred to an account opened by guardians in a bank.

Children from foster families have the right to meet with blood relatives, unless prohibited by the court. But this is rarely practiced. Most often, babies end up in shelters whose mother and father have died or have been deprived of parental rights.

Adaptation of a child in a foster family

Most parents take care of small children who easily adapt to new conditions. With an adult child, the situation may be somewhat different. In the early days, a new family member may be quiet and obedient in everything. It takes no more than a week and the child stops listening to his new parents. It is important to immediately show who is the boss in the house. No need to be afraid to make a remark to a new family member.

The adaptation of babies in foster families usually takes several months. If the child has reached school age, it is better to take him into the family at the beginning of the summer holidays. At this time, adults will be able to spend more time with a new family member, they will be able to make it clear to him that they will not offend anyone here.

Payments and benefits

The foster family (2014) is fully provided financially by the state. Parents receive an allowance equal to three times the minimum wage for each child. The time spent by the baby in the family is included in the total length of service. This means that foster parents can also count on a decent pension.

Children in the family have the status of orphans. They also receive appropriate benefits. Foster parents can manage the money in the interests of the child.

The foster family has many benefits. Payments in 2014 make it possible to fully provide the child with clothing and food. Additionally, children can be offered vouchers to health resorts and rest homes.

Summing up

A foster family can be a great alternative to adoption. Children with the status of "orphans" will always be dressed and shod, parents will be able to surround them with attention and care. But before creating a foster family, you should think a few times. The goal should not be income from the state, but the desire to educate full-fledged members of society who, for a number of reasons, were deprived of the love of their parents.

Photo: Press services of the Mayor and the Government of Moscow. Denis Grishkin

By November 2016, more than 90 percent of the capital's orphans and children left without parental care have already been placed in new families. the site tells what benefits new dads and moms can count on, how adoption differs from guardianship, and how to take a child into a family.

The number of Muscovites who are not indifferent to the fate of children from orphanages is increasing every year. The number of foster families in just nine months of 2016 increased by 4.3 percent - from 2537 to 2646 families, and 240 children found a new home in foster families.

Over the past six years, the number of orphans and children left without parental care who have found new family increased by 48 percent.

Centers for the promotion of family education

All boarding schools, orphanages and children's homes, as well as boarding schools for mentally retarded children in Moscow, by the end of 2015, were transformed into centers for the promotion of family education. Here, residents can communicate with their children, learn how to arrange guardianship or patronage, become foster parents or adopt children.

In Moscow, there are 31 state centers and 7 more private institutions for orphans and children left without parental care. At the same time, the number of children brought up in them has decreased by 20 percent since the beginning of 2016 - from 2473 to 1980 people. Basically, these are children over 10 years old and with disabilities, including those suffering from Down syndrome. In general, over the past six years, the number of pupils in boarding schools has more than halved.

More than 18.7 thousand children are brought up in foster families. The most common form of family placement is gratuitous guardianship (guardianship), followed by adoption, a foster family.

guardianship and guardianship

Now there are 7.6 thousand guardian families in the city, in which almost 8.6 thousand children are brought up.

Adult capable citizens, most often relatives of children, become guardians and trustees. At the same time, the moral qualities of a person and the desire of the child himself are taken into account.

Guardians are appointed for minor citizens under 14 years of age. They become legal representatives and can act on their behalf, undertake to raise children, educate them, care for and protect their interests. When the child turns 14, the guardian becomes the trustee. Guardianship ends when the foster child turns 18 or when he or she gets married.

Guardians (custodians) are paid money for the maintenance of the child, support is provided in organizing his education, recreation and treatment.

Living with guardians, the child can, if desired, see blood relatives. But it will not be possible to change the surname or date of birth of children during guardianship.

Adoption (adoption)

Since the beginning of the year, 187 children have been adopted in Moscow. In total, there are now more than 5.1 thousand families in the city, where 5.7 thousand adopted children are brought up.

Upon adoption, persons who have adopted a child into their family acquire all parental rights and obligations. Adoptive parents give the child their last name and raise it as their own.

The age difference between the future parents and the child must be more than 16 years. Only able-bodied citizens who do not have a criminal record under serious articles can become adoptive parents, provided that they have housing and the necessary income. Children will not be placed in families where parents use alcohol or drugs, are carriers of infections, suffer from mental illness, or have previously lost parental rights or have been removed from their duties as a guardian.

foster families

In the nine months of 2016, 109 foster families appeared in the capital, in which 240 children were taken. In total, there are 2.6 thousand foster families in the city. 4412 children are brought up in them.

Such a family is created under an agreement concluded with the guardianship and guardianship authorities. Foster parents become the legal guardians of the child and his legal representatives. But unlike ordinary guardians, they receive remuneration for their services.

Both married couples and single citizens can become parents. The main thing is not to have serious illnesses and convictions, not to use drugs and alcohol, and also to be able to provide the child with everything necessary for life and study.

Learn to be a parent

Spouses who want to adopt or take custody of children can get specialist advice at foster parents' schools. Here they will tell you what documents you need to prepare, what benefits you can count on, how to help the child adapt to a new family and avoid conflict situations and also how it is necessary to educate children with disabilities.

Today there are 57 schools for foster parents in the city. Only in the first nine months of this year, 2,637 people were trained in them. Another 54 organizations support foster families. Accompaniment agreements have been concluded with 1149 families where 1754 children are being brought up.

Social payments to families with orphans and children left without parental care

When a child is transferred to a family for upbringing, the capital's social security authorities pay a one-time allowance provided for by Federal Law No. 81-FZ of May 19, 1995 “On State Benefits for Citizens with Children”.

The allowance is paid for all forms of family placement of children left without parental care (adoption, establishment of guardianship (trusteeship), transfer to foster care). The amount of the allowance is:

- for persons who have adopted a disabled child, a child over the age of seven, as well as children who are brothers and (or) sisters - 118,529 rubles 25 kopecks;

- for persons who have adopted an orphan child, a child left without parental care, in a foster family or under guardianship (guardianship), as well as for persons who have adopted an orphan child, a child left without parental care, who is not disabled, a child under seven years or a child not adopted at the same time as a brother (sister) - 15,512 rubles 65 kopecks.

Last year, the allowance was paid for 2,304 children placed in foster care, of which the parents of 106 children received maximum size benefits. Since the beginning of this year, parents of 1,855 children have received it. Families of 100 children - 118.5 thousand rubles each.

In addition, families receive a monthly payment from the capital's budget. From January 1 of this year, the amount of monthly allowances for orphans and children left without parental care, who are in the families of guardians, trustees, foster parents, foster caregivers, as well as the monthly compensation payment to persons who adopted in the city of Moscow after January 1, 2009 for an orphan child or a child left without parental care is increased by 10 percent and ranges from 16.5 thousand to 27.5 thousand rubles a month, depending on the age, number of children and their state of health.

From January 01, the amount of the monthly remuneration paid to foster parents(for patronage educators).

Foster parents and foster caregivers receive monthly remuneration in the amount of 16.7 thousand rubles for each foster child, and the payment for a disabled child has been increased to 28,390 rubles. At the same time, in families with one or two children, only one of the parents receives payments, and when raising more than three children, the monthly remuneration is due to both spouses for each child.

The one-time compensation payment for reimbursement of expenses in connection with the adoption of a child in Moscow depends on the order of adoption of children and amounts to 76.9 thousand rubles, 107.7 thousand rubles or 153.8 thousand rubles.

In addition, the city reimburses families for the cost of housing and communal services and telephone, provides free travel on public transport. Children are provided with holiday vouchers every year, and once every two years they can relax with their foster parents. Also, since 2014, foster families have been compensated for part of the cost - up to 45 thousand rubles - of self-purchased vouchers.

After reaching the age of majority, orphans or children without parental care, who do not have a dwelling assigned to them, are provided with housing that meets established social standards.

New family - new home

Since 2014, a project has been launched in the capital to provide financial support to families who have adopted older orphans and (or) disabled children.

Families that have adopted at least five orphans, three of whom are over 10 years old and (or) disabled, receive housing for comfortable living big family. The area of ​​a house or apartment is calculated at a rate of 10 to 18 square meters for each family member (parents, their own minor children and adopted children).

If the spouses have been married for at least three years and successfully pass psychological diagnostics, then an agreement is concluded with them for the free use of residential premises for 10 years. After this period, the family has the right to receive an apartment under a social tenancy agreement.

The project participants were 34 foster families, to which 203 children were transferred. Of these, 63 children are disabled, 93 children are over 10 years old.

Truly a family bonus

For a significant contribution to the development of the family structure, residents and organizations are awarded the "Stork Wings" award. The laureates receive a commemorative sign - a figurine depicting a flying stork and a child.

Natalia's family became the laureates of the "Stork Wings" award in one of the most significant nominations "To Adoptive Parents, Guardians (Trusters), Foster or Foster Families for a Special Personal Contribution to the Development of the Family Placement of Orphans and Children Left Without Parental Care in the City of Moscow" and Valery Zhuravlev. They are raising three biological and 15 adopted children, six of whom have Down syndrome. At the same time, the spouses assisted in the transfer of 38 more children with this diagnosis to other families.

And the award among public organizations was received by the St. Sophia Orphanage, which became one of the first non-state orphanages in Russia for people with disabilities with severe multiple developmental disorders. Now there are 22 children in it. Employees are looking for their families. And those who remain in this institution will be taken care of even after they come of age.

Here, children have opportunities not only for learning, but also for social adaptation - volunteers help them with this.

This year there is a new nomination - "Person". The award in this nomination is awarded for a special personal contribution to the development of the family structure. It was received by Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Department of Psychological Anthropology at Moscow State Pedagogical University Galina Semya.